In which Bill gets visitors, Becky meets Stacy and we all get to meet both Karen and Stacy.
Who Was I
By: Annette MacGregor

"Becky, do I have to do this?"

"Bill! Relax. They're both very nice ladies. Even if you don't remember them much, you'll like them."

"Okay, okay. I'm just nervous."

---

Part 28   Wednesday evening (29-Nov-2006)

"Hello Mr. Wyman, you've got company." The nurse said, as she ushered my family in.

Ginny ran up to give me a hug I think but stopped suddenly. "I'm okay kid. Come on over and give us a hug!" whereupon she finished her attack.

"Ginny, not so tight, you dad isn't going anywhere. I told you that in the car."

"Sorry mom." and turning back to me "Dad, you never said anything about surgery today!"

"Sorry punkin, they were just doing a routine test, and found something in the back of my head that needed to come out. The doc said the whole thing was smaller than my thumb." I said showing her my thumb.

"Does that mean you have a big hole in the back of your head now dad?"

"Not exactly Craig."

"Darned. I wanted to look in to see if they left your brain."

"Craig!"

"Awww mom. Dad knows I'm joking!"

"Well, I hope so anyway son. So what did mom have to bribe you with to get you to come too?"

"Daaad. We gunna get to see whatever it was?"

"Good question kiddo. I'll have to ask the doc when I see him in the morning."

"You need me to come get you dad?"

"No, you can't get out of school that easy!"

"Busted! But, hey, you can't blame a guy for trying."

"No, and I'd have probably tried to pull the same stunt. Hi Becky. Thanks for coming in. I'd gotten myself ready for a quiet evening."

"Well, I thought you'd like to read your book." She said, showing me the book I'd been in the middle of.

"Thanks!"

"That, and we were all a bit concerned about this routine outpatient thing turning into a overnighter. Yes, even Craig."

"Moooom." I laughed at his reaction. He was a good kid. They all were.

"Thanks for all coming in. I'll be home tomorrow. Do you two mind if I have a few words with your mom?" They both nodded. "Alone” Ahh, they got the hint that time.

"Honey, the doc said it looked to him like the thing was plastic and about to collapse of it's own. I didn't want the kids to hear that."

"That's okay dear. It's gone now, I'm sure." At my nod, she continued. "I think we're getting somewhere, but I hate to think about when that could have been put in and how your folks couldn't have known."

"Yea, that's been bothering me as well." I reached out, and we hugged.

"Mom, oops sorry." said Craig, as he closed the door again.

"I guess you'd best be going. They do have school in the morning."

"I know honey. See you tomorrow evening. Do you want me to postpone meeting with Stacy? I was scheduled to see her about sevenish tomorrow."

"No, I'll be fine, and I think we need to hear from her soon too."

"Okay, I'll see you."

# - # - # - # - #

Thursday evening

"Honey, you won't believe it!"

"Stacy doesn't remember me."

"Well, sorta. But, that's not what I was going to tell you."

"Okay, why don't you tell me."

"Stacy has journals form fourth and fifth grade! And she described the early sessions in them!"

"Wow, there’s some confirmation. Ummm. Did she confirm Aunt Rachel's description of our summer?"

"Yes Bill. But, here's the interesting thing. She describes a bunch of things in fifth grade too! It might help in identifying the block. She said she'll look through her journals to see if anything is there, and tell you and Karen on Saturday."

"Saturday? What's this?"

"Oh sorry, once we determined that she also had missing memories, she wanted to get together with the two of you, so I called Karen and set it up for Lunch on Saturday. I'll introduce you to each other, and then sit at another table. That way the three of you can see if just being together jogs anything and you can talk about not remembering without someone listening."

"Are you sure that's a good Idea Beck? I'm really nervous about this."

"Of course you are. These are two nice people who you've not interacted with since school, and don't even remember that. You can compare lives and what you each know about what's happened. Maybe you can get them to see one of your doctors too."

"Oh my. They need to see someone, if they can't remember!"

"That was my thought. But, I figured you'd want to describe all of that."

"Gee thanks Becky!"

"Don't mention it. You're seeing Dr Flynn again tomorrow afternoon, right?" At my nod, she continued. Well, you can always talk to her about how to tell them." I nodded some more, lost in thought.

"Well, if you're going to go off into space I'll just go to sleep."

"Ummm."

# - # - # - # - #

Friday morning

"Well, Mr. Wyman, the bandage on your neck tells me you had an eventful week."

"More than you can guess Dr. Flynn. But the bandage was from some surgery on Wednesday. Seems that scar tissue Dr. Johanson found, well it was hiding a little capsule of some sort."

She started a bit at this. "How was this determined?"

"Well, I went in for a quick biopsy of the scar tissue in hopes of determining what had caused it, and they found something inside the scar tissue, which turned out to be this thing. Apparently it was about to fall apart too."

"Oh my. I hope that was the extent of your excitement."

"I'm afraid not. Monday with Dr. Wong was eye opening as well."

"Really?"

"If I'm interpreting things correctly from Monday's session with Dr. Wong, all three of us were "programmed" to act in ways we didn't want."

"Programmed?"

"Yea, he was telling us we liked stuff. Some of it was what we expected, but some of it was way off the wall, like playing football. The thing is, I actually recall playing football the next year. That was it, but my memory, assuming that's what it was, was that I didn't like football, and here I was a year later playing football. I even got hurt, and lost a tooth. That was enough to keep my folks from encouraging THAT any more. But there's more like that. Strange though, that ths sports interested seemed to die as I got older. I checked my year books from high school. A sum total of one sport, and it was individual!"

"That's a very disturbing, if it actually happened Mr. Wyman. Have you found any evidence other than that recovered memory that it actually happened?"

"Just circumstantial, like all three of us seem to have memory losses that are similar, and this thing they found in my head and stuff like that."

"Are you doing anything about it?"

"Now that you mention it, maybe we should try to find this doctor."

"I didn't say that, but it does sound reasonable."

"I'm also going to meet Karen and Stacy tomorrow. I was going to talk to you about that."

"Meeting them may be a good idea. I take it your wife continued to arange things with them?"

"Yes, and she's going to introduce us to each other tomorrow, and then back out of the picture. That sounds a bit funny, introducing people that apparently were close friends to each other."

"Yes, it does sound a bit unusual, but reasonable in the current circumstances. What were you going to do?"

"I guess learn a bit about each other and share what I know, or think I know about what happened. That's what I was going to ask you about. How much should I tell them? Everything, just a bit?"

"I'm afraid you're going to have to play that a bit by ear. Watch them both and how they take things. If they start to tense up, you might want to back off some. But, if they ask, I suspect the best bet is to answer as honestly as you can, being clear as to what you've confirmed and what you only suspect."

"Thanks. That's about what I figured, but it helps to hear you confirm it."

"Have you thought any more about what you've recalled in previous weeks?"

"Some, but most of that seems now, almost as if it happened to someone else."

"Are you still disturbed by the apparent fact that as a child you wore girls clothing more than just a bit."

"A little, and we got more confirmation on that."

"Really? I'd have thought only the two friends would have had that information and they forgot."

"They did, but Stacy, the one Becky met last night, kept journals. And Becky said her journals confirmed it as well."

"What do you think about someone else knowing that?"

"I really don't know what to think. I'd have assumed it would have bothered me, but somehow it doesn't. If that makes sense."

"Well, considering the person that knows about it doesn't remember it but just knows about it may help your subconscious deal with it. That or your subconscious knows her for some reason and accepts that she has a right to know that."

"Interesting way to look at it. I wonder what I'll think, if and when I get my memories back."

"Are you doing anything more along those lines? I believe last week you said you might be if you were able to confirm more."

"Our plan is to try to break through the block Monday morning."

"Hmmm. Do you think we should schedule a session for that afternoon?"

"Dr. Wong said that it could well take into the afternoon. But, depending on how I feel, I may need to talk to someone. I mean Becky will be there, but I'm afraid I guess. What if I'm changed by the memories?"

"We've gone over this before, but it doesn't hurt to remind you. Keep in mind, you've lived a long time since those memories. Regaining them will not change who you are. There may well be things in there you are disturbed by or are ashamed of. But, there are probably things that you do remember now that fit those categories. Right?"

"That is true. So, you think that anything I recall would be more of the same?"

"Well, unless you saw something like a murder or were physically assaulted or something like that, I'd think so. Think about it. You've been building your personality, what makes you distinctly you all your life. That includes your childhood, even though you don't recall it. From what you've described, any programming seems to have mostly been short term and you've developed beyond that. It is possible that it may have been bent in your preteen and teen years, but based on all you've told me, you've been you for a lot longer than that. Your wife would say so as well, don't you think?"

"I guess. Maybe it's just the idea that someone was mucking with my head that bothers me."

"Rightfully it should! There's no excuse for that, if it happened. That said, believe that the core self, hasn't really changed."

"Thanks. That really helps."

"Well, that's a bit of a pep talk, but it's still basically true. The key for you, which I'm here to help, is for you to recognize who you are. Not necessarily who others think you are."

"Okay doc. That does help. Can I call early next week, if I need to talk before next Friday?"

"Of course. And, that goes any time of day! But, I'd prefer you don't call at 2:00 am to talk about the weather." I laughed at that.

"Don't worry Doc. If I call, it won't be something like the weather."

"I didn't think so Mr. Wyman, but I did want to lighten things up a bit. Good luck tomorrow and on Monday. Call me if you need."

"Thanks" I said as I headed out.

# - # - # - # - #

Friday night

"Becky, in my chat with Dr. Flynn today, a thought occurred to me."

"You're not backing out of this meeting Bill!"

"No, I'm nervous, but not backing out. It's about trying to find that teacher. Maybe we should try to find him?"

"That's a good thought. I'll call Jane, and see if she can find anything."

"She's the PI that found Karen & Stacy right?"

"Yep, that's her. Anything else?"

"Not really, you know as much as I do I think." She laughed at that.

"We'll keep finding more. I'm actually glad we started down this path Bill. No matter what was in that capsule in your head, it disintegrating could NOT have been a good thing. And finding two others that also have the memory loss, well, it demands we do something."

"I agree, but I'm still nervous."

"Of course, but we're doing this together, just like we've face all the other problems."

I just gave her a hug, wondering yet again how I'd ever gotten lucky enough to find such a wonderful person to share my life with.

# - # - # - # - #

Saturday late morning

"Becky, do I have to do this?"

"Bill! Relax. They're both very nice ladies. Even if you don't remember them much, you'll like them."

"Okay, okay. I'm just nervous."

"Don't be. They should be waiting at the restaurant, or if not get there soon. Ahh, there's Stacy waiting." I looked up, and only saw one person outside the restaurant. I guess that must be her, but she didn't look like anyone I knew. "Come along Bill, you're dragging your feet again."

"Okay, okay."

"Hello Stacy." Becky said. "This trembling mound is my husband, Bill. Bill, this is Stacy Hauptman."

I heaved a sigh. "Hello. I'm afraid I'm a bit nervous." I said as I offered my hand.

She took it, and replied "That makes two of us. This not remembering is a bother." She had a nice quiet voice. It seemed to remind me of something.

"Do we go in now? Or should we wait?"

"Karen Stewart was going to meet us here. I'm sure she won't be long."

"Karen Stewart? You didn't mention her last name Thursday night. That's the same name she had when we were kids."

I just looked back and forth between them. "Yes" Becky glanced off and said. "There she is."

"Hello Karen, this is Bill and that's Stacy Hauptman. Bill and Stacy, this is Karen. I've got reservations for a private room, the three of you will be together, and I'll be across the room where I can't really hear. But, you can get my attention if you want." We all nodded at this. I guess they were maybe as nervous as I was. "Okay, let's go. I think you'll enjoy the food here."

We went in, and were taken to a room in the back, and I understood how she had things set up. We got a nice table for three, and she was across as she'd said. She pulled out her laptop; I guess she was going to work while we chatted.

Stacy walked toward the table, and then looked over her shoulder at us. I don't know about Karen, but I was still nervous. Stacy pulled out her chair, relieving me of thinking I needed to play gentleman. "Are you two coming?" We both started over and grabbed seats.

"Perhaps we should introduce ourselves, because I really don't remember either of you." At our nods, Stacy continued. "I'm Stacy Wrangle, and was Stacy Hauptman when we were kids. I'm currently a project manager at Lockheed where I've worked since earning my degree in Mechanical Engineering from State. My husband died from cancer a decade ago. We had only one son and, he was killed by a roadside bomb in Iraq last year." At our shocked look she said. "I'm dealing with it. There's a large support group for those of us that have lost family members."

Karen jumped in after that. "I don't know what to say Stacy. I'm so sorry for your loss." At her wave, she continued. "Well, I'm still Karen Stewart, single, and never married. I guess you could say I'm to absorbed in the kids in the theatre groups I work with are my kids. I studied composition and music education and am in the symphony in Wardenville and am music director for their youth orchestra. Throughout the year, I'm involved as music director at various local groups doing musicals and the like."

We were interrupted then by the waiter who took our orders for lunch. I didn't mind, since I wasn't really sure what to say after that. After the waiter left, "Well, it's my turn, I guess. You've both met my wife Becky. And, I guess I should say I'm Bill now, but apparently when we were kids, I went by my given name Leslie. We have three kids. Our eldest is our daughter Ruth, and she's a Junior at the University. Craig's our middle kid, and he's starting to look into colleges as a Junior at the high school. His favorite things are sports and video games. Ginny's our youngest, she's a fifth grader at our old elementary school. Does that cover it? Oh, I'm an independent consulting specializing in Business Process Engineering."

"Whatever that is." Karen muttered.

"Sorry, that means I help companies determine if the process they use to accomplish something actually makes sense, and if there are ways to improve their processes. Sometimes this includes automation."

"Thanks."

We paused again as our salads and drinks were delivered. This was actually going a lot better than I'd expected. But then, we were on relatively safe ground so far. We were all quiet while we ate our salads. I don't think any of us really knew what to do next.

"Well, maybe I should continue now." said Stacy, as she put aside her fork. "Bill, after talking to your wife Thursday evening, I went and found my journals covering when we were in school. I say found, cause they weren't in with the other ones; they were packed away with some of my other stuff from High School. I actually think that's significant. All the rest of my journals, and yes I still keep them, were shelved nicely."

I interrupted. "Stacy, you might like to go have a talk with Mrs. King, our third grade teacher. She also keeps journals! I'll tell you a bit about them when it's my turn." I quieted down at that.

"Okay. In any event, I found them. My early ones were not all that well organized. But, they describe a lot of things I don't recall. Actually, reading them is like reading stories about someone else. It's freaky. Almost every page mentions Karen or you as Lee, at least through the first half of fourth grade. Somewhere in there, I mention you both less, but it never really goes away. You became Bill in there somewhere, and you both show up off and on through out high school. After that summer at your grandparents though, we were never together as far as I can tell."

"Did you ever describe any of our classes with Dr. Pfizter?"

"I saw some in there, but they were definitely written through the eyes of a fourth or fifth grader. The ones I saw in my spot checking got clearer and clearer until some time in the fall of our fifth grade year."

"That might match up."

"Why?" Karen asked and I turned toward her, realizing that Stacy and I had sorta been excluding her from our discussion.

"The records I got of that class from the school board had some notes from him, that the class seemed to be approaching an end, and then that he was ending it." I turned to where Becky was sitting and raised my voice. "Becky, do you have the file you made on all the stuff we've found so far."

"Of course Bill. I'll get it for you after we're served." She said, as the waiters came into the room with our main courses. Once the food was delivered and the waiter left again, Becky brought over the file. I quickly read the two notes, and then we dug into our food.

As we slowed down our eating, I started up again. "I got disturbed by my memory loss a few months ago at a party." I went on to describe the party, getting interested remarks from both of them. Then, I described the outcome of my chat with Flo, and what had happened since, up until the biopsy. "I went in for a biopsy of the scar tissue on Wednesday, and they actually found a capsule like thing in there, which they recommended removal, thus this bandage." I indicated the obvious bandage on the back of my head."

"I’d wondered about it, there was actually something in there?"

"Yes Karen. The doc said it was about a half inch long, made of some sort of plastic and starting to deteriorate."

Stacy shook her head, then asked. "Do you think it's the cause of your memory loss?"

"I don't know. I'm seeing a Doctor Wong, and she's helped me recover some memories. I think she believes it's related."

She nodded at this. "Your wife mentioned that you had recovered some memories. How was this accomplished?"

"Dr. Wong is a specialist who works on memory. Most of the time, she said it's around crime victims who blank out bits of a crime and she helps them bring out the memories which tend to help locate the perpetrator. She primarily uses hypnosis and something called neurolinguistic something or other. That's where they use of certain key words help to induce certain feelings, which can improve the effectiveness of hypnosis. In any event, using these techniques, she was able to help me pull up a few memories, or things that may be memories anyway, because of circumstantial evidence."

Karen chimed in at that. "May be memories? Does that mean this can be used to implant false memories too?"

I nodded. "That's about it. So, Becky or my daughter Ruth has been sitting in observing. That's to act as a bind to reduce the likelihood that Dr. Wong accidentally puts any of the dreams in there. I think we're going to try to break through whatever is blocking my memories on Monday."

They both looked a little shocked looking at me.

"That sounds a bit dangerous" Karen put in.

"Uhuh. But, I think it's important. If it was that teacher that did it, and blocked all three of us, I think it's important to find out, and then to do something about it." They nodded at this. Oh, and Dr. Wong suggested that she might like to talk to you both, to see if your memory loss is like mine."

"I dunno about that, I'd have to think about it."

"So would I Stacy."

"Okay. I just told her I'd pass it on."

We were interrupted again, by the waiters to clear up our meal and see if we wanted desert. Neither Karen nor I did, but Stacy had a strawberry cheesecake. We chatted about this and that in the town while she ate. Before finishing, "Bill and Karen, I think it'd be good to meet again. I'm surprised a bit at how much I enjoyed todays lunch even given some of the things we heard."

"I agree Stacy! What do you think Bill?"

"I'm game, if you're free, maybe next Tuesday would be good. I might even have some more information by then!" They both agreed to that, and the two got up to use the facilities. I went over to Becky. "Thanks for setting this up."

"How'd it go Bill?"

"It was amazing Becky. We started out a bit nervous, which I guess makes sense. But, after a while we were just talking about stuff. We've even made plans to get together again on Tuesday so I can tell them how things go on Monday." At her nod, "you know, I actually feel like, I dunno, like I know them?" She just laughed at that.

"You did once Bill."

"Right! So, how is this being billed?"

"I've got it covered." I laughed at that and headed back to the table. We broke up shortly after that, after having decided where to meet on Tuesday.

---

To Be Continued… Will they find anything in Stacy's journals? What will happen on Monday? Will Bill survive? Leslie? What about that pellet/capsule? Will the three musketeers ride again? This is finally winding down. Perhaps there's light at the end of the tunnel. Or is that an oncomming train?
 
Author’s Note: Thanks for all of your comments! They really help me, and encourage me to keep going on this story.