I closed my eyes and felt his warm, soft lips touch mine. Going out with Jerry before was just a lark. I didn’t take him seriously. Now he’s kissing me and it feels wonderful. He knows who I really am and he’s still kissing me. I can’t be falling for him, can I?

He pulled me closer to him and kissed me again. Longer. There’d be no interruptions by Larry this time. This boy… this man, stood up to my dad to defend me. Not many can do that. Am I falling for him?

After a few minutes of solid kissing, Jerry pulled back and took a deep breath. He said, “Scotti, I think I l…” I quickly put my finger against his lips.

I said, “Don’t say it. Please.”

Smiling, he pushed my finger away. “I think I… like you.” He grinned.

His comment caught me off guard. I laughed and said, “I like you too, Jerry.”

Jerry looked around. “Um, people are staring at us. Maybe it’s time to leave.”

Smirking, I asked, “Are you embarrassed to be seen with me?”

He grinned and bent down to kiss me again.

“What’s wrong, Scotti? You’re not your usual self,” said Amy as we were getting ready to start another business day at Pink Bear.

I sighed. “I don’t know where my life is going, Amy. What do I want? I’m very confused right now.”

Amy leaned on the counter next to me and looked at me with some concern. “Did your date with Jerry last night not go well?’

I grunted a laugh. “It went great. Maybe too great.”

Giving me a curious look, Amy asked, “What do you mean?”

I stared at my hands clasped in front of me. “What do I want from Jerry? I had a really good time with him last night. We kissed. We went to the park after dinner and talked about everything and nothing. He really likes me, Amy. And dammit if I don’t feel I’m falling in love with that goofball.”

Amy grinned. “What’s wrong with that? Aren’t we all searching for that one person?”

I nodded. “Yes. But is he that one? Or am I going to him because he at least says he doesn’t care what’s between my legs? He was caught off-guard by Dad.”

Shaking her head, Amy said, “I don’t see a problem here, Scotti. He obviously likes you. How do you feel about him? I mean really.”

I sucked in a deep breath. “I like him too. A lot. More than I think I should, really. We’re both just nineteen. I’m just starting to figure things out. Is he the one… or just the first one?”

Amy chuckled. “I think you’re getting ahead of your skis. You don’t have to marry the first boy who likes you. Remember back in middle school that John whats-his-name? You had such a huge crush on him and you swore you were going to marry him. What happened to that?”

I shrugged. “He never knew my name. And why would he? I was a boy and he was very into girls.” I shook my head. “He got that poor girl pregnant on prom night? Remember? What was her name?”

Amy shook her head. “I don’t remember. He married her though. A shotgun wedding if I ever saw one. But honestly Scotti, you’ve never really been a boy.”

I looked over at her. “Tell my dad that.”

Amy’s expression turned serious. “I will.” She poked me in the shoulder. “And why the hell do I have to keep reminding you that you’re a girl?”

I smiled at Amy. “Hey, I’m a girl going forward. There’s no turning back.”

Four students entered the Pink Bear. Amy nudged me with her elbow. “We’ll continue this later.”

I nodded.

“Good job, everyone!” shouted the cheerleader coach. “We’re more than ready for the pep rally Friday night. Have a great rest of your day.”

We all turned and started heading for the locker rooms. Some of us ran, and others like me just walked. I wasn’t in a hurry. I had the evening off at Pink Bear and oddly I was all caught up on my studies. I wasn’t even worried about my two tests on Friday morning.

Walking across the field coming towards us was Donny. Football practice must have just ended as well as he was still suited up. The girls passing him all smiled at him and called cheerfully to him. He’d smile and wave back. He appeared to be walking straight towards me. Well, it didn’t just appear that way. He intercepted me before I got to the locker room.

“Hey, Scotti. Wait up. I want to talk to you,” Donny said as he got close to me.

I stopped walking and turned to face him. I smiled pleasantly at him. Damn, I’d love to go out with him again. He is so gorgeous. “Hey, Donny!” I greeted. “What’s up?”

He touched my arm as he said, “Let’s step over here to have a little privacy.” We stepped over next to a wall. “First, let me say I’m not pissed at you.” Well, this can’t be good.

“What’s wrong, Donny?” I asked, feeling worried.

“I just found out some things and I want to know why you didn’t tell me you were a dude? The term I heard was ‘biological male.’”

A bolt of cold flushed down my spine. I looked down at my feet. There was no point in denying it. “I’m really sorry for not saying anything, Donny. I was going to wait for a good time, but then we broke up.”

Donny frowned at me. “A good time? How about when I first asked you out? How about something like, ‘Hey, you know I’m a dude, right?’ That would have been a good time.”

I felt tears welling up. “I was afraid you wouldn’t go out with me.”

He stepped closer, getting into my space. “Maybe. Maybe not. I wish you had trusted me.”

I frowned. “Trust?” I barked. “You have any idea how hard it is to trust anyone about this? I can’t even trust my dad!”

He touched my arm. “I do understand, Scotti. I don’t share this very often because I just don’t want to deal with the questions. Maybe I shouldn’t hide it. I have a cousin who’s trans. So yeah. I’m not bothered by you. At all.”

“I wish I’d known,” I said sourly.

Donny shrugged. “Not sure if it would have made any difference. You’re gorgeous, you’re fun, but not really what I’m looking for. You’re going to make some guy really happy one day. I mean it. But don’t do anything stupid like leaving the squad. I gotta run. I’ll chatch ya later.”

I nodded. “See ya.” Well, this sucks.

“He actually said that?” asked Amy after I told her about talking to Donny.

I nodded. “Yep.”

Amy shook her head. “Too bad you didn’t tell him up front. Things might have turned out different between you two.”

I scowled at Amy. “You know why I didn’t. He could just as easily been the type that would have beat the shit out of me. Next semester, I’m going to change dorms and be right upfront about who I am. No pretending to be a boy.”

Amy smirked. “You should have done that at the get-go.”

I punched Amy lightly in the arm. “Are you forgetting my dad? He sent me to college to become a man.”

We both looked up at the sound of the front door opening. My heart skipped when I saw it was Mr. Nichols. I’m sorry, but he’s just really gorgeous.

I smiled broadly at him. “Good morning, Mr. Nichols. What can we do for you today?”

He walked right up to the counter and leaned on it. “And a good morning to you, Scotti. I’d like to have one of your wonderful breakfast burritos, please.”

“Coming right up,” I said grinning as I rang up his order.

As he stood there waiting for the kitchen staff to prepare his order, Mr. Nichols said, “I was afraid you might have left. I’d heard some students say you were withdrawing. And then I haven’t seen you around the office lately.” Aww! He missed me!

“I was worried that I’d have to withdraw when I lost funding. And things just got busy for me. Applying for scholarships and such. Plus I’m now on the cheerleading squad.”

Mr. Nichols grinned. “That’s splendid. The wife and I will have to come to a game then.”

I felt the air being let out of my sails. “The wife?” I handed him his burrito.

Mr. Nichols took the burrito and put it inside his briefcase. “Oh, I guess you haven’t heard yet. Ms. Zicke and I tied the knot last week.”

Not really caring, I asked, “Oh? Where did you on your honeymoon? And congratulations.”

Still grinning despite dashing my dreams on the rocks, Mr. Nichols said, “We’re waiting until the semester is over. Then we’re going the Alps for skiing.”

I smiled weakly and said, “You kids have fun over there. And be careful.”

As he started to turn to leave, he said, “Oh. If you’re still needing a source of financing, next semester our department will have several openings for office assistant.” He looked over at Amy. “Tell her she’d make a great office assistant.”

Amy looked at me with a grin. “You’d make a great office assistant.”

I frowned at Amy. “Thanks.” I waved as Mr. Nichols left the restaurant.

Amy and I had about a half hour to go in our afternoon shift. It had been relatively quiet afternoon. I was a bit down in the dumps after Mr. Nichol’s revelation. I was expecting the rest of the afternoon to be more relaxing.

Amy poked me in the arm. “Hey Scotti. You might want to run out the back door.”

I looked up. “What?” And then my blood ran cold. I saw my dad getting out of his car. It was just him. No Mom. What could he want? No more running. I’m confronting him head on.

As soon as he walked through the door and took his ball cap off, Dad just said, “Scott. We need to talk.”

I narrowed my eyes at Dad as he approached. “I have nothing to say to you. Unless you’re buying a chicken fried steak, you should probably leave.”

Showing no emotion, Dad said, “That does sound good. But we do need to talk. Somewhere private.”

Joanie stepped from her office. “You guys can use my office. It has a door you can shut. But please. No blood.”

I frowned at Joanie. “I think we can avoid bloodshed. That’s up to Dad.”

Joanie said to Dad. “Sir. Just walk around that way to get behind the counter.”

Dad nodded. “Thank you, ma’am.” He started walking around the counter. I entered Joanie’s office and sat down at her desk. Dad entered a moment later and shut the door. He sat down in one of the other two seats.

He wouldn’t look at me for a moment as he sat down. He took a deep breath and sighed.

He finally looked up at me and set his jaw. “This is very hard to say.” What the hell is he up to?

“Your mother and I had a very deep discussion about you,” Dad said grimly. “What should we do going forward?”

“I’m listening, Dad,” I said trying not to sound concerned.

“Scotti, I was wrong,” said Dad matter-of-factly. Holy shit! He called me Scotti and said he was wrong!

I leaned forward and asked accusingly, “Who are you and what have you done with my dad?”

Dad chuckled. “I told your mother you’d say something like that. But yes. After much soul-searching, we came to the conclusion that I was wrong to try to force being male on you. We’ve seen this in you for a long time. I was just convinced that if I kept pushing, you’d eventually out grow this girl thing.”

I sighed. “It’s who I am, Dad. I’m not out growing it.”

Nodding, Dad said, “We realize this now. And I was impressed at your resourcefulness in getting finances for school.”

We just stared at each other for almost a minute. I asked, “Is that it?”

Dad took another deep breath. I could tell he was having to work up to make his next statement. “Scotti, I accept you as my daughter. Will you forgive me?”

I sat there, frozen for a moment. I knew how hard this was for Dad to say. To actually admit he was wrong on something and to accept who I am. But do I so easily forgive him? All the pain. But if I don’t, the pain will never end. He could be lying to me. He’s lied before. But this time I felt he was sincere.

Fighting off a tear, I stood up and reached over the desk towards him. “I forgive you, Daddy.”

Dad leaned towards me. “Let me hug my girl.” He actually had a tear in his eye. It was a little awkward, hugging across Joanie’s desk, but we did.

We walked out of Joanie’s office and hugged again. In front of Joanie and Amy, he pledged to restore my financing for college. I bought him a chicken fried steak.

As Dad started to turn to leave, he paused and said, “If you’re interested, there’s summer intern position at the Plano site for office assistant.”

I shook my head. “I want to be a programmer, Dad.”

He shrugged and said, “You have to start somewhere.”

“I’ll think about it. Have a safe drive home, Dad.” I said, hoping Dad truly meant what he’d said.

Through the windows, we watched Dad drive away. Amy asked, “Well, what do you think?”

I sighed. “He said he won’t oppose me changing gender. He just won’t pay for it.”

Amy shrugged. “That’s a start.”

Jerry was waiting for me in the break area outside my dorm room. When I entered, he stood up with a serious expression on his face.

He said, “Woman. I’m done with the games. I need to know. I love you, but I need to know how you feel about me.”

I grinned at him. “You big goofball.” I slid my arms around his neck. “Of course I love you.” And then we kissed.

I had a lot of emotions pent up and we kissed for a very long time.