Bridges 31

Chapter 31

“Samantha…Samaritan Chase…do you take this woman…”

“To Have and to Hold…
To Love, Honor and Cherish…
In Sickness and Health…
Through Good times and Bad…
Forever and Always…
Always and Forever…
For as long as you both shall live…”

…………………..

I’m getting changed into my Mom’s wedding dress…some girls like me never really think about those things but I did…I know it as I slip into each bit of white lace and satin, I can feel not just the way I’ve been thinking of this since transitioning but the little girl before the abuse had started with the…I’m not going there, he doesn’t get part of my day.
The little girl me like so many little girls she was planning her wedding in that way that five and six year olds can. One thing I do know is that I knew then I wanted to wear mom’s dress.

……………………….

The music went to traditional piano or keyboard and Cass is being escorted down the aisle by her father. Two big fat tears roll down my cheeks just seeing her. Her hair’s up in one of those regal braided styles and she has ties of white ribbons and lace along with tiny white flowers…a long pear necklace draped over and over and her dress is her mothers but very reshaped…Cass is very much more blessed up top than her mother…there’s a lace trimmed low cut to the front that shows her amazing cleavage and just nestles those pearls.

Add in the built in corset and that gauze skirting and the long train…she looks like every dream I ever had before I knew I was really me…I’d actually likely have told you that I’d never be that lucky.

………………………………

“And now; Casey Cavanaugh…do you take this woman…”

“To Have and to Hold…
To Love, Honor and Cherish…
In Sickness and Health…
Through Good times and Bad…
Forever and Always…
Always and Forever…
For as long as you both shall live…”

The ceremony is the same except Brandon gives me away and holding a portrait of Mom and Dad he says “We do.” when he’s asked who’s giving me away.
Oh Brandon…! I’m blinded by my tears that…that Cass steps up and wipes away right there before we’re even done like it means more…like I mean…
It was one of those moments where that person you love more than anything changes the way that your heart beats.

……………………………… “Hey Sam?….Hey Sammy…”

I blink even still at the reception playing things back and getting lost in it and my heart making these pitter patter happy sighs to itself. I look over to Ryan who’s grinning. “C’mon still a bit more fun to be had.”

I roll my eyes but I’m smiling. “What have you got cooked up now?”

“Oh wasn’t me it’s Casey’s Mom and her brothers. Seems our girl has always wanted fireworks for her wedding since she was little. Brando and I talked to the fire fighters here while inviting the and…”

“It’s not going to spook the horses?”

“In the barns with lots of treats and some soothing music and Eli’s boys.”

He leads me over to where Cass’s Dad…Craig’s standing up with his glass of whisky.

“Everyone!, Everyone I’d like to ask that we get our coats and boots and some fortification and we head outside!”

Ryan led me to Cass whose got this cute mouthful of fried chicken thigh in her mouth. She looks at me tries to talk to me mouth full can’t because she took a Cass bite.

God it’s those little things that make the heart smile right?

She looks at me, then at Ryan. “What’d you two do?”

He gins all the more and let’s me go and sticks his thumbs in the waistband of his kilt and turns and walks away doing this horrible “Toura aloura a ley…..” thing. Ryan’s just Ryan and I’m glad that he’s like that. He’s going to be that uncle, you know “That” uncle. I’m still smiling and watching him go kind of happy. Every family should have a guy an uncle like him.

A Dad Brandon…

They actually bring us some of our wedding and Christmas presents first and the first ones we get are matching really pretty rhinestone and chrome plastic tiara’s. We have fun getting to put them on each other and It’s plastic but I’m in my Mom’s wedding dress and I feel like a princess.

The next is actually white rubber boots. They’re those new ones you see the girls wearing now like the ones with the girly patterns on them now. Ours are white with light blue decals of snowflakes on them.

Cass is befuddled when we get them. “I think we’re going outside and they want us to match our dresses.” I love it when she’s got that gears turning look going o while trying to figure stuff out.

I’m glad we detached the trains though.

The last is these really nice white fleece long parka jackets that have the hoods with the fluffy edging. Really cute and high end and chic. I know these came from Lacey, I’m pretty sure from NYC or something but they go with our dresses and they go with the boots which means Cass and I can still use them all winter and they are really warm.

We all walk outside to the big corral and Chucks there with a long wood grill but he’s got it there for hot drinks, pretzels and roasted hazelnuts mixed with walnuts and chestnuts?

Brandon gets both Cass and I two big hot chocolates and has his own and someone got something playing Christmas music and White Christmas starts to play as there’s this first pop…Cass’s eyes got wide bas the silver sparkler flower goes off.

I pass Brandon my hot chocolate and slip in behind her and wrap my arms around her and gently sway us with the music and watch them with her.

“Your Mom told the guys.”

She’s staring and crying and she’s so beautiful. (Sniffle.) “Yeah…”

“Said that you always wanted fireworks at your wedding.”

“Ever since I was six. After the very first really big fireworks show I’d ever seen….I just…you never get to have those dreams you had when you’re little come true.”

I love the wonder on her face and in her voice too. “I did, I new before things changed for me that I always wanted to be a girl, to have the fairytale wedding, to wear my mother’s dress.”

“Yeah….I know we’re both doing these things we’ve dreamed of too but it just seams so…”

“Like the best dream ever?”

“Yeah…Like part of me now’s showing this to the six year old me that dreams do come true.”

“Yes they do.” I’m rubbing her tummy again. “I think it’s cool that our baby’s here for this.”

“Yeah but they won’t remember this.”

“Yes they will, not like a real memory but all those feelings, all this love and wonder has stuff inside us that make us feel that way and right now they’re surrounded by love and happiness…this’ll become part of then Casey.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, Feelings are just as important as food. Love, happiness, wonder…It’s all got to be a good start right?”

“Yeah…God I love you Sam…”

“I Love You Too.”

It only gets better after that with the way she laces her fingers into mine, the way our rings click and touch, having someone to hold tight…just my special someone… and the fireworks are amazing and there’s a really great half hour of them. That’s good because it’s mild out yes but it’s still winter.

We actually don’t go back inside with the others and we head home. Brandon and the others walk us to the start of my driveway and then Cass and I hold arms as we head to the house and the lights are off when we get there except for a few candles here and there and the Christmas lights.

We take off each others coats and boots and keep the tiaras on. Arm in arms up the stairs to our bedroom where we slowly kiss, touch and caress each other out of our wedding dresses down to our lingerie and slip into bed.

I might be still in the middle of healing from my SRS but under very careful tender touches and tastes and licks and kisses from my wife I’m having my wedding night for real and I’m having a Merry Christmas.

There’s a few moments when I’m engulfed in pleasure and in love I cry happy sweet tears.

God I’m so happy.

I feel like me, really me…who I was meant to be from the top of my head to the soles of my feet and it’s just not that finally being me.

It’s finally getting to be me and getting to be happy.

When it’s my turn I’m more than able to return the favor and honestly…I like being a girl wholly, way better that before even just before when we were together…it’s not like that was bad, not at all it’s just this is me.

We kiss each other, tasting each other mixed in with everything else stay awake who knows how long just doing that and staring into each other’s eyes…it’s romantic to do that just looking at each other just so….until we’re slowly drifting off.

I dream this dream that I’m this little girl and Mom’s there getting me ready in this little version of my wedding dress. Telling me…

I’m beautiful.

That she’s proud of me.

That I’ve always been her little girl.

That I always will be.

Then Daddy’s there and I’m me and I’m on the town Bridge and it’s decorated like for a wedding and he leads me across to the other end.

Brandon’s there, he’s in his white tux…he’s smiling and he points and Craig comes leading Cass to me…

Then it’s snowing and there’s flower petals with the snow and feathers like down falling as we’re kissing and we lace our fingers together and take those first steps together finally crossing that bridge into Our new life.