As many of you are probably aware I've doing HRT DIY-style.

I've gotten my dosages and scheduling and everything pretty well perfected except for ONE THING. One of my three T blockers is making me tired all the time.

I'm using three different herbs to help eliminate testosterone from my body: Saw palmetto, which blocks 5-alpha-Reductase, the enzyme responsible for manufacturing dihydrotestosterone from testosterone, DHT being 3 to 10 times stronger than T. Spearmint which binds to androgen receptor sites preventing stronger androgens from doing so whilst not actually producing any androgenic effect at all. And finally, the troublemaker: Chinese Skullcap.

Chinese skullcap works by blocking 17-beta-HSD types 3 and 1. It blocks type 3 much more strongly than type 1 which is why I feel justified in using it despite it also blocking type 1. Too strongly blocking type 1 is undesirable, that's the type that's responsible for reducing estrone to estradiol, and a buildup of estrone can lead to many problems...

Blocking type 3 is what I'm using it for. Type 3 is the type primarily responsible for manufacturing testosterone from weaker androgens... By blocking JUST the testosterone synthesis pathway selectively I avoid many of the problems of less selective T-blocking methods, making it easier to control and "DIY" without medical oversight.

The problem is that over time abuse of chinese skullcap can, in some individuals, lead to stomach cramping, a loose bowel and excessive drowsiness. I appear to be one of those individuals. At first I felt great using CS. But months later I'm getting all the side effects warned about.

I do NOT want to resort to spironolactone. While it does the job of all three of my herbs, it also does things that are unnecessary, and things I'm using other things for, and could potentially STILL have the same side effects. I put spiro in the same category, but as an even worse offender, as licorice. It's even worse because it's entirely synthetic, a man-made chemical drug with no natural analog. And it's still a sledge-hammer to your insides. Licorice may be a sledge-hammer to your insides, but at least it's a natural one ;)

So yeah. I'm on the prowl for something else to use. Hopefully which only blocks types 3 and 5, three being preferred. Type 5 is ALSO responsible for testosterone production, but not nearly to the extent that type 3 is. If it blocks any other types, hopefully it does so very weakly in comparison.

My resources however, are limited. I have access to enough information to know that what I'm after is out there, but precisely which herb I want goes a little deeper into the medical research papers than I can get my claws into. I am using CS because, despite the potential side effects, it was the only one I could actually get the name of. But I know there are others. And hopefully at least one of which won't have side effects I won't be able to manage on my own. I honestly never would have expected CS's side effects to be THIS strong. The drowsiness I can fight. The cramping and loose bowel I can not seem to do so.

If anyone can help I'd appreciate it... Otherwise... I just needed to vent some frustration.

In other news...

I am really doing pretty well overall. For the most part I am no longer being sirred or having any other reference to being male made in reference to my person any more. There are the few very rude exceptions among mostly strangers, and those who already knew me are struggling but really are trying now. Well. Those who didn't immediately end contact with me when I came out to them. I still have not heard from my once dearest sister. And I suspect I never will.

I say very rude because except for just ONE THING my daily appearance is extremely feminine now... That one thing being the remnants of my beard that is just too dark to cover without painting on way too much makeup for my preferences.

One of these days that problem will be gone... Still need to shave my entire bloody body every day as well, but yeah. Soon as my face is completely done, I'll have them start my back, and I'll buy an at-home laser hair removal device to use on everything I can reach myself.

Though I still haven't quite worked up my nerve to go to my bike shop... And my one friend from high school hasn't been spoken to since before... I'm really danged nervous on both counts. The guys at the shop are really excessively macho types and the high school friend... Well... He was the only person in high school who even really wanted to try to be my friend. How do you tell someone like that that you aren't who they thought you were? And yeah. I kinda like him. And I was always sorely jealous of his sisters while at the same time actually wanting to hang with them more than him, which made me feel bad.

I still have my occasional doubts and fears, but then I look closely at what kind of life I'd been "living" and realize... Yeah. It might be rough right now, but a large part of that is that I'm even bothering to try. Life's easy when you aren't even trying.