The Sun will come out tomorrow

My Mum and Dad died in an accident when I was 10. I was then put in an orphanage. I was no angel. I was considered one of the wild boys. I got into trouble all the time. The people that worked there considered me a bad boy, a boy with a bad future. They washed their hands of me, and would not take the blame for what I did or what I would do. It became so bad, that the headmaster there decided to send me to another orphanage. The Pink institute which was a special orphanage for bad boys and good girls.

As I drove in the car, through big gates, I got my first view of the orphanage. It was cut off from the rest of the world and was hidden in the middle of a forest. The orphanage itself was a big Victorian building. It had a huge statue of a woman outside. We parked the car and went through some big doors. The ceiling was high and the floors shined. There was a smell of polish. My contact person from the old orphanage led me to the headmistresses office. She was a little fat woman, with a beehive hairstyle. She had very thick glasses on. She looked a bit like my granny. If she thought she was strong enough to make me a good boy, then she would be surprised.

“Welcome to the Pink Institute,” she started, “I hear that you misbehave all the time. This institute has a 100% success rate of changing bad boys to good… well; you will just have to see. I see that you have long curly hair and a small fragile body. Just look at your eyes. You have very long eyelashes and deepest eyes that I have seen. I am sure that you will do well here. It might take some time, but you will do fine. You are also 11, so you have plenty of time.”

I frowned at her and nearly stuck out my tongue, but managed to keep it in. She was allowed to think what she wanted. The last orphanage thought they could control me, and now they have given up.

The head Mistress called a girl whose name was Polly. She was one of the older girls. Her job was to show me to my room. She explained that each room had two beds, and I would be sharing the same room with a new boy called Brian. He would also be starting today. The corridors were long and had wooden panels. It smelled like perfume that Mum used to have. I could feel a tear coming to my eyes. Why did God take my mother from me?

One thing I noticed was that there were no boys. There were many girls in the corridors and girls in bedrooms with doors open. I tried asking Polly where the boys were, but she wouldn’t answer. Where are all the good boys that she boasted about? They were probably in some dungeon.

At last, we came to my room. When the door opened, I could have collapsed. The top was painted white while the bottom was painted pink. There were two beds. Both had pink bed sheets and blankets. There were two dressing tables, both with mirrors. There was also a pink fluffy rug on the tree floor.

The other boy was also there. He was playing with a Barbie playhouse on the floor. I started laughing when I saw that. Boys do not play with dolls. He looked embarrassed when I started laughing and threw the doll down. He said there was nothing else to play with. He was right. The room was a girl’s room. I asked Polly for an explanation. But she just said nothing and told us to wait here until someone comes. It did cross my mind on if I should stay or not. There was a whole building to explore. Plus I had to find the boys.

The other boy was Brian. He was also 11 years old. He got into a lot of trouble at home. He was in a gang that sold drugs. They made him be the lookout for any police. Then he was caught and the judge said that he could come here. He was small for his age and had long hair like me. He also had an earring in his left ear. I was thinking if he would be dangerous or not. I mean he was in a gang, He would know how to use a knife. I quickly apologized for laughing at him and seeing him with a doll. He said OK. It was his first time playing with a doll. To show that I was willing to be friends, I started playing with the dolls. For the next few hours, we have played with dolls. We brushed their hair. We changed their clothes. We pretended that they were going shopping or to the beauty salon. We didn’t notice that hours went by. The headmistress opened the door and smiled when she saw us playing with dolls. She said that we were to eat supper in our rooms that night. We quickly ate the Hotdogs that she had given us.

After dinner, we decided to explore the room. We looked at the table with the mirror. There was nothing except brushes, a small mirror and makeup. We laughed at this. Then we opened the closets. There were dresses, uniforms, and petticoats. We agreed that the girls that lived here before had forgotten their clothes.

It was then that Brian suggested that we try on one of the dresses. He already was taking his clothes off and putting one of the petticoat dresses on. It was so fluffy and lacey. I said I’m keeping my clothes on. This was not good enough for Brian; He was sitting down putting mascara on. He looked at me, smiling and said that he didn’t think that I needed mascara, because I had very long eyelashes. I smiled back. I heard this all my life. How pretty my eyes were. Brian put his hair in a ponytail and stood up. He did a small dance and then looked in the mirror. He just stood there and stared, the only thing he said was what would his gang say if they saw him now?

It was time to go to bed, so we both went to our own beds. It was hard to sleep. This place was not like the old place. It seemed like they were more disciplined here. I wondered why there were girl clothes and toys. Why were we put in a girl’s room? Anyhow, it was time to sleep. Brian fell asleep straight away. I just looked at the ceiling, thinking of what happened and unsure of my future. Suddenly I could hear voices in my head;

“You have been a bad boy”

“It’s easier being a girl”

“Girls are well behaved and polite”

“Boys can be girls as well”

“Boys can wear dresses and girls clothes”

“Boys can play girl games and play with girl toys”

“You will be better off as a girl”

“Dresses look good on boys”

“Ask to wear a dress”

I couldn’t wake up, but I was only half asleep. Where were these voices coming from? It was like they were coming from my head. After the voice said something, I would hear my brain shouting NO! No way was I going to be a girl. No way was… (I fell asleep, but didn’t realize that the voices were still pounding their subliminal messages in my head.)

The next morning, Polly woke us up. She said that it was time to put the school uniform on, make sure our hair looked pretty and our faces were washed. Brian asked if he could wear the dress in the cabinet. I went over to him and asked him what the f(Censored) he was talking about?

“Why do you want to wear a dress?” I asked

“Because it’s so pretty and everyone else here wears it”

“But you are a boy!”

“Well, it’s easier being a girl. Girls are more behaved and polite. Boys can wear dresses and girl clothes too”

Then I thought of the voices that I heard at night. Brian heard them too. In fact, he believed them. It was a good thing that I knew what I wanted. They would have to point a gun at my face before I begged to wear a dress, although dresses did look good on boys. What was I saying?

Polly asked me if I was going to wear the school uniform. I told her in a matter of fact way that there was no uniform. It was only a girls uniform. She answered in her superior tone that boys and girls wore the same uniform. This explained why I couldn’t see any boys yesterday. They were all sissies. I told her that I was not wearing any dress or girls clothes. In my mind, I was thinking that boys do look good in dresses. I shook my head. I shouldn’t be thinking like this. Polly was smiling for the first time. I bet she knew what I was thinking. Polly asked me for the last time if I would put the uniform on. I said no. She said that was my choice. Then she told Brian, who was already dressed that he should go to the canteen for breakfast. She told me to stay where I was.

I sat on the chair, thinking that I would be punished or they were getting me a proper boy’s uniform. Two janitors came in. they moved my bed out of the room. I was happy because this meant that I was getting a boys room. I sat and waited with a smile on my face. The next thing that I knew was that the two men were bringing this oversized crib in the room. The smile on my face disappeared. They put the crib where my bed was and then removed my table and mirror. They put a changing table there. I tried asking several times what they were doing but was met with silence.

After they changed my part of the room into a nursery, Polly told me to follow her. We went to the nurse’s room. I sat on a chair waiting for them to speak with each other. Then the nurse told me to get up on the examination table. She took my hand and gave me a shot. She said that would weaken my muscles, I wouldn’t be able to walk anymore, but I could crawl. She gave me a shot in my neck and explained that this will limit my speech. Then she took my clothes off. I was embarrassed that Polly was there, but the only thing I could say was “out”. Did she go? No! The nurse then proceeded to put a diaper on me. This was after she gave me a shot on my bum. She explained that I would now need a diaper, because of the last shot. After she put the diaper on, that quite honestly felt comfortable, she put this pink romper on me. She then put a pacifier in my mouth and said I was finished. I was now a sissy baby.

When Brian came home he was all excited. I looked at him thinking that he looked like a real girl. I smiled. He was a sissy now. Brian was also smiling. Who could blame him? I was now a sissy baby.

“I see that you had a busy day,” He said, “You should have put the dress on. It’s so pretty and on the weekend we can wear the nicer dresses and even a little makeup. I went down to eat breakfast. I was a bit afraid that I would be teased, but everyone there was boys. I sat at the table. There was no teasing. They acted like we were best friends. Then we had sewing class. I am not so good at that, but I will try my best. Then we had a cooking class. I did quite well here. I made lunch. It was only sandwiches but I never made my own food before. Then we ate our lunch. Then we had a meeting with the headmistress. She said that we were bad boys. Now we will be trained to be good girls. When we were finished with the institute, some rich man would take care of us. Some of us would be maids, some of us would be companions, and some of us would be closer. Then we got time to play. So we played with hula hoops and jumping ropes. They were really girl’s games, and I know that I would never have played them before. But they were quite fun. What did you do today?”

No matter how much I tried to tell him of the injustices that I have experienced, no words came out. Only baby words. The one word he knew was “wet” which explained how I was. Another word he understood was “bubba”, which of course means bottle. He understood this he gave me something to drink from a bottle. I felt my eyelids grow more and heavier. I feel asleep in Brian’s arms.

While I was asleep, I heard more voices:

“You have been a bad boy”

“It’s easier being a girl”

“Girls are well behaved and polite”

“Boys can be girls as well”

“Boys can wear dresses and girls clothes”

“Boys can play girl games and play with girl toys”

“You will be better off as a girl”

“Dresses look good on boys”

“Ask to wear a dress”

“Do you want to be a baby or a proper girl?”

I woke up in my crib. My diaper was wet. I wanted to get out. I woke Brian up, that came over to me in his pink night dress. He asked what I wanted. I tried to speak, but only baby noises came out. I started crying. I wanted to get out, but a crib has bars you know. The dummy made me stop crying. It was actually soothing to suck it. Brian stroked my cheek as he calmed me down.

I saw him get changed, in the school uniform dress. He even looked like a girl with just panties on. The dress was quickly on and he was sitting down putting his hair in a ponytail.

“Today will be fun.” He said, “I will see the other girls. Then we have gymnastics. It will be fun stretching and learning how to move gracefully. Then I get to gossip with the other girls about nice clothes and even boys. After gymnastics, we have a dance. I love ballet, don’t you? I am looking forward to wearing a leotard and tights.”

Then Brian’s face looked puzzled. He asked me to stand up in the bed. Then he told me that I was much shorter than the day before. I was as short as a 7-year-old. I looked down at my body and it was true. I was much shorter. I couldn’t say anything about it, so I started crying. Brian put the dummy in my mouth and gave me a hug. I felt snug in his arms, although I was much smaller than he was. After what seems like ages, Brian left so he wouldn’t be late for gymnastics

Polly came and took me to the babies section. We were all changed and put in our pink rompers again. Polly even puts my hair in a ponytail. I looked in the mirror and started to cry once again

“Me…. Ga ga… me… small”

“I know darling. You will get smaller every day until you are the size of a toddler. Then you will forget that you were born a boy. We can raise you as a girl.”

This was it. I cried as loud as I could. I was now in a baby room, with baby toys. I found some blocks and tried to build a tower. My hands were a bit clumsy, so the tower kept on falling. This was basically my day. Getting my diaper changed, eating baby food, crying because I couldn’t tell what I wanted and miss Brian. He was busy being a girl. My fate was to be a baby

When I got back to the room, Brian and two of his friends were there. It was a real girl party. His friends seen me and were amazed at how cute I was. They wanted me to sit on their lap, while they gave me a bottle of milk. I knew what they were playing. They were playing baby.

This is when I decided

“Gr, ga, I la want a dress”