College Girl
By poetheather
Chap 15

I woke up entwined with Meredith. It was a glorious start to my second day of Rush week. Getting to see the other houses was really cool and I liked that, despite the country music. I was actually glad that Nadia had managed to arrange for me to do this. It was certainly an eye opening experience.

I hugged Meredith and extracted myself from her embrace. My bladder had woken up and it was a bit urgent. Being in her arms was wonderful but some things were too important to put off. I really needed to pee and slowly wound myself out of her arms.

I padded off to the bathroom. I was happy. Things were actually starting to balance out. Maybe things would work out after all? I was still troubled a little by the kiss, but I figured that a girl kissing a guy was not completely out of the ordinary and I was a girl, for the most part. I really just wanted Merri to tell Nadia about the two of us so we didn’t have to sneak about. I figured everyone already knew, but I wasn’t sure. It made me twitchy.

Paul was a nice guy and if I had to go out with a guy to maintain the proper Sorority look, then I think I could handle it. I still had to come to terms with kissing him, but so it goes. To make this work I had to accept things and move on.

There were a couple of the other girls in the bathroom when I got there. I said good morning and got into the stall. When I sat and started to…well you know…I realized that I hadn’t really stared at one of the girls who had gotten out of the shower and hadn’t gotten her towel on yet. What was happening to me? I didn’t register a pretty girl? And Jessica was really hot, with an athletic body and nice firm breasts. Her ass was magnificent and I didn’t look. What? Why?

Once I finished I wiped, because urine in your panties was gross, and retucked myself. I was getting used to that, so much so that it was starting to feel normal. It really was funny when you think about it. Here I was, a guy, living as a girl and getting more and more used to feminine things. It was kind of laughable, especially when I wasn’t gay or transgendered. I was just amazed at how foolish it was to come after this Sorority. Going after the Country Music House would have worked better.

Yeah, I had learned that lovely piece of information. It was a bit disturbing, but so it goes. I knew I wasn’t that way, at least as far as I was aware of. But I had noticed that sometimes you were always the last to know some of these things. Maybe I was transgendered? After all I never really fought about this whole process.

I got back to my room and lay back on my bed, staring at the ceiling. Today was Day Two of the Rush activities. It looked like it was going to be fun. I was going to have to thank Nadia for helping get me into the Rush thing. I wasn’t supposed to do this, since I already had been accepted into the House. I would never have met Alison without going through Rush and she was definitely cool.

Lunch with her would be fun. I hoped Meredith and Gwen liked her. Those two should be able to get her into the House as they both seemed to have a lot of say in how things were run. It would be so cool to have Alison in here with me. I wasn’t attracted to her as anything but a friend and it certainly felt good. I just wanted to hang out with her and get to know her. Maybe the way I had friendships had changed? What did I think about friends?

It seemed like so much had changed. It was a bit dizzying when I thought of it, but I was trying to avoid stressing over the whole messy charade too much. Instead I had to hurry up and head out for lunch. I dressed casually in jean shorts and a cute blouse. Okay, it was bothersome to know that I was using words like cute but what could I do? All the intense preparation the girls had given me really affected me in more ways than I really cared to mention. And really, how many guys do you think want to know the intimate details of periods, such as clotting, heavy flows, cramps and the like. I certainly hadn’t but I hadn’t been spared that detail either. And don’t even mention yeast infections.

Merri was driving, as usual. She really loved driving and that was why she had a stick shift car. She said that it made her really feel the road more and like she was in control of her car. She was a bit of a control freak, which might explain my life. She certainly did what she could to try and mold my life to her liking, not that I was actually complaining.

We reached the restaurant and headed into the place. Spotting Alison was easy, as she was the only Goth in the place. She spotted me and waved us over. The group of us sat and chatted. I could tell that Gwen was initially thrown by the whole Goth thing, but Meredith wasn’t even fazed. It was a nice sign. I really wanted Alison to be in the House. She was cool and I thought that she would really get along with a lot of the other girls. And since Kerry mentioned about the House trying to be more inclusive, there was a chance.

Gwen really opened up as we talked. The two of them did seem to be getting along well. Merri glanced at her watch and looked shocked. “Uhm…ladies, Gwen and I need to get going. We have to get back and get ready for tonight. Come on Caitlin, time to go. See you later Alison.”

After we got in the car I turned to Merri and asked, “What was that all about?”

She looked confused. “What?”

“The whole thing about us having to leave and so abruptly at that?” That really struck me as being extremely rude. I couldn’t understand why she would do something like that.

“Uhm…Caitlin, do you have any idea what time it is?” replied Merri, cocking her head inquisitively.

I shook my head. I wasn’t wearing a watch so I really had no clue what time it actually was. “No.”

“You have a little more than an hour to get ready and head to the Student Union and we have to hurry back to help finish getting the House in order. I wasn’t being rude, so much as stressed. Ok?” explained Merri.

I nodded. It did make sense and it wasn’t in character for Merri to blow someone off like that. I knew there had to be a reason forher acting that way. “Ok. I’m sorry I misunderstood.”

Merri laughed. “No worries. These sorts of things happen.”

Once back at the House, I rushed upstairs to get ready and Gwen and Merri both headed off to help prepare for the party. I was actually looking forward to this. It would be fun to see the last of the Houses. There were a lot of differences between them, which I certainly hadn’t thought about. I really had thought that they would be pretty much all alike, sort of cookie cutter actually. I loved all the things I was learning through this.

I wanted to again wear something nice. I figured a skirt and nice blouse would be good, so long as they were really casual. I got the clothes out that I wanted and then got out the earrings I wanted to wear, as well as a necklace that went with the earrings. After I got dressed I looked at myself in the mirror to make sure everything was in place.

The fact that I was turning out to be really attractive was disturbing at the oddest times. I wasn’t going out with Paul, I wasn’t seeing my mother, I was simply going out and hanging out with girls from different Sororities. It should be a lot of fun and certainly no reason to feel so…hot.

Why did Merri have to make me look so attractive? I wasn’t sure I could handle the attention from guys. That really wasn’t an issue now, but I had noticed guys checking me out whenever we went somewhere public.

I grabbed my purse and everything else I needed and drove over to the meeting place. Alison was there looking again like Amy Lee. I thought about it and remembered seeing that outfit on Amy Lee in one of her videos. Alley looked great in it. I wondered where she had gotten it. “Hey there Alley. Long time no see.”

She grinned back. “Yeah. It’s been ages. We really need to catch up.”

We both snickered at that and headed towards the rest of the group. The other girls obviously blew us off, knowing Alley was weird and labeled me weird by association. The simple fact that I had already been accepted by a House and that they hadn’t, made their attitudes pretty amusing. I was sure some of them wouldn’t get picked by any house.

We moved as a gaggle, with Alley and I trailing behind, just far enough back to hear some of the catty comments. These surprisingly made Alison smile. “It’s sad that some people can only feel good about themselves when they are tearing others down. Too bad it won’t work on me.”

I grinned at her. I was definitely going to keep in contact with her after all of this, whatever happened. Back at school I had actually gotten along better with some of the more fringe groups like the punks, Goths and Emo kids, even though I fell into none of those groups. I figured that I viewed them all equally. So long as they were decent to me there was no reason to come down on them. And sometimes they were great fun to hang out with.

The first two Houses had nothing special to mention. They were the same old same old. They were older Houses with much more traditional viewpoints. I was glad I hadn’t tried for either of them, as I would have failed. I certainly lucked out by choosing the House I did. The third was my House.

I know it wasn’t mine yet, but I was developing an attachment to it. I realized as the group of us headed up to the House that I totally wanted to be a Sister of the House, whatever it took. I stopped as the realization shook me. I definitely wanted to be a Sister of the House. I was actually willing to make that four year commitment. That shook me. I was willing to do that, to be a girl that long?

Alison had noticed that I had stopped and turned around, giving me a questioning look. I shook my head to clear it and smiled. We needed to get inside for the House introduction by Nadia, and then the fun would begin. I would think about this later.

We got in and stood out by being late. I could tell that Nadia was suppressing a smile as I entered the house or was she. I was still trying to get used to reading faces. I pretended I was new there as I met eyes with some of the other girls of the house. After the House introduction we were all ushered into the dining room for the fun of movie night. I sat with Alison and we were all watching some other chick flick that I hadn’t been subjected to yet.

It was really nice, for the most part. Mostly, what happened was that the sisters of the house were getting drinks and kettle corn for the other girls and we chatted with each other while the movie played. A lot of the sisters came and talked to Alison, which was nice, but I was mostly left alone. This was starting to get me down. Was I being purposely ignored? To hide what was going on?

“So, enjoying things?” asked Nadia, as she walked up behind me. I was a bit surprised.

“Somewhat. No one is talking to me.” I complained.

“Caitlin, we already know you. They are just trying to figure out if they want to ask anyone else to join. It’s not you.” This comforted me and I sighed happily. Nadia giggled a little as she walked off to go talk to some more potential sisters.

I stood there, watching the crowd, trying to figure out what they were looking for. Some of the girls who were real bitches or seemed too involved in their clothes and makeup were somewhat left to the movie as other girls were being chatted up. Maybe this was sort of like getting to know someone you wanted to date? Maybe? I had no clue. I hadn’t exactly been a social expert in High School.

Alison seemed surprised by the interest that she was being paid. Meredith and Gwen were elsewhere, talking to other people. It looked like her idea of what some of the Sorority girls were like was falling apart around her. This did make me smile. I always liked watching people’s preconceptions fall apart.

All too soon we were ushered off to the last house we were going to visit. I was getting tired and I just wanted all this to end. The stress of trying to make sure no one figured out that I was a guy was pretty intense. It had been easy with the girls of the house, they were in on the secret, but I was nervous going out on my own without Meredith or Gwen to help me not make a fool of myself. I was sure that at any minute I would be discovered.

I sighed. If I were going to carry this whole thing off, I would have to be able to go about on my own, to not have a babysitter. To become the girl I was supposed to be portraying would require me to go off on my own. Maybe I was just afraid of finally committing everything to this charade? This would be rough at first but Meredith assured me that the role would become more natural over time. If I didn’t give in to the role, to really try to become Caitlin instead of Richard, I would be found out and that would bring shame and dishonor to the House, my House. I didn’t want that to happen.

As I was sitting through an ice cream social at this last House, I decided. I would commit to being Caitlin until I graduated. That way I could make sure that my Sisters would not have to be ashamed of the risk they took with me. I would be Caitlin and after I graduated I would return to Richard. I wanted to stay in the House and I would become Caitlin utterly to ensure that I could.

A wave of relaxation washed over me as I decided that. Some tension that I hadn’t been aware of holding released and I felt lighter. I was free, free to explore Caitlin more than I already had, free to wallow in girlhood. Hell, my Mom knew about this and was fine. To this Campus I was Caitlin and so I would be the best Caitlin I could be. I would do whatever I could for the Sisters of the House.

I had another spoonful of chocolate ice cream and smiled at Alison. She was looking grumpy as the girls of this house were what she thought Sorority girls were like. I didn’t like them either. They seemed like stuck up bitches. I figured that a couple of the girls in our group would feel right at home. But the ice cream was good. I was again in hot fudgey heaven

We finally finished up and returned to the Student Union. We filled out the House cards, stating which Houses we wanted to be considered for and making comments about the Houses we didn’t like. I only listed my House. I really didn’t want to go anywhere else. Besides, like I would be able to.

We turned them in and the day was over. Tomorrow was a more intensive time with the houses we chose, to better see if we meshed with them. Then Thursday was a semi-formal, no date necessary, thank God. Friday was for the Formal, and I would need a date. Thankfully I had Paul, as we still hadn’t told the Sisters of the House that Merri and I were dating. Maybe I needed to call Paul and see if he was available. The idea of that made me nervous. Calling a guy for a date was not something I had ever considered doing before.

I waved bye to Alison and headed back to the House, speeding along in my Jetta. I waved at the girls as I walked in. They were all crowded into the dining room watching another film. I found a spot near Meredith and got comfortable. She rested her head on my shoulder. It was nice to be close to her.

The film ended and we separated heading off to our rooms for bed. I wanted to stay with Merri, but I did understand. Since she hadn’t told them about us we really had to make sure we weren’t caught. I washed up and got changed for bed. I yawned widely.

There was a knock at the door. I answered it and the House President was standing there. I hadn’t spoken much to Sandra as she was always busy but I had seen her off and on. She looked serious. “Can I come in?”

I nodded and stepped aside so she could enter. I closed the door and sat on my bed while she took the desk chair. I waited, wondering about what the hell this could be about, my heart racing. “Caitlin, I have noticed something and I wanted to check with you. Please tell me the absolute truth. I already know quite a bit. So…what is going on between you and Meredith?”

My head spun and I swallowed hard. I wasn’t sure what I needed to say to keep Merri out of trouble. This is what I had been afraid of. “I…I…uhm…I…”

“This is very serious Caitlin. Tell me the truth.” She leaned forward, staring me in the eyes.

I nodded. “Uhm…you see…its like this…Merri and I are sort of dating I guess…maybe. We have been together for a short while. Please Sandra, don’t kick her out of the Sorority for this. I’ll go if I have to. I don’t want to leave the House as I love it here but I’ll go.”

Everything was in freefall. What the hell was I going to do? I guess I could move back in with Rebecca, but what about Meredith? What would happen to her? Oh God, what was going on?

“So…you admit it. You know one of the restraints we placed on you was for you to avoid causing this sort of problem with the Sisters of the House. While you haven’t exactly leered while in the bathroom, people have noticed and commented on what seemed to be growing between you and Meredith. You broke your word on this. How are we to trust that you won’t break it later and dishonor us?”

I began to cry. I realized that it was fairly true, that I had broken my word to them. I fucked up. I looked up at her and her face was serious and grim. I struggled to find words to say. “I’m…I’m sorry. I…I mean…I thought that it might be okay. Merri said that it could be worked out and I figured that it could be. I am so sorry. I never wanted to upset anyone. I never meant to break my word to you. I really like Merri and she said she liked me so I thought…”

I swallowed and wiped the tears. I was crying hard and not just for the possible loss of Meredith, but for the loss of the House as well. I didn’t want to move away. I loved it here and the women of the house were amazing. “I don’t want to leave the House. I love it here and I care about keeping the honor of the House. I never meant to upset any of the Sisters. Sandra, please, give me another chance. I won’t let you down.”

She stood and looked down at me. Tears were burning my face blurring what I could see. What else could I do? I just wanted to stay and become a Sister of the House. I looked up at her with pleading eyes. “Please.”

Her eyes narrowed as she looked at me. I had only seen this look once before, when I had first approached the Sorority. That made me even more worried. “We’ll see. I am going to talk to Meredith and then discuss this with the officers. Maybe you should just leave. We’ll call you back, if you get to stay.”

With that, she turned on her heel and walked out the door. When it slammed shut it felt like my heart broke with the sound. I panicked. I had no idea what to do. Going to Meredith might make the whole thing worse. Was I wanted here? Did they hate me? I didn’t know. I grabbed my keys and purse and fled into the night.