Got some bad news.

Sam had an allergy attack last week, and we just got back the blood tests. It turns out its her cats, and Sam is heartbroken.

She's been given a week to find a home for the 3 kittens, and I really hope we can find them loving homes.

Sighs ...

Well, I beat my anxiety, and got stuff accomplished today. I got my blood work done, got some questions answered about Canada Pension, and best of all, got my report for October done for emergency financial aid, which has been beating me silly all week.

Yay !!!!!

Well, just when I was ready to believe I was done as a writer, my muse made a return.

I am currently working on a brand-spanking new story, and new chapters for Mercy and MYTH are also bubbling around in my head.

Stay tuned ...

okay so I am not sure what's wrong with me right now.

I feel "off" in some ill-defined way, but I cant put my finger on what is going on.

Its a little frustrating ...

okay so I did my human book thing, and I think it went well. I got thanked by several of the students as well as the organizers for my participation.

Only bad thing was after it was over, it was only noon, but I basically had just enough spoons to get home, take my dog for a walk, and then I was done ...

Well, imagine my surprise to wake up this morning and find out Edmonton suffered an (alleged) terror attack.

Details are still coming in, but so far it seems that no one was killed, but several people were injured including at least one police officer, and a suspect is in custody.

There will be those who use this as justification for bigoted attacks on immigrants or Muslims in general, but I believe most Canadians are smart enough to see through such things.

Still, positive vibes and prayers are appreciated, so keep em coming.

I am having a particularly unpleasant visitor at the moment - Mr. Nasty himself, the "voice" who tells me how worthless I am.

So even though it feels like I've been doing this a lot lately, i once again am asking for any positive messages you can send me.

Thank you to all who read this little blog and support me.

Okay so today did not go well. It started with me oversleeping because somehow last night I accidentally set my clock wrong, then I carved a fairly good sized whole in my face shaving, then I went to welfare only to be told my doctor's note isnt what I need because it covers too short a period of time.

Sighs ... roadblocks are no fun ...

So I was able to get a doctor's note about not being able to work, but it took so long, I was not able to see someone at welfare about emergency assistance.

However, i did get an appointment for Wednesday, so that will do, and I see my psychologist and hopefully get my evaluation from him tomorrow.

Inch by inch, I move forward ...

A dream I had last night has left me shaken.

In the dream, I was back in elementary school (although I seemed to be the age I am now), and while I found some of the material far too easy, I was struggling in the class because the teachers and students seemed to be speaking in a kind of code that left me isolated, confused, and increasingly angry.

Said that way, it sounds a LOT like my real elementary school experience.

About the only good thing about the dream was people called me Dorothy, but still, I find myself being very upset about it.

Its been a bad year (or two) for disasters. Locally, last year we had a massive fire in Fort McMurry, and this year its British Colombia's turn to have terrible fires. In the states, California is also fighting fires, while Texas is just beginning the cleanup from hurricane Harvey, and apparently there is another hurricane building that is expected to hit Florida.

That's not even counting disasters elsewhere in the world.

I really hate the fact that my automatic response to being complimented is to try and downplay it.

Why cant I accept that someone said something nice about me?

Grr ... stupid brain ...

Had a weird dream last night that might make a good story. In the dream two ex soldiers go to a hotel bar to meet a third former soldier who had transitioned to female. The reason for the reunion was some supernatural evil they had survived as soldiers had returned, and they wanted to fight it together.

It's been a tough week. Dealing with my car needing repairs, my mom being under the weather on her week off, and my dog spending more and more time sleeping has ratcheted up the tension. To make things worse, my councilor cant see me until September 18th, my social worker is on vacation until the 8th, and it seems like every day there is another bit of bad news in the world.

All of this has slowed my writing to a snail's pace, so no more MYTH for a bit.

I could use all the hugs you guys can give ...

When I was young, one of the more odd ways the genders differed was that men did not go without socks if they were wearing shoes. This was really hammered home for me when an actor on a TV show broke that stereotype, and people acted like he had taken up dancing in a pink tutu.

So deeply ingrained in me was this idea, along with a lack of confidence in my own lower parts, that even when I wore women's clothes, I always wore at least nylons with them. This continued even after I donated the last of my male clothes and had gone full time - socks or nylons were a must.