‘Life’s a bitch’ — Chapter 2
By Julie D Cole

Reminder : The intro chapter described the author waking up after a heavy night and finding that he/she had slept with a colleague with whom he/she had accompanied on an assignment in Hong Kong. her colleague was taking a shower whilst he/she was disturbed by a mobile telephone ringing. It was apparent she'd done the sex thing but not the penetration that was impossible. But he/she had satisfied him and either accepted him/her or he/she had fooled him. Why? Read on.

Well I guess that now I should introduce myself and explain how I came to be in this situation. Let me just go back 2 weeks to what started out as an exciting Monday morning as I left for work, having been invited to meet the Head of HR department, following confirmation of a promotion that was long overdue. Recognition at last! This would mean a significant salary increase and reward for all the hard work I’d put in these last 3 years whilst colleagues fluttered around making mistakes.

In our office I seemed to do my own jobs plus theirs sometimes and it was always me working late at night or weekends and bank holidays to meet important deadlines. Well that’s how it felt and as a result I had the satisfaction of being involved in some very successful campaigns.

I dressed as smart as I could that morning to create the right impression. Well as smart as a ‘red headed’ northern England guy [of Irish descent] can dress who doesn’t even own a business suit or possess a set of smart shirts and ties. All unnecessary expense from my point of view since ‘smart’ was always difficult and luckily it is optional in my profession.

My excuse had always been that when you spend half your life at a computer desk or on the telephone or around a table in meetings or interviewing people then comfort attire mattered more than image. My friends were always threatening to take me in hand. Anyway if the female staff can dress casually why not the rest of us?

After a bit of consultation with friends and colleagues I’d been persuaded it would be better if I could try to present a better image than for the last three years since that hadn’t got me recognised. Except as dogsbody and to sweep up other peoples crap. So first job was to soften the colour of my hair so I bought some ‘Wash & Go’ sachets rather than go mad with a permanent dye. Fortunately it doesn’t do what it says on the label and after I washed it I still had hair.

Well joking apart it had an effect but it did look a bit feminine so I ought to have been more bold and gone darker. It didn’t help matters since I take after my mother rather than my father for my mop. She always had beautiful healthy hair and is a striking redhead who is proud of her Irish upbringing in Cork. Anyway I was now more towards a reddish auburn shade rather than the plain brown colour on the packet.

Mum encouraged me to grow my hair long from an early age and fought against the various school teachers who placed me under detention. Yes life has been different for me than other boys. Redheads do stand out in a crowd even if they are small in stature. Who was the little guy who trained National Velvet. Well luckily I don’t look like him. I’m taller and quite slim like mum. Lucky not to be like dad with his sixteen pack. I

I used to get picked on at school as boys tried to de-bag me to see if I had red hair below. It was a bit embarrassing sometimes in front of the girls in my class. Hence I got a lot of ribbing in my developing years and it was no use complaining to mum because she had faced her own battles at school. Still I concluded it was better to have my mum’s hair than dads. Who wants a solar panel later in life?.

So for my meeting with HR and then my first day in my new job I decided I’d look as mature as possible and opted for a more conservative look. I called at Marks & Spencer [really old styles] and bought a shirt and black trousers and a tie that I quickly discarded after I saw someone wearing one like it. I looked 5 years older but decided the hair was too much. So I tied it back into a pony tail. The trousers were a bit tight in the crutch because I had to buy a small waist size and my voice was squeaking a bit as a result. Too late now though I should have tried them on when I bought them.

In hindsight I looked a bit on the girly side but I was meeting Jaqui Brennan and she was a bit butch anyway so I decided to go for it. I opted for a lightweight rainproof jacket and my favourite pair of Chelsea boots to keep out the wet since it had rained heavily overnight. Quite unusual for heavy rain in London but at least it freshened up the pavements.

I had to jump to avoid being splashed by a council truck cleaning the gutters. Why pick today of all days to clean our road. It never gets cleaned and I was sure the driver tried to sneak up on me to wet me through. I arrived OK but then the day went downhill from there and I’ll tell you more in a minute.

Over that weekend I’d been really happy and celebrated with my friends. I thought everything was starting to go really well for me and for 2 weeks since the final interview and ‘the nod’ I was feeling at last that my decision to move to London was paying dividends. Promotion at last and chance to boast to my friends who’d all done well whereas I’d stood still.

Anyway there I go again going off the point. My name is Michael O’Connor of Irish parents from the beautiful city of Cork where I was raised until we moved 25 years ago. My father said he moved for his job as a specialist consultant but really I was being bullied a lot because I had my mums red curly hair that she insisted was nut kept short like other boys at school. I was seven years old when we arrived at our new home in Yorkshire. I guess I stood out from day 1 because of my hair and the soft Cork accent was completely different from the dulcet tone of that for this part of the North of England,

I seemed to be accepted and that was no doubt because I had my father’s wit and quick retort with something funny to lighten any situation. So much so that my best friend Charlie and his twin sister Amy who seemed to adopt me from day 1 in school and so I was protected from any of the bullies girls or boys. Yes we had girls who were bullies too and I was singled out by a group of them who would call me Michelle that was a name that sort of stuck all through school and even into university at York. I kept in close contact with both Charlie and Amy even though Charlie went to London and Amy went to Birmingham.

We all ended up in London less than 3 years after graduating and I shared a flat with Amy rather than Charlie as mum expected. I had told her I was sharing with Charlie but he was having the time of his life and a girlfriend had moved in with him. He had a regular turnaround of girlfriends and a few who had moved in before he got bored and moved them out. They always stayed friends with him though.

It meant I got to know quite a few of Amy’s friends but none seemed to be too interested in me although they said they found me quite funny. I was the butt of a lot of Irish jokes though and a few of them invited me to parties that I attended when I could. That is when I wasn’t being a bore and trying to hit a deadline or cover for somebodies mistakes.

Amy and I always found ways to earn enough cash to pay the rent and have a good time. We used to meet up with a gang of her friends and sometimes we’d busk outside the Crusting Pipe in Covent Garden. I could sing well enough as long as the notes weren’t too high and two of Amy’s friends could really play the violin. A guy would turn up with a double base and if we were lucky we’d have a Drea on the keyboard. If we’d drunk too much wine we’d end up doing Irish dancing but there was a danger we’d be banned if we went overboard. Covent Garden is my favourite part of London where all types of people congregate. There is a buzz and you can sit and watch the world go by, have a laugh and join in or paint yourself as a statue and hang around all day doing nothing.

I can recommend it for an afternoon or on a summers evening. We’d watch street artists and acrobats and share a bottle of wine watching budding opera singers and musicians play in the natural auditorium outside the Crusting Pipe that is a pub type restaurant inside one of the old market buildings. Funny but after a while I was accepted by Amy’s friends as if I went to the same university. They wouldn’t worry about the subject matter and I’d hear accounts of all sorts of exploits hat almost turned my hair white. How awful first red and then white hair.

So what of Charlie? He had done well in a publicity company as a graphic designer and when he saw I wasn’t getting anywhere in my dead end job as a publicity assistant he helped to fix up a job for me through his friends as an assistant journalist where my ability to chat and university degree were useful. I started at the bottom and after 3 years here I was already pretty high up in the organisation somewhere just above the bottom rung.

So back to Monday morning. There I was sitting in front of Ms Brennan with a smile on my face and expecting to be handed a confirmation letter for my promotion and the salary increase.

‘Now then Michael, thanks for coming in for this meeting. It’s not good news I’m afraid since the Company has had cut costs and move people around and sadly you are not needed anymore.’

‘What? I have just been offered a promotion so what happened to the special assignment and the team that were going to be reporting to me.’

‘It’s not for me to disclose that information but that team has been disbanded before it started and the people will report to Vanessa Philips from today.’

‘Vanessa? She is never in the office and I take over most of her assignments. She is only interested in the trips and jobs where she can have fun with clients or our photographers I’ve nothing against her but she hates to be stuck in the office.’

‘Look Michael there is no point arguing the decision is made and you can take today to tidy up and handover to Vanessa and then come to my office tomorrow morning and we’ll sort out the final settlement. It will be two weeks’ salary and we’ll pay you any holidays you have accrued.’

‘Two bloody weeks’ pay after the way I’ve sweated. You must be joking. Tell me it’s a set up and that you’re joking.’

‘No it’s not a joke and of course if I can I will ensure that we give you a good reference.’

‘But this is all crap. I’ve been promoted and was promised a salary increase. I turned up today to finalise the adjustment to my terms and conditions. All my colleagues and friends have been really chuffed. What will I tell mum after she was so delighted? What will I do after the 2 weeks’ pay has gone? I still have to pay off my Uni loans and I don’t have any spare cash because of the rent I pay. You know my salary has been below the rest of the team. Even new starters can earn as much as me if their face fits. Come on please. I owe my flatmate for outstanding rent and other stuff.’’

‘Sorry Michael that’s it I’m afraid. We don’t need you anymore.’

So that was it I went back to my desk rather than be escorted to a new office. What really pissed me off was that the news was common knowledge and Vanessa was nowhere to be found. As usual she’d disappeared.

Her phone rang as I sat staring out of the window wondering what to do.

‘Piss off she’s not here as per usual. Probably still shagging somebody somewhere. Call back on Wednesday when she is satisfied!’

In the end I picked it up as usual.

‘Hi is that Vanessa.Philips?’

I didn’t answer.

‘Vanessa this is Tracey. Richards. We need someone urgently. It’s a freelance cash job all expenses paid. Can you work it into your schedule we need someone to accompany one of our lead journalists to draft out an interview with Monte Madison and we’ll send a photographer along as well. You can make it I hope. There is five grand cash up front in it to cover flights and hotel etc. Its only for 5 days if you can make it.

Where exactly? It’s in Hong Kong but you have to be in Hong Kong on Sunday. If you like you can stay at Montes place with the others or just book a hotel. How about it?

I looked around the office. Five grand? Five Grand?

‘OK I can make it where shall I pick up the expenses and the assignment details?’

To be continued……