So. The family meeting had been tonight.

This morning I had too much laundry to do and couldn't make it to church, when my mother found out about this, she was all like "what about the Bishop?"

I was like, "what, about the Bishop?"

She was, "Weren't you supposed to meet with him at church today?"

I was like "no..."

She said, "you told me I'd find out today, at church."

I know she's brighter than that, so she selectively misunderstood me back on Friday. I said, "No... I said you'd find out today - at the family meeting."

And she was all "but...", however, I'd bustled on past and kept doing my thing.

Early this evening, around 4:45, I'd noticed they weren't home yet and was becoming a bit concerned, wondering if mom had grown impatient and gone to interrogate the Bishop herself. She wouldn't have gotten anywhere, I'm sure, but the very act of it would have caused a scene at church, and I do not want any scenes being raised around me. Really though, my nerves were just getting very frazzled.

About five o'clock, my older brother texted me and asked if the meeting had happened yet, to which I responded no, it was to be at nine, told him I'd called Nichole, and that I felt it was a mistake in hindsight, and related to him my nervousness. He asked if she'd blabbed, I said no, but she hadn't taken it well, and that I was supposed to talk to her again later.

About a quarter after, the folks get home from church. Only a little late, really, and mom later explained she'd seen the bishop and stake president and gotten her temple recommend renewed, which easily explained the tardiness, and helped my frazzling nerves a little.

We have dinner, which I excuse myself from quickly after eating, I go take an hour in the bathroom getting ready, and the Bishop's late. Finally, at about a quarter after ten, the Bishop calls me and tells me he'll be here any minute. I pack up my laptop, remote it into my desktop, and haul off downstairs just as he's settling in.

For the meeting, I'd worn my womens dress slacks and a camp shirt tucked in and billowed out over a gaff for my underwear and my white shelf bra. I was tucked and as feminine as I could be.

I ask everyone to make sure they have their shoes ready (you already all know where I'm going with that, don't you?) and once everyone returns with shoes at the ready, I ask the Bishop to open us with prayer.

After he's done praying, I start the Simon and Garfunkel song, "I Am A Rock", and explain that that's what I've been doing as I turn it off round the line that states he's built walls, a fortress deep and mighty. I then switch to the song "Open Your Heart" by Yuki Kajiura and explained, after the first half of the song, that that is what I'm trying to do now.

I then had them put their shoes on the opposite feet as I started to read the story "Shoes" by Heather Rose Brown. When I got to the point where Brianna asks her brother how it felt to wear the shoes on the wrong feet, I tell them they can take their shoes off and then ask her question.

My dad was like, "painful." and my brother and the young man living with us agreed. The Bishop, who was excused from the exercise because of a medical condition said "I can imagine..." Mother... she refused comment.

I finished the story, then went on and read my Diary entry, "To Be, Or Not To Be." As I was reading that, the light bulbs went off.

Dad was like "that explains much...", and my brother and the young man both said they'd been expecting this. Mom was still mostly refusing comment, but agreed that she'd written in her journal about her suspicions.

From there we talked about where to go from here. The Bishop talked about the churches position, which was at least part of why I'd had him there.

At some point, we finally got mom to talk, and her thing was "I just can't see God making that kind of mistake." To which I replied "what mistake?" To which she responded "putting a girl in a boy's body." And I was, "Why does that have to be a mistake?" she still doesn't get it... but hopefully she can make progress. I told her that to me, my life so far has not been a mistake, but a trial. She's not getting it yet... but there's hope.

I think mom is having a similar problem accepting this that I'd fought with for years. It's something she's going to have to come to terms with on her own, like I did. I wish I could help her get there, but I'm not sure how.

Grateful to still have her family,

Abigail Drew.