Link: Lost Faith Title Page and Description

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Enjoying the ride in her aunt Heather's limousine, Erica was finally much more comfortable in her fantasy. Now fully immersed in being Erica Hargrave, she relished the view out the window, watching the countryside blanketed in snow glide by them. After a while she realized they'd been driving for far longer than the trip back to her aunt's home.

"Where are we going, Aunt Heather?" she asked innocently.

"Into town." she replied flatly. "I want to get you some things you'll need."

"Oh." the young girl responded. "Can I get my own toothbrush?"

Heather laughed. "Of course, sweetie! We'll also get you some clothes of your own so you don't have to keep borrowing Faith's."

"Mamma?" Faith asked. "What are you going to buy for her?"

Her mother answered nonchalantly. "Just some basics... underwear, day clothes, boots, a coat, toiletries... that sort of thing." Noticing the worried expression on her daughter's face, she shook her head and laughed lightly. "Oh, sweetie! Stop assuming the worst! They'll be nice... and pretty!"

A look of relief washed over Faith's countenance. Meanwhile, Erica felt like the butt of some joke she didn't get, her old life as Eric all but forgotten as her mind tried to blot out the numerous causes of pain that tormented her. Turning back to look out the window she smiled at the beauty surrounding her.

Driving for nearly an hour, the bare countryside started making way to more urban surroundings. Entering the city of Berlin, Erica noticed women wearing much more modern clothes and started to fret over her appearance. Looking over at her aunt Heather and Faith settled her nerves somewhat, seeing as they were as finely dressed as she was herself. "Aunt Heather? May I ask where we're going?"

Heather answered vaguely. "To a shop that does special order clothing, sweetie." Turning down another road finally led them to a small white building that looked more like someone's private residence than a business.

Faith finally brightened up. "Oh! We're going to Miss Fuller's shop!" she chirped. Looking over at Erica she smiled. "You'll like Miss Fuller! She's makes any clothes you can imagine!"

The car pulling to a stop, Heather corrected her daughter only slightly. "Well, she doesn't make everything, dear. She special orders many things. However, she does make special occasion dresses and other specialty items. She is, after all, a seamstress by trade."

Fredrick got out and opened their door, the three ladies exiting quickly. A cold breeze sent shivers up Erica's spine as they walked up to the front door, noticing a few people on the street giving them looks as they went in. Blushing, Erica entered last and was glad to be out of the cold, and the gaze of strangers. Looking around, it looked like the living room of someone's home, but with a front counter installed. Hand sketches of many different dresses, suits, and outfits decorated the walls, in addition to several large plants and a few chairs, giving the feel of a doctor's office or similar local.

She caught the sound of the small bell chime as the door closed, drawing the attention of the proprietress. "Just a minute!" she called out from somewhere upstairs. Footfalls coming down the steps, Erica finally saw the woman as she descended.

"Mrs. Hargrave! And Faith! So good to see you again!" The woman was marginally heavyset and round, but cheery and pleasant. She wore a simple dress of blue cotton with an apron draped around her neck that wasn't tied in back. Pins were stuck through the front of the apron in various places, and a pair of shears hung out from the front pocket. Her round face smiled at Heather, framed with brown curly hair pinned back behind her head.

Reaching the bottom of the steps, Janet Fuller noticed the third member of their party. "Well! Who is this, then?"

Heather pulled Erica in front of her. "This is my niece Erica, Miss Fuller. Her parents are both gone now, so she'll be staying with us for some time and I'll need to get her a proper wardrobe."

The seamstress examined Erica. "I recognize that dress she's got on. I made that for Faith just this spring!"

"Yes, she only arrived on Tuesday with almost nothing to her name. Her old clothes were... ruined, so Faith was kind enough to share. I want her to feel comfortable and see to it she wants for nothing from now on."

Janet looked at Erica closely. "My, she is pretty. That red hair really brings out the green in her eyes." Leaning down, she took a tape measure out of her apron. "Well let's see..." She measured Erica's height and other simple measurements before straightening up. "Well, she's very close to Faith's measurements. Do you want a style similar to what Faith prefers?"

"Not necessarily, Janet." Heather shook her head. "Erica is free to pick her own style, like Faith's or not. I just want her to have her own clothes and not feel like she's getting Faith's hand-me-downs. Do you see?"

Nodding, Janet Fuller looked up at the taller woman. "I understand. Well, lets get started then. Follow me, Erica." She turned and walked around behind the counter and led the girl into what appeared to be something like a den redecorated into a fitting room. When Heather and Faith started to enter, Janet stopped them. "You can wait here. I'm sure she'd like some privacy while she changes into a fitting gown." Drawing a curtain that gave them a sense of seclusion, she turned and faced the nervous girl. "Now then. Go behind that changing screen there, take off your dress, and put this on." she ordered kindly, handing the timid girl a fitting dress.

Nervously, Erica walked behind the changing screen and unzipped her dress while listening to Janet moving about the room. Finally down to just Faith's tights, undies, and training bra, she dropped the fitting gown over her head and it settled into place around her. Peaking out she murmured, "Done, Miss Fuller."

"Very well, child," she replied. "Come on out and step up onto the platform." Erica complied, nervously holding her arms across her chest. Stepping up, she watched as Miss Fuller knelt down in front of her and started pinning the simple gown.

While she pinned, the thinness of the fabric covering Erica allowed her to see things that confirmed her suspicions. In a soft tone, she started probing gently. "So, your name's Erica? Is that what you like to be called?" Seeing her nod, she continued. "Well Erica, I can tell you're a special girl." Dropping her voice to a whisper she added, "Don't worry! You're very pretty as a girl! No one will ever be able to tell!"

Erica's eyes grew wide as she realized that Miss Fuller somehow knew the secret of her former life.

Seeing fear in the girl's eyes, she smiled. "It's alright! I understand! You see, my younger sister is the same as you! We all used to think she was a boy, too. Do you like Faith's pretty dresses?"

Nodding some, she wasn't so much afraid as near to a mental breakdown at the challenge to her identity. Trying to shake off the distress, Erica followed it up with a shrug as she finally spoke. "I... I guess. I mean, she has a lot of really pretty dresses, but nothing like jeans or stuff that are easier to play in, ya know?"

A pin sticking between her teeth, Janet nodded back. "Yes, don't I know it! Now hold still a moment." She turned Erica in place and ran a tape measure around her waist, then up to circle her chest, then around her hips. "Well, you're a little larger around the middle than Faith, and I can see you haven't started getting your womanhood yet, but don't let that fret you, dear. Are you taking any pills yet?"

The girl's face scrunched up in confusion. "Pills?" she asked innocently.

"Never mind, dear." She waved a hand dismissively. "Your aunt would know about them. Maybe your doctor wants you to wait until you're older." Finishing with a measure around Erica's forehead, she tapped the girl on the butt. "OK, go and take that gown off and get back into your dress, sweetie. Bring the fitting gown back out with you when you're done. Careful not to pull any of the pins out or stick yourself!"

Tentatively going back behind the screen, she cautiously removed the gown and laid it aside. She could hear whispering near the door as she donned Faith's dress once more. Just as she was getting to the point of needing help, she overheard her aunt Heather.

"No, Janet. She won't be doing any of that. Her being Erica isn't permanent. Just a coping mechanism."

She stiffened her back as she realized they must have been talking about her. Not permanent? I am Erica Hargrave! I am! And I always will be! Anger rising, she came back around the changing screen. "I'm almost done, Miss Fuller. Would you help me with my dress?"

Moving quickly back to the girl, she smiled. "Sure, dear! Let me get that for you." Closing up the zipper, she quickly retied the sashes into a pretty bow. "There! All fixed again! So let's go out and look at some styles and we'll get you all situated. OK, sweetie?"

Raising her chin defiantly, she followed Janet back out to her office, sitting on a couch. Heather and Faith joined her a moment later; Erica moving slightly away from her aunt as she sat next to her.

While the seamstress was in the back getting her stylebooks, Heather could feel Erica's anger coming off the girl in waves. Realizing she must have overheard their hushed conversation, she closed her eyes and chastised herself for being so careless. Gathering her composure, she was more determined than ever to make Erica feel welcome in her home, however she needed to be at the moment.

Clearing her throat, she tapped Erica on the shoulder and tried to sound just as loving as though Erica was her own daughter. "Erica, sweetie? I've been thinking about school. Do you want to go to regular school, or would you prefer to be home-schooled? Whichever you chose would be fine with me."

Erica was still fuming, but slowly became conflicted. She talks about me like I'm going to change my mind about who I am, but she obviously loves me and wants me to be happy... She looked at herself in the mirror that made up the entire wall opposite her and once more was satisfied to see the ghost of her young mother staring back at her. Her new hairstyle perfected the image and made her anger toward her aunt melt away. Aunt Heather didn't have to treat me to a makeover. She must have done it because she loves me and wants me to be Erica... why else? Maybe I misunderstood. Clearing her throat, she smiled weakly up at her aunt. "Whichever you think is best, Aunt Heather. I trust you."

Hearing Erica put her fate in her hands, and seeing the anger wash away, Heather smiled back at her sweetly. "Alright. If you don't mind, I'd like you to stay as close to me as possible for a while. Would you mind being home-schooled? It means harder work than public school, and you won't meet many children to make friends with, but you'll learn a lot of things they won't teach in school; things you might enjoy more! I'll get you any material that interests you that isn't already in our library. Would you like that?"

Erica's weak smile was replaced with a happy one as she nodded. "I know Faith goes to regular school, but I think I would like to stay home with you for now." Pausing, her smile dropped as she built up the courage to ask her a question. "Aunt Heather? May I have a special dress just for school time? The kind girls wear in private schools? I know it's kind of silly, but I like the idea. I think it would help me stay focused on schoolwork more, even though I'll be at home."

Stunned, Heather's breath caught a moment before she smiled and took a tissue out of her purse to dry away the forming tears.

"Did I say something wrong?" Erica's eyes widened. "I don't have to get a school dress! Honest! I'm happy with anything you let me have!"

Her aunt shook her head in denial. "It's not that, sweetie. It's just that... that's the first time you've called this place 'home'! It just makes me happy to know that you can feel like this place is your home!"

Listening quietly to her cousin and mother, Faith saw a lull in their conversation and asked curiously, "Mamma? Do I have to keep going to regular school too? May I be home-schooled like Erica?"

Her mother finished dabbing at her eyes. "Well, I suppose it would be alright. Since I'll be setting up schooling for one of you, two wouldn't be any harder. I am worried that you won't get enough social interaction not going to school, but for the time being, and since you're both in the same grade, you can go to school with Erica at home until next year. We'll set up a part of the library for you two to study in. How does that sound?"

Faith smiled and hopped up and down in her seat. "Oh, thank you, Mamma! May I have a school dress, too?"

The two looking at her expectantly, Heather gave in. "I suppose it would be alright. We'll talk to Miss Fuller when she comes back in, alright?"

As if on cue, Janet came out from the back. "Well, I got a few stylebooks and we can go through them and see what you like, Erica!"

"I'll also want to see about some school uniforms. I'll want to order several for both of the girls."

Janet smiled a toothy grin, seeing that this was going to be a lucrative day with her best customer. "Alright then! Does the school have specific requirements and colors? They usually do."

She shook her head and explained what their plans were to Janet while Erica and Faith looked through the stylebooks. Within thirty minutes Erica was once more in the fitting room to try on a few off-the-rack dresses that Miss Fuller had on hand in her size. She was used to seeing girls wearing jeans and shorts, but now that she had the opportunity, she found them unappealing and in fact made her uneasy, too close to boy's wear.

Three hours later, after a trip to the local department store for nightgowns, undergarments, shoes, boots, jackets, a few skirts, matching blouses, and some clip-on earrings that Erica seemed to like, Faith tapped her mother on the elbow as they were making their way back out to the car.

"Mamma? Halloween is this Sunday and Erica's going to need something to wear. We're still going to the Halloween party, aren't we?"

"Why yes, dear." Heather nodded. "Honestly with all that's been going on it had slipped my mind." Turning to Erica she asked, "Is there something in particular you'd like to go as, sweetie?"

Erica fidgeted as they walked, unsure of her answer. "Well... what are you two going as?" she asked tentatively.

"I'm going as a nurse this year!" Faith beamed. "Mamma's going as Glinda, the Good Witch. I was gonna be Dorothy, but I changed my mind."

Looking over at her aunt, Erica blushed. "If it would be OK, could I be your Dorothy, Aunt Heather?"

She smiled as Fredrick opened the car door. "I would love for you to be my Dorothy, sweetheart! Fredrick? We'll need to go back to Miss Fuller's before we head home."

The three talked in the back of Heather's limousine while Fredrick drove them back to where they'd started. Janet was surprised to see them again, but thrilled when she learned that the Dorothy costume she'd made for Faith wasn't going to go to waste.

"I'll have to make a few adjustments to fit Erica's measurements, but the rest you can take with you now. I'll have the dress ready by Saturday."

Heather nodded. "That will be fine, Janet! I'll have Fredrick come get it when it's ready."

Her eyes bulged as she remembered something. "Oh! I wanted to tell you! I was able to order all the school dresses you wanted for Erica and Faith from the outlet I buy from! They'll be delivered Monday morning! My son will be running a few errands for me up that way, so I can just have them brought to you as soon as they get here and I've cleaned them! Now, let me go get the accessories for that costume!"

It took a few minutes to re-fit Erica for Ruby Slippers, the ones purchased for Faith being slightly too small. Janet had substitutes in many sizes, but they were all tap shoes. "It's really the only call for red glittery girl's shoes!" she commented.

"I guess they'll have to do." Heather shrugged. "We don't have time to order anything and get it by Sunday. Go ahead and put them on my bill, Janet."

She grinned at yet another sale. "Alright then. I'll see you girls later! And Erica? You look lovely, dear!"

Wearing one of the off-the-rack outfits that they'd bought from her earlier, Erica looked down at the pretty white long-sleeved blouse with lace around the high neckline and the long black pleated skirt and black ankle boots. "Thank you, Miss Fuller." Erica blushed.

Between herself, her aunt, and Miss Fuller, they had settled on a femininely conservative look for most of Erica's wardrobe. Mid-calf A-line dresses and skirts with a simple style and older cut would make Erica look a little older than her true age of twelve. It was what she told her aunt was the reason she liked them. That it was her mother's preferred style, the real reason Erica had pushed for it over Faith's objections, she'd kept to herself.

After they'd left and were headed home, Erica looked over at her aunt. "Would you mind if I ask you a personal question, Aunt Heather?"

Looking at her niece, she furrowed her brow. "You may ask, but I may not answer. What is it, sweetie?"

Erica looked down at her skirt. "I really love my new clothes and everything else Aunt Heather, but... isn't all this a little bit expensive?"

"My parents were very wealthy, Erica." Heather blushed. "While I never intended to need it, when they passed on, I inherited quite a lot of money from them." She looked out the window as she continued. "After I graduated college, I worked as a therapist. I helped people with their problems, overcoming their fears, and with getting over severe trauma. I enjoyed my work and continued it for years after Faith was born. Your uncle Richard loved being a 'stay-at-home father' and retired from his job."

Her tone turning melancholy, Heather continued after a short pause. "When he left for active duty again, I knew I had to make Faith my highest priority while he was away and took a sabbatical from work. That's a kind of long vacation." she explained on seeing Erica's confusion. "When he... when he didn't come home, I just never went back. I never needed or used any of the money I'd inherited, so it had grown to more than I would ever need, or even likely spend, in this lifetime."

Looking out the window, mirroring her aunt's posture, Erica's voice turned sorrowful. "I'm sorry if that made you feel sad, Aunt Heather."

She looked at her niece and smiled; her eyes damp with unshed tears. "It's fine, dear. I just miss your uncle Richard terribly at times. The point is, you need never worry or fret over what I decide to buy for you, sweetie. You let me worry about it!"

"Mamma is very generous." Faith added. "She gives a whole lot to people that need it. Don't you, Mamma?"

Her mother dried her eyes with a handkerchief. "It's not something to brag about, dear. If you give charitably, it should be private or anonymous. If people know how charitable you are, then the accolades become your reward. The real reward should be doing what you know to be right... helping people. My reward should be in the next life, not this one."

She flumped back in her seat. "I wasn't bragging, Mamma. It just makes me proud of you."

Heather explained to the two girls. "Yes dear, but I don't want you two to share that fact with others. I only tell you so you'll know how you should use your wealth when you grow up and it becomes your responsibility."

Faith conceded. "Yes, Mamma."

The remainder of their trip back was spent in near silence with only the hum of the engine and the road vibrations filling the void. Pulling up to the house just after five, the sun was getting low in the sky and the temperature was dropping quickly.

"Alright you two." Heather ordered as they got out. "I want you to help bring Erica's things in, go upstairs, get clean for dinner, and be down by six. Understood?"

The two practically ran to the trunk of the car as soon as the door was opened, eager to take everything upstairs even if they had to carry them all themselves. Making their way up the stairway to their room, Fredrick behind them carrying the majority of their things, Faith turned to Erica.

"I still think the dresses you picked were too grown up, Erica. I'll look like a little girl compared to you... and we're the same age!"

Erica shrugged as they reached the upper landing. "I just think I need my own style. If I wore dresses just like yours, everyone would think I don't have my own clothes. Besides, I like the dresses I picked! Yours are prettier, but I think mine are more... well... more me!"

Opening the door to their room, Faith waited while Fredrick placed the packages and bags on the bed and left, closing the door behind him. The two then spent the next twenty minutes unpacking everything and another half an hour re-organizing Faith's wardrobes to fit it all. When at last they finished, the sun having already set, they ran to wash up and barely made it down in time for dinner.

Cook brought out their dinner of lasagna and steamed vegetables while the three chatted about the upcoming holiday.

Faith fidgeted with her feet under the table. "Mamma? I think I want to change my nurse outfit a little. Can I change it to be a therapist costume?"

"Therapists don't wear anything special, dear. Just normal clothes."

Her daughter looked disappointed. "Oh."

Erica looked at her cousin. "I think nurses are just as important as doctors, Faith. Without nurses, doctors couldn't do their job."

The reinforcement cheered Faith up quite a bit. "I think so, too!"

"So... there's a Halloween Party?" Erica moved on as she turned once more to her aunt. "Where is it, Aunt Heather? Here?"

"It's at a neighbor's house." Heather answered as she placed her napkin on her lap. "The Dempsey Ranch. They have seventeen acres near Lake Francis. They have a lovely ranch house and barn near the lake and enough grazing area to keep a dozen ponies. Every year they throw a Halloween party for invited guests. Your uncle Richard was very good friends with Mr. Dempsey, and his wife Emma and I grew quite close in that time."

After Cook made her way back into the kitchen, the three bowed their heads in prayer. This time however, Erica found herself really praying; her anger at God feeling distant, as though it were part of a dream. When she said, "Amen." she smiled genuinely and waited for her aunt to begin before starting herself.

Making her way through dinner, she tried to remember why she'd been angry with God in the first place. I have a beautiful home, pretty clothes, and a family that loves me. Why was I mad at God? She wracked her brain, trying to remember, but it just wouldn't come to her. Finally shrugging her shoulders, she finished her dinner just as Faith was about to clear her plate.

Heather was even more worried than before. While she watched Erica eat, she noticed that her niece was different. She seems too happy... as though she's retreated so far into her fantasy that she doesn't even remember who she is or what her problems have been. After they finished, Heather waited while her daughter and Erica were unseated, then made her usual way to the loveseat. When the girls approached her, she motioned to the couch for them to sit. The firelight mingled with the gaslights to cast a somber mood over the room.

"What is it, Mamma?" Faith asked.

"Tomorrow is Friday." she began. "I'll be out of the house for some time, taking care of some things that need my attention." Looking at Erica, she watched her reactions. "I need to set up for you to begin home-schooling after the holiday, and I'll be gone until dinner time. In the interim..."

The lights came to life with a flicker, having never been switched off.

"Well, then!" Heather let out a relieved sigh. "Back from turn-of-the-century living!"

Faith jumped off the couch. "Hurray! The power's back!" she shouted gleefully.

While Fredrick began dowsing the gaslights, Heather resumed her discussion. "Please sit back down, dear. Thank you. Now as I was saying, in the interim I want you two to help Franchesca set up your study area in the library. Make sure you have plenty of workspace for books, papers, writing utensils, everything you would have at your desk at school."

"Faith? I'll be going to your school to collect your things and let your teachers and principal know not to expect you Monday. I want you both to be on your best behavior tomorrow. Do what Franchesca and Cook tell you to do and help out with whatever they need. Now that the power is back on, they'll be very busy trying to catch up on work they've not been able to do these last two days. Any questions?" she asked.

Erica raised her hand. "Aunt Heather? May I take some time to go on the internet tomorrow? I won't take too long. I promise."

Heather nodded and smiled. "Of course, sweetheart. Just ask Franchesca."

Smiling back, Erica said, "Thank you, Aunt Heather! I promise I'll be super helpful tomorrow!"

"Alright, give me a kiss and then off to your room. I'll be up in a while to tuck you in."

After the two girls kissed her, they practically ran upstairs, laughing and talking about the Halloween party. "You'll see, Erica! It's so much fun! They do dances, bobbing for apples, the apple sack race, pin the wart on the witch, and they tell ghost stories! They also have a pumpkin patch, a hayride, and you can feed apples to the ponies and even ride one!"

Erica smiled, but then had a thought as they reached their room. Her smile melting away, she asked hesitantly, "Faith? You said they do dances. That's just for the grown-ups, right?"

Shaking her head, Faith dropped onto her side of the bed. "No, it's for everyone!"

"Um... Faith? I... I don't know how to dance!"

Faith stood up again rapidly and looked at her with a stunned expression. "You're kidding! Everyone knows how to dance!"

Dropping onto her own side of their bed, Erica shook her head. "Not me. I never learned how. I was going to learn this summer because I knew there were school dances once I got into Middle School, but there weren't any in Elementary school, so I hadn't learned yet."

Half-forgotten memories of her mother Erica promising to teach her how to dance before she got sick flitted into and out of the child's mind. Unable to reconcile them with her life as Erica, she dismissed them quickly. One thing struck her as odd though. In her memories, her mother was telling that to her daughter, not her son.

"Oh... OK. Well, I can teach you! It's not that hard!" Getting up off the bed, Faith went around and practically dragged her cousin out into the middle of their room. "So you put your left hand on my shoulder and put your right hand out like this." Faith demonstrated the position and then waited for Erica to mimic it. Switching to lead, she took Erica's right hand in her left and gently placed the other on Erica's hip. "OK, now look down at our feet. We'll do a simple box step to start."

After a few minutes, and several instances of colliding feet, Erica smiled as Faith danced her in a square while singing 'Daddy's Little Girl', the song she'd learned to dance the box step to.

"This is fun!" Erica almost squealed.

Faith stopped. "OK, so that's the easiest step. Let's try the waltz, 'cuz they do that a lot at the party. Same basic idea, but you hold each other different and you turn as you go." Moving into the closed position, Faith slipped her arm fully around Erica's waist, making the younger girl blush at being so close. After a few false starts, Erica was following her cousin in circles around the room to Faith humming 'The Blue Danube'.

Sitting on her side of the bed, Erica was winded from the experience. "Dancing is hard work! I feel like I've just run the quarter mile!"

Her cousin dropped on the bed next to her. "Yeah, but you get used to it. We better get our baths going though, before Mamma comes up and sees we aren't ready for bed!"

After separating and taking her nightgown across the hall, Erica relaxed in the tub of the guest bathroom. Just as she started to scrub, she was imagining being at the party and someone asking her to dance. Suddenly her eyes shot open and she sat forward. Quietly, she whispered to herself, "Oh my God! It'll probably be a boy that wants to dance with me!" Her excitement at looking forward to dancing at the party vanished in a heartbeat. I just can't dance with a boy! she thought. It would be... gross!

Finishing her bath quickly, she dried and dressed, sullenly making her way back to her bedroom. Now terrified at the looming party, she considered asking her aunt if she could stay home and give out candy to trick-or-treaters, but realized that her aunt had already spent the money for her costume and it would be rude to back out now. Sitting at the vanity to brush out her hair, she tried to think of what she should do. Before she could formulate an idea, Faith came out and joined her.

"Are you OK, Erica?" Faith asked, seeing the worried look on her face.

Sighing, Erica turned around in the seat. "I thought of something in my bath. If I go to the party, boys will ask me to dance!"

Faith tilted her head in her usual way. "Of course! That's the whole idea!"

She resumed brushing her hair, this time rapidly in frustration at Faith's lack of understanding. "You don't get it Faith! I don't want to dance with a boy!"

About to say something, Faith closed her mouth and puzzled over the situation. "Oh. So you only like girls then? Like Aunts Jenny and Brooke?"

Blowing a breath out discouragingly, Erica looked off at nothing. "I think so? Maybe? I don't know though, ya know?"

Her cousin began combing through her own hair. "Hmmm. I think we should ask Mamma. She'll know what to do about it."

Standing and heading to the bathroom to brush her teeth, Erica sighed once more. "I guess you're right, but it's kind of embarrassing."

A short time later, just as the two started climbing into bed, the expected knock came from their door. Heather opened it slowly and drifted into the room, smiling at her girls. "All ready for bed?" she asked.

Faith looked to her mother. "Mamma? Erica has a problem, but she's embarrassed to talk about it."

"Faith!?" Erica growled through gritted teeth as she shot her cousin a glare.

Holding up her hand to forestall an argument, her aunt interrupted. "Now Erica, I'm glad Faith told me... and you should be, too. I can't help you with things if I don't know anything's wrong, now can I?" She then asked delicately, "Would you prefer to talk to me about it in private?"

Erica shrugged. "No, I guess it's fine. Faith already knows. It's just... well... Ugh!" Overcome with embarrassment, she dropped back onto her pillow and covered her face with her blanket and sheet.

Having none of that, Heather walked around the bed and pulled the blanket down, exposing her young niece's face once more. "Now Erica, you have nothing to be embarrassed about! You can talk to me about anything, sweetie! You know I love you and only want to help you, however I can. So tell me... what's bothering you?"

Pinching her eyes closed tightly, she took a deep breath and gathered her courage, venting out her problem in one rapid sentence. "Faith told me that there would be dancing at the party and I told her that I didn't know how to dance so she taught me how and it was a whole lot of fun so I was starting to really look forward to it but then when I was thinking about it I realized that it would be boys asking me to dance but I don't like boys that way and so now I don't even want to go but I know you already bought my costume and everything so I know I have to go and now I just don't know what to do!"

Her aunt mulled over the issue, taking a moment to parse out the whole of Erica's longwinded explanation. "I see. Well then, that is a problem, isn't it?" Looking at her niece, she then asked point blank, "So... you don't like boys. Do you like girls?"

Erica wanted to crawl under the floor to hide. Instead, she grabbed her pillow, turned on her stomach, pulled the pillow down tightly over the back of her head, and nodded vigorously enough that Heather could see her nodding, even through the pillow.

Smiling knowingly, Heather looked at her buried niece. "Oh! I see! Well that's nothing to be embarrassed about, sweetie! Come here." she ordered.

Slowly, Erica crawled out from under her pillow and turned to face her aunt. As Heather pulled her into a loving hug, she rocked her niece gently in her arms and stroked her hair. Seeing an opportunity to help the child through some of her trauma, she formulated an idea.

"You remember Aunt Brooke? Well, she was your father Jack and my husband Richard's best friend! Now, you know she doesn't like boys, right?" Feeling Erica nod, she continued. "Well, did you know she went to dances with them and would dance with them both? She especially liked dancing with your daddy, Jack. She danced with him after your daddy and mommy's wedding."

Unbelieving, Erica leaned back and regarded her aunt. "She did?"

"Yes!" her aunt smiled. "Just because you dance with someone, doesn't mean you have to like them a lot. Lots of people go dancing and end up dancing with total strangers, and they still have a good time!" Heather could almost see the girl's thoughts rolling around her head, the child not even aware that she had managed to sneak in the fact that Jack was her father, Erica was her mother, and the consequence of both; that she wasn't Erica Hargrave.

Something about what her aunt was telling her refused to compute. She understood the words, but the idea refused to gel. Shaking her head to clear out the confusion, she changed back to the original subject. "So... even if a boy asks me to dance, it's still OK, even if I don't like boys?"

Heather nodded. "Yes, sweetie. Dancing isn't an invitation to date, it's a harmless social activity. You're still very young. I'll keep an eye on you. Does that help?" She hoped that the thought of dancing with a boy and bringing up dating would start to force the child's natural masculinity to finally reject the notion of being a girl, thus starting to break down the fantasy of being her own mother.

Her niece started to shake her head, like she'd just eaten something she found revolting. "Alright, Aunt Heather. I guess, if you say so."

"See?" Faith beamed. "I told you Mamma would help!"

Her mother released Erica and stood. "Alright, prayers and bed, ladies." Seeing both of them close their eyes and pray silently, she watched her niece most closely. Seeing that she still had a worried look on her face, she felt she could almost guess what the young girl was praying for. God, please don't let any boys ask to dance with me! She smiled knowingly as she waited from them to finish.

Seeing them both open their eyes and say "Amen.", Heather waited while they lay down and covered up. Kissing her niece on the forehead, then going around the bed to kiss her daughter the same way, she finally moved to the doorway and clicked off the lights.

"Goodnight, girls. Sweet dreams." she said softly.

"Goodnight, Mamma." Faith said through a yawn.

"Goodnight, Aunt Heather." grumbled Erica.

As the door closed, Erica closed her eyes and started to imagine what she would do at the party if a boy did ask her to dance. Her first thoughts were to punch his lights out, but she made herself imagine dancing with him. All it did was leave a sick feeling in her stomach as though she'd just devoured a rancid lemon. No matter how she tried to see it, she just couldn't see herself enjoying a dance with a boy the way she had with Faith.

After a moment, her thoughts drifted and the boy was replaced with April. A smile crept across her lips as she imagined April dancing the whole night with her... sweeping her across the floor over and over with Erica following her lead.