So it's been a while since I last blogged. Again. Nothing's really changed for the most part recently, even if life ain't the best, when it's all much the same, not much point in repeating myself, is there? Anyhoo. So what's up?

I start beauty school this Monday and my hearing on my name change is on Tuesday. I'm pretty stoked about both... But... I'm mostly extremely nervous about both... I'm like. What if when I go to court on Tuesday the judge is all like, "DENIED!", and people there harrass me? Admittedly, those aren't really significant concerns, but...

As for school. Well. My main worry seems to be that I'll fail at YET ANOTHER THING IN MY LIFE. I mean. It seems to be a pattern for me. Every time I try to do something to move myself forward, I manage to screw it up massively. Another worry I've been having, and it's been getting worse as the big day approaches, is how the other students will treat me.

The school itself has already stated that I'll be treated exactly like any other female student, and so far, they've done exactly that... But they can't really do anything about how the other girls and guys behave. Not really. Policy is one thing, and they probably would kick any student that does anything overt. But there's plenty of more subtle ways to mess with me and they could always just refuse to socialize with me. And if I've been learning anything about the real me lately, it's that simply not getting any social attention at all would be as devastating if not more so than negative attention.

I also worry a bit about my clothes, and hair, and other such cosmetic things. I worry that my choice of outfits might not work with the dress code, and of course, my hair... ugh. My mane is stilllllll toooooooo shoooooooort. And beard and body hair... :/

Well. Enough about my insecurities. I'll get over them. Hopefully.

I've also recently discovered a fairly newly discovered phytoestrogen which when taken internally gets converted into a molecule that is almost completely identical to real human estradiol... My first batch of an extract of it should be here for me to experiment with this weekend.

Since it's not too much like estradiol when it hits the liver, the liver related side effects of oral estradiol aren't supposed to be present, at least, not according the the most current research on the chemical.

It does tend to cause hypoglycemia and can lead to estrogen dominance if progesterone isn't balanced. So it'll be fun to experiment with. I really wish I could at LEAST afford getting regular hormone testing... I did find this, at least, so I don't need to go to a doctor for it! http://zionpharmacy.com/hormone-saliva-testing/

Another recent discovery in the herbal hormone stuff is an alternative to licorice for androgen blocking. I found an herb whose primary chemical constituent strongly blocks the reduction of androsteniodone to testosterone and only has mild repercussions on other hormonal pathways. So I've stopped taking the licorice and am letting it wash from my system. I'm still taking my DHT blocker herb, saw palmetto, cuz there really doesn't seem to be anything else nearly as effective. I'll start taking the new T-blocker herb when it gets here, hopefully by the end of next week.

Finally, I've discovered an herb whose primary chemical constituent strongly SUPPORTS and enhances the action of aromatase. That's the stuff that makes estrogens from androgens. I'm not presently planning to use this one, I want to see how things work out going the blocking and supplementing route first. Depending, I might either add it, or toss the T-blocker in favor of it. No matter what, I'll definitely continue to use saw palmetto though. DHT IS EVIL!

Another "food" source of steroidal manipulation I've discovered recently is glandular supplements. These aren't herbal, however, these come from cows. Bovine Ovary seems to have a powerful effect on the ovaries in natal females with problems with their ovaries, but of course. But, curiously, it seems also that at high enough doses it can also influence the male testis to start behaving more like ovaries. Very interesting. If this turns out to be real, and effective enough... It could change the way SRS and HRT is done. Just imagine. Instead of blocking T and taking E, we just convince our gonads to do it? We can keep our gonads, and instead of causing ourselves all kinds of problems from taking hormonal supplementation, we can just produce our own natural hormones, correctly?

Wellll... I'm not really going to go into more detail about this stuff here. I don't want to cause anyone to just blindly do what I'm doing. I at least have the benefit of doing my own, extensive, research. I have a pretty good idea what to look out for to keep myself balanced. Someone who doesn't do the same research that I have wouldn't have that benefit. The last thing I want to do is cause a pandemic of over-eager, but ill informed, MtF's just blindly taking supplements that can cause as much or more harm than traditional HRT.

Also. I presently weigh 140 pounds. Too much of that is around my waist. I have a double waist. Not good. So, I'm planning to go on another weight loss plan and to aim for 120. At least. For right now. I might stop at 130. My main major goal is to get a nice flat tummy. If I get that, I'll recalculate my calorie needs at whatever weight I am when I achieve it to maintain weight.

Consequently... remember that recipe I posted a while back for a bean paste? I've changed the recipe a bit and made it into more a high-density protein paste. Slap some of the new stuff onto a sandwich with rye and sharp cheddar and you've got about 25 grams of balanced protein with incredibly low calories. Yay me.

I'm going to go on a crash diet of Greek yoghurt, the above mentioned sandwich, and chicken salad. Completely balanced macro-nutrition at crazy low calories. For my micro-nutrition I'll be taking a daily multi. If I need more calories, I can just fix another sandwich. Or eat more yoghurt. Or toss some more chicken in my salad. I know, not much variety, but it's easier to count calories while balancing nutrition if you're just eating the same thing all the time. And I've always been a strong subscriber to the KISS method. I'm also a huge believer in getting the best bang for the buck, and, foodwise, that's exactly what I'll be doing with this diet.

As for the family situation... not much change there. If anything, there's been some regression. Sigh.

Well... That's it for me I think.

Cheers,

Abi.