Link: Lost Faith Title Page and Description

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Faith heard a faint knock on the door. "Come in, April." she said dismissively, thinking that she had decided to keep an eye on her through the night after all. Walking back into her bathroom, she called back over her shoulder. "I'll be out in a few, alright?"

Entering as Faith closed the bathroom door, Erica waited patiently. First sitting at Faith's vanity, she decided that if she really wanted to test herself, she should sit on Faith's bed. Moving quickly, she sat down and waited again. As she lingered, she began to think that maybe it was too explicitly sexual to be sitting on Faith's bed in nothing but a robe and nightgown. She was about to move back to the vanity when Faith came out.

"April, I was hoping we'd get a chance to talk." Faith began as she came out, not looking at her guest. "I wanted to tell you that Erica and I..." Looking up, and seeing who was sitting on her bed, she jumped. "Erica!"

"What about us?" Erica asked shyly.

Quickly tiptoeing over to her, Faith lowered her voice to a conspiratorial whisper. "Erica! Are you crazy? What are you doing here!? I thought we agreed being alone together was a bad idea! What if April comes in?"

"She sent me here." Erica stated calmly. "What were you going to tell her?"

"I..." Faith moved closer to Erica, stopped, turned away, and wrapped her arms around herself. "I was going to tell her that you and I were OK and that she didn't have anything to worry about. Now I'm not so sure."

Erica slowly stood and walked up behind Faith. "Hold me?" she asked.

A tear of frustration rolled down Faith's cheek. "I... I can't! Don't you understand, Erica? If I do... I... I don't know what will happen!"

"Neither do I," Erica replied softly, "but I know I missed you, that I love you, and that I want to hold you and know that everything is going to be OK between us." She placed her hand on Faith's shoulder. "Please?"

She turned around slowly. They were still very close in height, Erica only half an inch taller. Looking up slightly into Erica's beautiful green eyes, Faith tried to speak, but words wouldn't form. Her mouth moved inarticulately as she was overcome with desire.

Erica slowly opened her arms and wrapped them around Faith, pulling her in tightly. "I... I missed you." she whispered.

Tears flowed down her cheeks like running water. "I missed you too, Erica! Oh God, did I miss you!"

They stood there holding one another for what seemed like hours. Neither of them speaking, they just reveled in the comfort of each other. Finally, Faith's tears stopped and she stepped back. "I... Erica I... I still want you." she warned. "You should go."

"Never." Erica replied. "I will always be here for you, Faith. As God is my witness, I will."

Pulling back, Faith's face hardened. "I... I don't believe in God." she said. "Not anymore."

She stepped back and sat on Faith's bed. "Why? Because life got hard?"

"No! Because if God was real and loved me, He wouldn't let me feel like this!" she nearly shouted.

"Really?" Erica challenged her point. "You think that God just goes around making people feel whatever He wants them to feel? If that were true the whole world would be one giant paradise! But it's not! It's messy, complicated, and full of mistakes! But they're our mistakes Faith! Not His! He doesn't condemn us... we condemn ourselves!"

"See? That's why I can't believe in Him! If He is real, he's a sadistic bastard that likes watching us suffer!"

Shaking her head sadly, Erica almost laughed at how similar Faith's words were to her own thoughts when she was twelve. "We make our own choices, Faith. You, me, Mamma, April... everyone. We chose to be kind or cruel, generous or greedy, hateful..." She paused to rise and walk over to Faith. "...or loving." She leaned in and kissed Faith tenderly.

Moaning as she felt Erica's lips once more, she slid her hands around her cousin's waist, then pulled back, carefully taking Erica's robe tie into her hands. Pulling slowly, she undid the knot and released it, letting Erica's robe fall open. Sliding her hands up over Erica's shoulders, she pushed the robe gently off, letting it pool at Erica's feet. Looking down, she drew in a breath at the stunning beauty before her. "Oh God, Erica! I... I don't think I can stop myself! I... I want you too badly!"

Erica took Faith's hands. "Then I will. Where you're weak, I'll be strong. Where I'm weak, you can be strong." Erica moved them over to sit on her bed. Looking into Faith's eyes, Erica smiled. "I love you, Faith. I want you to be happy, and God loves us both and wants us to be happy. If I have to let you take me tonight to prove it to you, I will. Gladly."

Looking at her cousin, the smile she saw warmed Faith's heart. She wanted desperately to just push Erica down on her bed and take her, use her, and love her. When she tried to move though, she found she couldn't. No matter how badly she wanted to, she just sat there and stared at Erica, frozen and powerless.

Tempted to leave, Erica paused and sat on Faith's bed, extending a hand to her. "I... I want to talk to you... about April."

Feeling a pang of jealousy, Faith pushed it aside and took Erica's hand. "Um... OK. What about her?"

Trying not to hurt Faith's easily bruised feelings, Erica chose her words carefully. "I... I love her, Faith... and she loves me. So much so that she risked losing me to you, made me come to you tonight, just so I could be sure of what I really want."

Swallowing against the fear, Faith looked at the beautiful girl sitting on her bed in nothing but a sexy nightgown. "So then... what do you want?"

"You." she began. "Your happiness, most of all. I... I couldn't stand if I hurt you... but... I love April, too. I know she loves me and don't want to hurt her either, but it seems that no matter what I chose, one of you gets hurt."

Sighing sympathetically, Faith looked down at her sadly. "It's OK, Erica. You should chose April. Mamma would never let us be together, anyway. I... I'll be alright. I mean, we'd still be family."

Gripping Faith's hand, Erica shook her head. "It's not that easy, Faith. I love you and want you, just as much as you do. That's not just going to just go away, for either of us. If it was, it would have happened years ago."

Tempted to drag Erica into bed to finish what they'd started earlier, to cross that line, Faith made herself pull her hand away. "No, Erica. You can't. We can't. You can have a future with April. A family. If we..." Collecting herself at the thought of Erica and her having a family of their own, Faith forcibly shook the image from her mind. "We just can't. I can't let you lose April! Not again! I love you too much to let you lose her!"

"Either way, I won't lose April." Erica shook her head happily. "She's already told me that she'd be there for me no matter what I decided, even if it was just as a friend. So really, it just comes down to what I really want... and if you still want me. I... I know being with me would make life harder, for us both, but if you're willing to endure the hardships, then so am I. We can move to another state! We could get married in nearly half the country where it's legal! I... well, I'm still legally male... for now... so even that can't stop us!"

"Erica!" Faith whined. "You're forgetting about Mamma! She'd never give us her blessing! We'd move out of state and never see her again! You just got her back! I can't do that to you!"

Sighing fatefully, Erica saw that Faith wasn't going to budge. Suddenly a thought that ran through her head that made her giggle slightly. Before she realized it, she found herself saying, "Too bad we..."

Faith sat next to her quickly. "Too bad we what?" she probed.

Shaking her head dismissively, Erica smiled. "Nothing. Just a stupid idea. It would never work... it never does."

Now almost begging, Faith began to insist. "Please! Just tell me!"

Rolling her eyes, she sighed. "OK, fine! I was thinking that if you could be happy with having me only when I visit, knowing the rest of the time that I'm with April, and if she could be happy that way, it would 'magically' solve everything. See? Stupid idea, huh? People try it all the time, but it never works out. Jealousy's a real thing!"

Without the slightest hesitation, Faith nodded. "OK. I agree."

Smiling at her, Erica sighed. "I'm glad you understand. I knew you would never seriously consider..."

"No." Faith interrupted. "I mean, I agree to the idea of sharing you with April... if she's willing, that is."

Stunned at the sudden reversal, Erica shook her head. "No, Faith! Weren't you listening? People have tried this before! It always ends badly! No! Besides, April would never agree to that!"

"How do you know?" Faith debated. "You thought I would disagree."

Thinking how to argue that point, Erica paused before answering. "Because she loves me and..."

"...wants you to be happy." Faith interrupted. "So much so she risked losing you to me by making you come here tonight. Sounds pretty selfless to me." Changing tactics, Faith pressed the point. "She obviously isn't freaked out at the idea of you and I being a couple, even though we're cousins. Do you think you picking me over her would make her stop loving you?"

"No." Erica answered hesitantly. "That's why..."

"So what makes you so sure she wouldn't agree?"

Unable to answer, Erica shook her head. "Faith... you know I love you. I know you love me, too. Do you still want me?"

"Of course I do!" Faith admitted freely.

"Then forget that stupid idea of mine and..."

"It's not a stupid idea, Erica!" Faith continued her argument. "It's a wonderful idea! We should do it! Don't you see? It's the only way you'll ever be truly happy! I can't let you give up April for me... but I couldn't stand the idea of hurting you by rejecting you... and I'd be happy to see you happy with her!"

"It won't work, Faith." Erica sighed. "Eventually you'd resent April's time with me... or April would resent my time with you."

Silence hung between them for almost long enough to become awkward. Eventually Faith asked, "Will you hold me like you used to?"

"Of course!" Erica smiled as she lay down on the bed and waited while Faith crawled up next to her so they were facing one another. Extending her hand until Faith took it, the two intertwined their fingers together and smiled back at each other happily, if somewhat nervously as though they were thirteen all over again and sharing their last night in bed together.

Lowering her voice to a whisper, Faith asked, "If I tell you something, do you promise not to get mad?" Seeing Erica nod and smile at the shared memory, Faith shook her head. "No you have to promise!"

"OK, I promise not to get mad!" Erica whispered.

"I think you're beautiful! I'm glad you came to me tonight!"

"Faith? If I tell you a secret, do you promise not to tell?"

"I promise! What is it?"

"It's really nice to be in bed with you again. You're kind, and beautiful, and you give me a feeling like I'm the most desirable woman in the world! But remember you promised not to tell anyone... especially not Mamma!"

"I wanted to tell you something." Faith continued. "I know why you needed to go away. I've wanted you almost the entire time I've known you. I've dreamed about you. Felt you taking me... loving me... and I you. Sometimes, before you got your own room, I would lie awake at night and hold you as you slept and pretended we were married. You've been the star of nearly every sexual fantasy I've ever had. I think that's the main reason why Mamma sent you away." Faith gripped Erica's hand a little tighter as she scootched closer. "I am. Curious, that is. About being with you. About what it might be like."

Erica's smile never faltered. "Faith, I love you. More than I could ever say."

Noticing that this time Erica didn't say 'But', Faith's breath caught. "Erica... please don't tease! I... I don't think I could stand it if you rejected me!"

"Who says I would, Faith?" Erica responded breathily. "I meant what I said. If you want me, and taking me is how you want me to show you how much I love you... and how much God loves us, then I'm yours to have."

Remembering something from the night her mother split them into separate rooms, Faith took on a serious tone and changed the subject slightly. "I've wanted to tell you something else for some time. Remember when I told you that I turned you on and you said you weren't a perv? It hurt that you said that... because I was turned on and it made me feel like a perv for it."

"Oh, Faith!" Erica sighed. "I'm sorry! I was a stupid little girl and thought that you'd hate me if I admitted the truth... that I was attracted to you... and still am. I was so scared that you'd get mad at me again!"

Scootching closer, Faith was now so close that their clasped hands were touching both of their breasts at the same time and their faces were only inches apart. "I remember that night you promised never to leave me."

"Sometimes I wish I hadn't." Erica admitted. "But then I never really left you... we were separated. I no more left you willingly than I left April willingly. Besides, I think in the end it was for the best. We both needed that time. To see if what we had was real or just..." She paused and leaned in until her lips were less than an inch from Faith's. "I think five years is long enough to tell that what we feel isn't just a childish crush."

Leaning forward to close the gap, Faith let their lips gently brush against one another. After a moment she smiled. "I like this! I... I think I could be happy just having you like this every once in a while. Just to know that you love me this much... trust me this much. That I could take you and nothing or no one could stop me. That for this moment, you're really my Erica. You have to ask April about your idea. The worst she can say is 'no'."

Sighing in resignation, Erica nodded. "OK... I'll ask." looking up with a smile, she added, "You know what?" Seeing Faith shake her head, Erica continued. "This... what we have right now? It was worth what it took to get us here. God does know best!"

Rolling Erica over, Faith cuddled up against her back, her arm draped over Erica's slender waist and her hand nestled between Erica's perfect breasts, gripping her nightgown like she used to do. After a short time they fell asleep like that, Faith waking several times just to see that it wasn't a dream, that Erica was really there and loved her. This is enough... and it was worth it! she realized, running her hands over Erica's smooth and perfect body. Relishing the sensuous way her cousin responded to her touch as she slept, Faith knew then that no matter what else she did in life, that loving Erica was not only right, but the way things were meant to be.

Just before six, Erica awoke out of habit. Faith was sound asleep and she didn't want to disturb her, but knew that their night had to end. She knew now what she wanted out of a relationship with Faith. It had never been just about sex; it was about intimacy. The closeness, shared affection, and love... the true romantic love they had for one another... sweet and beautiful. Turning over to face her, Erica luxuriated in the feel of Faith's arms wrapping around her waist and her legs intertwining with her own.

"Faith." she said just above a whisper.

Her eyes slowly fluttering open, she smiled and pulled Erica tightly against her, letting their bodies do what they yearned for. "Good morning, love!" she moaned before kissing Erica slowly and sensuously once more.

Closing her eyes, Erica relished the adoration Faith showered on her. Having had major body image issues for years, it was beyond flattering to have a beautiful young woman so desire her that even the fact that they were related couldn't stop her need to have her. When Faith's tongue slid past her lips, she yielded to the intrusion willingly, reveling in the feel of unbridled passion while Faith's hands roamed up and down her back delicately, making every nerve in her body tingle with desire.

Feeling her breasts press firmly but delicately against Erica's, Faith moaned through her nose and began running her hand down over the slightly younger woman's rear. Caressing the skin through the satin panties that were all that stood between her fingers and Erica's blissful release, the nightgown having ridden up in the night, she knew then how desperately she wanted Erica. More than ever in her life. Pulling her hips tightly up to Erica's with their intertwined legs, she was nearly overcome with the passion.

Suddenly aware of how serious they were getting, the two stopped and looked deeply in one another's eyes. Each seeing the desperate desire of the other so obviously, but knowing if they went any further they would cross an invisible line from cousins to lovers, they both made themselves turn away from the burning ache in their bodies that was screaming for them to cross that line, consequences be damned.

Backing off slowly, Faith continued to caress Erica's exposed skin and kissed her gently once more, letting the fire in her belly die down to a slow ember. When as last Faith's craving for Erica's body began to be sated, she slipped her legs free and pulled her arm back to herself. "I... I want more, but I can be happy with just this... for now!" she smiled.

Erica's breath was still deep and deliberate, each intake of air trying to stem the tide of need in her own body. "I know what you mean, Faith." she gasped. "I... I've never... never been so tempted to let someone have me as I am right now! I want you to take me! To use me for your pleasure!"

"But?" Faith intuited Erica's hesitancy.

"No... no buts, Faith." she smiled. "If you want to take me, you can. I'll... I'll let you. I love you that much, even though I want to wait."

Tempted nearly beyond her ability to resist, Faith began to move forward again, ready to roll Erica on her back, strip her naked, and spend a few hours learning every sensitive part of the woman's body. She would have too, had it not been for the voice in the back of her head screaming at her to stop... to not hurt her beloved Erica that way.

Sighing frustratedly, Faith moaned her need into submission. "No... I, I just can't do that... not yet, anyway. You... you're not ready." Smiling wickedly, Faith slipped her body up against Erica's sensuously once more, sliding her legs up and down Erica's smooth skin. "But the second you are, nothing is going to stop me!"

Smiling back at her, Erica loved the feel of Faith's tempting flesh against her own. "Good! I promise, you'll be the first to know!" Pausing a moment, the young woman's smile turned mirthful. "OK, maybe the second!" she giggled as she pressed her own body up against Faith's, letting the smooth satin of her nightgown that covered her breasts slide over Faith's chest once more, causing her cousin's body to shudder in need. Running her fingers through Faith's blonde curls slowly and seductively, Erica was barely able to make herself stop.

Disentangling from Faith's loving embrace, she slowly slipped out of the bed and retrieved the discarded robe from where Faith had let it drop to the floor. "I love you, Faith." she said just above a whisper. "More than words can ever express! When I'm ready, I fully intend to show you just how much!" At that, she slipped out the door and back to her own room.