Bridges 25

Chapter 25

I’d like to have been able to be one of those people that say that things just went great once they made their decision to transition and I’ve kept my head pretty low really. I really, really wanted to feel complete ever since I came face to face with who I really was. Counseling and research and the daydreams and fantasies are all totally out the window right now.

Cass comes over and she presses her body up against mine and she starts to kiss me…which is awesome but torture too. She smells like her pancakes, sausage and coffee. Tastes like it too. Me…I haven’t had anything but water.

Today’s the day.

My SRS surgery and oh god I’m flat out scared.

I’m mostly a mess really, all disorganized and stuff. I’m not really this way normally and I’m normally pretty good about this sort of stuff. But Cass has me well in hand getting the stuff for my trip and my stay like my clothes and some books and things before we head out in her truck.

Brandon and Ryan are following on their bikes and so are Bobby and Steve and Lacey’s got Jenny in her car. I look as Cass. “Honey can you stop off at the post office? I need to drop off something?”

“Sure honey.” She says smiling over the whole honey bit. We kiss before I get out and there’s just something new to the feel of us. Better…god it’s better because I’m leaning over and she’s cradling my face in her hands as our tongues are sweetly salsa dancing against each other as our lipsticks slide together…oh….Jane’s getting ansy…I break the kiss my nipples aching and I head into the post office and…and…in a short while hopefully she finally be a proper lady…ready to be teased and toyed with and all slutty for my special lady, my Cass.

I smile as I’m thinking about that and I mail by same day post a set of key’s for my house for Cass’s family. I’ll, we’ll be home by Christmas and so will Cass’s family.

I called them the other night when Cass was sleeping. Re-dial’s sometimes a pretty good thing. I’ll be still recovering but we’ll all be there for Christmas this year. The one’s that can’t fit in my place will be staying over at Brandon’s.

Yeah, he’s really okay with that too. I mean he’s our baby’s father. Well I’m the 2nd half of the bio-equation really but seeing as how things are happening and everything I still want to be called Mom, or Mum or Mommy…I get this achy, good, breathy I can’t wait feeling now when I think about it.

I slip back into the truck and kiss Cass again long and slowly and sweetly before she gets the truck back into gear and we head off. “You’re being affectionate honey.”

“Yeah, it’s a bit of nerves and stuff but…but I’m still falling for you Cass…I guess that it’s just a lot clearer now.”

“Since Brandon…”

“Yeah…I mean I still love him, and I’ll always love him but he showed me that I didn’t have to just limit myself to being in love with just him. That my past relationships only had one thing to show me when it came to ours.”

“And what’s that?”

“How amazing you are, that I light up when I see you, touch you, hear you moving around the house.”

“Hear me moving around the house?”

“I love the soft sound of your footfalls Cass. I love the sound of you singing in the bath or humming as you brush your teeth.”

“I don’t sing in the bath…” She’s turning red faced.

“Yes you do, you imitate Ernie sometimes and you sing Rubber Duckie when you’re in a good mood”

“Saaaaamm….”

“I love the sound your police harness makes when you’re kiting up…it’s…you’re so sexy in your uniform Cass you make my nipples hurt and my heart pitter-pat when I
just think of you getting all into everything and that’s usually followed by my wet dreams of me stripping you out of it when you get home.”

“You do?”

“Yeah Baby, I do.”

I shift over in the seat so I can lean against her and just sigh. Decompress and talk as we drive. We go over my leave then the stuff at the hospital and my shifts there. And we talk about the nursery, the baby things that we need and her going off active duty here in town and taking one of the require security positions here when the Olympics starts up. We’re as in Canada and B.C. are hosting the Winter Games this year and Cass can really pull in some serious cash and we’ll be needing that with the baby coming and everything. The good thing is though I own my place outright so that’s a huge expense off our minds.

We stop at the big Petro-Canada station about half way for a pit stop and I get another bottle of water and we pull out then maybe five minutes later I see. More vehicles with us not just Brandon and them but Charles, and Christian and Eli with the truck…All of them… (Sniffle!) they’re all here and driving me into my appointment.

“Ohmygod! Cass look!”

“Yeah, I know…” There’s this smug smile in her voice.

“You!?”

“Maybe.”

(Sniffle.) “See, see why I love you!? No one I’ve been with would have ever done something like this.”

“Well that’s not true, Brandon did most of this. I just mentioned it.”

“He did didn’t he…you and him are really close huh?”

“I’ve got brothers Sam and we get along and stuff but Brandon, he’s the brother I chose to be my brother because he gets me.”

“Your other brothers don’t?”

“Yeah, but with me being a lesbian they seem to sort of think I’m still the tom-boy that used to follow them around. Y’know that I like girls because they like girls. Brandon…he see’s me for who I am more.”

“Oh…”

“It’s more than that too, he’s never really had reliable got your back family. We’ve already gotten to that point and he needs us Sam. As much as you needed him/us in your life he needs us. He needs a real family.”

“I know, I heard him playing the Christmas carols and stuff and he really does want a real family.”

“Yeah, there’s a lot of us that don’t or can’t stand or deal with the ones we have out there so making our own really is the best thing sometimes.”

I look back at “My Family” and I’m tearing up. “Yeah…..honestly this has been the best year of my life Cass. Being found by all of them, by you…it’s all so much beyond any of my dreams. I thought I’d just be this lonely transwoman living out my days in my old house tucked out of the way hopefully passing when I did go into town and trying not to have my PTSD shit send me over the deep end and I sucked on the end of my gun because I couldn’t live like that…either of those things anymore…”

“Well I’m glad that you’re not Sam, my life would have been ruined if you did.”

“Ruined?”

“You’re my soul mate Sam, My soul mate… and if I’d have never met you and we never happened I wouldn’t have actually fell in love for real.”

I turn to look at her and there’s a few tears but she’s smiling, then she’s smiling at me.

I swear she warps reality for the better with that smile. It can’t be possible for someone to be that beautiful right?

God she’s so beautiful.

I’m so lucky.

………………………………......................... Okay I’m a crying hugging people over and over again mess when we get to base. I can’t believe that they dropped work, dropped stuff in their lives to come here for my surgery. Chris and Chuck came all the way from Calgary!

I’ve never had friends like that, people who really give a shit that much in my life. Well no…my folks loved me and there’s people I knew in the forces that even with my transition have been pretty excellent but for awhile there it was a hard sad lonely road. And now I feel so9 loved, so full of love that I’m about to pop.

It takes a few requests to get everyone name tagged and then I’m whisked off to get prepped. I’ll spare you the details about all of that and if you’ve been through any kind of heavy surgery other than the subject matter of the surgery it’s pretty much the same.

It’s a welcome relief that they give me a sedative. Not to knock me out but to loosen me up, take the pre-surgery edge off. Actually a muscle-relaxant I think. The one thing we go over really is me and my psychologist talking to the anesthesiologist simply because of me either going under or coming to…might trigger me for a PTSD moment from when I was wounded in Afghanistan.

That’s actually kind of common. If you’ve been in action and wounded enough you need surgery there’s enough adrenaline in you at the time there’s this freaky heading to surgery trauma that happens. Heck I had a guy I was working on over there thinking it was when he had gotten hit in Golan Heights. I’m hoping it’s not going to happen but we just are being careful. Plus my psychologist and I have a session about the surgery and Cass and the rest of them and mostly it’s just talking about the future until it’s close to the time for me to get wheeled to surgery and Cass is with me until we hit those doors.

“I Love You Sam!, I’ll be waiting for you!”

“I Love You Too Cass!!!”

I’m crying smiley happy and they take a few extra minutes to prep letting me calm down. And they start playing the music…I’m drifting off to The Moody Blues and I can hear the doctor saying. “Alright, let’s get this young lady’s parts back to where they should belong.”

Then comfortable darkness.