College Girl
By poetheather
Chap 10

I swallowed heavily. I was really nervous. I was going out on a date, my first date, and it was going to be with a guy. I followed Meredith down the stairs, my heart racing a mile a minute. It started racing faster when I actually saw our dates.

The two dark haired guys seemed to both be over six feet tall and have fairly athletic builds. They were the kind of guys I always wanted to become and hadn’t so far. They both were dressed alike in jeans, dress shirts and loafers. Their look screamed frat guys. If they found out about me I would get really hurt. That certainly didn’t help me stay calm.

Meredith walked up to one of them and hugged him tightly. The guy oofed as if his breath was being crushed from him. I felt a twinge of jealousy. That was my girl. “Hi Al.”

“Hey there Contrary. How does your garden grow?” His voice wasn’t as deep as I expected it. I guessed he sang tenor, if he sang at all. Yes, I had been in Choir, what?

“Not bad, lately. Al, this is Caitlin, she is new here and is going to pledge with us. Caitlin, this is Al, a good friend of mine in my theatre classes. Now that I completed this round, it is your turn Al.” She smiled broadly and reached up to ruffle his perfectly groomed hair. Albert looked like he was totally metrosexual and proud of it. If he was straight then he was probably one of the few in the Theatre department.

Al smiled broadly, with plenty of teeth and began talking like a game show host. It made me smile despite my nervousness. “Caitlin, allow me to introduce to you your date for this evening, Paul Devlin Smith. He likes long walks on the beach, drinking in hot tubs and giving long sensual massages. He will certainly rub you the right way. Say Hi to Paul.”

Paul had a sweet and shy smile. It was unsure and that showed in his eyes. I certainly had no idea that this guy could be gay. He looked like any of the jocks at my school. I wonder if this meant… “Hello Caitlin.”

He extended his hand towards me. I took it lightly and shook hands with him, just like I had been taught. “Hi Paul.”

My heart felt like it was in my throat. Paul had a deep, manly bass to his voice that sounded male in a way mine never had, even before Anne had altered it. Paul had deep blue eyes that seemed to look as nervous as I felt. The silence would have gone on as we nervously stared at each other if Meredith hadn’t jumped in. “So boys, us ladies were wondering what you had in store for us? Something fun, hopefully.”

Al smiled with his too perfect teeth. It was almost creepy, like a demonic used car salesman. “Paul and I were thinking perhaps we could go for the old stand by, dinner and a movie?”

Meredith glanced at me, arching an eyebrow in question. I shrugged. It didn’t matter to me as I was too busy trying to breathe and cope with my racing heart. I don’t think I had ever been so nervous in my entire life. Okay, besides coming to this Sorority the first time, it was definitely the worst. Besides, like my opinion actually mattered here, I just wanted to stay home and nibble on Meredith. “Well…that might just work. Where did you want to take us for food?”

“I was thinking about BBQ. Sound good?” stated Al.

“No way! How about Chinese?” countered Meredith.

“Ugh! No! Mexican?” returned Al.

“No! Denney’esque?” smacked back Merri.

Al thought a moment, looked at Paul and then nodded. “Sure, why not. Shall we?”

Meredith took my arm and led the way down the front steps to where Albert’s car was parked. It was a nice, sane four door Ford, not the massive SUV or race car I had imagined. So much for stereotypes. I got in back with Paul and Meredith took the passenger seat and off we went.

Thus began the small talk. Paul and Meredith chattered on about things with Paul and me occasionally throwing in our two cents worth on those rare occasions when they both had to breathe. We chattered through dinner as well, with Paul and me gradually adding more to the conversation, until by the end of dinner we were all talking easily together. On the ride to the movie theatre, Paul tentatively reached out his hand to touch mine, concealed to look like anything but that. The skin of his palm was somewhat coarse and damp on my smooth, soft hand.

My heart started pounding in my throat again. I thought about what Meredith said and decided to play along. I took his hand gently, fingers touching and crossed. His hand was warm on mine. When we reached the theatre Albert and Meredith walked in holding each other across the shoulders. Paul and I were holding hands, but too embarrassed to look at each other.

It felt good to be holding his hand. Confusing, but also comforting. His hand was larger than mine and made me think of holding hands with my mother when I was smaller. We ended up holding hands through the whole film, some romantic comedy that was good at the time but I don’t even remember what it was about. It felt nice when I just relaxed and let Meredith’s advice to just let things happen take hold. I felt comforted and secure, wanted in a way I never had felt before. Meredith kept looking over at me and Paul smiling. She was pleased so I must have passed what ever odd test she had concocted.

The movie ended and the group of us headed over to a coffee shop that was near the theatre so we could chat some more. Paul and I sat close, our knees touching as we talked about school, places we had been and never had been, where we were from and where we wanted to go. I just told him about my life, editing facts whenever it felt necessary. It was easy and I didn’t feel too weird about it. By the time we returned to the house I did feel that Paul was a nice guy and that I liked him. It was a bit disturbing if I thought about it, so I just kept staying in the moment.

When we were at the front door of the house he hugged and kissed me lightly on the lips before the two of them left. While it felt nice, it did throw my mind into a whirl. His lips were warm and when he pulled me in I felt both weak and secure. I wasn’t sure what to do with that. I let him do that and I never fought back.

Once upstairs and safely in my room I started to fight back tears, my emotions a jangled mess. I was upset because Albert and Paul were what I would never be, even when puberty eventually started. Now I felt like I was less then them. I was nothing like them. And to top it all off I felt somewhat attracted to Paul. What the fuck was going on? Was I gay? Was I bi? What was happening to me?

Meredith had obviously noticed my mood and returned to my room after a few minutes. She walked right in and sat down next to me on my bed. “Caitlin, what’s wrong? You did really well. Neither of them had any clue that you were not always a girl. Albert kept talking about the fact that you would be awesome at keeping Paul’s secret.”

“Merri, I want to be a guy like them. That’s what I have always wanted to be. Not some scrawny, easily forgotten boy, but a strong man. Big, tall, muscular, something other than tiny me.” I started crying at that point as it was again too much for me. I had been hit in two different areas and the combination was hurting.

Meredith took my head in her hands and pulled my head up. When we were eye to eye she said intently, “Why try to be what your body won’t let you? You told me about your family, how all the men are small. What is so wrong with that? I’ll tell you this, if you were easily forgotten as a boy then get used to being noticed. You make a wonderful woman. Think of it this way, the only thing I really changed was to give you breasts and make some superficial changes. That’s it. The rest of it is you, naturally. You are a beautiful woman who men and women look more than twice at. Why worry about not being tall and muscular? Right now as a woman you have real power.”

With that she leaned forward and kissed me softly on the lips. Her lips were definitely softer than Paul’s and tasted of her flavored lip balm. Her kiss had a similar, but stronger effect on me. She brushed her hand across my cheek, looking me in my eyes lovingly. “Cheer up Caitlin; you can be anything you want. My vote is for who you are now. You’re pretty cool and fun to hang out with.”

I smiled at that. She was making me feel better despite my internal conflicts. After all, wasn’t that what girlfriends were supposed to do? I really didn’t want to keep hashing out the same worries and problems, so I changed the subject. “Merri, why does Al call you Contrary?”

She laughed lightly. I loved that laugh, it made me feel really good inside. “Well, you know…Mary, Mary quite contrary, how does your garden grow? I guess I am so contrary that it fits. So that’s what the whole theatre department calls me.”

“I think that they’re right. It does fit you. You’d have to be contrary to be able to turn me into this.” I gestured over my body.

“Nope, that was just my schooling. The contrary part…that would be my being attracted to you. The more woman you become the more I find myself attracted to you. I know it’s a bit weird, and I’m not attracted to other women…just you.” She leaned forward again and kissed me with a little more force and passion. That certainly helped how I felt. “That is your reward for being such a good sport tonight. I was actually getting all hot and bothered watching you and Paul kiss. You have no idea how wet it made me.”

I smiled brightly, feeling quite a bit better, at least about our relationship. I was being rewarded for acting like a woman and I did like it, which was hard to admit. “Thanks Merri. I think you know that I am hot for you too, but for the usual reasons.”

She chuckled at that and then beamed at me. Her smile made me feel really alive. “Well good night girl. I will see you in the morning. Gwen passed her congratulations on to you as well. Sleep tight Caitlin.”

“Night Meredith.”

She left the room and some of the happiness went with her. I used my make up remover and changed into my silk night gown. I wanted to feel really nice tonight for some reason. I got out my diary and sat back on my bed, propping myself up on my pillows. I wrote about everything that had happened today and what I thought about it. Daily it seemed as if I was leaving more of Richard behind and becoming Caitlin more completely. Like that kiss. I had not fought it when Paul kissed me. Part of me had definitely wanted more. This was not the normal thought pattern of an eighteen year old boy on his way to college who was sure he was straight. I still thought I was straight. I mean I was hot for Meredith and Gwen made me happily hard as well. But there was what I felt with Paul, whatever that meant.

I finished that train of thought with the questions still unanswered, as usual. If I stayed with this crazy scheme what would I be like when I graduated? Would I even be a guy any more? Would I only want to be with guys? Would I lose Meredith and hook up with Paul? Would he be okay with me being a boy? I didn’t know and right now I didn’t want to know.

I crawled under the covers with my bear and hugged him really tight. That helped me settle down in my head enough and I drifted to sleep thinking about Paul and Meredith.

* * * *

The next day the weather was stormy so Meredith and I went to the mall. Meredith let me know that I needed to get two party dresses for Rush week. I was a bit unsure about what that entailed but followed her from store to store looking for the perfect dresses. I apparently had all the other clothes I might need for Rush week already. Not really much of a surprise.

We weren’t able to find anything that really seemed to be what she was looking for. I liked several of the dresses but Merri wanted to have her way, as usual. We had lunch at a soup and salad place in the mall. While we ate we talked about dating and men. I started things, fishing for information. “So Merri, what is this thing with you and Albert?”

“Actually, nothing. We are just really good friends…with privileges. I am at heart a free agent and don’t have any plans to limit myself. You however are a special case and I have no problems being with you.”

I blushed at that. How could Merri do that? “And that’s not a problem with anyone?”

“Why should it be Caitlin? No one owns me. I make decisions for myself that have nothing to do with anyone else. That is what modern feminism is all about, making your own decisions. I may be your girlfriend but I am still my own person with my own habits and quirks.” retorted Meredith, punctuating her points with her fork stabbing helpless salad. The slight crunch of the cucumbers was a bit disturbing.

“I guess I am still getting used to that concept. Too much of growing up where time seemed to be turned back a hundred years. Well go back to that later, but, how am I doing, really?” I was actually curious and a little worried. I knew she would tell me the truth, whether I wanted to hear it or not.

“Well Caitlin, right now I think you could pass a majority of the time without somebody there to nudge you. In some ways you seem somewhat tomboy-ish, but hey it’s only been about three weeks. Personally, I don’t think you can be taught much more at this point. Sure, try to learn the colors and styles, but some women I know don’t know them. So what we have ended up teaching you is more feminine than most women are. I think daily living and interacting, as well as your media intake will be the deciding factor. All you need now is time. We drilled the obvious stuff into you; your voice is practically perfect. Even your handwriting is almost there. It all comes down to time.” She smiled and took another bite of salad, smiling around the fork.

The appraisal stunned me. I was mostly there? Really? This was nice and worrisome at the same time. Was I really that much of a girl now?

“But anyway Caitlin I know I need a trim and I think you could probably stand one as well. Maybe we should also touch up the color, but I’m not sure, since it has only been a few weeks. Let me call my sister, we might be able to get in today.”

I shrugged. “Sounds good to me.”

Merri managed to get a hold of her sister and we were able to get into the beauty parlor and get our hair trimmed. As we left the mall and headed towards Merri’s car she started chuckling. I turned and looked at her. “What?”

“Did you see the number of guys who were checking you out? You really seem to be able to turn heads Caitlin. Personally, I think it is the hair color.”

“I was being checked out?” I was actually astounded. A guy would find me attractive enough to take a second look? A guy who wasn’t gay? That was new. I actually stopped in my tracks in surprise.

“Yep. Don’t worry though, you get used to the feel of eyes on you. It is just something that happens when you are attractive.” supplied Meredith as if she were sharing a state secret.

We both giggled over that. We drove the familiar route over to the spa. Miriam, Merri’s sister looked over my hair and it was decided that my roots needed to be touched up just a little. So I found myself with a brush being applied to my head, only covering a little bit of my hair. They managed to get the color matched nicely and it looked great. Once we were done I made an appointment for a facial for the middle of next week, as I would need the help relaxing once Rush started. I really enjoyed the facial I had gotten as it was really soothing.

Miriam, Merri and I then headed off to get some Chinese for dinner. We all went in Merri’s car. Miriam looked me over and applauded her sister and I. “Merri, you are indeed an artist. Caitlin, you are transformed beyond any expectation I had formed when my crazy sis told me about this nutty plan. Wow.”

Meredith bowed flamboyantly and I just blushed and looked at my plate of rice noodles. It was a bit embarrassing to get such praise and it was something I really wasn’t used to. Merri smiled and brushed it all aside and onto me. “Thanks Miri for all the praise but Caitlin here did most of the work. All my work would have been for naught if she hadn’t worked for this just as hard.”

“Remember Caitlin, when the hair starts to grow back enough to be visible come back in for another treatment.” reminded Miriam.

I smiled, even though I knew that. “Thanks Miriam.”

“Don’t mention it. I am glad to help out with this.”

After dinner we dropped off Miriam at her car and the two of us rented some movies. When we got up to her room we were joined by others in a fairly huge, impromptu pajama party. It was great fun. We watched the films, drank some, talked about lots of things from our dreams to boys and sex. I enjoyed myself immensely. Finally, after hours we all collapsed from exhaustion and slept on the floor all tangled up. It felt wonderful and I felt so accepted.

When I awoke in the morning I found myself cuddled between two of the girls, who were still sleeping soundly. I extricated myself slowly and returned to my room. My clock said that it was eight o’clock. I wiped the sleep from my eyes. I grabbed my shower stuff and headed out. Time to shower and get ready for the day.

A number of the other girls were somewhat awake when breakfast was served. I had plenty of company, as I was really being accepted more and more by the women of the house. The company was nice and I appreciated being invited to join a group of the girls for breakfast. Most of the girls were going to be busy with preparing for Rush week and I knew I needed to be out of the way. I really didn’t know what to do but a few of the girls who were not working on Rush offered to let me join them for a picnic and swim down at the lake. I happily accepted. It sounded like it would be fun.

Meredith was awake by the time I got back upstairs. I told her about the picnic and invited her to come along. “I would love to Caitlin, but I need to help Nadia with some of the plans for Rush week. It is going to be a fun but busy week. Have fun for me.”

She kissed me on the cheek and headed off downstairs to get to work. That saddened me but the plans for the day sounded fun. I grabbed a large bath sheet that I used for sunbathing and my tanning oil. I had some color but for some reason I couldn’t bake really dark like some of the other girls.

I changed into my bikini and then put a green jumper on over it. I pulled my hair back into a scrunchy and grabbed my sunglasses, the book I was reading, Rhapsody, my iPod and something else to read. All I would really need to do to be completely ready would be to grab some food and drinks.

As I headed downstairs I noticed that several of the other girls were also ready to head off to the lake. I rode with another girl, Michelle, as we all headed down to the lake. She had only been in the sorority for a semester before now. She was really nice and thought it was really brave of me to do this. I wasn’t sure what to say to that so I only said thank you. I mean what do you say when someone says that?

The group of us played in the water, swam some and baked in the sun some. The lunch we brought with us was good. I had never had so much fun with a group before, let alone a group of girls. I felt happier and more accepted by this group of women than I ever had by any group back in High School. Back there I was a social outcast; here I was just one of the girls. It seemed as if a number of them honestly liked me. I made more friends that day than I had in my old school for the four years I had been there. I wasn’t sure why. Were women friendlier or what? I couldn’t answer that so I stopped trying and had a really great time. I let myself be in the moment and stopped going over questions.

We came back to the house about mid-afternoon. I felt so relaxed and happy that I was having trouble not smiling. I showered to get the last of the tanning oil off me and to wash the lake water out of my hair. I moisturized my whole body afterwards, as it felt a bit dry. I really loved the feel of my hands moving over my hairless body. It was even better when Meredith was doing that. I was glad nothing had grown out yet.

As I sat down to comb out the tangles in my hair I thought over the past several weeks. I had gone from a drab boy to a maturing young woman quickly. I still had trouble finding my old self in whoever looked back from the mirror. I had gone on a date as a girl. I seemed to be a girl in love with another girl. I was so unsure what to do. I really had no reference points that would help me figure this whole thing out.

Being a girl both frightened and pleased me; only my own curiosity as to how this would turn out and my sense of honor kept me here in my frilly feminine room. I was liked as a girl. I mean, the girls of the house seemed to actually like me. That was new. I got attention, People seemed to notice me. I was no longer invisible. My life had changed so much already and if I stayed it would only change more. I had taken the leap from the lion’s mouth, trusting in faith. I was stuck with either letting my fear and worry win, quitting this whole social experiment and admitting I was wrong or I could travel further along this new and unknown path and see what happened.

I held my breast forms in my hands, lifting my breasts on my chest, weighing them as I thought this whole thing through. I looked up into the mirror at my face. Even without makeup or doing my hair, the face that looked back at me was feminine. I had always looked like this and waxing my eyebrows and doing my hair only made it even more obvious. This is what I looked like, what I actually looked like. Even if I left right now, I would still look this way for a while, at least until puberty really kicked in. My uncle hadn’t really had to shave or even have his muscles bulk up until he was in his late twenties. My dad was pretty much the same. I looked into my eyes and realized that I might as well enjoy this game until Mother Nature took me out of it by puberty finally hitting, which could literally be any day or not for a decade.

I nodded to my reflection. I really could do this and I had to admit that this whole insane situation was really fun. True, I might really need therapy in a big way at the end or even now but I was enjoying myself for the most part. If I could stop stressing about the whole being a girl thing life would definitely be better. I mean if a huge chunk of the world’s population could do this surely I could? Besides having Merri in my life was plenty of compensation for tight bras and heels.

I pulled out a pair of panties and pulled them on, tucking myself up and under, an act that no longer felt foreign. The matching bra followed. I grabbed a gypsy skirt and poets shirt and got dressed. I braided my hair and slid on a pair of strapy sandals. I grabbed Rhapsody and headed downstairs to one of the other rooms to curl up and read before dinner. I loved the book. Rhapsody, Achmed and Grunthor had just gotten out of the earth and off the Axis Mundi. They were now trying to find out where they were. Rhapsody was the coolest character. If I had to be a girl, being like her would be awesome. I was using a little bit of the book to add details to the rewriting of my history, well except for the whole whore part and the crawling through the world.

Meredith’s advice with my female history was for me to keep it simple and to change as little as possible, except for gender. She also had pointed out that going through a rebellious, tomboy phase would help explain the few masculine quirks that remained. It was funny, I was having both my past and future reworked because of what I thought would be a good joke and a blow for equality. Despite Nadia and the girls turning the tables on me, I actually may have made one of the best moves in my life. I mean, I simply could not complain about being liked and having friends. Besides, this really was an act of equality.

That feeling, to this degree, was so new, so unusual to my memory that it affected me like a drug. I think I enjoyed dressing like a girl and being feminine because the girls liked me this way. I was liked in a way I hadn’t been as a boy. Me, as Richard, was fading as I knew that me, as Caitlin, got me that kind of response from others. I guess I was starved for real attention. I wanted and needed that attention. It was like a drug. I realized that I actually preferred being a girl as I was liked, paid attention to, talked to, and looked at. As Richard I had gone through High School invisible and reviled, with only a few friends to call my own. Now I could barely contain the smiles that rose up from inside. I think I could honestly say that I loved being a girl.

I shook with the realization and shoved it all aside. It was a bit much and I was trembling. I turned back to my book, losing myself in fantasy adventure with a good dose of romantic flavoring. Even my pleasures had changed in the short time I had done this and I wasn’t complaining. I now liked “chick flicks”. Thankfully my taste in music hadn’t changed, but I had been introduced to some new artists and styles. I lost myself to the book, dreaming of being as beautiful as Rhapsody. This is where Meredith and Nadia found me around dinner time.

“Caitlin, time for dinner, so stop poisoning your mind with mush and lets eat.” remarked Meredith, as she plucked the book from my hands. I glared at her and she gave it back. I used my unicorn book mark to hold my place.

“Let’s go to dinner, Pledge. Do well and 11 weeks from now you may earn your letters and become a full sister of this house. By the way, National is proud of you and wanted me to pass on some more encouragement to you.” stated Nadia. “A lot of people really want you to stick to this and complete the pledge program.”

I smiled brightly at this. “I’ll do my best. I can hardly wait for Rush week.”

“Great. Well, let’s go eat.” We all headed for the dining room.

The chat was lively around the dining table. We talked about Rush week, school, movies, dates and the like. I chimed in and was made to feel at home and accepted. It looked as if some of the girls had forgotten I was Richard and only saw me as Caitlin.

Meredith dragged me upstairs after we ate. I followed her willingly. “I have the Rush schedule and I wanted to go over it with you. It should be fun.”

I took the list she offered and looked at it. There were a number of things on there. There was an Ice Cream Social, a movie night, a lake party, a semi-formal cocktail party and a formal party at the end of the week. It sounded fun. I was a bit worried about the fact that I had to have a date for the semi-formal and formal but I was sure Merri had thought about that. That could be why she introduced me to Paul in the first place. He was nice, I liked him and it would be better than a blind date.

I nodded at this and set the sheet down on my desk. Meredith smiled at me. “So Caitlin, what do you want to do tonight? It’s about 7 and we have a Saturday night in front of us. Want to go to a club?”

A club? I had never been to something like that. Besides, my town had been small enough that it hadn’t really had a club. “Sure, why not. It sounds fun. But I don’t know how to dance.”

She laughed brightly. I really loved her laugh. “It’s easy. You move side to side, sway, wiggle your hips and just move to the music, just like the aerobics only without all the exercise. You have been doing that daily for a while now so it shouldn’t be that odd, right?”

She did have me there and I couldn’t argue. “Alright. I suppose you have a place in mind for this fun and exciting trip?”

“Yes I do. I love this club and I think you will like it as well. Do you want Albert and Paul to pick us up here or meet us there?” she added mischievously. Her smile only grew bigger.

I shook my head. Sometimes Merri’s plots were very transparent. Like this time. “Meet us there, thank you. Don’t rush me too quickly into this whole dating guys thing. I’m still coping at the moment. And besides, are you really that tired of me already?”

Meredith grabbed my head and kissed me soundly. It was forceful, and filled with passion and I was getting dizzy from it. Our tongues played for a bit and I moaned into it, leaning into her. I was so totally hers. She finally broke for air leaving me gasping and leaning slightly forward for more. “Tired of you? Not hardly. I’ll tell them to meet us there, spoilsport. It should be a lot of fun. But if we want to be ready to go by around 8:30 or 9 we really should start getting ready now. I will call them. You, my sexy thing, wear something playful.”

Meredith spun on the ball of her foot and flounced out of the room. I was so totally in love with her.