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So... I might just be getting a boyfriend soon...
I know! I can't believe it!
Anyways... He doesn't... At least, probably not... know about my past yet.
It wouldn't be as though I'm keeping it secret if I don't directly say anything, because he kinda found my Facebook profile through the suggestions feature through a friend of mine and added me, and then I turned around and asked her about him as is my policy any time a friend of one of my friends who I don't remember meeting myself tries adding me.
And I say a lot of things about my experiences being a trans woman on my Facebook.
But anyhoo... I asked her about him and she said he was "ok" or something like that. It wasn't really a raving recommendation but I was like, whatever, and added him. Like minutes later I get a text on my phone from a number I don't know saying "poke". Which I of course completely ignore.
Maybe a day later he then messages me on Facebook to text him some time and gives THAT EXACT PHONE NUMBER.
So now I'm kinda creeping out a bit and in the meantime I'm having an argument with one of my sisters and a FB-only friend about basically how I'm being too much of a conservative because of something I put on Facebook that's not entirely related but not totally unrelated but I didn't really get the relation at the time...
I'm also at a party of another friend at their house where I'm going to be spending the night...
Well, I unplug from both situations and put my head back in to the party and enjoy myself, then go to bed, then get up, and I put everything together and text him.
I tell him off gently for being creepy and he's all like sorry, but he's just kinda direct when he's attracted to someone, and he'll leave me alone... And I'm getting these like MASSIVE loneliness vibes from his message but no longer anything seriously creepy. So I'm like no, that's ok, just kinda new to all this and had some creep experiences lately making me even more cautious and I'm already super cautious! Anyone who knows me can tell you I'm like naturally pathologically neurotically almost paranoically cautious.
So anyways, we start texting back and forth a bit and before I know it he's all but practically asking me out on a date. I mean, seriously. The guy's asking what I like to do for fun.
At this point my phone is dying and rather than answer him right away I tell him later cuz my phone is dying and I'm at a friends and forgot my wall charger. All true statements though I later find my friends wall adapter for a USB charger plug and get plugged in then immediately text the friend this guy found me because of! I tell her everything that's transpired so far but kinda just leave it at that...
Now I'm both kinda excited but I'm also scared as hell. The guy seemed to have gone straight from profile pic to I want to talk to this girl and I'm not sure if he's even looked at my wall at all. He obviously looked at enough of my profile to get my phone number, but I don't actually mention my status there at all.
So I'm still stuck at the whole OMG! shock stage lol.
I still haven't texted him again and this all went down early this morning...
I know I look attractive in my FB profile pic, it's like my best photo ever... But if he's thinking I look like that all the time he's gonna be super disappointed because I don't even look quite like that even some of the time anymore. I don't have the wig that I was wearing in that picture anymore! lol.
I mean, I can still glam myself up pretty good when I want to but I don't hardly ever bother. If people can't accept me for who I am even when I'm sporting a beard shadow they can stuff it.
But this is like... different. I can't put this on my Facebook, cuz he might see it there!
Part of me is saying be right up front with him and tell him right now before things go any further so there can be absolutely no pain or confusion or hurt feelings later. Another part is saying seeeee him at least ooooooone time, then tell him.
Gaaaaaah! I sooo was not seeing this coming at this point in time. I suppose I should have and should have done something to prepare myself for the possibility of dating but... My focus has just been on anything but!
I guess advice is welcome but I mainly just needed to let this all out somewhere.
If any of it even makes coherent sense... lol.
Comments
first off calm down
Second you should test the waters with him. Check for homophobia such as asking him if he wants to go to a club where you know there is drag queens doing performances.
If he finds it sick, disgusting or whatever then you know he wont take things good and can break it off. If he is okay with it then you can broach your past with him.
Thing is he might think you weird for liking them but probably wont get a clue your trans.
Just my two....errr they stopped making cents now so I guess ....No bits were gone long time ago.. Not those bits but .. oh nevermind.
Just my opinion.
I'm not sure drag queens is the right choice
Especially if the emphasis is on Abi being a GIRL, and not a boy in a dress.
I would say an LGBT oriented club is a good idea, though, and not actually all that odd of a request given I knew quite a few GGs in college who preferred clubbing at the local gay-friendly club over the others since it was apparently a more relaxed atmosphere. This would emphasize the idea of acceptance of alternative sexualities without making it so much about boys in dresses, not to mention that drag queens aren't always the best examples of that particular classification to begin with.
All that being said, good luck! I hope it goes well, and he ends up being a good guy!
Melanie E.
Good luck
Just do normal girl and boy things, walk and talk, stay in public places.
Angharad
Stories and advice
I wrote a whole novel about that sort of thing (Cold Feet) and the best answer I can give is Ang's, coupled with the addition of a suggestion that you lay out boundaries. Boundaries of behaviour, contact, etc.
Ang says it truly: do boy-girl stuff. If it heads off elsewhere/stronger, keep your boundaries. He will either respect them, or he won't and if he doesn't, bye.
Out yourself only when and where it is safe to do so.
Well, in this case...
I was already "outed" from the beginning if he'd only slowed down to actually look at my Facebook wall. Which he never actually did, I ended up outing myself to him in a text message instead.
It can't do any more harm at this point in my life for yet someone else to know I'm trans. EVERYONE knows I'm trans. I wouldn't say I'm out and proud but I'm out and my give a fucks broken.
So text was safe enough... if there'd been any chance of aggressive behavior I think I totally nipped it by being so forward with it anyways, but even then... Cell phone. I really don't think he'd've grabbed my address off the internet drove over here and given me a beating just because I wasn't the GG he was getting hard over.
Even for guys that would be a bit... unusual. And I really wasn't getting an impression that he'd be that sort of guy.
Abigail Drew.
Thanks everyone!
I've had some time to calm down and I had actually posted this on two sites and on the other site the recommendation, which sounded good to me, even right away, but even better as I calmed down, was given, and seconded, and then thirded, that I should just tell him to read my entire wall carefully and then tell me if he still wants to get to know me more...
Of course this would kinda require that he actually do what I ask in that regard, but hopefully he will, and if he doesn't, well, I can certainly find ways to test him!
It's not that I don't want to even give it a chance, it's that I want this to HAVE a chance. And I just can't find myself believing it to have any chance at all if everything isn't right out there in the open to begin with, so to speak.
Abigail Drew.
Well me being up front...
Has shot this in the foot. Not that I'm completely surprised...
So it was more just a temporary romantic admirer. Still a definite wake up call. Ready or not apparently it's time for me to start seriously thinking about my romantic future.
He DOES seem to be interested in being literally just another friend though, so I suppose there's still a chance, but meh.
I still think being totally up front with it was the best way to go. I'd've hated myself for hiding it and being sneaky about it if I'd gone that way. Especially with how quickly he was open to the idea of just being friends... He's obviously not totally against it altogether and following the suggestions here while well meaning would only have confused him or just made me even more attractive for my "openness" and "forward thinking".
Abigail Drew.