Bridges 22

Chapter 22

I’m still holding Cass there in the dining room. My arms around her and my hands still on her belly and her hands over mine. I know that I froze for a minute but things kind of start back up as my mind started to process everything.

“Sam…”

She sounds scared. “Yeah.”

“Say something.”

It’s not even something I had to think about. I tighten my grip around her until I’m hugging her tightly and pressed into her back. I move my hands over her belly rubbing where our baby is growing. Cass shivers a bit in my grip and there’s a sniffle coming out of her and I bury my face into her neck and her hair and nuzzle her ear.

“I Love You.”

Cass let’s out this sort of happy sob and she reaches up and pulls on my arms already around her like she’s trying to wrap herself up in me. “I thought…I thought…Y..y..want to transition to be the woman y..yy..you were supposed to be…I was thinking that y..yy..you might not want to have k..kk..kids.”

“I’ve thought about that a lot. It was always in my head that I’d never have children, that I’d never get to be a mother. I never thought that I’d fall in love with another woman either.”

“Did..dd..you want children.?”

“Yes, I think I always did, back then my time as a little girl is still foggy. I mean I had a doll I guess but…I do know one thing.”

“What?” (Sniffle)

“I want our baby.”

“You do?”

“Of course I do. I love you why wouldn’t I want to have a child with you?”

Cass turns around in my grip and faces me she’s crying but she’s likely been crying on and off for most of the day and she’s still just simply beautiful. “I love you Sam Chase.”

“I love you too Cassy Cavanaugh.”

We kiss each other and it’s just that, just us there in the dining room kissing each other softly and gently over and over. It’s just one of those watershed moments in your life you never forget. Finding out that I’m going to be a parent, a mother after my surgery…feeling it really sinking in just how much I love her, just how much in love with Cass I am.

And my life just seems to not gotten more complicated but this happening that’s not the case, if anything it’s like my life’s coming into focus. Which actually makes part of me smile and kiss her some more a little more passionately and like the sun’s coming out I can see her start to smile and I can feel the stress washing out of her as I hold her.

There’s a knock at the door way to the dining room well sort of, it’s kind of an archway as the dining room is like this alcove. Lacey’s grinning at us. “So are the Mommies going to let us eat before the take out gets cold?”

I smile back. “Yeah, that sounds like a good idea.” I turn and smile and kiss Cass. “All better?”

She smiles and returns the kiss. “Mmm-hmm, better than better.”

…………………..We all gather together once all the foods taken out of the bags and we don’t even bother to eat in the dining room. It’s almost becoming a tradition for us all to just put all the stuff on the big coffee table in the living room and we pack the place. Steve and Bobby, Jenny, Ryan, Brandon, Lacey and Cass and I make eight of us and it feels so good to have my house, my parent’s house so full of life and talking and laughter.

We tell everyone the good news right off the bat as if they hadn’t already known well except Brandon and Ryan, Lacey and Jenny both blabbed to Bobby and Steve. Ryan just stuffs his face and said. “Right on Sammy, I guess your swimmers might just be little mermaids with all the girl hormones running through your system.” He gave me a thumbs up and shoveled some how using chopsticks a huge mouthful of chow-mien into his face. It almost came out when Brandon slapped him in back of the head.

Brandon….

He slipped up from the floor onto the couch and he hugged the both of us. “Congratulations you two.” I got a big lump in my throat when he did that and Cass is looking at him. “You’re not mad?”

“No, why would I be mad?... Cass, Sam I love both of you. I think the both of you will be great moms and I think you two both deserve this. It’s a special chance, so we should treat this like one.”

“But what if this changes things between you and Sam?”

“Things are always changing Cass, If Sam and you don’t want things to go no like that have been it’s okay it’s not going to change the way that I feel about both of you.”

I hug Cass a little tighter, it’s a scary thing to say but I say it anyway. “I don’t want you out of my life Brandon, I want things as is…I…I know it’s selfish but I..I ..need you too.”

She leans herself into my breasts and leans her head up and kisses my jaw and cheek. “If its okay with Brandon It’s okay with me honey. I knew that this is the deal when we all got together. We talked about this.”

I kiss the top of her forehead. “But we’re having a baby Cass its different now.”

She get’s up and sits beside Brandon a second and pushes him over the cushions into me so we’re squished side by side making the others laugh. Then she sit’s on my lap and puts her feet over his legs. “See? We work. As is….besides.”

“Besides?” Brandon and I both say it at the same time.

“Sam’s the father and she’ll be listed on the birth certificate as that but…she’s going to be the baby’s mother just like me. I want you to be the Dad Brandon.”

The room went quiet a bit and he’s looking between the both of us. “Sure…I mean I’ll always be in the baby’s life, that’s a guarantee girls.”

“No, I want you to adopt our child Brandon, but I want you to be more than the godfather because you are and not an uncle but their dad full tilt. You think you can handle that?”

I can’t help but to bite my lower lip because that’d be perfect.

He looks at the pair of us again and nods with that bit of a smile of his “Yes, as different as this is I can’t help it I want this…I want to be a father…” he kisses me and the after me he looks at Cass and she kisses him back. It’s even on the mouth and it’s deep and meaningful. I know she’s not sexually attracted to him but there’s love there still.

That actually made the night for me with all of us talking about family and kids and what we were going to do legally to make this work and having a really good time. Lacey snuggling close to Steve, Jenny with Bobby, and eating take out and feeding each other in a three way kind of thing and Ryan digs out one of the guitars and starts to play Christmas songs after we turn down the house light and just sit in the light of our decorations.

It’s a really great night…probably one of the best in my life. I’ve had a lot of those recently.

I look around at the house, and the smells and the decorations and our tree…yeah our tree and there’s this huge fuzzy warm feeling inside as I’m holding Cass and the others are singing and I’ve got my chin on her shoulder our heads together as we listen.

Ryan’s got this kind of Steve Earle thing going, and the boys Bobby and Steve aren’t bad but Brandon actually has the best voice out of the guys but the again I’m biased right. He’s got this light almost Bryan Adams sound.

Cass and I cuddle close and I whisper in her ear. “He’ll make a good Dad won’t he?” as Brandon starts singing.

“Do you hear what I hear?”
“Said the night wind to the little lamb.”
“Do you see what I see?”
“Way up in the sky little lamb…”
“Do you see what I see?”
“A star, a star, dancing in the night.”
“With a tail as big as a kite.”
“With a tail as big as a kite.”

“Said the little lamb to the shepherd boy.”
“Do you hear what I hear?”
“Ringing through the night shepherd boy…”
“Do you hear what I hear?”
“A song, a song, high above the trees…”
“With a voice as big as the seas…”
“With a voice as big as the seas…”

Brandon’s still singing the rest of the song and there’s something just so peaceful and strong and serene about him and I’ve seen him fight and seen how tough he is and then known what kind of guy he is and lover but this, this is just one more side of him that’s new to me and him singing that with Ryan on guitar and Bobby and Steve chiming in on the “do you” lines repeating them just after he sings the just raises the hairs on me in a good way.

Cass has this smile like I’ve never seen and her eyes are shining and there’s tears running down her face but they’re good and happy tears. He finishes and they look through another book of Christmas carols and Cass turns and kisses me deeply and runs her fingers through my hair. “I’ll be back in a bit honey…I...I need to call Mum and Dad.”

“Are you going to tell them?”

She nods wiping at her eyes with her palm. “Yeah, I just have too, I need to talk to them and let them know what’s going on in my life.”

“Including me?”

“Actually they’ve known about you for awhile now.”

“Oh?”

“It was Dad that talked me into getting up the nerve to go down and see you the first time.”

“I’ll have to thank him.”

“Okay, March?”

“March?”

“Yeah, we can go up to visit for a week maybe in March?”

“Okay, that sounds good to me.”

“I’ll be back soon.”

“Okay, Love you. Say hi to them for me okay?”

“Okay….” She does the cute sexy bite her lower lip bashful thing when she says that and she heads upstairs.

I get up and slip into the kitchen and grab my dad’s heavy plaid quilted jacket and his firemen’s boots and head outside. Both are huge on me but there’s a little snow on the ground and some coming down and I head over to the side field where my folks are buried and stand there in front of the grave and smile.

Some one had put up a wreath there and some decorative pine boughs and some plastic poinsettias there. I wrap the jacket around me a bit more and shove my hands into the pockets.

“Hey Mum, Hey Daddy…I just wanted you to know things…things are going good. I’m not alone anymore and the nightmares I think are starting to fade away a bit more. I’m in love…It’s actually with two people. (Sniffle) God I wish you could meet them. I know you’d love both of them. (Sniffle) Cass, the girl I’m in love with…(Weak laugh)…I know surprise! I guess I’m bisexual…she’s great, she better than great actually. She’s pregnant…(Sniffle)…I’m going to be a Mum too…(Sniffle)…You’re going to be Grandparents…(Little sob) I miss you guys so much…”

I’m crying just happy but mourning them too I guess when I feel Brandon’s arms wrap around me and he settles against me and puts my big Tim Horton’s travel mug in my hands full of hot chocolate. I take a sip and it eases that emotional lump in my throat. He gestures with his hand to the headstone.

“I hope you don’t mind.”

“No, no it’s sweet, it’s something you’d do.”

“Sam.”

“Yeah?”

“You know I love you right?” Oh…is this a day for this stuff or what? I’m kind of nervous now.

“Yes….”

He turns me to face him and he kisses me really long and deeply and passionately. It’s that good I do the whole girly lift my leg thing…my dad’s boot’s too big so of course it falls off. Brandon smiles at that as he puts his forehead to mine. I’m getting a bit of a treat because it’s one of his real smiles, not his usual smirk or half smile. I’m getting lost in those hazel forest eyes of his as he’s staring into mine.

“Marry her.”

“Huh…?”

“Marry her Sam, I love you, I really do love you but Cass loves you so much I don’t just see it but I can feel it every time she looks at you.”

“But…But…”

“Yeah, you’ve got a nice butt. I keep telling you that.”

“Brandon!”

“Marry Her Sam, Marry her you both deserve it and honestly…”

“Honestly what…?”

“Cass doesn’t think she deserves the real thing, the happily ever after, that for other people not for her.”

“How do you know?”

“I know the look Sam…the baby, tonight, it’s all good stuff and she loves it, she loves us but she needs you Sam, She needs you more than she’ll ever admit….but she’s willing to settle for good enough.”

“But us…you and me…”

“We’ll still be us, the three of us will still be us. I’m not going anywhere Sam. This is home now. But Cass, all Cass has right now is the baby and our promises…promises that she’s not sure are going to work out. I know you’re head over heels in love with her Sam, she moved in, you wanted her to move in.”

“Y..Yeah…”

“Give her the dream Sam, make it real.”

“Are you sure? (Sniffle)”

“I Love You Both, of course I’m sure.”

He steps up again and kisses me again all perfect and passionately…my heart is aching in a good way, in a great way but it still feels like it’s breaking at the same time. He breaks the kiss and then kneels down and slips dad’s boot back on my foot and them smiles at me when he stands up and heads back into the house.

“Okay…….(Sniffle)…..Brandon?”

“Yeah.” He stops just on the edge of getting to my yard.

“I Love You Too.” (Little sob.)

He smiles and walks into the light of my houses back porch and he doesn’t say it his eyes and that smile say it….

~I Know.~