Bridges 36

Chapter 36

Two weeks later…

“Uggh…!” I push away from the kitchen table when Brandon comes in with Ryan and several take out bags.

“Ouch.” Ryan says grinning. “That bad?”

I put my palms to my eyes and just try to shake the numbers and the print out of them. I’m nodding. “Yes…that bad. You know how long it’s been since I’ve been in school?”

Ryan snorts. “Oh no way, I’m not touching anything to do with women and their ages or women and their clothing sizes or their weight.”

I peek out from behind my palms. “Coward.”

Ryan holds one of the take out bags so the Chinese restaurant emblem is facing me and bows. “Great Sage say…smart man know when to shut the fuck up.”

I stick my tongue out at him.

He grins. “I’d give you the finger but between my finger and your tongue it’d just be way too much like lesbian foreplay.”

“Ryan!!!” I grab some of my crumpled note papers and throw them at him. He’s laughing and reaching into the bag and he’s throwing fortune cookies and packets of plum and soy sauce at me in retaliation.

Brandon leans over as he’s going past looking at my work and he get’s that frowny face he gets when he see’s stuff that bugs him.

I keep telling you he’s such and amazing guy but he’s also very particular at times and with things.

Like the Chinese food.

Ryan and I are setting things out and they got stuff that’s not real Asian like food to Brandon it’s like tex-mex and actual Mexican…good god don’t get him started on that either. Ryan will eat anything almost scarily so and me well I was in the forces and while I guess I’m sort of girl fussy Brandon’s just…

They bought honey garlic spare ribs and wontons and chicken balls and Brandon bought stuff to cook with it like the wrap for hand made dumplings and potstickers, and shrimp and pork and chicken…okay…he makes these really good potstickers with shrimp and some kimchi…which is Korean and this veggie and pork belly hoi sigh dumpling. And he does this drop dead good tempura chicken.

It’s all Brandon being picky and stuff since he knows how to cook all of this and he says better than the take out place. But the potstickers browned and then served up in this stock with this broth from the shells and heads…and the dumplings are like this sticky-good-fatty Chinese bbq pork and all these almost chow mien veggies in with it to cut the sweet with all their steamed juiciness.

Okay he might be fussy but yeah…yum.

I’d almost swear too that studying and trying to get my brain to learn and re-learn all the stuff I knew and the new things that I need to know now I swear it burns calories and stuff.

It’s got to be the mental stress.

And the hormones.

I wasn’t clipped before my surgery and while I was on blockers and hormones for my transition there’s a difference when they’re gone. Mind you not a lot and the fact that Cass and I conceived is beyond a fluke…Well anyways their gone and all my body is getting is the full doses of stuff now so I’m gaining a bit more weight in the hips and the butt and a little more topshelf and that’s a good thing for me. It makes my shoulders a bit less out of proportion.

And I’m sure I’m starting a bit of sympathy weight with Cass too.

We eat and we take a break from me hitting the books. And we sit down to watch some movies and just hang out. It sounds so simple but for me it’s really still a novelty. I had a few friends in school not many because I was odd enough to not really fit in even though I didn’t really remember why back then and you don’t really socialize like that in the forces you do sort of but just like this, like everyday people it’s something that I missed and I’m enjoying it.

The guys don’t stay for too long and I take my new tablet and some of the stuff I need to study and lock up and head to bed and study some more until Cass comes online.

It completely makes my night when she does.

I mean it’s so strange that I see her come up in my in box and my heart does this little skippy Yay and no matter what the day was like its better by a whole lot.

Sometimes we Skype but usually its voice chat and we talk for as long as we can keep awake unless we’re well getting into some long distance love time.

(Blush.) I’m still not used to online sexcapades.

I miss her so much.

“Cass?”

“Hmm?”

“I’m coming down this weekend okay?”

“Really! That’d be awesome honey I miss you way too much.”

“Me too the host just isn’t the house here without you.”

“I miss home Sam…god I can’t wait to be off this.”

“I so get a bit of what dad must have felt like after mom passed…Cass this isn’t home without you here.”

(Sniffle.) “Sam….”

“I want to kiss you so badly right now.”

“Me too…” I heard her moving on the bed.

“You’re hugging the pillows?”

(Sniffle.) “Y...Yeah how’d you know?”

(Sniffle.) “Because I’m doing it too.”

“You are?”

“Yeah…god Cass it actually hurts being away from you.”

“It does?”

(Sniffle.) “Yeah…”

And it does. It’s not like a huge deep pain but there’s this ache, like a fix actually when you miss the person that you love. You want to touch them and have them touch you…you want to kiss them and have their smell there and it’s just not the same when they’re not there.

It’s just not and you want that so bad it’s like…there and real.

We talk a bit more and we head to bed and I try and study and I try to sleep and eventually do but it’s only meh…I didn’t fall into nightmares but it was like I slept but there was like the edge of a nightmare there.

I’m up early and I make coffee and I have a cup and eat my granola bar and my little pre-jogging stuff take my meds and my vitamins and get my jogging pack and get changed and slip into my corset and lace it tight…I’ve been wearing one for awhile now it’s a surprise for Cass really between the weight I’m putting on in my girly places I want to see if I can slim down and get a bit more of a girly waist.

Okay it might be a bit of I want to look good once I’m in scrubs again too.

And I’ve added another six km to my run as I run in towards town and stop at the gas station and corner store nearest where I’m at and I usually get something that I need there like creamer or milk or eggs or at the very least take a breather and have a coffee with the morning crew opening up and have a pee and head back.

Oh and my lotto tickets.

Yes I buy them especially now since it’s me and Cass. Except well it’s not just me and Cass we have this whole expanded family that I’d be more than happy to share with and help out some and then I’d like to maybe travel once the baby is a bit older too.

Brandon’s up and as soon as the horses see me coming while their outside they run all the way down to greet me as I’m jogging in on the road and they run with me along side the fence all the way back in and they whinny and blow happily as they do and sort of play and that makes me smile.

I never really grew up around horses and stuff even when the old fellow was here and I’m finding that they are growing on me pretty fast.

I turn into Brandon’s yard instead of mine which is the usual now and I see a car there with government plates and Ryan’s getting things put into the trunk. He looks…different than usual with a shave and he’s dyed his hair? And he’s in a suit too.

“Ryan, you leaving?’

“Yep, I got the call.”

“Oh can you say where?”

“No, sorry.”

I go over and give him a long hug and he hugs me tight and lifts me off my feet. “I’m gonna miss you Samantha Chase.”

(Sniffle.) “I’ll miss you too you goof, be careful and come back safe…”

“I will and you…you take care of Casey okay?”

“I will I promise.”

He hugs me a little tighter and him and the driver exchange looks and he let’s me go and gets in and they pull away together.

I’ve never been more sure that Ryan for all his goofy ways and devil may care attitude is part of Canadian Intelligence. It’s been hinted at and he’s never really said a whole lot about it but yeah he had his “Spy on” leaving here this morning.

I’m tearing up and crying a little watching his go. He’s a friend and he’s like a brother to Cass and he’s gotten like that to me too.

I’m sure he’s behind my abuser needing a colostomy bag and a catheter for the rest of his life.

Not a thing to be proud of and yet…it’s a thing that only real friends do…y’know the ones that are like or better than blood.

Brandon’s there and he hands me a tissue and he’s…well he seems all guy about it and quiet but you have to know Brandon there’s different levels of quiet in him. Like Eskimos and all they’re words for snow.

“Come on lets head inside Sam a little breakfast and we can do some riding.”

(Sniffle.) “I don’t ride really.”

“Well it’s time you learned.”

We cook breakfast together and it’s really just a little bit of stuff really hot oatmeal with a handful of granola in it and some walnuts and a drizzle of maple syrup and another coffee.

Then we head out to the barns and we get ready and we spend some time doing a few short rides around the pastures mostly exercising the horses that can be ridden and Brandon has some on lead strings and then it’s letting them back out after we unsaddle and clean them up.

They’re back outside to do horsey things while we clean things up in the stalls and stuff.

I’m really, really sore and that’s even with the saddle pads and the woman’s saddle that Cass uses and stuff it’s yes there…I must have a wretched seat and it’s my legs too and my lower back. Riding has used muscles I didn’t think that I would and so has everything else we’re doing.

But you know what?

When you’re feeling upset and this rescue mare bumps her head into you and stays there it hits you right in this spot inside. And I can feel it unwinding stuff in my brain all morning too…it’s that little girl that’s so been lost in me reminding the big girl me that we loved horsies.

I…I used to love that cartoon Wildfire.

We’re done and heading into the greenhouse when I lean over and I hug Brandon and snuggle my face into his shoulder.

“Thanks…”

“It’s okay.”

“I think I got a little bit of the little me back.”

“Yeah…couldn’t see that.”

“Really…?”

“Even if you don’t have them around most little girls love horses.”

“Thanks still…it might have been a bad morning. Ryan getting deployed and Cass away might have had me feeling a little on PTSD edgy.”

“And that’s one of the reasons I’m building the farm up Sam.”

“Oh?”

“Horses and animals are really good therapy animals and these are rescue animals too so if they help people out then so much the better and once it’s really up and running here I want to get kids and therapy workers in here and stuff.”

“Really, I though this was a rescue farm mostly for the animals and the rest to make some money.”

“It is right now and it’ll take time but I want it for at risk kids, or those with disabilities and have it like an animal shelter too so we can have veterinary students here too.”

“So why, I mean I love it but is there a reason why?’

He actually cracks a smile. “Honestly no…there’s been nothing like this anywhere I lived and there’s nothing like this here. It’s actually just me and Ryan and Cass and the others little ideas of stuff that would be cool and I just thought one night…why not…I’m partway there anyways.”

“Brandon….”

“Yeah…?”

“I’m so, so lucky that you’re going to be the father I know you are…”

He stops and has a really rare Brandon blush and I lean in and hug him really tightly. And there’s some happy tears there too.

This…this is the family that our baby will have…how can I not have happy tears?