College Girl
By poetheather
Chap 18

I awoke, my body sore and a desert in my mouth. I groaned as I sat up. I was in my room, with my teddy bear, posters and there was Gwen in her bed sound asleep. I was home.

I got up and headed to the bathroom. My bladder was more awake than I was and insisted that I get moving. I grabbed my shower caddy and left the room. There was no one in there, which was a bit odd, but I figured that it must be early in the morning. I had no idea what the time was as I hadn’t even looked at my clock.

I washed my hair, and checked my legs and face. Both were a bit scruffy so I shaved them quickly. I did want to look my best tonight for the semi-formal. I was nervous. With the way things had gone I was almost afraid of what might happen. I felt like I was in freefall with all of this. There was basically nothing that felt like my normal life. I had been spending these weeks groping for some sort of understanding, but was life really that convenient?

I dressed in a simple sundress. I didn’t want to go through too much work to get ready tonight. I grabbed my journal and headed for my favorite chair, the one that looked out the large window. I first went in to see if breakfast was ready. There was no one there and he was confused. He looked and saw that it was 5:30 in the morning. No wonder nobody else was awake.

I headed to the chair and sat down. I had a lot to think over and maybe the journal would help. I had helped to clarify some things earlier and maybe it would do that this time as well.

I was still tangled up over the whole thing with the House. I wanted to be there and that was despite the clothes I had to wear. I liked the women of the House and I really wanted to stay here. When I was in high school I had to deal with the fact that I had no real friends. Bullies learned to leave me alone after I had brought charges against them a few times. But I had been locked into my locker at least once, dumped into trashcans and punched a few times.

So far what had happened in the House came down to misunderstandings. But those were actually worse. I had been really hurt when Sandra ordered me to leave. Was it because I really did care about the women here? Probably. I mean, these people were liking me for who I was. It didn’t matter what I was wearing I was still myself, for the most part. Or was I?

I really didn’t know anymore. I was trying so hard to be the girl they wanted me to be that maybe I forgot to be me after all. I thought back. That was indeed part of the problem. I was letting myself slide away in an attempt to please these girls. I sighed. I had to either stop this or to take charge of it to make myself. I thought long and hard over this. I could hear some of the girls stirring and the sounds and smells of breakfast being cooked. I liked it here, it was nice. Maybe I could talk to Meredith and Nadia and try to come up with a plan?

What would that mean though? Was who I was that different than who I was? Wait…did that even make any sense? I closed my journal and got some breakfast. The eggs and hashbrowns were tasty. She enjoyed the rye toast. It was good and the coffee helped to perk me up some more.

I went over and told Nadia and Meredith that I needed to speak to them. They both looked a bit surprised at that and maybe a little worried. I didn’t think they needed to be but that wasn’t my call.

They met me back by my favorite chair. Nadia started off, “What’s up?”

“This whole thing, the Rush and the recent events have made me really think about things. I think I am losing who I am in all of this.”

“Do you want to stop then?” asked Meredith looking over at Nadia.

“That’s the thing, I don’t know. I love the House and all of the Sisters. You have all been so nice to me overall and that is different for me. But am I just some sort of experiment for you all, just some sort of means to have a little fun with someone? Would I have been chosen if I hadn’t tried to force you into a law suit?”

Nadia looked thoughtful. “I don’t know. A lot of the Sisters here like you. They have even been talking about who should be your Big Sister. It may have started off as an experiment but it soon went beyond that. But would you have been chosen without the legal threat…I don’t know.”

“Caitlin…you have challenged a number of ideas that Sisters of the House have had. You, not someone else. Just by trying as hard as you could and by being yourself you have made people question what they think about gender, about Sisterhood and about what the ideals of the House really mean. You have actually been making this House a better place.”

I blushed a little. It was flattering. “I haven’t tried to do anything like that. I have simply tried to follow the rules of the agreement.”

“Yeah…but you didn’t have to try that hard. Everyone has noticed that you have gone above and beyond the terms of the agreement. You haven’t become someone the House would have to worry about; you seem to becoming someone the House would be glad to have. The other girls have mentioned that.” Nadia shrugged. “They like you. How you are now, with all the dressing and attempts at becoming more feminine, have made the girls actually make sure I knew that they wanted you. But how you were before…not so sure.”

“What is so different now?” I was actually curious and was interested in her answer.

“Well, honestly, Richard was a dork and a pain in the ass. You seemed so self righteous that it was disturbing. Sandra thought letting you in, with all those limitations would break you.” stated Nadia.

“I think it did, but not in the way she thought. I kind of like dressing this way. That was completely unexpected. I like how people are treating me now. I am not being ignored or overlooked. I like that. It is unexpected though.”

“Caitlin, you have been incredible. You have adapted to this really well and that is one of the reasons I love you. You actually just roll with things. That is a wonderful trait.” said Meredith. She reached out and patted my knee.

I smiled at her. I really could tell that she loved me. “Sandra asked if I was a transsexual and I am not sure. I am not sure what I am anymore. I kind of like being a girl, but I am not sure I want to be once all the time. I miss being Richard at times.”

The two girls looked at each other and were obviously thinking about what I had told them. Nadia spoke first, “Do you get a sexual charge out of dressing this way?”

“No.”

“Do you feel more yourself dressed this way?”

“No, not really.”

“Have you always thought you were born in the wrong body?”

“No.”

“Does dressing this way relax you?”

“No. I mean, sometimes I actually get emotionally jammed up because of this.” I replied.

Nadia and Meredith looked thoughtfully again. I really wished I had telepathy. Meredith looked at me and said, “I don’t think you are a transsexual or a transvestite. All I know for sure is that you are you.”

This wasn’t really comforting but maybe I didn’t need a label to make things nice and tidy. My life had never really been tidy, so why should it be now? I did feel somewhat better, but not sure why. “Any ideas about what I can do to feel more like me?”

Meredith thought and thought. “Well, remember how I was telling you to create a history and such. Why not make it your own life but with a gender change? Why not trying to be you instead of trying to be like you think we want.”

“I think I can do that.” I admitted.

“Good. Then things will go well for you. You just need to make sure to take care of yourself.” said Nadia.

I nodded. “I will try, but things have been so hectic that I haven’t really had the time to relax.”

“That can be fixed.” Nadia shrugged as if it were nothing to worry about. “You certainly don’t need any more lessons and now you just have to live the life. So take time to relax.”

Meredith nodded. “See, all better. So why don’t you just relax, take the time to think about things and we’ll make sure you get ready for the semi-formal.”

I nodded. They really were trying to take care of me. Maybe I was too stressed out to be able to focus on things. I needed to relax before classes started or I would certainly fail.

They both left and I got a kiss from Meredith before she disappeared. That was nice. Kissing her was a goodness. I went upstairs and grabbed Rhapsody. I was almost done with the book and couldn’t wait for the next book. The F’dor was a complete asshat and I did want to see it get smacked down.

I finished the book and looked up. It was nearly time for the semi-formal and I wanted to look good. I went upstairs and pulled out my dress. It was nice, cocktail length and really pretty. Gwen had been the one to spot it when we were shopping and it was awesome. It really made my legs stand out.

I was also going to wear a pair of sheer nylons. Those would be nice. I had run them over my legs before and it was so amazingly sensual. But first things first. I grabbed the bottle of solvent and used it to release the breasts.

I took them off, cleaned them like I was supposed to and rested them on my bed. I was naked and had nothing on me. I was Richard again. I turned and looked into the mirror. I could see my whole body. I looked feminine without the breasts, or makeup or clothes. Was this really Richard? Did I really look this way?

I met my eyes in the mirror. This was who I was. True, I was coming across in a different way but this, my body, was mine. I didn’t mind the hairlessness, really. I just wanted to be able to be who I was.

I thought about Alison. She was being herself and was trying to get a Sorority to accept her for who she was. She had no problem letting herself out. Maybe I should let myself out?

I looked at the dress. It was nice and it did fit with who I had become. It was a very Caitlin dress. But was I Caitlin? Was I Richard?

I realized that I was both of those and that I was also neither of them. I was just me and maybe Richard and Caitlin were just masks I wore to be able to interact with the world without screaming. I was getting tangled up with the masks and not me.

Maybe Caitlin would be a good mask. I knew that if I quit and had gone back to being Richard I would have been changed by my experiences. That Richard would be different than the Richard who started this. I sighed, I really didn’t need an existential crisis now, and I had a semi-formal to go to.

I decided that I wanted to feel really secure so I got out the vagina that Merri had made and planned on wearing that as well. It made me feel safer about this whole thing. I turned from the mirror and got out what I was going to wear. I got out a nice lace and satin bra and panty set that I wanted to wear. They looked wonderful and I was looking forward to wearing it.

I put on the latex vagina and got everything tucked and into place. It felt weird, especially as the latex felt quite different than a regular pair of panties. I then put my breasts back on, after I washed their backs. I wanted them to be clean. Once they were settled I put on my panties and bra.

I looked good and there really was no sign that I could be anything other than a girl. That was nice. I grabbed the dress and slid it on. That was a bit awkward but I did it. I shifted it some to get it to fit just right. That took a bit but I managed it.

I smiled at the mirror, I felt pretty and I was looking forward to seeing the other girls. I also was wondering what Alison would be wearing. I was sure it was going to turn some heads. This semi-formal thing was going to be fun.

I got in the car and drove over to the meeting hall. I was a bit early, but I didn’t mind. There were a lot of girls there, looking like they were ready to head off to a fancy party. My dress wasn’t the most elaborate, but it was definitely in the top twenty. That also made me feel good.

Alison came in wearing some elaborate gothic Lolita out fit. It was hot. A lot of the other girls faded away from her and looked a bit disturbed by the outfit. I thought it was outstanding. Alison looked awesome.

I waved and she headed right towards me. Groups of girls moved away, afraid of the goth cooties I guess.

“Hey you, where were you yesterday?”

“I had some personal problems that needed to be resolved. I am sorry I wasn’t here for you.” I really was, but Alison would certainly be able to handle the rest of these girls.

“Okay. I just wanted my partner in crime with me as I faced off with some of the girls. Only one house had people in it that seemed like they wanted to talk to me. So that’s the only one I am heading off to. What about you?” Alison moved her head, like she was nodding out the question. It was different, but I rolled with it.

“I only have one House I am interested in as well.” We looked at each others sheets and we both only had the same House listed and nothing else. I smiled. “Maybe we can end up in the same House?”

Alison raised one eyebrow at that. “Maybe that would be a good thing? We could cause all sorts of trouble.”

I laughed at that. Tonight was going to be fun and Tomorrow night was bit night. I was excited, even though it meant going out with Paul again. But maybe there would be kisses.

We joined our group and headed off for the Houses. Alison seemed a bit nervous but I was relaxed. I knew I was getting in so there really was no stress. This was exciting though. I wonder what the house had in store for us?