College Girl
By poetheather
Chap 16

I clutched my bear tight. The fur was soggy with tears, as I had cried off and on since I had gotten here. What the hell was going on? How had things changed so quickly? I shifted on Rebecca’s couch, trying to get more comfortable. I had left the House after that, not wanting to offend anyone else. I didn’t want to cause any more trouble than I already had. Gwen had been really concerned but I left without anyone else noticing. I couldn’t stay there when I knew I had broken my word. I couldn’t change in the room with Gwen or use the showers or anything. I felt ashamed and dirty.

Rebecca had been seriously concerned for me when I had turned up in my nightgown and flip-flops, wearing a hoodie over it, on her doorstep, clutching my soggy bear tightly to me. I had barely been able to let her know what had happened between my sobs and I slept fitfully on the couch. I lay there, looking out at the room, still sobbing for my loss. What had gone wrong? I couldn’t think of anything that I did that was wrong.

Rebecca came out of her room, dressed for the day. She came over, sat on the edge of the couch and ran a hand over my hair. Her voice was soft and gentle, as if she were talking to a kid with a skinned knee. “Did you want to get up and get dressed? We can go for doughnuts. I’ll even buy you a Boston Crá¨me.”

I smiled faintly as I shrugged. What difference did it make? I mean, why would she want to be seen with someone like me?

She sighed. “Richard…Caitiln uh…you need to get up and take a shower. You smell of sweat and upset. Let’s get you clean and then we can try to figure out something for you to wear. Alright?”

I nodded, since it was easier than arguing with her and rose from the couch. She gave me a gentle shove in the direction of the shower. I stumbled in, tugging the somewhat soggy nightgown, wet stains covering the top portion of the green fabric. I pulled off my panties and I looked at myself in the mirror.

I looked horrible, with dark circles under my eyes. Even in this state I looked feminine. I couldn’t escape it. I tugged weakly at the breasts adhered to my chest. I had forgotten to grab the solvent in my flight so now I was stuck with these. I sighed; it was too much work to worry.

I took a quick shower, not even bothering to wash my hair. I pulled aside the curtain and wrapped my towel around me, just like I had for the last couple of weeks. I didn’t wrap my hair as I couldn’t find a smaller towel, at least not one that hadn’t been claimed. Besides, what was the point? Who cared if my hair looked a mess? Rebecca?

I looked down at my nightgown and panties. I had left in such a hurry that I hadn’t bothered to pack. Now what was I going to wear? Was I going to wear girl’s clothes still or what? I sighed and stopped trying to solve yet another problem. Screw it! I pulled on my panties under my towel, tucked and walked out into the living room area to find Rebecca. “Do you have anything I can wear? I don’t have anything here and I don’t want to wear my nightgown all day.”

She nodded and I followed her into her room. She dug about and pulled out some sweatpants and a t-shirt that looked comfy. I nodded. I dropped the towel and pulled the clothes on not caring that she was there. I could tell that Becca was staring at me but I really couldn’t care. What the hell had gone wrong? How had this happened?

I had thought I had been following the rules, had been doing everything they had asked of me. Was it my fault that Meredith liked me or that I liked her? Had I really done anything all that bad? I hadn’t treated any of the girls in the House like those guys at the mini-golf place had treated Merri, Gwen and myself. I had been respectful of the Sisters of the House and did what I had been told to do to prove myself to them. I didn’t want to lose my House…my friends.

I have no idea how long I cried off and on as these thoughts ran through my head over and over. I couldn’t think of anything I had done except get involved with Meredith, and that was by mutual consent. As far as I knew Gwen didn’t have any problems with me. Becca had left me alone for the most part, just making sure I managed to have some breakfast even though I wasn’t hungry. She had plopped down three doughnuts when she got back. One was indeed a Boston Crá¨me. That made me smile and start crying again out of gratitude. Other than that I just moped.

At some point later, maybe around one in the afternoon, there was a knock at the door. Becca answered it as I just stared into space and tried to figure out how everything in my life had fallen apart so quickly. Soon I felt arms wrap around me and hug me tight. I turned, surprised and saw Merri hugging me. When I saw her I started crying again.

“I’m so sorry Caitlin. I am so sorry. I never meant to hurt you. We’ll work this out…we will.”

I just held her and she joined me in my crying. I have no idea how long we were sitting there, joined. But Merri was there with me and things were sure to get better. She made me feel safe and protected. I leaned in closer to her.

“I’m sorry Caitlin, I never meant for this to happen. That’s why I told Sandra to go fuck herself.” Her voice was filled with anger and her body shook with an urge to get up and hit something.

I pulled up from her hug and looked her in the eye. I could see her love and concern. “You said what?”

“Sandra confronted me this morning, just after I had gone by your room to get you for breakfast. We screamed at each other for a while and I stormed out of the House. I am so mad. We weren’t doing anything some of the other girls weren’t doing, so who cared? I mean, I know of two other lesbian couples in the house and one girl who is in a threesome.” Merri grumbled. “Fucking hypocrites.”

“But Merri, I promised everyone that I wouldn’t do anything like that. I broke my word to the House.” Merri hugged me tight again after I said that, kissing my forehead.

“Cait, you didn’t break your word. I hit on you. I started things. You only promised not to start anything with anyone in the House. You have still held true to your word. If anyone is to blame in all of this, it’s me. You are just so adorable that I couldn’t help myself. I am sorry about all of this.”

She and I just held each other. Finally, my stomach growled, realizing that it hadn’t had enough food. It had been a long time since those three doughnuts. I smiled at Merri sheepishly. She kissed me on the forehead, nose and lips. “Come on love, let’s go get some food. We could both use it.”

Rebecca bowed out, I guess she figured that we would need some serious alone time after everything that had happened. Maybe she was right. I hugged her tightly and thanked her for the clothes and the crash space and well…everything. She kissed me on the cheek and pushed me towards the door. Merri and I then left the apartment to get some sort of food.

My hand was on her thigh during the whole drive. Her hand rested on mine. It was nice. I felt like I was her’s and she was mine. I asked nervously. “So…what’s going to happen?”

“Well, there is going to be a meeting this afternoon to vote on things. So I figure we will know what the House decides in a few hours. But regardless, I am not letting you go. I love you Caitlin.” I melted at that. Of course, that was the first time a woman had ever said that to me, so I might be a softy. It was messed up that it was to me as Caitlin, but like I cared.

I was hungrier than I had thought. I had pancakes with my breakfast and drizzled syrup over them and everything. I almost never ate the pancakes as it was too much food. They usually filled me up way too much and I hurt afterwards, but today I was that hungry. They never really stood a chance as I tore into them.

Midway through the meal it dawned on me that I was done, that I no longer had to do this girl thing anymore. Part of me was relieved and another part of me was a bit sad. It had been a hell of an opportunity to learn all about things a guy never learned. I had learned a lot about women, how they thought, acted and saw things. I kind of liked that. But now that was at an end and I was ambivalent about it.

Then it struck me that as Richard I would never be able to come up to Alison and just start talking. Never. As Richard I was way too shy around girls and Alley was too hot for me to even consider talking to. But then Richard hadn’t talked to her.

Alison knew me as Caitlin and not Richard. How could I explain all of this in a way that would keep my word to the House about not making a commotion about the setup? I liked her and it looked as if that budding friendship was over, unless I could think of some way around things.

That meant I now had a total of two friends left now, Becca and Merri. I had lost all the other friends I had made, all in one brief moment when I was told to leave. I had lost Gwen, Nadia, Alison and the rest to the women of the House. I wasn’t sure what to do, laugh at the absurdity of it all or cry? Why me?

Merri kept pulling me out of the depressive spiral I kept finding myself in. She seemed able to tell whenever I started to brood over things too much. I still felt cut off from so much in my life. I felt like most of my life had been turned off and I only had patches of life left. At least I still had Meredith and that was a lot. I wasn’t sure if I would be able to make it through this without her. I realized that I relied on her for a great deal of support. She was definitely the stronger of the two of us.

When she was looking over the desert menu for the chocolatiest thing they had, the phone rang. She pulled it out and looked at the caller ID. As it rang she looked over at me and then answered it. “Hello?”

I looked up and saw her nod a few times. Nodding wasn’t useful when you were on the phone. “Okay. Thank you. However, I won’t believe anything until she calls me herself.”

After she hung up she decided that we absolutely must have the Death by Chocolate cake. I couldn’t argue with that. Besides, only a fool would get between a woman and her chocolate. I asked, “What was that about?”

“The House had the vote. I am not completely sure how things turned out yet, so I am waiting for Sandra to call. Until she tells me things, it isn’t official.”

“It’s done? They had the vote already?” I was surprised and a bit dismayed. My heart started pounding and my palms got slick with sweat. What had they said? What had they decided? Had they kicked me out?

Merri smiled at me. “We can worry about it later sweetie. Let’s finish eating and then see what’s going on.”

The cake was good and I did feel better after eating it. I wonder why that is? Is there something in chocolate that makes you feel better or is it the fact that chocolate is so good people feel better? I really had no idea and it really had no bearing on anything that was going on anyway. But it really did get me thinking. Could something like that be the reason for the serious chocolate addiction most women had?

Merri’s phone rang again. I loved hearing They Might Be Giants blaring out of her phone. It was cute and totally fit her. She looked at the caller ID, made a face and then answered it. Her voice was cold. It had to be Sandra. “Yes?”

The conversation was all one sided as far as I could tell. Merri didn’t get any less upset but maybe she did get a bit less tense. I wasn’t sure. Once she hung up she looked at me. “So…shall we go back to the House now?”

“What? Why? What Sandra did through all of this was wrong. I held true to my word, didn’t I? I held to my side of the bargain, just like I said I would, why couldn’t she hold true to hers? Why the hell did this happen?” I was not happy about any of this. I wasn’t sure about going back t the House, but I also wanted to rush back and find out what the hell had happened. I was just so conflicted.

“When we get to the House, people will explain things and we can see if what I was told is actually true. I’m not sure I really trust Sandra anymore.” replied Meredith, rubbing her forehead with one hand.

“What were you told?” I was curious. She seemed to know my fate yet hadn’t told me. Was it bad?

“They said that it would be okay and that everything had been worked out to everyone’s satisfaction. What that means I’m not sure. But Sandra and everyone else wanted to have their say, to both of us. So, do you want to come with me?” She held out her hand, asking me to join her and return to the House and my life as a girl.

I stood there staring and her and her hand. If I went with her now, I would be going back to being a girl, to living the life that the House had set up for me. I would go back to dresses and make-up and the whole nine yards. Right now, I had every right to leave and say to hell with this whole Sorority thing. Sandra had pissed me off. I had followed the rules, damn it! I had held to my word. I could go back to being a guy, to using my real ID and everything. No more breasts or tucking. But I would be giving up the friends, the fun and the experience. Was I willing to give up all of that without a fight?