‘Life’s a bitch’ — Chapter 4
By Julie D Cole

Intro/reminder : In the first Chapter the story was based in Hong Kong where Michael awoke after a heavy night to find he'd slept with a male colleague who had been convinced he had slept with Vanessa who was supposed to be on an assignment with him.
In the next chapters the reasons why Michael found himself in Hong Kong in this situation are explained starting with Michael suddenly being passed over for promotion and being made redundant. Vanessa, who was not very hard working or conciencious too Michaels job and was moonlighting. Michaels chance for revenge came out of the blue but first he needed to decide if he was willing to take the assignment and if he was prepared to be Vanessa for a few days to collect the rewards. Sad really but sometimes Life is a Bitch!!

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Then it hit me. I could probably pass as Vanessa if to collect the cash and the job brief. But dare I do it and what if they challenged me?

I sat up and removed the scrunchie loosening my hair and then I pushed it back off my face. Looking at myself across the bathroom in the mirror I could see that the make-up hadn’t washed off and whilst it was almost clownish with the runs of eye make-up down my cheeks from my eyes I was definitely no Charlie Cairoli and more like Amy looked sometimes. I’d seen her many times with streaks of mascara down her cheeks from tears whilst watching her favourite weepy movie Beaches. I looked at this seemingly female apparition. More a younger Barbara Hershey than a younger Bette Midler. No beauty but maybe worth a second look on a dark night.

Somehow the mess on my face hid any male features I’d inherited. I had some body hair but not much. Yes I certainly slight enough and even seemed to look as helpless as a woman caught suddenly by the window cleaner or some peeping Tom peering through the bathroom window. What had made me instinctively cover my chest and lower tummy region? Nobody was looking and I was all alone. Amy often teased me for standing with my hand on my hip rather than legs astride. Was I being affected by living with Amy and working around so many women? I even had soft humps like small breasts if the truth be known and had tried to cut down dairy products and chicken burgers renowned for challenging testerone.

Huh!! Maybe these days my testerone was more toblerone with the quantity of chocolate Amy and I consumed. Maybe the chocolate was the cause of my chubby little butt. Or was it sitting at a desk so much. Maybe now I’d get chance to exercise more and work off a few pounds and get those pecs into shape. But right now I might take advantage of these features

I tried to squeeze as much of the water from my hair as I could because I should use shampoo crystals since the water around London is hard that makes my hair go frizzy. I searched for the bottle of expensive shampoo and conditioner I’d bought since as usual Amy had more or less just discarded it whilst she tried to get soap out of her eye instead of putting in its rightful place. Sure enough it was on the bathroom floor rather than in the cabinet where I always put it. Top loose and half empty again. Or half full as Amy would say. ‘I left it half full’.

I washed my hair and sat down again in the bath trying to keep soap suds away from my eyes. A discarded ladyshave was at the end of the bath and something inside me picked it up. I removed the few hairs from my chest and under my armpits and then soaped my legs and it didn’t take long to sort those out. I was soon smooth and my skin was soft due to the soak.

I rinsed all the shampoo and soap using the hand shower without splashing water everywhere. I was determined to give this masquerade a try. I might even show Vanessa up a little along the way.

Now I was transfixed with the image in the mirror. Maybe it wasn’t so difficult to disguise myself and act like a woman. I had seen all their traits so many time and could even stick out my tongue in a girly way. It is a girly thing isn’t it since I never saw many men in the office do it. I knew now what I was going to do and I just needed to make a careful plan.

I bent my head forward to let my hair fall and wrapped it in a towel. I had seen Amy do this many times but never did it before myself. It took 2 or 3 attempts before it stayed in place. At least there was one clean large bath towel to wrap around myself as well. But not for long. The black of the mascara was soon removed from my face to the towel. Hopefully it would wash out before Amy saw it since she might wonder why. What was I thinking. As if. She relied on me to load the washing machine and dry clothes and even to iron sometimes. I think I knew my way through her underwear more than any boyfriend and she is a big fan of Sloggi for her everyday wear.

We were a good team in fact since I was in charge of laundry whilst she tended to look after supplies and she definitely focused more on cooking that she exaggerated to always appear too busy to help. I knew her bra size and which fit of trousers she preferred. I don’t know how I managed to fit in the domestic bit sometimes when I think about it. I spent hours covering for Vanessa with hardly time to socialise after looking after myself and Amy as well to some extent.

So now it was decision time. I thought I could at least try some of these clothes she’d left lying around in the bathroom but then put them all in the wash basket and opted for clean ones from the stock of clothes that Amy said she didn’t need and were destined for the Charity shop.

She had filled the double wardrobe in the spare bedroom and 4 of the drawers so II went through to take a look at the options. I knew some items would be tight but these were more the flashy things she liked to wear to show herself off. She liked to attract attention if we were out and sometimes sent out the wrong signals.

It didn’t take me long to select a few items that would fit and I knew that I had enough shape to look half decent. It wasn’t as if it was the first time I’d dressed but that’s another story.

By the time I’d selected something I liked and swopped around a bit my hair was dry so I just brushed it out to prevent it frizzing and then tied it back into a pony tail just like I’d seen mum do to my sister when we were growing up. I used to think I was missing out as they chatted away about all sorts of things and eventually mum would realise and apologise. I guess my decision to grow my hair longer came as a futile effort to seek the same attention and mom time. But we do eventually accept situations and I never in fact felt bitter towards sis. We were great friends and I miss her a lot since she married and moved to Canada. It would be great to take this assignment that Vanessa was promised The cash would easily be enough to pay off some debts and if I was lucky I could double or treble it and take a trip to Toronto and even take a months break now I had no job. That made my decision for me. I was definitely going to pick up the cash and assignment details this afternoon and so now for some more focused effort.

The bra and matching Sloggi briefs fitted snugly and actually were quite comfortable. I didn’t master fastening the clasp with my arms up my back since women must be double jointed and able to reach further. I might have persevered for longer if I had more time but not for now. The bra was 36C and made my chest look quite feminine though not as full as it was when Amy wore it. So I rolled up two pairs of silk panties to pad out a bit and turned for a side view. I just had to touch them. Mmm if Amy saw me now she’d be giggling like she does. She wasn’t at the back of the queue when the boobies were dished out. If these were real I’d certainly be wanting to show them off. Sometimes Amy would go out without a bra and I’d stare at her nipples transfixed. Still you can’t get locked up for it as far as I know. She would say the guys can look but no touching. Easy to say. .

I opted to try a skirt since it was rare that Vanessa wore trousers and so it might help with the charade. She wouldn’t be seen dead in jeans or tight leggings since she was heavy around the thighs and preferred to power look when at work. Ah, the power look and heels. Now that was going to be a problem to overcome if I was to succeed. The black skirt was not the same style as Vanessa wore but would have to do. At least it wasn’t too short and I could walk freely. But my legs looked bare and white so this wouldn’t do. I even had a little tummy as Amy would call it but how to get rid of the small bump below it. That could be trouble later if I didn’t sort it out.

She had a drawer full of stockings socks and tights and most were still in the packets. She buys every time she goes to the supermarket and even carries spares in her bag. I counted twenty pairs of tights and 11 stockings in one wash I did. Goodness knows what happened to the other stocking. How can you lose a stocking?

I opened a new back of nearly black tights. Is there such a colour as nearly black? Isn’t black just black? Ha Ha I found myself singing the Beatles song but right now I wasn’t feeling blue. I was feeling quite excited and a little bit strange. Yet it was such a nice strange not a weird sort of strange. My legs seemed longer and the shape was better than average. Maybe I should get rid of the bump now and wear the sloggi’s on top of the tights with a tighter pantie or even one of amy’s slingshots as I called them that were supposed to show her buttocks to full effect with no VPL. I wondered what the girls were talking about for ages before I looked on the internet. I don’t mind looking at VPL but I guess the slingshot was a better way of dealing with my bump. It worked but I’ve no idea what happened to my bits and pieces.

I liked the look of my legs that seemed slim and as shapely as any I’d seen. No plump knees and quite pony like with slim ankles. Mmm feet slim enough too. Were these magic tights I wondered?

I’ll spare you the details of trying to match the skirt but now I understand why Amy is always late. Finding a top that was the right colour and looked right that had been ironed properly by ‘her staff’ was not a two minute job. I knew I looked OK even without make up.more towards boy girl than girly girl at the moment but with a bit of eye make up and foundation and some lippy I could solve that. Yep that did the trick. ‘Hi there, who are you?’

‘Hi I’m Vanessa. Vanessa the bitch who stole Michaels job and cheats the company and does moonlighting.

So now for some comfy shoes and how to fool the PA into believing I was Vanessa the bitch and handing over the goods?

To be continued……