In hindsight it may have been Kerry trying too hard to make Janet accept that she was really making a go of it but the victory was hollow. I guess that says it all, it was not intended to be a competition, it was just meant to be a friendly dinner together for Janet to meet Kerry, but Kerry was quite often in denial. She pushed through the emotions trying not to concentrate on the loss and defeat that Janet would have been feeling.

The next few weeks were made up of visits to the lawyers and settlement agents, the money would be through in a couple of days and Kerry had placed an offer to buy the unit she rented. She had decided to change her name by deed poll to Kerry Brown, it would upset her family but she felt that it was her choice to make and would help the legal process; it was only the first name she was changing and would keep the surname or family name. Paul had spoken with his boss about the change in name and told him that there was nothing happening although Bill could see the very obvious physical changes as Paul grew his hair longer, the pair of earrings had been subtle as the hair covered them. Bill had totally missed the Adam’s Apple surgery. Paul had started all of this with no intention of transitioning at work or at all, again he may have been in denial at the time.

One day Bill called Paul and asked if they could chat after work in a local café, Bill had something he needed to ask Paul about and didn’t want others to overhear it. Bill sat there very awkward and fidgeting with his mug of coffee, “come on Bill, what’s on your mind?” asked Paul half guessing the subject matter. “I know we have talked about your name change and as your employer I have nowhere to go with it so you can just tell me to butt out if you need to” Bill stated in a very legal manner.

Over the next two hours and two Lattes Paul told Bill all about his journey and also where it would be going, now that he had a better idea. The name change was going to be through the next week so Paul asked Bill to call him Kerry instead, “it may help you to see me as a different person from the Paul you have seen each week” suggested Paul.

“Okay Kerry” said Bill trying hard to follow, “from what you have told me I can only assume that you will want to, Transition is it, at work?” Bill had only followed some of the story but was quickly seeing problems at work and with clients that he would have to handle.

“Can I ask you when you want to do this and how you think we would manage the problems?” asked Bill hoping that Kerry had a better idea than he did. Kerry produced a sample letter she had downloaded from one of the web sites and handed it to Bill, “have you been expecting this talk” “something like that” replied Kerry. The letter outlined the basics of transgenderism and transitioning in the workplace, it spoke about discrimination but only in a positive way, it allowed for the personal story to be told by the person transitioning and recommended a review process.

“I have to live for 12 months as a woman before they will allow the surgery” said Kerry, “and that last step would only be if I decide to go through with everything.” Bill repeated his question about timing and Kerry knew that it was time to make the jump, it had to be now or never. “What about at the start of the new year, I can finish my current clients before Christmas and be ready for a new one after the break.” Bill thought about it and still had serious doubts about the impact on the revenue of the business.

“I need to be sure this will work” he told Kerry. “What about you taking me out for dinner tomorrow night?” Kerry said as Bill choked on his drink. “That’s what you are really asking isn’t it, do I pass or will you be embarrassed at me?” Bill could not speak so Kerry took over, “do you want to pick a place that you are comfortable with or shall I?’ she asked. “You had better choose the place, I will pay the tab” he replied hoping that it would not be too visible.”

Kerry worked from home the next day and sent Bill an email with time and location telling him not to keep a girl waiting and the booking was in his name. Kerry went to the salon and got her hair done by Jill and told her all the things that had gone down in the last month, Janet’s reaction to the flirting, her bosses questions and the dinner appointment for later on that night, she had made it for 8pm to allow Jill to fit her in. Kerry decided that shocking Bill was not a good plan so chose something very smart and business like, a modest length black skirt just above the knees, white blouse and jacket and a nice pair of earrings that swung but didn’t draw too much attention.

Kerry and Renee had spent a fair bit of time putting the outfit together as the “coming out at work” outfit, the black patent heels made her legs look so good with a nice pair of sheer stockings and underneath the small black bra was just visible as was her cleavage. Jill had put a brighter auburn tint in the highlights and it made a striking contrast to the black hair. Bill had already arrived and was sitting at the table nervously waiting for Kerry to arrive while he drank another scotch and water. Kerry walked into the restaurant and saw Bill sitting at the table in the corner that she had requested, she walked straight up to him before he realized it was Kerry. He stood up as she arrived, trying to take in what he could only see as a very confident younger looking woman with a very nice figure. “Are you going to help with my chair?” she cheekily asked him and before he could think he was helping her sit down at the table. Kerry signaled the waiter and asked for a glass of juice and a top up for Bill as he was too dumb struck to speak.

“Well what do you think, do I pass muster?” Kerry asked Bill knowing that his lack of speech confirmed what he was thinking. “I just hope my wife or her friends don’t see me here or I’ll be dead” Bill commented trying hard to get a resemblance of control into his mind. “How could I have not seen your body before, surely those aren’t real are they?” he said nodding to her chest. “Some of it is me but the rest is padding at the moment” Kerry told him noticing that his eyes had hardly moved from her chest area.

“Bill, look at me and not my chest please or I’ll tell your wife about it” Kerry jokingly said to him but was very happy to have the effect on him. Bill picked up the menu and looked at the list of food, but couldn’t quite focus on anything, “are you sure they are yours?” he asked again. “Bill, I have no intention on showing you so order or I go home” said Kerry knowing she was pushing the boundaries of employer and employee relationships but someone had to take control. The waiter took their orders and talked to Kerry as if she was a friend rather than a client, “do you come her often” asked Bill. “No, this is only the second time, I heard about it from a friend” Kerry told him, Bill was surprised at how people reacted to her and the natural way she disarmed them with her smile. Her voice was softer and made people listen to her, she had a certain pull that Bill could not sort out but found amazing.

Over the meal they continued to chat about work and what plans Kerry had for her future employment, she obviously had an ability to make people feel at ease but also to take control of a situation. Paul could be aggressive and uncertain and lacked the ability to get people on board at times, Kerry had no such problems. “Have you thought about sales?” asked Bill, thinking that she was very easy to get along with. “I used to do sales but found it very macho and hard to win over” Kerry said thinking about her times of clashing with males that needed to prove their dominance. The alpha male syndrome that a nice smile and good set of legs could destroy in one blink of a pretty eyelid, neither of which Paul had.

As dinner finished and Bill ordered coffees he asked her about moving the date up and her doing some work in the sales department, being technically adequate she would release him from some of the pre-sales cycle with clients. “What about the guys at work, how would they cope?” she asked, “I couldn’t drop the existing clients half way through the job could I?” “Let me figure that one out but I think you are being wasted as an implementer” said Bill hoping she would accept. Bill then took control “If you are certain about this move then let's make it sooner, is there any reason why you can’t do it?” he asked. Kerry thought of all the reasons why she should not do it but only one reason why she should, “Only if you think I can do it Bill” she told him. “I do need some time off for minor surgery but that would only take a couple of weeks and could be done within the month.” Bill agreed for Kerry to work for another two weeks then have the next two weeks off and then return to the new position at the same time as telling the team.

And so it was that Kerry found herself staring out of the window while sitting at her desk, she had been to Thailand and undertaken some minor facial work and a breast augmentation all paid for by the previous directors and their insurance policy. The hair removal had progressed well and the dreaded five o’clock shadow was now only noticeable around nine at night; she had also reached her goal weight of 63kg and could enjoy some alcohol for once.

Bill had allowed her to write out a letter for the staff and had arranged for a staff meeting on the first morning back at work, Kerry would be introduced and the staff given chance to ask questions. Bill had sent an email out to all staff members on Friday along with his own comments about the company’s policy of equal employment and how much he valued Paul’s work and had agreed to this happening after meeting with Kerry and working through the problems. Kerry read the email and made some notes for her talk the next day, she had healed well and her hair that was now styled totally in a feminine way hid the scars. Her eyebrows had been plucked and shaped much thinner than before and the soreness of her breasts had gone away leaving a nice set of breasts. Jill had changed Kerry's hair into more auburn and less black and had convinced Kerry to have acrylic nails fitted. She loved the new nails and spent all the next day tapping away at her keyboard making the noises she thought she would never make.

Monday morning came around quickly and she woke early so that she could take her time and relax before the staff meeting. Kerry did her hair and then her makeup making sure everything was business like, not quite like the evening out with Bill but very close. A pair of black slacks, white blouse and a black jacket and high-heeled shoes formed the basic look. Kerry added a pair of new glasses, rings and jewelry and some large gold earrings with little hearts in the middle of them and of course her Special K necklace. She was ready about half an hour before it was time to leave and opted to go for a walk along the riverfront to relax a little. The staff meeting had been going for nearly 30 minutes when Kerry walked into the reception area and waited for Bill to come out and meet her.

“They seem to be fairly open with the plan so far but are looking forward to seeing for themselves and asking questions. “Are you ready to do this?” asked Bill knowing that she would have been ready since early this morning, “I’ve been waiting for this for over thirty years Bill, let's do it” she told him and stepped towards the board room door. The entire room looked up as she entered, the guys not sure what to say, seeing a good looking woman but knowing that underneath it was Paul who they had worked with for the last 18 months. The women had a different mindset, if Kerry looked too good they would look bad.

Bill introduced Kerry and reminded them about the company policies before letting her speak, she looked around trying to gauge the mood of the room. Kerry started by telling her story about being gender confused and her search for identity, the pain of losing her job and the breakdown of her marriage. Kerry talked about her desire to transition while staying at the company and hoped that if anyone had questions they should feel free to ask her directly.

Bill finished the meeting and it was down to work for all of them, two of the girls grabbed their bags and headed for the toilets, they wanted to talk without being overheard by Kerry or the boss. As soon as they entered they started talking, “do you think they are real or just padding?” said Sue “and did you see her waist, I wish mine was that small.” They laughed and touched up their makeup as Kerry walked in, “sorry girls but I have to share this place with you, are you alright about it?” Kerry asked them. “I have had to work through it but I know that I can trust you” said Sue and Joanne just agreed, “we do have to ask though, are they real?” Kerry laughed and said “as real as five grand can make and as real as Pamela Anderson's” they both laughed and Sue said “welcome to the girls room then.”

Kerry had broken the first boundary, the girls room and had come out without any hiccups or having to show them the scars. “Did the surgery hurt very much because I was thinking of getting mine done?” asked Joanne, Kerry looked at her wondering why an attractive younger woman would want to make herself larger. “Jo, you are perfect you don’t need any more” Kerry told her, “No, I was thinking of getting them made smaller” she replied. Sue and Kerry told her to enjoy them while she could and that motherhood would make its own changes on them. The two women asked about the facial surgery as well since it was obvious Kerry had done something so Kerry played show and tell with the details and some scars. Another woman that worked in a different company on the same floor walked in and broke up the chatter as Bill had opted for only telling his company and none of the other tenants on the floor.

Back at her new desk in the sales area Kerry found a bunch of flowers from Bill with a simple note saying welcome to the company and wishing her well in the new job. Her business cards had been reprinted with her new name and email details, the email accounts had been routed to her new one but with a warning. The inbox had been cleaned and as Kerry sat there reading, an email arrived from one of the consultants in the next room. It started very formally, “I have to tell you that I had problems with the news….” He went on to talk about his own bias against gays and lesbians and how he had assumed that Kerry would fit into one of the categories. “I have listened to you today and seen the pain in your eyes today as you talked about it and know that underneath I can see the person you are.” The email finished with him apologizing for being judgmental and saying that he would try to be very careful not to judge her again.

Kerry wiped a tear away from her eyes as Bill walked past, “did you survive the girls room?’ he asked half smiling at her. “Yes, thank you and I am not telling what goes on in there you’ll have to make up your own stories” Kerry replied jokingly. The rest of the morning was just like starting a new job, reading procedures and memos about how to deal with clients, lists of prospects and the dreaded leads pipeline.

Before she noticed it was lunchtime when one of the girls stuck her head in and asked Kerry if she was ready to come out with them. Bill had suggested that they take Kerry out for lunch and gave them a booking at a local restaurant; it just happened to be the same one Kerry had chosen for their meeting a month earlier. The girls all piled into the Tarago that Sue drove, kids toys had to be thrown into the back and one of the seats looked more like a meal than a seat but all five of them fitted in. “Fancy Bill paying for us to go out for lunch” said Sue, “you must have said something real nice to him” she continued with emphasis on the word real. Kerry had no idea what they meant and tried to act dumb but underneath wondered if she had made one of those mind changes that she had done in the marketplace.

The girls ordered lunch and a couple of bottles of wine since Bill was paying and he had also given them as long as they needed. He had made the decision to help Kerry integrate quicker and hence help the company get back onto normal footings so work would not be affected. Kerry had to undergo several probing questions about what she had undergone and what was ahead of her. They wanted to know about dating and did she have anyone yet, they heard about the market place and totally understood how she would do that, even Paul tried to make them feel special without meaning anything. Mostly the girls just wanted to know about the details, the gossipy things of Kerry’s life that they solemnly promised NEVER to divulge. Kerry found out that “never” actually means “while you can still see me” and so by the end of the week she had no stories to tell since they all knew about her.

At Friday’s drinks Bill started a debrief of the week’s activities and each section made a short comment about their work. Kerry had been asked by Bill to say a few words as well, “I just want to thank you for being so good about everything this week and despite several requests I am not doing show and tell on my boob work.” The room chuckled and Kerry could see that the guys had also relaxed with her over the week, they had to keep thinking about what was still in her pants rather than getting into her pants, but that was their problem. Drinks went well past five and as they tidied up Bill asked Kerry if she had found any issues that needed raising at staff meeting on Monday. Kerry was more than happy with her first week on the job and told Bill that he had done more than enough, she leant forward and kissed his cheek. Geoff saw the kiss and said something about “my turn next boss” so Bill slapped him on the arm saying “only when you look as good as Kerry, mate.”

Friday evening was always lonely for Kerry, she knew that others had finished work and gone out for drinks or home to partners and all she had was the TV and a microwaved dinner she prepared on Wednesday night. Around seven thirty the phone rang, “Hi Kerry it’s Joanne here what are you doing tonight?” she asked, Kerry told her that she had nothing planned apart from TV unless she had a better offer.” Thirty minutes later Kerry had changed into a short black and gold striped skirt and white silk blouse with many of the buttons undone, black bra and grey seamed pantyhose. Her face was made up with bold black eye liner and mascara, gold eye shadow and a new shining blusher that promised to make you shine like the stars. New dangly earrings, rings and chains on her wrist as well as one on her ankle made her feel every part a woman. The Special K necklace always took pride of place on nights like this and her new gold and black 4” heels made her legs look so long. By the time Jo knocked at the door Kerry’s mood had lifted and she was ready to enjoy a night out, whatever that meant. Jo looked very good in her evening wear but had to admit that Kerry was going to steal some of the limelight from her, the extra few inches in her legs made all of the difference she thought. Joanne kissed Kerry and made her turn around to be checked out, “Damn it girl you are too sexy for our group” she told Kerry.

Jo and a couple of the girls had decided to go out for a dance and some drinks so inviting Kerry seemed only natural since she was now one of them, single and female. Kerry loved the female part but still hated the single part but she also had no plans of changing that. The club was beside the river and had an alfresco area for drinking and just watching the sunset over the city, it was also quieter out there and they could hear each other talk. Kerry went to the bar and ordered a bottle of wine and four glasses as well as some water, as she walked back to the table carrying the tray someone pinched her backside then slapped it in fun, some fun being squeezed and slapped she thought.

“Do they always do that to you girls?” she asked them as she put the drinks on the table, “I wish they would do it to me” said Jo. Gwen and Rachael just shook their heads, Jo could get a little too intense with guys some times and would need rescuing from her own doing.

Their table was just outside so they could see the dance floor but also hear each other, so after a quick drink Jo stood up and grabbed Kerry to go and dance. Paul had two left feet but had been trying to get coordinated by attending a dance studio, but as Paul and not Kerry. Dancing was a hard thing to master after only a few weeks of dance training, let alone in heels, Kerry told Jo to slow down and let her get used to being on the “wrong side of the dance floor”. Jo realized what she meant and took it slowly but her dancing with Kerry looked more like driving Miss Daisy than dancing.

As the night went on Kerry found a style that suited her and finally was comfortable on the floor, it was then that a couple of guys walked over and tried to join in. Kerry turned as if to let them know she was not interested but Jo had already joined in with them, “do I leave or dance” she thought trying to not lose the flow. She found herself dancing vaguely with the four in the general area but as the dance beat slowed down one of them grabbed her arm to pull her to him. Kerry got very confused and Paul was panicking, he was dancing with a bloke. Somehow she kept her rhythm and tried to think about the ending, would he kiss her, would she let him, would he want more, she knew she had nothing to give him like that.

At the end Jo made an excuse about leaving the other girls alone and pulled Kerry away just in time as her partner had been closing for more. “What is it with these guys, are they on more hormones than I am?” Kerry said shaking her head and laughing, “I think they need to take a cold shower or two.” “You really have missed out on the singles scene haven’t you dear” said Gwen, “sorry, I didn’t mean it like that Kerry.” “Good one Gwen” said Rachael who had seen the change in Kerry’s smile and being divorced only a year before knew what she was feeling. They had a few more drinks and a final dance together, four girls out on the town together, Kerry felt slightly tipsy but had enjoyed it all.

Instead of them each going home Kerry invited them around for a coffee from her machine, they could see her place as well. She had just finished buying it and the new kitchen had been installed while she was in Thailand, the bathroom would be done next trip. Pulling into the driveway they parked the cars and Kerry unlocked the front door to let them in, the unit was recently painted in much softer colours and with some paintings on the wall and flowers on the table, courtesy of Bill, the place looked a lot better than nine months ago when she first saw it.

“The toilet’s through there and the back door is behind the curtain” she told them, as Kerry ground some fresh coffee beans and put out four Latte mugs. She also found some biscotti and put some on a plate in the lounge room, the girls made themselves at home and took off their shoes and jackets, just throwing them over a chair. “I was about to say feel free to relax but you have already done that” joked Kerry as she put the biscuits down on the table with the sugar bowl. “Is there anything you don’t do right?” asked Rachael, “who else has special biscuits for Latte incase friends drop in.” “Let me play mum, it’s been a long time coming” Kerry told them while frothing the milk and filling the mugs that had been heated by the boiling water.

The three girls stayed much longer than they had planned as Kerry entertained them with answers and information about her past life and about being transgendered. She produced her very personal photo album to show some of the changes, the young Paul, the bearded Paul, biker Paul and then the slimmer stages as Kerry was slowly emerging, the changing hair styles and finally the bandages at the Thailand hospital. There were the photos of before and after of her chest, which she only showed them under fear of death. Kerry brought out the old photo that she had taken down from the hallway after hitting her goal weight. The girls spent ages comparing the photo with Kerry and could not see any similarity, Paul was for all visible evidence gone from the scene.

“How long before the, you know what goes?” asked Gwen always more forthright than politically correct. “I need to convince the doctors that I can live like this for 12 months before they will allow me to have the operation in this country” Kerry said. “Do you think it will be hard for you?’ asked Rachael trying to be careful, “not if I have people like you around sweety” replied Kerry. “It all depends on being accepted at work and not having too many conflicts, although I nearly freaked out tonight with that guy on the dance floor” Kerry confessed. “Some times we go to the gay bar just for some peace from the meat eaters” said Gwen, “but you may have more trouble if you came with us” she continued. “Another nice one Gwen” said Kerry throwing a scatter cushion at her in fun. The girls left noisier than Kerry wanted but promised to do it all again another week. Kerry stripped off her clothes and left them on the floor, she cleaned her makeup off and crawled into her bed at around 2am, far later than any Friday night for many years but she was very happy with the end of week one.

Saturday was fruit and vegetable day from the marketplace, Kerry had slept in until around ten before she woke up, slipping on a silk wrap she walked out into the kitchen and prepared her breakfast, with juice and tea. Kerry walked outside to the small garden setting that allowed her to see the river but not be seen by the other tenants. This had been another one of the things that drew her attention to the unit when she first saw it. As Kerry enjoyed just sitting and relaxing in the sunshine she heard the mobile phone ring, she chose to let it ring through to voice mail. She was getting very protective of her time and had not installed a land line so that she could turn off the phone when she wanted to. Kerry felt the wrap come loose and found herself sitting there in just her teddy, her legs folded up underneath her body, she looked down and saw her new breasts sitting there and moving as she breathed. The pain from the operation had gone after a few days and the swelling had stopped after ten days, and now after three weeks the bruises had also vanished.

Kerry went inside and found the little red bikini she had purchased in Thailand just after the surgery, the pants were cut high but had enough material to cover up what needed to be hidden, the bra was a different matter, little material and thin straps. She put it on and went back out to the patio and sat in the sun reading a book until nearly twelve o’clock, the sun was warming and made her feel so good. Kerry slipped on a pair of jeans and heels and checked out her image in the mirror, her small waist and good breasts framed in a small bikini top. She thought about going shopping like that but chose a tank top instead she had to go to the meat market and didn’t want to be the special of the day.

Before leaving she listened to her voice mail, it was Janet asking how the first week had gone at work, Kerry wanted to respond but was not ready for a repeat of the last visit. She grabbed her bags and left the unit for the market. The car park was crowded by now and she had to park at the end of the area and walk the distance. The vegetable shop was packed but she chose her goods, paid for them and left quickly making sure she avoided the owner. Walking through the market she found herself just strolling around swinging her bag and her hips, this was pure Kerry Time and something she had looked forward to for several years now.

The butchers shop was busy so Kerry went and purchased an iced tea to walk around with, she wanted some new curtains and seat covers so she drifted around looking at the stalls. The jewelry stalls always got her attention but the quality was only average and she was beginning to like gold and more gold. Diamonds also made nice additions and she had found some nice bits that worked well together. When she got back to the butchers the crowds had gone and she was able to buy the things she wanted, the flirting started as soon as she spoke to Frank, his flirting that is. She tried to go along with the good natured interaction and she found she actually liked being chatted up and the compliments that she was getting about her body and her smile, even if he was talking to her chest. Frank was harmless and just part of the show in the marketplace but it did make Kerry think about the time when she may want to take it further with a man. Kerry joked with Frank and told him he couldn’t handle the kind of woman she was and left him smiling.

On the way back home she saw Janet’s car near the unit, Kerry had made a decision to follow her own thoughts and if that hurt Janet it had to be. They had agreed earlier on that they would call and get permission to come around and never stalk the other persons home. Kerry pulled the car into her driveway and triggered the remote door for the car, Janet was straight behind her when she got out of the car. “I know I should have called but you didn’t answer my voice mail” she lamely told Kerry after seeing the look on her face.

“I had a good week and felt like chilling out” said Kerry, “the least you can do is help with my bags.” Janet grabbed a bag and followed Kerry into the unit, “is it okay if I come in now?” asked Janet making sure she had permission from Kerry. Kerry ignored the question hoping that Janet would get the disapproval but not wanting to be rude to Janet.

“I have to get this into the freezer and fridge before they get warm so if you want a drink feel free.” Janet put the kettle on and made drinks for both of them, she noticed the place was slightly messy and that all of the chairs had stuff on them. Kerry saw her looking and said “I had friends over last night after we went out dancing”, “dancing, since when did you dance?” choked Janet who had never seen Paul offer to dance anymore than the obligatory one. “There are many things that I do that you may find unusual or new, it’s just that I have found new things to do with my time” Kerry said with a hint of acid in her voice. Janet missed the acid, she always did unless it was in gallons rather than drops.

Kerry opened the back door to the patio and put her drink down, Janet followed with her drink and sat down. “Just going to change my top” said Kerry disappearing to the bedroom and removing her tank top and jeans and putting on a pair of very tight shorts over her bikini’s. Janet was looking towards the river when Kerry walked back outside, “I love the view from…” Janet started to say. With Kerry standing at the edge of the patio looking out her new figure made Janet freeze, partly with shock and partly with envy.

The tiny bikini top hardly covered anything, luckily the scar was very well hidden as well, the breasts had good shape and the doctor had created pert rather than sag. “Well do you approve of the new body?” Kerry asked Janet, “or should I get some more saline put into them. They only cost me $2200 US and $2000 for the FFS plus airfares and a small holiday so around seven grand all up”, she continued telling Janet about the facial work and the great treatment from the hospital staff.

“I didn’t realize that you would be doing this so quickly” said Janet obviously shocked at what she saw for the first time since their last argument. “I had a discussion with Bill about moving up the date of transition at work and it all fell into place so why not?” said Kerry turning to find her drink. “Have you planned the rest of the surgery yet?” asked Janet not really wanting to know about the final blow to their marriage. “I have to wait for nearly twelve months before making a booking so this time next year I’ll know when” Kerry told Janet in a ‘matter of fact’ manner.

Kerry thawed a little and let Janet off the hook, I guess thirty years counts for something even after divorce. “How did the week go, you never sent me an email on Friday night” she asked Kerry, they normally sent one email a week just to check up on each other. “Sorry I got invited out by the girls for drinks and yes, some dancing and totally forgot, we had a very late night” said Kerry.

“They haven’t had a problem with you at work?” questioned Janet, “no, the opposite is true the girls have adopted me into the club, sort of a group mum at my age” replied Kerry trying to make a joke about her age. “What about the guys are they OK with it all” Janet said assuming that they would have had something to say about it. Kerry told about the email and the discussion over drinks on Friday afternoon and how they had relaxed with her and appeared to understand her journey.

“I still have to face clients that know me but that may not be for several months if Bill can manage it” said Kerry, wondering what the clients would be told. They had talked about just introducing Kerry as a new person but the same surname may be a giveaway and her knowledge of the client site and operational stuff could tip it slightly. Kerry had talked with some of the clients before the surgery but had been careful not to mention SRS, just a little face work to help with the effects of weight loss.

It was nearly five o’clock and Kerry thought about inviting Janet for dinner, “would you like to stay for dinner?” she asked Janet. Janet blushed slightly, “I have a booking for dinner, thanks anyway” she quietly said, “OK let me know, you mean a date and it’s John isn’t it, I could tell he had the hots for you in the market” Kerry teased Janet but also tried to let her know that she approved of her choice. “Are you OK about that?” asked Janet wanting to keep things with Kerry on a good footing. “I told you last year that you deserved better than I could give you, of course I am happy for you” Kerry said as she hugged Janet and she meant it. “If he has a younger brother I could come along” Kerry joked but Janet couldn’t quite come at laughing.

Janet left and promised to tell all on email later in the week, Kerry finished putting the shopping away and cutting up the meat for the freezer. The house was quiet, too quiet and Kerry felt lonely again, the tears came as she put the cups in the dishwasher and she crumpled into a ball on the bed. Having a great new body and spending Kerry Time was one thing but having no one to spend it with was another, she needed some friends and a goal again. She lay there sobbing at her loss, had she made the wrong choices, could she have lived the rest of her life as a male with a mixed up mind?

Something broke in her, she lay there for over an hour letting it all flood out, until she thought it was all gone. She had crawled under the quilt and curled up into a child like position that made her feel safer. It was nearly seven before she finished her third round of sobbing, surely it must be all gone by now she thought to herself. Kerry forced herself out of bed and put some warmer clothes on over the bikini top, a sloppy jo as they were called, long legs, heels, shorts and a baggy sweat shirt, what a sight.

Kerry pulled out some leftovers and added a simple salad and slumped down in front of the TV, it was nearly seven thirty so something should be starting, another holiday show, places to go and things to do but no one to do it with and she felt herself heave from within again. The feelings were stronger than she had ever felt before and she wondered what had caused it, the divorce was easy enough, the legal side with the directors had worked out very well, Janet was having a date. That started it off again, Kerry thought she had let go but something just wouldn’t leave her alone, was it sharing Janet with someone else or her moving on and Kerry not moving on.

The TV show talked about lifestyle changes, a sea change they called it, surely she had undergone one of those already. Kerry put her food down and grabbed a glass of wine, actually she opened a new bottle of a very nice wine she had just found at a good price if you bought a case, which she did. She watched the goggle box and flicked the channels, ‘Got to get cable” she told herself, followed by “or maybe a life.”

The sun had gone down long ago and she had not closed the curtains, the moon was full and shone through the windows “that’s the problem, full moon” she thought. Stepping outside onto the patio she sipped her wine and watched the moon, it just hung there all alone but proud and bold, she wanted to be like that, proud and bold that is, not the alone part. Kerry refilled her glass and sat down on the chair overlooking the river and the moon reflecting on the water. It must have been a good hour before she realized it was getting cold and headed inside again and closed the doors and curtains. Her mobile beeped to show she had missed a voice mail, it was Janet thanking her for letting her go on a date and finished with “Loves you” not the thing she needed to hear right now but it was good for Janet.

Sunday dawned nice and early, the sun was already up and the weather was going to be nice and warm, low thirties and no wind until the “doctor” came in at 2pm. The Fremantle Doctor or the Docker as some called it, was the sea breeze that cooled the coastal region down in the early afternoon, great for sailing and docking old large sailing vessels in port. Kerry decided on a bike ride so after her shower and shave, yes she still needed to do some of those chores, she took out the bike grabbed a water bottle and bike bag and hit the cycle track.

Her shorts and t-shirt fitted much better after the surgery but she kept finding the weight of having boobs jiggling out front surprised her, time for a good sports bra she noted. That would be one of the highlights of the next week she decided, she needed a day off for a doctor's visit and chose to make it a clothes day as her new chest size had been slightly larger than she had planned before getting to Thailand. It was only when the plastic surgeon helped her with several implants in a special bra that she had chosen more. After all small girls with small boobs looked OK but larger girls, as in taller ones, could get away with a D size or more.

The sun bounced off her shoulders as she rode down the track, towards the city, the water was still and she felt at peace for once. The bike riders that came from behind enjoyed the views as well and many had to swerve to miss things on the track as they got distracted but Kerry was unaware of the trouble her shorts and legs created. The seat had been carefully chosen as Kerry had lumps and bumps in places that normal girls didn’t, even guys didn’t have them in the same place so riding was always to be done carefully. Kerry clamped the bike at one of the bike racks and took a walk along the shore, she had the backpack over her shoulder and was drinking from the water bottle and enjoying just being free to walk along. In her bag she had placed a cheese salad and some multigrain bread from the bakery yesterday, she chose a small lawned area and sat down to enjoy the view.

As she sat there she saw a couple of the old directors walking along talking, her initial thoughts were to run but she had no similarity to the person they sacked nearly two years ago. They walked closer and she watched them, they looked at her, then past her, she had not registered on their list of people they knew. Kerry could not help it anymore and put the food back into her backpack then stood up after they had passed her, she grabbed her bag and followed slowly behind them. When they stopped Kerry walked up to them and as she got close to them she started to speak.

“G’day guys I just wanted to thank you for the insurance money and the name is now Kerry in case you forget, Paul is long gone. All I wanted was an answer as to why you sacked me, but the money will actually help me to become more of the woman you hated so much”

Before they could react she was walking away from them wiggling her hips more than normally, and swinging the bag in her hand. She was amazed at the nerve she felt but had wanted to do this for so long. Had she turned around she would have seen two guys just standing there with mouths open watching her walk down the ramp to the water. This was really messing with their minds.

Kerry kept walking along the beach and finally sat down when she knew that she would be out of sight of the two guys. She went through her bag and picked out her mobile phone and called Janet, “guess who I just saw” she asked Janet “and guess what I told them.” Janet laughed at the comment and wished she could have seen their faces.

Kerry asked how the date had gone and Janet just made comments about the food and the music and not John which meant that she was keeping quiet about something, “and what else happened” she asked Janet. “Nothing else that I need to tell you about” she joked and Kerry actually believed her.

They hung up and Kerry kept walking along the beach, the water was so inviting and Kerry had put her one piece bathers on under the shorts, she thought about just paddling her feet and stripped off her t-shirt and shoes leaving just her shorts on. The water was nice and she got carried away as she waded out, her shorts got wet so she plunged in and got wet all over. The wind was still slight so drying off in the sun was quite nice, she lay on the sand and let the sun soak into her skin. Kerry reached into her bag and took out the salad and bread, she washed her hands in the sea and came back to sit on her towel and eat lunch.

Joanne was walking along the foreshore with a friend when she spotted Kerry and ran over to her, “don’t you look the beach bunny” said Jo as she hugged Kerry. The friend came and sat down with them both, Sonja was working at a local company as the accountant and had met Jo during one of the implementations last year. They sat and talked for a few minutes before heading off for ice creams and invited Kerry to come along, she didn’t want to eat fattening foods but went along for the company.

The three girls went for ice creams and Kerry grabbed an iced tea, it had become her favorite drink since starting her diet nearly a year ago. They were going to the pictures at four and asked Kerry if she wanted to join them, Kerry accepted but said she would ride home, get changed and meet them at four. Kerry walked to her bike and rode home, it was just after three by the time she arrived and headed straight for the shower.

Kerry chose a knee length cream skirt and light weight blouse over her white bra and silk knickers, her white heels and conservative makeup looked very nice along with the slight red shading from a day in the sun. Kerry parked her car in the parking station and walked over to the cinema just as Jo and Sonja reached the front counter, they bought tickets and entered the cinema carrying popcorn and drinks. The film was “Stepping Out” standard dirty dancing, good guy learns to dance movie, and makes out with the lead girl. It was only around six when they left the cinema so Jo suggested a bite to eat and maybe a drink or two, Kerry had no desire to go home and be alone again so she agreed to follow along. They ate in a fairly busy Italian café, the other two ordered a large meat lovers Pizza and Kerry ordered her normal chicken salad, gaining weight was still a risk for her with the hormones making everything change. The evening crowd came and went as the girls talked and all along Sonja had no idea that Kerry was anything but what she looked, a very normal middle aged woman.

Next time - Kerry and the doctor have serious talks, Jo helps Kerry into the singles scene and Kerry takes Jo shopping.

BTW - I have tried breaking up the chapter with more speech breaks, does it help?