I can't beli... sigh nevermind.

I never had any idea that girls had this whole routine on finding the 'perfect dress'. I have to think of it more as a planned pursuit of the fox the dog can't catch. We started at one end of our mall. The mall is a single main floor with Sears at one end and The Bay at the other with various stores and businesses in between. The basement has 2 more retail places, an insurance place and a medical doctor. Beside that is the bowling alley with the archaic arcade. No really its old they have pinball machines that work, a Mrs. Pacman, some cd shooting game with the one controller always broken all in a room that is smaller than my bedroom. Beside that is another room with 2 pool tables then the bowling alley that does not rent out shoes. Ive played the games there more times than I can count.

The main concourse has one restaurant that used to be a Salisbury House but got bought out years ago and is now just called Sals. Yeah so original. The most popular place in the whole mall is the comic book/ gamers paradise called Geeks. They frown upon people reading comics before you buy them. Spent a fair amount of time in there as well as sitting outside at the folding tables where you can get into a good game of Magic The Gathering if you got a good deck. I wish I had my deck and could play as it would be way more fun than this.

We started in Sears and didn't find much as the store is kinda small being mostly a catalog store. You order from a catalog and pick it up later. There is a few clothes mostly underwear, mom says I need more after we get the dress though I have no idea why. The Bay had a few nice dresses and I thought we would be done but nope apparently not. We tried some of the smaller stores but the dresses they had were more for other looks. Sam tried to get me to try on a khaki skirt but I refused. This didn't stop the one sales lady from trying to get me to purchase some other outfits. Mom mollified the girl saying we may be back later to get the outfits.

I hope she was just saying that and not meaning it. I really don't need any girls clothes though the black jeans I saw in the boys isle at one store I thought would be good but the salesman there said they wouldn't fit a girl like me properly when I looked and instead directed me to the same thing, mostly, on the girls side. This didn't stop mom and Sam from trying on this or that outfit, and putting me in some even though I had no interest at all, it was like mom was a kid in a candy store.

Eventually we made it Clara's boutique. It's a mostly fancy dress store, bridal, prom, ball gowns that sort of thing which is why we passed it a few times. Off to the one side was a selection of somber dresses. I guess that even for a funeral women want to look fashionable. Mom and Sam attacked the racks pulling out dress after dress as Jason and I stood back. Even though the dress was for me to wear I was quite happy to not get involved. Mom did call me forth to lay this or that dress against me along with Sam. A few I said no to right away. The skimpy black skintight dress with a single shoulder strap was a definite no although from the look I caught on Jason's face he would now dream about me in that stupid thing. Thankfully the sales lady kicked him out of the store after that. It was just creepy the way he kept looking at me.

After Mom and sis had picked out 6 or 7 dresses for me to try and two each for them we were led to the back of the store to the larger changeroom. Thus I got to see my mother and sister in there underwear while we helped each other get changed. Mom and Sam found that they liked the one dress style they found that was in both their sizes. The one they decided for me was similar enough. I stood there with my arms folded over each other. I made it plain I was not enjoying this at all. Not that mom put up with it for long as she slapped my arm to put them down at my side and twirl. I felt so stupid it was not funny. They tried to get me to try two other dresses on but I put my foot down.

"This one will do right?"

"Well yes Belle it's nice but you should really try.." mom began.

"Fine lets get it and get this done with I'm tired of this crap."

"Belle language!"

"I'm BILL remember mom!"

"Oh ...right.. we are done." she said sheepishly. She forgot again. I just rolled my eyes. Sam giggled of course. I took off the dress and tossed it at mom before I turned and walked out of the changeroom. The saleslady who had been outside the entire time stopped me before I had walked more than three feet out of the change room.

"Ms. Thorne you seem to have forgotten something." she said while holding up her hand in front of me. I looked down to see my self clad in black bra, black panties, and tan nylons. Opps forgot to get dressed first.

"Uh..thanks."

"Not to worry my dear but if it was not for the news I would swear you are an regular attractive girl Ms. Thorne. Welcome to the fair sex my dear. Have you decided on a dress for the Peter's funeral?" I went a little pale at that revelation. Being recognized has it's downside. I said yes so she followed me back into the changeroom where Mom was helping Sam who was leaning against the wall being supported by her good leg to check the fit of the dress they had decided on. The saleslady, whose name happens to Ms. Smyth with a Y not an I thank you very much, call me Pam, walked over to help mom and Sam. I got told to support Sam and they did a few remarks of take in this or that. I zoned out truthfully before I was directed to put back on the dress I had tossed to mom earlier. I was also twirled around and had the dress pulled here and there. They talked behind my back as I stood there with my arms held out straight from my sides.

When I was finished I got changed back into the skirt and top while they got a very tired Sam changed and into her chair. I pushed her out into the store proper while they finished with whatever they were doing back there with Mom's dress this time. We waited for mom and Pam to make an appearance.

"Thank you Bill."

"Sure no problem. Uh what am I being thanked for?"

"Retail therapy is just what I needed." Sam said as she yawned and melted into her chair. This gave me time to ponder what retail therapy was. Nope no clue.

"What is retail therapy?" silence.

"Sam?" still no answer so I walked around to the front of her chair which took a bit as I had to go around a rack of bridal gowns. When I did, I saw a site I rarely get to see. A smiling Sammie with her head tilted to the side. Of course the arm cast and chair kinda ruined the picture but still it was a genuine Saskatchewan Seal Skin Binding smile. Now where did that saying come from. I pondered this with my finger under my chin for a bit. Oh well it will come to me eventually. Still she looks so cute like that its hard to not smile in return, darn dust in my eyes again.

Mom and Pam eventually emerged on the far side of Sam's chair deep in conversation before I could navigate back around the racks of dresses, I got lost, and found them.

"...be ready at about 5 pm. I'll put a rush on it for you as I know you and your girls wanna look perfect for tomorrow."

"Thanks Pam. Are you sure though I feel I should pay you for your time.."

"Think nothing of it my dear! Having you Belle and Samantha advertizing for me is more than thanks enough." Advertizing? What advertizing?

"Moooooommm?"

"Hi Belle you wouldn't believe our good fortune. Pam here has agreed to give us a discount on our dresses because your so well known! Isn't that wonderful! Say thank you to Ms. Smyth dear for your dress. Sam?" She just did a little snore so I put my finger over my mouth.

"Uh thank you Pam."I blushed while looking at the floor. Why did I just do that? I'm a guy! Why would I even thank someone for a dress I shouldn't need or want to wear? I need some serious gaming to cure me of these girly habits. Maybe a buzz cut? Nah last time I got a sunburn on my head.

Mom paid for our dresses and said she would be back around 5 to pick them up. I was still puzzling the thoughts when I pushed a sleeping Sammi out of the store falling into old habits. I was surprised when there was no Jason waiting for us. Not that I have feelings for him, well bad ones, but I figured since he was all but drooling earlier getting rid of him would be a lot harder. Thank goodness for small miracles. Mom of course wanted to go shopping for more stuff ie shoes and lingerie. I asked why since these shoes would be fine, meaning my flats, when mom gave me this look like I was insane or something. With a sigh I followed her into the Payless shoe store where after trying on 6 different pairs of black shoes with heels in various heights, and warding off mom and the saleswoman's insistence on extra shoes we left with a still sleeping Sammie. Us a bit poorer and mom looking a little put out that I only got the one pair of black velvet 1 in spike heels. I'm sure I broke some sort of girl rule by doing that but hey I'm not a girl.

Sammie did wake up when we hit the bump in the doorway of Sears to go get some lingerie. The looks I got when I asked why I couldn't just wear one of their slip things was bad, really bad. I hung my head and followed along as I knew at that point whether I wanted some or not I was getting more girly underwear. Mom even bit her lower lip when I asked how we were paying for all this stuff. I didn't get a real answer but I somehow got the impression that this could cause problems in the future.

"Felle!"

"Eeeeeek!" I so did not just scream like a girl! It was just a reaction to being surprised any guy would do the same. So much for being rid of him.

"Well hello again Jason and uh?" mom started which made me turn around. Standing beside Jason was this expensive looking woman. I mean she looks expensive, her clothing fit just so and everything about her just radiated class. I felt like I was dirty somehow just looking at this woman.

"I'm Jasmine Striker. Young Jason here is my favorite nephew and godson." I could almost see her grabbing his cheek with her hand but she didn't.

"Fanty fiss is Felle's mofher and fif is her fister."

"Hi"

"Pleased to meet you" mom has this look like why are you talking to us. I can sympathize really!

"An fiss is Felle." that rat said while pointing at me.

"So this is the girlfriend you got pregnant?" Oh shit!