A surprise from the legal system, the first meeting of Kerry and the Ex.
A change of viewpoint and Kerry keeps emerging.

Enjoy!

The hormones kept working and so did the salon to make the girl Paul wanted to see again. Electrolysis was expensive and had a side effect that lasted for several days so could not be done on visible areas during normal working periods. A hospital in Mt Lawley offered tracheal shaving as elective surgery and could be done over a long weekend so after lodging the divorce papers Paul scheduled day surgery for a Friday of a 3 day weekend. The operation would also make some adjustment to the voice box and raise the voice pitch at the same time for under three grand. On the day of the surgery Paul was both nervous and very excited and as he went under general anesthetic his prayer was that he would wake up and still have a voice, only higher pitched. Swallowing for the next few days was hard but by Tuesday the pain had gone and so had most of the redness that he blamed on sunburn when he went back to work on the Tuesday.

The court had appointed a mediator to help the divorce negotiations but Paul and Janet had decided on some very basic things, the company would stay in place as it gave the best long term security for both Janet and Paul. The household goods had already been split evenly, Janet took the newer car and Paul the older one and a small credit card debt. The yacht had already been sold and used to offset the loans and credit card debts, it was meant to bring Joy but had missed the mark badly. The mediator was happy that everything would be amicable as it reduced the stress on everyone and made less paperwork, the divorce would be easy to process and only take a few extra months given the separation time. The kids had been supportive of both parents and said that they wanted to try and understand what Paul was going through even if they had ideas that were based more on the media image than reality. Occasionally they would meet Paul for coffee or lunch during the week but agreed that they would only visit his flat on invitation to give him privacy. Emails and internet messenger worked well for two of them and long phone calls for the other but slowly they saw the changes and knew that their father was vanishing before their eyes.

Andrew called a few weeks later on and asked Paul to come into the office for some paperwork, “is this going to be more money?” asked Paul with his typical whit. Andrew told him to just come in and not to worry; it would be mostly good news and arranged to meet Paul the next day around mid afternoon. Paul went home after the morning and changed into a far more casual look than he would normally use to visit the lawyers office. Andrew had not seen Paul since before the split as most of their conversations took place over the phone, Andrew had to come to terms with some very obvious changes in Paul that now presented such as far less weight, longer hair, gentler facial features, longer nails with what Andrew thought was a hint of light pink nail polish and very light coat of lipstick. These were just two things that Paul had adopted to increase a feeling of femininity, he loved the feeling of lipstick as he worked or sat reading at home. Although Andrew had known about Kerry from his brief about the dismissal it still came as a shock to see the changes.

As Paul sat listening to Andrew he heard about the sudden change in situation, Andrew had made an appointment with the lawyers for the directors and had outlined the marriage split and that the claim for damages would be increased in line with the split. The result was an out of court settlement by the insurance company under the Directors and Officers section; incidentally it was put in place by Paul prior to being sacked. The directors had accepted liability for wrongful dismissal and not following due process while the insurers agreed to half of the limit of the policy instead of a court case. Andrew put a document in front of Paul for him to read and then sign, a Notice of Release, to be signed by both parties. It contained the usual disclaimers and accepting of no further rights or claims that were standard in legal proceedings. The fine print included the settlement amount of $1m as final and total settlement.

Paul froze as he read the fine print and had to ask Andrew if he was joking about the amount, he had no thoughts of money when he started the process. The Directors had taken advice and with the help of the insurers agent it was seen that the case could cause a much higher figure if they pursued action against Paul. The money would be released within 28 days into the lawyers trust account, his costs would be deducted but still around $950,000 would be passed onto Paul. It didn’t take more than a second for Paul to ask for the money to be split to both of them although Andrew advised that the money was legally only Paul’s as Janet had no claim on it as the claim was in his name only.

Leaving the lawyers he speed dialed Janet’s mobile, she would be nearly home and he wanted to tell her about the settlement. Paul asked if he could come around as he had some special news, Janet now preferred a neutral place for coffee where she could walk away if she felt like it, so it was down to the port and cappuccino strip. As Paul walked up to the café Janet could see Paul and she couldn’t help but see some of the changes over the last eight months, the hips, the waist, the way he walked and the hair was now shoulder length and most definitely an unusual cut. He stepped up to the table and pulled out the chair to sit on at the table, she noticed the length of his light pink nails and the piercing in both ears, her husband was changing and only now had she really noticed it.

They both ordered coffees and Janet ordered cake with Paul declining saying that he didn’t feel hungry, actually he was close to goal weight and was looking forward to fitting into a size 10 or lower. Paul told Janet about the lawyers work to finish the claim, the “Without Prejudice” acceptance of wrong doing and the dropping of the counter claim. Of course the fees had gone up to $50,000 but they had a result, Janet choked on her cake at the cost and was concerned about paying the bill. Paul didn’t leave her long, “they have settled out of court, do you want to know how much?” he asked Janet, “we never asked for money” replied Janet. Paul told her about Andrew’s work and the insurance policy he had put in place to cover such mistakes by the directors and the limit being $2m, he then told her that he had been given $1m minus the bills.

Janet was glad it was over and that the bill would not hurt her but she had no money and Paul had it all. “I have instructed Andrew to send you 400 grand when it arrives” he told Janet, she just sat there stunned. “Are you sure you want to do this after all it was you they hurt?” she asked but Paul had made up his mind and told her to stop arguing and just accept it when it arrived. The tension she felt lifted as she started thinking about the future and how to spend the money, a new unit, a new car and some for later. Paul had already done the planning and as they shared their plans they were identical, as always, Janet chose a lifestyle village near the beach and Paul thought about buying the river side unit in East Perth he rented, Janet wanted a new car with better fuel economy and Paul said he was thinking about a Mercedes SLK230 coupe 2 door for around $55k, well almost the same as Janet.

Janet asked Paul about the changes that were now very obvious, where was Paul heading and was he sure that it wouldn’t hurt his future, Paul had been prepared for this talk and had a point by point plan to share with Janet. “I am not sure how far I will go but I have decided that some of the time I want to live as Kerry” he told her. “I guessed that much when you walked out but how far will you go?” Paul started slowly and went back over the last few years and talked about not knowing where he sat in the TG spectrum, doubts and fears of being controlled by everyone’s preconceived ideas. “Ultimately I want to find out what it is like” he said “and I know that may hurt you.” Janet thought about the last few years and how much Paul had shared about his feelings and the confusion in his mind let alone the hurt of being sacked and loosing friends. She had to admit it was not her choice but it was now solely Paul’s choice to make and only he would take the pain if it went wrong. “I haven’t made a final decision about sex change surgery, yet” he said knowing that it was only partly true. Janet watched as Paul had flicked his hair and played with the earrings that she could now see clearly, the hand movements were more like a woman and then the bumps in his shirt became obvious to her. She just looked at him and knew that he had made up his mind and sooner or later Kerry would be out and about. “When can I meet Kerry, it’s about time I saw what she looks like?” she asked Paul. “I hadn’t expected that, would you like to come for dinner on Saturday?” he replied trying to gather his thoughts.

The meeting finished shortly after they chose a time for dinner and Paul walked back to his car wondering what to wear for his coming out to Janet. Paul rang Jill at the salon on the next day and asked about a special session after work on Thursday and could they do his nails as well. Paul told Bill that he would be working from home on Friday but it was so he could get ready for Saturday. Thursday night came around quickly and Paul raced home straight after work, showered, shaved, changed hair style and fitted the breast forms into the bra cups, a modest amount of makeup to just hide the male features then some nice lipstick. A pair of tight jeans and a thin sweater that covered the bra straps, she put on a pair of knee hi’s and heels to complete the look. Kerry put on her necklace, some rings and a watch then picked up her keys, this would be the second time out but one that had been prepared over the last seven months. The salon was always empty by the time Kerry got there so the only concern would be the owners reaction to Kerry being there instead of Paul. Driving in heels was no problem and one she had done several times in the country or late at night, the drive was only a few minutes and Kerry could have walked the distance in just over fifteen minutes but the car was safer.

Kerry parked the car near the front door and could see Jill inside just tidying up after the last client had left. She waited trying to calm her nerves before opening the door of her car, she walked up to the salon and entered as Jill came out from the back room, “sorry, we are closed tonight but I can make an appointment for tomorrow if you wish” she told Kerry. “Jill, I have an appointment for tonight check your book for Paul” Kerry told Jill with a smile on her face and a stunned look on Jill’s face. “About time I saw the real you” she replied after hugging Kerry “it has been a long time coming hasn’t it” as Jill turned the lock on the door and put out the external light and sign. Jill tossed Kerry’s hair around and ran her fingers through it while she thought about how she could help Kerry become clearer. “What about a hint of colour or do you still have to be plain old Paul at work?” she asked “just a small hint would be fine but don’t make it too bold, I don’t want to come out too much just yet.” Jill had a quick look at the booking and saw that nails had been circled as an optional extra, “let me just make a phone call before we start” Jill said. As Kerry had her hair washed and Jill started to trim the hair into a more ladylike style the front door opened and in walked one of the other workers. “This is Karen, she does the nails and some extras that I know you will love” Jill said introducing Karen to Kerry. “Jill made no mention of Paul and just let Karen get on with her preparation. The style Kerry had been working towards could be used by either Paul or Kerry depending on how it was blown dry or combed but real nails would be much harder to hide and so would thinner eyebrows.

Jill finished cutting the hair and applying the dye as Karen moved to her table and asked Kerry what shape she wanted for her nails. As the hair dye was working, Karen filed Kerry’s fingernails into the shape Kerry had asked for, buffed them and prepared for the nail polish. Acrylic’s would have been great but not just for a weekend. Jill washed out the dye and then used the blow dryer to shape the hair into the style Kerry had chosen. Karen finished the nails and applied three full coats of colour and enamel cover, “they should last for at least a week as long as you aren’t a mechanic” she laughed. Jill nearly choked at the comment but Kerry simply replied that she was into computers and hoped the keyboard was gentle on her.

When Karen finished the nails Jill suggested that a bit of makeup work would be good for Kerry to go with the new hairstyle and nails. Jill wheeled out a trolley with a huge makeup kit on it and a magnifying mirror, “let me just trim those eye brows for you and thin them out a little” suggested Jill knowing that little adjustments would be needed. Over the next half an hour Jill and Karen made small changes and applied a subtle makeover that made her eyes stand out and complimented the new hair colouring.

They didn’t let Kerry see her face until they finished but when they were both happy Jill turned the chair so that Kerry could see the mirror. The small changes made major impact on her mind and emotions, she wanted to cry but knew it would mess up the makeup, she wanted to sit there and take it all in. Karen could sense that something was happening within this girl but had no idea why a simple makeover would make a girl get so close to crying.

When Karen had packed up and left it was just Kerry and Jill standing there, “would you like to go for a drink and a chat” asked Jill. Kerry was still looking at herself in the mirror with thoughts running through her head about Sydney, the future, the past, how good she looked, “sorry I was deep in dream world, what did you say?” Jill asked again and assured Kerry that she looked good enough to go outside into public. Jill closed the shop and offered to drive if Kerry wanted to leave her car at the shop, so they headed off to South Perth for coffee.

Kerry sat in the car and tried to make the adjustments to her mind, the body was changing in small amounts but suddenly the hair and face had made major changes. Jill pulled up and parked the car near the foreshore and a café that was still open, there were a number of outside tables overlooking the water towards the city lights on the other side. Jill had already gone and paid for the parking ticket and was placing it on her car as Kerry was still slowly climbing out of her side trying very hard to remember the correct posture, trying to come to terms with who she was and get the nerves under control. Jill took her by the arm and half led her and half dragged her into the café as they chose a seat facing the window and waited for the waiter. Kerry was nervous as this was a major step for her, out as the girl she wanted to be but who could tell that she was really a guy. Jill ordered a bottle of wine and some Turkish bread and dip since she was ready for dinner while Kerry drank the first glass in record time, a sure signs of nerves. Jill suggested that some real food would be good while they talked.

Jill looked at Kerry and saw her looking all around the café checking out the patrons and understood her concern. “How often do you get out in public as Kerry?” she asked, “this is my second time out fully dressed, why?” “Relax, they are more concerned in their food and wine than playing spot the man in a dress, anyway you look fantastic and even Karen couldn’t tell.” Kerry leaned towards her and quietly said “what they see and what I feel may be the same but inside I still have the fear of being laughed at.” As they sat there for a good hour Kerry told Jill about the journey, Jill asked questions and assured Kerry that she looked good. Out of the corner of her eye she watched a couple of business guys who kept looking over at them but mainly at Kerry. Jill would become a good sounding board over the next year and they would have many Thursday evening meals together after work.

Jill dropped her off at her car with a hug and cheek kiss, “you were fine tonight and no one was laughing at you or even noticed any difference” Jill said as she closed the car door and drove off. Kerry started to drive home but changed her mind instead she decided to head back to the riverfront for a walk along the foreshore and time to think. She parked the car in a 15 minute spot that wouldn’t require a ticket and looked up and down the foreshore for people. After a few minutes of checking and rechecking she stepped out of the car and closed the door, stepping onto the pavement made the classic noise that she loved.

The moon was out and the sea breeze had vanished, a perfect night for a walk along the riverfront and Kerry did walk for nearly an hour, stopping regularly to enjoy the view or check for people. The tour boats and river ferries had stopped for the night, the cafes had closed by the time she got back to her car with her confidence and peace of mind greatly improved. She had come to a new point in her understanding of whom she was and where she was going. Kerry drove home just a bit lighter and less troubled than before, and all due to a change of hair style and a coat of paint as Paul would have said if he was still around.

That night she left the makeup on and slept in her bra and nightie almost as a sign of coming out at last but she also wanted to hold onto the feelings. This was not like the time in Sydney where there was no choice of not going back, this was her decision to continue with life as Kerry, it was probably this day that made the final decision easier for her, going back was not a thing she wanted. She slept well but had major cleaning to do the next morning what with Panda Eye’s and makeup all over the pillowcase.

Friday was a day to clean the house and prepare for Janet’s visit on Saturday evening, she also called Jill and thanked her for all her help the night before and could she do a quick makeup job last thing on Saturday afternoon. Kerry did the house work, then made a bold decision to go shopping at a small local supermarket so she replicated the outfit and look of last night. She chose flat heeled shoes rather than high heels, being five ten drew enough attention for a girl, let alone a guy with boobs. The shopping centre was not crowded at midday as she expected so made a straight line for the trolleys and started shopping, the canned food and household bits were easy to get. Kerry took longer to choose some extras from the makeup area selecting some of the things she saw Karen use last night. All the time she checked out the other shoppers who simply ignored her, if they did look they just smiled and kept going, too busy to care less.

After going through the checkout and paying cash she returned to the car and put the bags in the boot then decided to go shopping for real. Up until this point her shopping had been mainly on line except for the Renee’s home and Lisa’s lingerie shop. Kerry carried her shoulder bag containing her wallet and keys as well as her phone which rang while she was standing in the mall centre, she looked at the name on the display, it was one of her clients and they would keep her talking for quite a while so she let it go to message bank.

Kerry walked around looking in windows before settling on a shop with some very pretty clothes and accessories, the salesperson was middle aged and looked quite friendly. The clothes were more her age and as she browsed the salesperson came over and made suitable comments and questions as to colour and style that Kerry liked. The red dress with mid length sleeves would be about four inches above her knees and with a black belt could be added to black shoes and bag. Kerry was use to having Renee choose her size and it always fitted due to local quality control and consistent sizing so Kerry was prepared to just buy it but the saleswoman suggested that she should try it on as sizes varied between suppliers.

Kerry quickly looked at the change rooms, doors not curtains, “OK but I have to be quick” she said. As she entered the cubicle she locked the door and took a deep breath before shedding her sweater and jeans, luckily she had put on pantyhose rather than those horrible knee highs that Paul always teased Janet about but even Kerry had found them to be useful with jeans and sandals. The dress fitted well and at just under $50 it was an easy purchase decision, “is everything OK dear?” asked the salesperson, “fine thanks, I think I need a jacket or something to go with this though” Kerry told her. “Leave it on and come out I think I have a wrap that will match as well” called out the woman as she headed back into the shop front. Kerry pushed herself out of the cubicle in her stocking feet and walked into the shop area, “this will help if it gets chilly at night” she said handing a long sleeved black semi see through wrap that tied under the bust. After another few minutes Kerry had bought the dress and wrap, a new handbag and a chunky red and black bead necklace. This time she used her EFTPOS/Debit card and made sure she held the card so the salesperson couldn’t see the name on it.

Leaving the shop she tried to forget about the cost, after all she had just been told about her windfall of nearly a million dollars. She found herself swinging her bags and hips as she strolled around the centre starting to relax at last. Kerry had not planned to shop but the afternoon went very quickly as she enjoyed shoe shopping, 3 pairs, boots, black high heels and a pair of white kitten heels. Another shop with t-shirt tops, tank tops and woolen tops to make use of the layered affect that was becoming so popular. The jean shop had specials on and suddenly the girl knew all about retail therapy and how good it felt.

Kerry selected a pair of boot cut jeans and a jacket to match, heading for the change rooms she was shocked by finding curtains instead of doors but she was committed to shopping and entered the cubicle. Kerry dropped her old jeans and put on the new ones and the jacket, stepping into the common area to use the full length mirror. “They would look good with boots” said one of the other customers and Kerry remembered the pair she had just bought, “thanks, I just got some” she replied turning for her shopping bag. As she sat there and put on the boots there was not a hint of Paul anywhere in sight, in fact he had been missing since last night. Kerry looked at the image in the mirror and had to agree she was nothing like the 120kg photo in the hallway back at home, she had lost over 55kg and had toned up with daily bike rides or the treadmill.

After two hours Kerry stopped for a drink and went through her shopping bags as she sat in the mall enjoying the time, there was something missing she thought. Looking at the mall and the long line of shop signs hanging down she scanned each of them looking for clues, she had shoes, a skirt, jeans, tops, bags, jewelry and even most of her makeup needs. Lingerie and hosiery had never been a problem unless you count the over flowing drawer problem. She sat there drinking her iced tea and picked at the sandwiches trying to find the missing link, what was it that was so obviously missing but so hard to see. Kerry finished and left the food mall and returned to browsing the shops which were becoming busier as school was out.

The shop that caught her attention was at the end of the mall near the entrance doors, it contained small articles for the home, she looked around and found a statue of a girl and boy in matching outfits holding hands. It was at that time she knew what was missing, Janet was missing from her life and the loss was sudden and caused her to leave the shop quickly and head for the safety of her car. The tears flowed freely as she sat there trying to stop them, the thought of hurting Janet and the kids, the thought of spending years alone, more tears flowed. It was a good twenty minutes before Kerry thought she could drive safely but looking in the mirror the look was far from good, the eye liner and mascara had run and her entire face needed fixing. She had purchased some facial cleaning clothes in her shopping so stepped out of the car and opened the boot. A few minutes later and the face was at least clean although the red eyes and plain look would have been slightly scary to any young kids.

Arriving home she unloaded the car and put away the shopping, her meat and veg shopping were always Saturday morning events. The clothes and shoes lay on her bed but the sadness made her leave them there and she went to the office to check her email trying to distract her from facing the pain. The sadness flowed again as she read an email from Janet thanking her for the offer of the money but that she would rather have her husband back than any amount of money. She talked about her feelings of loss and the concern at life without anyone to share it with but it was obviously something they both needed to talk through. Janet would even consider allowing some Kerry Time if that would make it better. By now the thought of some Kerry Time and some Paul time was not on the table, it was heading towards “No Paul Time”. The offer of dinner was suddenly becoming a bad choice and Kerry felt the stress rising inside her head, remembering the confusion of the last two years made her more resolved.

Kerry closed the lid of the laptop and went back into the kitchen to make a cuppa, work could wait until Monday but the clothes should be hung up and put away. She stood in the bedroom in just her bra, pants and pantyhose looking at all of the clothes on the bed deciding which ones to try on first. The denim skirt and t-shirt and tank top with the kitten heels looked good but not the thing for her introduction to Janet. The jeans and blouses would all work, the boots made a great casual look, in the end Kerry chose the jeans and white sandals with a thin light blue sweater that had a low cut neckline, she had bought it on e-Bay and a necklace of dark blue stones and gold wrist bands.

The phone rang as she stood there and it was Janet asking about the email, she was concerned that it would be seen as manipulation and didn’t want to hurt Paul. They talked for several minutes until Paul said “look, why don’t you come over now, I’ll throw something together and we can talk about it.” Janet asked if Kerry was offering or Paul as she needed to talk to both, “Kerry will be here and you can meet her, but Paul is always present, so just come over.” Janet hung up after saying she would be about an hour. Kerry looked in the mirror and headed for the bathroom.

A quick shower followed by new makeup and the new clothes and blow dry the hair into the new style that Jill had designed. She had just finished putting on her rings and necklace when the door bell sounded, no time for getting nervous it had taken years for Janet to get to this point and Kerry was the best she had ever been. Kerry opened the door and held out her hand to introduce herself to Janet, “hello Janet my name is Kerry I’m glad we finally get to meet.”

Although Janet had seen some of the changes they seemed to have escalated in the last three days as she silently shook her hand and stepped inside, Kerry took the bottle of wine that Janet was holding tightly and led her into the lounge room before closing the front door. Janet could see an attractive woman dressed in smart and very modern clothes that made her look about late thirties rather than the fifty she was. As Janet checked out Kerry’s clothes and makeup she saw the colour hi-lights in her hair “you can’t say that you don’t dye your hair anymore can you?” Janet said nervously, Kerry flicked her hair and asked “do you like the colour then or should I get it lighter?”

Janet was just a little shocked at how good Kerry looked; she still had images of drag queens and scantily dressed dancers in the pride parade. Janet noticed that the boobs were not size FF or pointed like darts but very well balanced with Kerry’s figure which was surprisingly narrow around the waist. The cleavage created by the breast forms and careful shading with makeup looked very real and she had to remind herself that Paul had next to nothing a few days ago.

Janet had never been to Paul’s place before and was quite impressed that everything was so neat and tidy, but it was the river views that drew her to the window as Kerry poured a glass of wine for her. When Janet turned around she saw the old photo on the wall, the whole family but with Paul as 120kg and standing directly in front of her was a very well trimmed, confident and much younger looking woman wearing some very nice clothes. Sensing what Janet was thinking Kerry jokingly said “I didn’t want to scare you off by wearing my leathers and whips” then seeing a blank look on her face added “that’s a joke Joyce.” Janet had missed it but caught up and started to laugh, “I’ve missed your sense of humor and jokes these last months.”

Kerry showed Janet around the unit and the garden that she was beginning to get into shape. The treadmill was sitting under the verandah looking towards the river and Janet slipped off her shoes and turned it on, “I need to buy one of these” she told Kerry. “You always said that but never got around to buying one, it really helped me tone up’ Kerry said slapping her backside. “Okay I hear what you are saying just don’t rub it in” Janet gasped as the treadmill was getting faster “that’s enough for me” she said turning it off.

Moving back inside the unit Janet went into Kerry’s bedroom and saw all of the clothes spread over the bed, “I thought you were always tidy, what’s this?” she asked Kerry. “I went food shopping and couldn’t help but buy some things for myself, what do you think?” Kerry asked Janet. Janet had already picked up some of the clothes and held them up to her body, Janet didn’t need to know that she had no chance of fitting into them. “Very nice, you should take me shopping again some time,” “I would love to do that with you again as long as I can also buy things for myself” said Kerry. This was one thing missing from her life, a shopping buddy that she could go out with and spend money especially now that she had a decent amount of it. “Whenever you are ready just call me” suggested Kerry, hoping that Janet would not take too long to do it but needed her to make the step not Kerry.

Janet took a drink from her glass and looked into the wardrobe, more than half of the clothes were Kerry’s and Paul had only a few basic work things, trousers, shirts and one pair of shoes and sneakers. Kerry had skirts, dresses, slacks, six pairs of shoes, jeans, sweaters, all in bright colours and neatly arranged in order. A pile of tops sat on the shelf and Janet would have been very happy to own any of them, her own wardrobe had gone down hill since the separation. One thing she never saw was a single item of her own clothing, she had assumed that Paul had taken some of it when he left but Paul had made a determined effort to take nothing but his own stuff even though it was tempting he knew that he had to do it.

Kerry looked into the fridge and saw that there was nothing suitable to eat as fresh meat and veg came on Saturday and today was Friday night. “What about I take you out somewhere?’ she asked Janet, slightly shocked at suggesting that she go out dressed like this but after the shopping trip she felt good about being seen. “Are you OK going out like that…” Janet started to say “sorry I didn’t mean to sound like I was putting you down, actually even I am having trouble recognizing you and I’ve slept with you for thirty years.” Kerry looked at Janet, who was tired and hurting and trying very hard to keep it civilized with Paul. “You need to have a night out, lets go” Kerry said grabbing her hand bag and keys “come on my shout, I think I can afford it.”

Janet slipped into her place in the Subaru where she had ridden many times as if nothing had changed except for the woman sitting next to her. The feelings raced through her head as Kerry chose a restaurant and dialed ahead to confirm a booking, it was one of her favorites due to the water front and small intimate tables for two, or one in her case. The drive was fairly short and Janet just sat there trying to get it together in her mind, she loved Paul but also found Kerry very easy to like, it was Paul but in a different form and that messed with her head. To love a woman was wrong but his was her husband, but she looked different, Janet was beginning to see the same conflict Paul and Kerry had gone through. Can you love a person despite their appearance? Of course you can, do you love the person or the look, what about their nature and values, their sense of living and loving life. It wasn’t quite the penny dropping but something happened.

The waiter showed them both to an outside table and a menu brought over for each of them, they each chose and a glass of wine for Janet. Dinner was pleasant and over coffees they talked about work, and the kids, how they thought they would spend their portions of the money. “I bet you’ll buy hundreds of clothes and shoes” laughed Janet “then have to buy a larger house.” “And you’ll probably keep it all in the bank and not enjoy it” shot back Kerry with a laugh, just to hide the truth in what she had said. Janet had actually thought about that as being security for the future despite having two homes as investment and a decent super scheme. “Do you need to talk about the email?” Kerry asked Janet, “I thought I did but after seeing you I am more confused about what I want let alone what you need.” “Just start at the beginning and take it slowly” suggested Kerry letting Janet define her concerns and feelings rather than presuming she knew them, Kerry had learnt some things during her counseling sessions.

Janet talked about the loneliness and fear of a future without anyone, the hurt that came up each time she saw a program on TV about deception, or just sitting at home wondering how Paul was going. Kerry told Janet about shopping today and missing her, the figurines in the shop and twenty minutes of tears in the car. “I now know about crying with makeup on” she joked, “not a very sexy look is it”, “you need to get waterproof makeup if you intend on crying a lot” said Janet trying to laugh but she could see that Kerry was hiding some of the same feelings as she was. “Is there any chance for Paul and Janet?” asked Janet half knowing the answer was going to be no, “or is there a chance for Janet and Kerry to be friends?” Kerry had one other option but thought that Janet would freak out at it, she decided to go for broke as she was learning to speak her mind rather than keep silent.

“Paul probably won’t exist in a year’s time, in fact I haven’t seen him all day” Kerry stated, making a statement that as some would say is stating the bleeding obvious. “We could be more than friends but that may be too hard for you to think about right now”, Janet wanted to know what Kerry thought that would look like, she loved Paul and missed him being around but Kerry was so like him when she closed her eyes. The love was still there but the ground rules had changed, the conflict in beliefs and society acceptance, the kids, the church. All these things made it very difficult to handle, but it was an option just not yet.

Kerry paid the bill and drove home along the river foreshore, she knew Janet would enjoy it, “Why don’t you stay overnight I have a spare bed if you want, no sex expected or offered.” Janet wanted desperately to take Paul in her arms but couldn’t find him anywhere in the unit, she decided to accept the offer to stay overnight, going home would be too hard. Janet offered to make a hot chocolate drink but Kerry informed her that she never bought anything like that as it added on the weight. Janet wanted to sit in bed and talk but knew that was not proper, however after laying out a bed for Janet Kerry said she could come and sit in her bed for a while and finish the glass of wine she had started three hours earlier. They sat there Kerry on the right hand side and Janet on the left hand side, just like a year ago, just like the last thirty years and everything seemed normal, just one of the bodies had changed significantly. Kerry had given Janet one of her nighties to wear so both girls sat up in bed dressed very much alike.

They didn’t talk much and Janet wanted to slide down next to Kerry for a hug, she asked if she could have a cuddle, “go on then I guess you need one” replied Kerry sliding into the bed. The next morning they woke to the sound of lawn mowing it was nearly nine o’clock and Janet had not slept that much for nearly twelve months. Janet reached over and kissed Kerry gently on the cheek, “my turn to make breakfast, what do you eat nowadays?” asked Janet. While Janet prepared breakfast, Kerry had a quick shower and shave and redid her basic makeup, getting back into bed as the tray was carried into the bedroom.

Janet had made boiled eggs and found some frozen bread in the freezer so a couple of slices of toast sat on a plate, Kerry had her yoghurt, no juice or milk, just black tea. They both sat there like two school kids that had done something wrong and neither wanted to talk about it. “We only slept together, nothing else happened” said Janet “anyway we are still technically married for the next few months at least.” Kerry looked at her seeing that the last comment was aimed at her.

“Is this what your option would look like” asked Janet trying to continue the conversation from the night before. “I am not sure, it would have to have some fun in it as well otherwise you would get grumpy” Kerry joked.

Since leaving Janet the whole question of sex had been a non-issue, adultery was not on and dating men was definitely not a choice but now she had made her mind up about where she was going just not who she would take with her on the journey. “I think it could look like this, but it would have to be your choice” continued Kerry “what would you be happy and comfortable with?” Janet had too many questions in her own mind and said so asking if they could talk again over the months ahead.

Janet went for a shower as Kerry cleaned away the dishes and tidied up the kitchen, she needed to do the shopping before the good stuff was all gone, the local growers market had organic vegetables that she had taken a liking to. The butcher also made some very lean packs that she found suitable for making just one meal freezer lots out of. Janet came out in one of Kerry’s toweling bath coats while drying her hair, “I love the feel of this robe” she said. “Be nice to me and I’ll buy you one for Christmas” joked Kerry but at the same time was hoping that they could get back to having a better relationship than the last year of tension and anger.

“I have to do some shopping for food, do you want to come with me or are you going home?” asked Kerry, “who’s going Kerry or Paul?” replied Janet. “If you will help me get ready, it will be Kerry” said Kerry, “I don’t think I can teach you anything after last night” replied Janet but feeling pleased to be asked. Kerry went to the bedroom and opened the wardrobe to select her shopping clothes, the weather was fine so anything would be acceptable, Janet came into the bedroom to watch her. Kerry chose an off-white peasant skirt with handkerchief cut, a pale yellow t-shirt and white tank top and a broad brown belt with brown and yellow necklace. She sat down at the makeup table and applied a layer of foundation and cover to hide any hair growth for the rest of the day. Mascara and eyeliner made her eyes stand out so a light brush with the blusher just gave her some colouring to the cheeks. Kerry put on several bracelets and rings, she chose a lipstick that matched her new nails and used a pencil to outline the shape she wanted before applying the main colour and finished with a glossy coat for that wet look that was fashionable.

Janet watched all of this and felt very intimidated by the girl that looked back from the mirror, “you make me look so dowdy” she told Kerry. “Okay, sit down and do exactly as I say, school is in” commanded Kerry making Janet sit in front of the lighted mirror.

Starting with foundation she told her to cover her entire face, “no you have to do everywhere” she snapped at Janet and then dusted her face with powder. Then she talked about her eyes and how they could be made to sparkle, eyeliner that gave an impression of larger eyes and shadow that lifted the surrounding area. Kerry made Janet go over some areas twice as Janet’s natural choice was for less of everything, the mascara was a good example, Janet never used it but Kerry made her do it three times until they stood out clearly. Kerry chose a lipstick to match her nails then changed her mind, you need to have your nails done again let me do them for you.

Kerry cleaned the nails, pushed back the quick and buffed them to a nice finish before applying a base coat of clear polish. Janet was amazed at the things that Kerry was able to do that she had never seen while living with Paul, Kerry finished off with two coats of a deep plum colour and then handed Janet a lipstick to match. While Janet applied her lippy Kerry reached into the back of the wardrobe where her older and bigger clothes hung and removed a blouse for Janet, it wouldn’t fit Kerry anymore but it would just fit Janet if she rolled the cuffs up slightly. “Now do the lipstick again in a darker shade” Kerry told Janet as she handed her a second tube, “now apply some of this to make them wet.” As Janet looked at her face in the mirror she had to admit it made her look younger and less stressed, a brighter face with stunning eyes that held your attention.

Janet had only come around for a chat and had not intended to go out eating or shopping so Kerry handed her some clothes and told her to get dressed. Janet was horrified to think that she would fit into Kerry’s clothes but looking at Kerry she suddenly had the thought that she may not fit into them, Kerry had lost so much weight. The blouse looked good on Janet and the skirt made her look thinner but it was the eyes that held her attention.

“Sorry I don’t have any seamed stockings that are your size but we are only going food shopping not man shopping” joked Kerry but Janet realized that she may not be joking one day. Kerry picked a bag for Janet and one for herself, “get your tissues and purse and lets go shopping girl” said Kerry with a hint of cheekiness that Janet found funny as Paul was always very straight laced. Kerry picked up her canvas environmentally friendly shopping bags and headed out to the car, Janet was caught on the hop and had to scoot to catch up. They locked the doors and got into the car, the garage had remote doors to allow Kerry to come and go in the car as she pleased, this was an important item when she chose the unit. Janet sat in the front passengers seat again and let Kerry drive, again it seemed very natural to be there and let Kerry drive.

The local growers market was close but the parking meant a short walk past shops and cafes, the hair salon and the local wine store, “just got to cancel an appointment for today” said Kerry stepping into the salon. Jill saw her come in and went to meet her, “Hi Jill, Janet has dropped in and needs some help, is it alright if I cancel the appointment?’ she asked quietly. “No problems, anyway looking at your face you don’t need me anymore” complimented Jill, “are you going out somewhere special?” Kerry told her about Janet’s feeling sad about the divorce and how she had needed to get out of the house and do something so Kerry had planned some food shopping and then a picnic near the river. “Enjoy yourself and we can catch up later, see ya luv” Jill said turning to see Janet’s face outside, Jill’s thoughts and Kerry’s were not in sync at this point but Jill would work on her. Kerry left the salon waving to Jill through the window, “she seems very friendly to you” enquired Janet suspecting that more was going on. “No, just the person that does my hair” replied Kerry not seeing what was obvious to Janet.

They walked around the market glancing at stalls, Kerry had one place that she liked and bought the vegetables and fruit filling two bags. The owner smiling at both women as he handed back the change and wished them a good day, “was he flirting with you” asked Janet, “I thought it was you he smiled at” said Kerry laughing at the thought of being picked up by a guy. The pair walked around arm in arm, blending in with the many people just doing their weekly grocery shopping. The butcher’s was packed so Kerry left Janet sitting at a coffee stall to order coffees while she lined up for her meat and chicken for the week. When she came back she found Janet talking to a guy that obviously knew her, “hello my name is Kerry” she said holding out a hand for him to shake as she sat down. He introduced himself as John and he worked with Janet and even blind Freddy could see that he couldn’t take his eyes off her. Janet blushed at John’s attention and tried to think of a way to get rid of him, she was still technically married to this person sitting at the table. “Are you joining us for coffee John or do you have someone with you?” asked Kerry intrigued at the thought of his wife having someone chasing her. John made noises about meeting another person before leaving them alone with their drinks and the cake Janet had ordered.

“You have been busy as well” offered Kerry at Janet’s bashful stare, “well I’m not getting any younger and the bed is getting cold as well” replied Janet to see what Kerry would do. They sat there watching the crowds and drank their coffee as each of them thought about the last few minutes, flirting and being chatted up, while your partner sat at the same table unable to say anything.

Kerry walked slowly past the wine store and then went in to choose a bottle of sweet red wine, “it’s something like dolce and bruschetta” said Kerry to the older guy at the counter. “I think I know what you mean” he said turning to get it from the storeroom, she thanked him and handed over twenty dollars noticing his eyes wondering to her chest. “Honey, my eyes are up here” she told him catching him in mid thought, the illusion of cleavage with careful shading and colouring meant it was hard to tell. He blushed at her and said something about seeing her next time she needed some help. It must have been a day for testosterone in the marketplace, what does a girl have to do to go out without being seen as meat for the hungry cats?

Janet walked along swinging the bag and naturally grabbed Kerry’s hand, Kerry just allowed it to stay there until Janet realized what it may look like. She suddenly pulled it away in shock more than anything else, she wasn’t gay or queer, it should have been Paul holding her hand not this woman next to her. They loaded the car in silence and Kerry flicked the remote to open the doors letting Janet escape inside. “That’s the problem with the third option isn’t it” said Janet, “I would not be comfortable with you dressed like that and me expressing my love for you in public.” Kerry and Janet drove back to the unit deep in thought about their options, if they had any.

Kerry unlocked the unit and took both bags inside “I was thinking of a picnic if you are up to it” she told Janet who had put her bag down on the bench. “Can we just talk for a while if you don’t mind” she asked trying to get her thoughts into some sought of order. “When the guy flirted with you I felt like slapping him, but when John spoke with me you seemed to just go with it, why” she said trying to find out what Kerry was thinking. Kerry started slowly “I didn’t see him flirting with me it just seemed like normal dialogue, it only dawned on me when you said something.” “Come on you got all flirty back and flicked your hair and wiggled your hips at him, what are they if not come on signals?”

Kerry had to think about the guy, did she really do that; a male was NOT her choice at this point in time yet something had changed in her mind. “I hadn’t realized that I was doing anything, honestly just being nice to him” said Kerry, “nice is one thing, saying come and get me is another” replied Janet. “What about John and your blushing, is he trying to get into your pants or are you giving him the same signals?” said Kerry with a hint of nastiness. They stopped and looked at each other, eight months apart and this was their first real conflict over their futures.

Janet walked out of the unit to get away from Kerry but also because she didn’t want to answer the question, she had gone on a date with John and found that she actually liked the attention and company from a man. Janet walked around the garden just trying to get her head around the things she had said in anger, she had been trying really hard not to get involved in any argument with Paul about Kerry or his decisions. It was not going to work she thought letting her mind go over the last 24 hours since sending the email, things had begun to happen already and she had no way of stopping them now. Inside, Kerry was still thinking about her reactions at the market, did she really flirt with the two guys or was it just getting into the mindset of being Kerry, what would she have done if either of them had asked her out? The fears and thrills all mixed together and make no sense at all, she was totally confused but excited at the same time.

Janet walked back inside, “I think it would be better for me to leave now, I knew this would not work for me” she said trying to stop herself from looking straight at Kerry’s eyes. She picked up her bits and promised to send the blouse and skirt back, she turned and opened the front door as Kerry reached her. “Look, I am sorry that I said those things and I didn’t understand what you were actually asking me” she told Janet. “I still need time to sort out where I am going and what it will look like and it may take far longer than I can ask you to wait” said Kerry.

Janet had hoped to see Kerry as a failure and that Paul would see the waste of time but after spending a few hours with her Janet knew that Kerry was not only alive but doing very well, even she could see herself getting on with Kerry. Janet left without making comment and Kerry shut the door and in some way a part of her life.

To be continued, soon....

Please let me know what you think, trust me I have had enough therapy to survive