Link: Lost Faith Title Page and Description

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Erica and April entered their shared apartment in Concord, having just driven the four hours from Hargrave House. Erica had barely put down her suitcase when she felt a hand turn her around quickly. Just as she was about to ask what April wanted she felt the girl's lips press into her own with an urgent need. Surrendering to her own passions, Erica responded in kind, pulling April in close and relishing the feel of their bodies pressed together.

Feeling Erica respond to her advances, April pushed her up against the front door, closing it and pinning the girl in place so she could press all the more urgently against her body. After several minutes of groping and passionate kisses, April's need partially sated, she at last pulled back and looked in Erica's eyes. "Sorry!" she giggled.

"For what?" Erica smiled back. "For showing me you love me?" Gently pulling April close again, she kissed her slowly and romantically. "It could have waited until we were at least unpacked, though!"

Laughing together, April ran her fingers over Erica's cheeks. "I... I just couldn't wait any longer." she admitted. Backing away, and self-conscious of Erica's sensibilities, she took a deep ragged breath as her smile evaporated. "But, you want to wait."

"April, I... we need to talk."

Fear spreading through her whole body at those words, April turned away. "You're... you're going to leave me for Faith. Aren't you? You changed your mind and only want her." she exhaled, hugging herself.

"No!" Erica exclaimed. "April! I could never leave you!"

Not really listening, April started picking up her suitcase. "It's alright." she lied. "I... I understand. We can still be friends! I told you that..."

"April!" Erica shouted as she stormed in front of her oldest friend. "I said I'm not leaving you! I'll never leave you! I love you!" Lowering her voice, she gently took April's suitcase in hand and lowered it to the floor before taking her love's hands. "I just meant that there's some things we need to talk about. I promise I do not want to break up with you! Ever!"

Nodding rapidly, April took a breath and calmed her emotions. "O... OK."

"But first," Erica asked with a smile, "can we unpack? I need a shower!"

Mirth slowly spread between them before they both started to laugh. After a moment, April looked away embarrassedly. "I'm sorry, Erica. I... I guess I'm just a little insecure about..." Her voice trailed off, knowing that Erica understood her meaning.

Nodding, she sighed and backed away. "Second thoughts?"

"No!" April denied. "I... Erica, I could never make you choose! I don't want you to have to!" Looking at their joined hands, April was near to tears.

Seeing the fear in April's eyes as she looked away, Erica smiled and leaned down until their eyes met once more. "Hey! I love you! Come here." Erica led them both to the large plush couch occupying the middle of the living room. Sitting down, she waited until April joined her.

When after a moment Erica didn't say anything, April finally looked up at her. "What?"

Smiling, Erica shook her head. "I... I want you to know something, OK?" Taking a moment as she watched April nod in understanding, Erica took a breath. "I want you to know that, if... if I had to make a choice, I would choose you. OK? I decided that on the way here. It's what I really want!"

Looking away and blushing, April smiled weakly. "I'm not so sure."

"Well I am!" Erica stated flatly. "April, I love Faith. She helped me see who I really am... and loves me for just being me! But you loved me before even I knew who I was... when I was 'orphan boy Eric'... and when you found out I was Erica, you still loved me, and I never stopped loving you!" Pausing to let that sink in, she concluded, "So you see, if I had to choose, it wouldn't even take a moment to decide. I'd... I choose you, April."

Smiling slowly and shyly, April looked into Erica's eyes and saw her lifelong friend was telling her the truth. She could always tell. Wrapping her arms around Erica, she nearly cried at the beauty of the girl's love. "I... I'm sorry, Erica!" she lightly sobbed. "I... I should never doubt you!" Holding each other a moment in silence, she eventually pulled away to look her in the eyes again. "You don't need to choose, Erica! I... I'm happy that you and Faith can find happiness with each other! You both need each other so badly, I could never stand in the way of that!"

Sighing happily, Erica looked into April's eyes and also saw the honesty in her oldest friend. "Thank you!" she murmured. "Um... I guess now is as good a time as any to talk about what I wanted to say." Gathering her nerve, she closed her eyes and took a breath, but opened them to look April in the eyes as she spoke. "Faith wants to... um... go all the way... the next time we see each other... at Thanksgiving."

Perplexed, April furrowed her brow. "I... I thought you wanted to wait."

Nodding and looking down at their still joined hands, Erica shrugged. "I do, but... well... I've been doing some thinking since my talk with Mamma last night." Suddenly looking up with eyes wide, she gasped. "Mamma! I forgot to call her and let her know we're home!"

Laughing, April shook her head. "OK, you get a reprieve! Call your mom! I'll go put my things in the laundry! But after that..."

"After that I promise to explain!" Erica smiled.

Faith was walking through the living room when she heard the phone ring. Moving to pick it up, she saw Fredrick heading her way. "That's alright, Freddy! I'll get it!"

"As you wish, Miss Faith." he intoned with a nod and a vague smile, glad that the family was whole once more.

Picking up the handset on the old rotary phone, Faith cleared her throat. "Hello?"

Smiling at the sound of her voice, Erica lit up. "Faith! It's Erica!"

"Hi!" she replied. "Couldn't stand to not hear my voice for two weeks?"

"Ha ha!" Erica retorted as she watched April eyeing her with a sly grin as the young woman carried her bags toward the laundry for the maid to do the next day. "No... well, that's not true! Yes, I can't stand missing you that long, but I was actually calling to let Mamma know we're home safe."

"Oh, I see." Faith smirked. "Well then, I'll let Mamma know."

"Let me know what, dear?" Heather asked as she entered the room.

"Oh!" Faith jumped in a start, her mind racing over her flirting with Erica, afraid that somehow her mother knew just what she was thinking at that moment; thoughts which were decidedly unfamilial toward her cousin. "Mamma! Oh! It's Erica! She called to let us know they're home!"

Looking at Faith, she could see the tells of deception. More certain than ever that Erica and Faith had become intimate following their reconciliation and they were hiding it behind Erica's apparently chaste relationship with April, she cocked an eyebrow before answering. "Oh good! May I talk to her a moment, dear?"

Handing her mother the phone, Faith gulped in fear. Does she know? she wondered. "Here." she almost stammered.

"Hello?" Heather began. "Erica, sweetheart?"

"Mamma!" Erica cried in surprise, about to say something sweet and romantic to Faith. "Faith and I were just... um..."

"Yes, sweetheart." she answered, not waiting for the lie. "I just wanted to let you know that I'm glad you're home safe and look forward to seeing you and April over Thanksgiving! We all are!" she emphasized, watching Faith blush.

Blushing herself, knowing what Faith wanted to do over the holiday, Erica swallowed hard. "Um... us too! Can... can't wait!"

"We can't wait to see you then, as well!" Heather echoed as she watched Faith shyly look away. "Did you want to talk to Faith before you go, dear?"

"N... no, Mamma." Erica stammered. "That's OK! We already said our good-byes!"

Cupping her hand over the mouthpiece, Heather looked at her daughter sympathetically. "Faith dear, is there anything else you'd like to say... to your cousin?" She intentionally added the last part as a reminder for her daughter as to just who Erica was to Faith.

Nodding almost shamefully, she desperately wanted to hear Erica's voice just once more.

"Faith wants to say goodbye, sweetheart." Heather said, giving the lie to Erica's last statement. "I love you, Erica! Give my best to April as well!"

"I love you too, Mamma." Erica said guiltily. "Bye."

"Goodbye, sweetheart." Heather answered lovingly before handing the receiver to Faith. "Here you are, dear."

Taking it, Faith tentatively put it up to her ear. "Erica?"

"Faith... I..." Thinking about her aunt standing there and watching Faith as they said goodbye, her desire to be sappy and romantic suddenly seemed like a bad idea. "I... um... I love you, Faith. I guess I'll see you... soon." She hoped that mentioning their next encounter would convey her feelings.

Seeing her mother's knowing look, Faith raised her chin almost defiantly. "I love you too, Erica. I look forward to seeing you at Thanksgiving, too."

"Goodbye, love." Erica nearly whispered, almost afraid Heather might hear.

"Goodbye." Faith said softly in return before hanging up. Turning to face her mother, she waited to see what she'd say.

"Faith, we need to talk." Heather said gently. "Shall we use your room?"

I knew it was too good to last. Faith mused hopelessly. "Alright, Mamma." she answered embarrassedly as they headed toward the stairs.

Erica hung up the phone slowly after hearing Faith's goodbye. Getting up, she followed April in getting her own bags unpacked and into the laundry. Her aunt's voice over the phone seemed almost too polite. Opening her suitcase, her thoughts darkened. She knows! My God! Mamma knows!

Entering the bedroom once shared by the two teens, Faith took a seat on her bed as her mother sat at the girl's vanity. Looking everywhere but at Heather, Faith waited for the lecture.

"So..." Heather began simply. "Why don't you start by telling me what's going on."

Faith fidgeted with her fingers idly. "I... I don't know what you mean, Mamma." she lied badly.

Sighing, Heather pressed her fingers against her temples. "Faith, please don't treat me as though I'm a fool. You already confessed, in front of the whole household, that you've had feelings for your cousin Erica. Don't compound that with lies, please."

Frustrated, Faith stood and paced her room. "What do you want me to say, Mamma? That I love her? That she loves me? We do, and it's not going to just go away! It's real!"

"I know that, dear." Heather said calmly. "What have you done about it?"

Stopping to face her mother, Faith took a breath. "Nothing!" she lied again before correcting herself. "Well... nothing much."

"I see." Heather replied as she tried to maintain her composure. "Have you two been sleeping together?"

Biting her lip, Faith looked away from her mother. "That depends on what you mean by sleeping together."

"Having sex." Heather stated impatiently. "Please don't equivocate."

"No!" Faith denied. "Just... you know... actually sleeping together!"

Closing her eyes, Heather looked away from her daughter. "I see." Pausing as her trained ear heard the unspoken, she added. "And?"

"Mamma!" Faith protested. "Do you really want all the details?"

Pursing her lips, Heather looked at the floor. "No, I guess I really don't." Looking up at Faith once more, she stood and moved cautiously toward her. "Faith... I... I'm not going to lecture you about morality. You're a grown woman now, and you've been of the age of consent since you were sixteen. I know you love her. I've known you were attracted to her almost from the first."

Looking away embarrassedly, Faith heard her mother move closer until the woman took her hand. Pulling gently, Heather turned Faith to face her.

"Faith. I love you and don't want to see you get hurt." Heather explained. "I... I know that sending Erica away was hard on you both. If I could take it back, I would. You two obviously have a depth of feeling toward one another that is not likely to go away anytime soon. I just..." she paused as she held her feelings in check. "I don't want you to do something you'd regret later, dear. You know you can't have a full and complete relationship with her, don't you? A marriage? Family? Children?"

"I know, Mamma." Faith sniffed. "It's just..."

Nodding slowly, Heather sighed. "It's just that the heart wants what the heart wants, and nothing anyone says or does will change it." Seeing Faith look up at her, Heather smiled gently once more. "I... I can't give my blessing to you two. You know that, don't you?"

Smiling weakly, Faith nodded. "I know, Mamma." she mumbled before turning to embrace her and beginning to cry.

"It's alright, sweetheart." Heather consoled her child. "I know. I know."

"Oh, Mamma!" the younger girl cried. "I just love her so much! I... I always have! From the day she got here I've loved her! Almost from the first moment I saw her! Why?"

"I don't know, dear." Heather admitted. "Lord knows why any of us love who we love. Erica's mother was the same. She fell in love with your uncle Jack at age ten, and loved him with all her heart the rest of her life, even after he was gone." Smiling wistfully, she almost laughed at herself. "Maybe it's something about the Dunning family! They're too easy for us Hargraves to love! Even your uncle Jack! I loved him almost as much as your father!"

Laughing with her through her own tears, Faith pulled away from her mother and retrieved a tissue from her vanity, blowing her nose and wiping her eyes. "Mamma? I want you to know that I tried not to love her."

"Oh, sweetheart!" Heather exclaimed as she pulled Faith to sit next to her on Faith's bed. "You can't choose not to love someone. That's not up to us."

Nodding in understanding, Faith exhaled heavily. "I know... it's up to God." Sighing again, she fiddled with her tissue. "But why did He make me have to love her? Someone I can't have!"

"I don't know, dear." Heather shrugged. "Maybe she needed that love to sustain her until she could find April." Pausing, Heather broached a delicate subject. "Faith... about April. Erica has a chance at a good life with her. Do you intend to stand in their way?"

Blushing, Faith tore the tissue in half. "No. I'm glad Erica has April! I just want her to be happy, and April makes her happy."

Nodding, she watched Faith's reaction and knew there was more. "Go on."

"Mamma!" Faith whined as she stood and paced her room again. "I don't think you want to know the rest."

"If you want me to understand, I think I need to know the rest." Heather retorted, "Whether I want to know or not, this... thing... between you and your cousin could lead to an end far worse than even my sending her away did. Besides, I think I'm a fair and open-minded woman. Just talk to me. You should trust me, dear."

Unsure, Faith tossed the remains of her tissue in her wastebasket and pulled out a fresh one, only to start tearing it up in her hands right away. "Um... well... see, Erica had an idea..."

Sighing as she relaxed on the couch in a nightgown and robe after a good shower, Erica closed her eyes. The next thing she knew, she was being awakened by a kiss. Smiling, she opened her eyes to see April leaning over her with a grin of her own. "Hi!" she purred. "Sorry I dozed off."

"That's OK." April grinned as she sat on the edge of the couch next to her. "I liked waking you up! I nearly fell asleep in my tub!"

Sitting up to try and shake off the sleepiness, Erica wiped her face with her hands. "Um... so anyway, I was going to tell you about my talk with Mamma."

"The sex talk?" April smiled seductively.

"Yeah..." Erica answered as she looked away shyly.

Laughing, April slipped her hand into Erica's. "You're so cute when you get all embarrassed!" she giggled.

Rolling her eyes, Erica giggled back. "So anyway... um... she asked me if I was a... um... a virgin. When I told her I was, she told me that since we love each other, you and I, that it's a gift from God so it would be... um... OK... if we... um..." Stammering, Erica couldn't make herself say it.

"Make love?" April finished for her. Seeing Erica nod, she smiled. "Your mom's a wise woman, Erica! You should always follow a mother's advice!"

Laughing together a moment, Erica looked away shyly. "I... um... so I was thinking, if you... I mean... do you... you know... still want to? With me? I mean... if you still want to, I would like it... um... if we..."

Pulling Erica to her feet, April wrapped her arms around her best friend. "With you? Yes! Always!" Leaning in to kiss her gently and lovingly, April sighed when they were done. "But not tonight. We're both pretty tired, which is a terrible state to be in for this kind of discussion!"

Nodding in understanding, Erica only briefly considered the idea that April was dodging being with her now that she was willing before dismissing the idea as nonsense. April loves me and wants me. Erica reminded herself.

"So why don't we go to bed and pick this up first thing tomorrow?" April suggested. "That way we're rested and thinking clearly."

"You're right." Erica agreed disappointedly. "We shouldn't be discussing it at this hour." she noted the large clock over the fireplace that showed it to be after eleven. Straightening her robe, she embraced April again happily. "I love you, April!" she sighed.

"Always have and always will!" she answered back. "Come on!" Heading to Erica's bedroom door, they stopped at the entrance.

"See you in the morning!" Erica smiled.

"Mmm hmm!" April wordlessly answered.

Opening her bedroom door, Erica headed in, but was surprised when the door wouldn't close due to April being in the way. "Was there something else you needed?" she asked curiously.

"No!" April smiled back.

"OK." Erica nodded to her. "Goodnight!" Waiting for April to step back out into the hallway, her smile slowly melted. "Um... are you sure there's nothing you need? Did you want to ask me something?"

"As a matter of fact, yes." April answered as she squeezed past Erica, her breasts pressing against the room's owner as she moved into it. Pulling off her robe to reveal that she was wearing a short and sexy red negligée, April looked back at the shocked girl. "Which side do you sleep on?"

Erica blinked several times before she stammered out, "Um... my right side."

Nodding happily, April nonchalantly walked up to the right side of Erica's bed, pulled down the covers, slid gracefully under them, and lay down on her right side. "Coming to bed?" she asked simply.

Slowly, Erica made her way over to the opposite side of her bed until she could look down and see the teen's eyes were closed. "Um... April?"

Opening her eyes and smiling at her confused girlfriend, April patted the space in front of her. "Remember to turn out the light, honey!"

Gulping, Erica absently switched off the light, took off her robe, and slid under the pulled back covers. When at last she lay down and rolled onto her right side, she felt the bed move and soon April was snuggled against her back. Scarcely able to breathe, Erica lay there wide-eyed for a few moments that seemed to take hours before April spoke.

"I love you." she stated breathily against Erica's neck as her free arm snaked around Erica's waist and pulled the girl tightly against her body.

"I love you, too." Erica replied as she slowly began to relax into the familiar comfort of having another girl sleep next to her and hold her throughout the night. Sighing contentedly after a few minutes, she soon drifted off into a soothing sleep filled with visions of April making love to her.

She awoke to a familiar feeling. Lying on her back, Erica opened her eyes to see the ceiling as April slid up the front her body, causing her to inhale sharply at the pleasure.

"Good morning, love!" April cooed, almost lying on Erica's prone form. "Ready to have the rest of that talk?"

Clearing her throat, Erica smiled and then gasped as she felt April's hand slide up her thigh. "Um... talk?" she asked, still not fully awake.

"Yes." April said through a smile. "About you and I? About what we might do with one another? Together? Alone?"

Slowly recalling the previous night's discussion, her mind was ripped apart by the exquisite sensations April was inflicting on her. "Oh, April!" she gasped. "That feels..." Gasping again, she couldn't finish her thought before April lowered her lips down to Erica's, kissing her passionately as she let her fingers glide gently and slowly all over Erica's sensitive skin.

"I know." April answered happily as she ended the kiss and her fingers drifted places no one other than Faith had ever touched. "I was thinking about what you were telling me last night... about Faith?" She paused a moment as Erica shuddered with pleasure. "Are you going to let her take you?" Giving the poor girl a chance, April slowed her sensual assault and just let her free hand come to rest on Erica's slender waist.

Recovering the use of her lungs, Erica gasped and breathed heavily for a moment before looking up at April. "Um... do you want to be discussing her now? While we're... um..."

"Making out?" April smiled.

"Yeah! I mean... yes, while we're making out." Erica stammered.

Kissing Erica again even more passionately, she felt the helpless girl's fingers comb through her dark naturally curly hair, sending shivers down her own spine. "Oh, yes!" she sighed. "Do you want me to stop?" she asked.

"No..." Erica admitted, "...but maybe you should, so I can actually think!"

Laughing throatily, April rolled off her captive and lay next to her smiling. "Alright, party pooper!" she jokingly grumbled. "You win! Admittedly, I was trying to fix the decision."

"What do you mean?" Erica asked, furrowing her brow.

"I mean..." April explained lovingly, "...that I was going to make love to you, so you can make love to Faith when you see her at Thanksgiving."

"What?" Erica squeaked. "Why?"

"Because I love you, stupid!" April giggled.

"You love me stupid?" she asked confusedly.

"Yes!" April agreed. "I love you so much you become stupid, apparently!" Giggling until Erica finally joined in, April was happy to feel Erica's hand slipping into her own. "Seriously though, I... I don't want you to have any hesitation when Faith wants to take things to the next level. I... I want you to." she admitted.

Again she asked, "Why?"

Exasperated, April groaned. "Why? Because I love you and want you to be happy! I want you to be able to feel the joy she can give you without feeling so... so guilty about it!"

Rolling away from April, Erica gave voice to her shame. "I should feel guilty. She's my cousin!"

"And you love each other." April added. "What else matters?"

"Why doesn't it bother you!" Erica snapped. "It should! Even if she wasn't my cousin, it should bother you that I want to make love to another woman!"

Sighing, April rolled onto her back. "I'll admit I'm a little jealous."

"See? So then why..."

"Because I'd rather have ninety-nine percent of you than none at all!" April shouted. Calming down, she rolled back to face Erica again. "Erica, you love Faith. Nothing is going to change that, and I know it. So I can either have part of you, or none of you. Some of someone as special, beautiful, and wonderful as you is better than none."

Caught off-guard by the depth of love April was demonstrating, Erica swallowed hard. "You really love me that much, April?" she asked.

"Yes." she answered quickly and simply.

"And Faith being my cousin..."

"...doesn't bother me one bit!" April smiled. "I know, at first I thought you were both pervs, but then I saw how much you actually love each other. It's... it's beautiful, Erica!"

Smiling lovingly, the moment was shattered with April's next statement.

"Actually it's kinda hot!" she added. "Taboo! Like... like incest porn only..."

"April!" Erica shouted with an indignant look on her face.

Cracking up, April began laughing so hard she soon had Erica's serious countenance cracking to a smile, then giggles, and finally full laughter at her side.

"You're sick!" Erica giggled.

"I know! I am!" April admitted through laughter. "I'm so demented!"

Slowly, their giggles faded as they looked into each other's eyes. April moved first, propping herself on one arm as the other hand reached out and caressed Erica's cheek. "Seriously, I just want you to be happy. She makes you happy. Nothing else matters."

"You matter." Erica corrected her. "I don't think I could ever deserve you."

Moving closer, April let her hands drift down across Erica's soft breasts before roaming lower. "You don't have to deserve me, honey. We deserve each other." At that, she leaned down and they resumed their passionate kissing as April at last got her heart's greatest desire.

They finally became one.