Previously...

And so it went on, asking a few others some questions. I was only glad that didn’t ask me anything else and that the lecture finally ended.

I was one of the last to leave and the professor was gathering his things together as I passed him. He looked up.

‘Ah, Ms Penhaligon, could I have a moment?’

And now the story continues…

I walked over to the lectern and stood there whilst the professor ignored me and did things on his laptop.

As the last of the students finally walked out, he glanced up at me, shut his laptop down and then looked around. Seemingly ensuring that we were now alone.

He stared at me and I felt uncomfortable. Was he undressing me with his eyes? Surely not.

‘Ms Penhaligon, I have been apprised of your situation.’

‘What situation Professor?’

‘Your, erm gender choice?’

‘It wasn’t a choice.’ I replied flatly.

He sighed.

‘Of course it is. You were born a male and will die one, no matter how convincing you look as a girl. I understand that you wish to be a doctor?’

‘Yes,’ I replied through gritted teeth, trying to hold my temper.

‘I would be surprised if you were accepted due to your, shall we say, circumstances. You may wish to reconsider your career choice. Although you appear to be intelligent. I believe that you are distracted by trying to live in the wrong sex and your mind is in the wrong place. A doctor must be dedicated without distractions.’

‘Will you teach me, despite your objections?’

‘What now, after all I have said?’

He seemed to be flabbergasted.

‘Yes. What you have said doesn’t change the facts, although you do not agree with who and what I am.’

He shook his head.

‘I must admit that you appear to be a girl and you are very convincing, although, I understand that you had a run-in with some rough youths, and they were somewhat surprised at what you were hiding in your panties.’

Was he smirking?

‘How did you know about that,’ I snapped.

He tapped the side of his nose, knowingly.

‘I have contacts.’

‘What a complete pillock,’ I thought.

I wanted to slap him. I was fast losing my temper. Maybe that was what he wanted. I wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction.

How the hell did he get his job?

He continued with his diatribe.

‘I am forced to teach you, despite my misgivings. I am just giving you some friendly advice as I am concerned for your well-being. I would not like to see you crash and burn. However, I will have to look at your work very closely and I will expect top-quality output from you. I would hate to have to fail you on your coursework.’

‘Is that a threat?’ I asked.

‘Of course not, I’m just giving you friendly advice. I would consider, if I were you, our friendly chat and whether you might wish to change your course to something more suitable.’

‘Like what?’

He shrugged. He appeared to be enjoying himself at my expense.

‘Maybe, bricklaying or plumbing?’

He was goading me. I could tell that. Did he want me to strike out at him so that he would have an excuse to have me suspended?

I didn’t know what his agenda really was. The fact that he wanted me out of his hair was obvious though.

I came close, very close to losing it. But I didn’t. I wanted to hit back and at least say something biting but decided not to.

I wasn’t going to be dragged down to his level.

‘Is that all Professor?’

‘Yes, oh and do not repeat anything we have discussed outside this room. I would deny it and I would make sure that the rest of the teaching staff are made aware of the fact that you are a troublemaker.’

‘I think Professor, that I am not the troublemaker here.’

I walked out, slamming the door after me.

I was due another lecture in the afternoon. I should have gone to the library to continue my studies but I instead, walked along a path that led to the small parkland where many of the students had their lunches or hung out with friends.

It was fairly quiet there with only a few people about. I went over to a corner, under some trees and put my bag down.

I felt numb. I thought in my naivety that I would be accepted at the college. I had received positive vibes from everyone I met up until that day. However, there had been something about Armstrong that didn’t feel right when I first encountered him.

I felt a pressure build up in me and I suddenly burst into tears. It was all too much. I desperately wanted to be a doctor and the only way I could do that was to get top marks in the subjects I needed.

Now, my lead professor had virtually told me that I had no chance of getting those marks. Coursework counted a lot in my studies and he would pick over anything that he considered to be not one hundred per cent correct. I would bet that if I was one hundred per cent correct, he would somehow say that I had plagiarised or cheated in some way.

I had been backed into a corner and I just didn’t know what to do.

Eventually, I calmed down. I would go home. I needed to think carefully about what I was going to do following this disastrous day.

I pulled my phone out of my bag. I would ask Mum to pick me up. I would tell her that I had a tummy ache or something. I would have to tell the college that I wasn’t well. I couldn’t think about studying at a time like this.

I stared at my phone. The microphone icon was still on. I pressed it and the Voice Memo was still recording. Any lectures that I had, I recorded so that I didn’t have to spend time or energy writing down all the things I needed to.

I pressed the stop button and rewound it to roughly the time I had my conversation with Armstrong.

The voices were slightly muffled as my phone had been in my bag, but you could still clearly hear what had been said.

I stopped the recording and sent it to iCloud, just in case. I would then have a copy, if and when I needed it.

What to do?

I felt a deep anger. I had gone through such a lot in my short life. I had been rejected by my parents and felt unwanted in my own home. I had received so much kind support from my new family, friends and now my brother and sister. But the flip side was that I had been assaulted by those yobs and would have to go through a court case to make sure that they would get their comeuppance, not to mention the threats I had received from those associated with those boys had made my life hell for a while.

Now this. A professor who was using his position of power to try to make me give up my dream of becoming a doctor.

Sure, I could move to another college, but that would be somewhere else and I would have to go and live wherever that might be. There were no other colleges near enough for me to be able to live at home.

I wiped away my tears. I noted that I had some mascara on my tissue and I pulled out the little mirror I had for emergencies from my bag.

I looked slightly Panda-like, but not too bad. I repaired the damage as best I could, but my eyes still looked a bit red.

Picking up the phone, I went to my contacts and made a call.

A few rings and it was picked up.

‘Hi Mum, it’s Emma. Are you still in Penzance?’

‘Yes love, just out from having my nails done. I’m not sure about the colour. Hang on, you sound a bit upset. Are you alright?’

‘Not really. Can you meet me at the college, we need to talk.’

‘What’s wrong honey?’

‘Not on the phone. I’m in the park, you know, just off the side of the library.’

‘Okay, I won’t be long. Whatever it is, I’m sure we can sort it out. See you in about ten minutes.’

‘Okay, love you Mum.’

‘You too darling.’

As I sat and waited, more people came into the park but luckily, I was left alone except by a rather annoying seagull trying to mug me for food that I didn’t have. I shooed it away.

Just then, my phone beeped. It was a message from Hannah.

Wot yer doin for lunch?

I loved Hannah lots, but I wanted to get this sorted out before I saw her. Knowing her, she would confront Armstrong, do a lot of shouting and then thump him. I needed a cooler head. I would speak to her later. I didn’t want her to get into trouble.

Busy at the moment, college stuff, I’ll see U later.

Okey dokey.

I put the phone down and just waited for Mum.

Luckily, she wasn’t long and I saw her coming across the park and I waved.

I got up and hugged her fiercely.

‘Hi Emma,’ she said when I had put her down.

Soon she was sitting next to me on the bench.

‘Well, what’s up? I can see that you’re upset. Have you been crying?’

I nodded.

‘I’m having trouble with my professor, and I don’t know what to do.’

She frowned.

‘What sort of trouble. Clash of personalities?’

‘You could call it that.’

I pulled out my phone.

‘I recorded the lecture, as I normally do. At the end of it, I forgot to turn it off. When everyone had gone except the professor and me he called me over and this is what he said.’

I tapped the relevant button and let her listen to what happened.

I picked at the hem of my skirt as there was a loose thread, hearing that voice again gave me the creeps.

Eventually, the recording finished. Long before that, I had started crying again and Mum was holding my hand.

Mum looked at me. She looked shocked and not a little upset.

‘What would you like to do?’

‘Put my head in the sand?’

‘That won’t help. At some stage, you will have to pull it out again. Do you want to know what I would do?’

I nodded, wiping my eyes again with a tissue and blowing my blocked-up nose.

‘I would go to student support and let them listen to it. You can’t leave it like this. The problem won’t go away if you do nothing about it. I will come with you. No kid of mine is going to be treated like this.’

I could see the sense in what she said. I suppose in my heart of hearts I was going to do this anyway, but I just needed a shoulder to cry on and Mum was the best shoulder I could think of.

‘OK, let’s do it.’ I said.

We made our way to the main admin building. Going into reception, we went over to the counter.

‘Hello,’ said Mum to the lady furiously banging away at her keyboard.

The lady, whose name badge said Karen, looked up from her screen and smiled.

‘Hi, how can I help you?’

‘Who is in charge here?’

‘Erm, Miss Roberts, why?’

‘Can we see her please; It’s urgent.’

‘I’ll see if she’s available. She might be at lunch.’

Karen picked up the phone and pressed a button.

She waited a few moments.

‘Hello, Maggie, there is a student with her mother out here. They want to see you. They say it’s urgent.’

She listened to the reply, nodding her head a few times. Pointless really as the other person couldn’t see her do that.

‘Hmm, yes; urgent. Hang on.’

She looked at us.

‘Can you tell me what this is about?’

‘No, it’s very personal.’

‘The lady said that it’s very personal.’

I was glad Mum was with me as I had an attack of non-verbal’s for some reason.

Karen repeated our names down the phone.

‘Hmm, okay. Thanks Maggie, I’ll send them through.’

She put the phone down.

‘Please go through that door and go down to the end of the corridor. Miss Roberts will meet you there.’

‘Thank you,’ said Mum setting off.

I smiled at the lady and just followed Mum.

As promised, the door opened at the end of the corridor and a lady came out to greet us.

As we reached her, she put her hand out to Mum and said, ‘Hello.’

She did the same for me.

‘Come in.’ she gestured for us to go into the office and followed us in, closing the door behind us.

‘Please take a seat,’ she said.

I suppose that she was in her early fifties, quite pretty, wearing a business suit and seemed to have a no-nonsense attitude. I just hoped that she would listen to us. After all, we were going to tell her things that she probably didn’t want to hear.

‘Right,’ she said, ‘Emma, can I call you Emma?’

I nodded.

‘You have a problem, I understand?’

‘Go on Emma, tell her?’ said Mum.

I took a deep breath.

‘You know about me?’ I asked.

‘The fact that you are trans?’

‘Yes.’

‘Of course. Has someone been causing you problems?’

I nodded.

‘Who is it?’

‘Erm,’

I looked at Mum.

‘Go on, tell her?’

‘I came to a lecture by Professor Armstrong last term as part of the preparations for my course this term. He looked at me and frowned, but I wasn’t sure why. After the lecture, he called me over with my erm, sister who was also at the lecture.’

I didn’t want to say that Hannah was also my lover and soulmate as I didn’t want to muddy the waters.

‘Go on.’

‘He spoke to Hannah about her coursework after the lecture and a few comments to me about how hard it was to become a doctor. It was the way he said it and it made me feel a bit uncomfortable.’

‘I’m sure that you are mistaken. Professor Armstrong is a well-respected member of staff and…’

‘Excuse me,’ interrupted Mum, ‘do members of the faculty know about Emma’s gender situation?’

‘Yes, the ones that need to know are told, in confidence of course.’

‘I went to his lecture today,’ I continued, ‘and once again, I was getting strange looks from him, and he picked me for his first question and didn’t seem happy that I answered it correctly. When everyone else left, he called me over and said some rather unpleasant things.’

‘What things?’

She was frowning at me. Didn’t she believe me? Was this a closed shop where they all stick together?

‘Emma.’

‘Yes Mum?’

Play her the recording.’

I pulled out my phone.

Looking at her, I explained what happened.

‘Whenever I go to a lecture, I record it, so I don’t have to make notes at the time. If I’m writing notes, I might miss something, so I record and listen later. Then I can take notes without any pressure. Anyway, when I was called over by the professor, I forgot to turn off the recorder on my phone and when he spoke, this is what he said. It’s a bit muffled as my phone was in my bag, luckily on the top, but he has a loud voice, so you can hear him quite clearly.’

I pressed the button and heard once again that hated voice.

I looked at Miss Robert’s face as she heard what was being said by the Professor. At first, she looked blank and then her face went red, and she pursed her lips. She was holding a biro and I could see that she was gripping it rather tightly and her knuckles were white.

The recording finally ended and she thought for a minute, breathing deeply, and then looked at me.

‘Can I have a copy of this?’ she asked tensely.

I picked up my phone.

‘What’s your email address?’

She told me and I copied the recording over to her.

She took a deep breath and visibly took hold of herself.

‘I can only apologise for what he has said. Needless to say, it is totally against our equality policies and we do not tolerate this type of thing. In fairness to all concerned we will have to talk to Professor Armstrong about this and it will be a conversation between the vice chancellor, the professor and other interested parties. Do you have any other lectures today?’

‘No, I sent my apologies earlier.’

‘I don’t blame you for not wanting to do anything else today. Right, can you leave this with me?’

I nodded.

‘When will I know what’s happening?’ I asked.

‘I’ll ring you myself, probably tomorrow. Once again, on behalf of the college, I apologise. We will make alternative arrangements for your studies. Do not take this one incident as a reflection of what we are about. We have several other transgender students here and this is the first whiff of trouble that we have ever had.’

We all stood up and after shaking her hand, we left the rather flustered lady to sort the mess out.

We smiled at the receptionist as we walked out of the building.

Walking back to the car, Mum turned to me.

‘Are you alright love?’

‘Yes, I’m just hoping that they don’t sweep it under the carpet.’

‘They had better not, we have the evidence, and they can’t refute that. Now, are you hungry?’

‘Yes, I suppose so.’

It seemed like ages since we had breakfast.

‘Alright, let’s find somewhere to eat.’

‘I was supposed to meet the girls for lunch.’

‘Do you still want to?’

‘I just want to get away. I don’t want any questions at the moment and Hannah would give the Gestapo a run for their money.’

‘Okay, text Hannah and tell her what you are doing and then we’ll be away.’

I pulled out my phone and texted her.

Can’t make lunch. Had to go home. Tell you about it later. Not a big deal. xxxx

As I got into the car, I got a reply.

Wos up?

What part of not a big deal don’t you understand? Don’t they teach you anyfink at college? xxxx

Your spelling is orful! See yer l8ter then. xxxx

I didn’t want to make Hannah worry or go and do something stupid to Armstrong. I would tell her about what happened later.

We went to a place called The Smugglers Den on Causewayhead and I had a lovely, healthy meal of sausages, eggs and chips. Mum had a boring salad; I wasn’t heavily into rabbit food.

Afterwards and feeling rather stuffed, we made our way home. We mutually agreed not to talk about my troubles, and I was glad of that. I had had enough of it all. I speculated about how things were going back at the college though and wondered for the umpteenth time if anything would be done about that disgusting man.

When we got home, I thanked Mum for everything and then went upstairs to change. The day was hot, and I was a bit sweaty or glowing as we girls say. I decided to have a quick shower and wash my hair at the same time. I felt refreshed afterwards although my arms ached a bit, using the hair dryer. One of the downsides of having longer hair now was the fact that it took ages to dry!

After that, I tried to do some studying, but it was hard to maintain any sort of concentration. Feeling bored, I went downstairs. Mum was deep in cooking something that smelt delicious. As usual, she was covered in flour and blotches of something probably edible.

‘Mum, I’m going down to the beach.’

‘Be careful honey. I’m not sure that you should go out alone.’

‘Those scumbags won’t dare come near me. Anyway, I heard that they had gone back to Exeter.’

‘Yes, Tom told me that too. Just be careful dear.’

‘I promise.’

I grabbed my shoulder bag and made my way outside.

‘A good dose of fresh air would do me good,’ I thought as I shut the front door.

As I walked down the lane, I took some deep breaths. I was far too tense for my liking. If I hadn’t just had a shower. I would have gone for a run.
I passed a few people on the way down to the quay and I had some nods and ‘hellos.’ It was all so friendly in the village. As I reached the quay, the first thing I did was to buy a choc-ice from the kiosk. I then went over to where the lighthouse was. It was one of my favourite spots. There was a bench there, just beyond the lighthouse.

As I sat there sucking on my lolly, I kept a beady eye out for seagulls. The so-and-so’s were very good at doing a fly-pass and pinching food. I had once been caught out like that and a seagull had pinched a few chips from me!

My phone rang and glancing down I could see that it was Hannah. I answered it.

‘Hi Hannah.’

‘Hi yourself. Where are you?’

‘Down by the lighthouse, eating a lolly.’

‘Right, see you in a bit.’

She disconnected.

I shrugged. She sounded a bit agitated. Probably because I didn’t see her earlier.

The sea was quite calm, and the sun was almost as strong as mid-summer, which had been a scorcher. I was glad that we appeared to be over the worst of Covid. What a horrible disease that was. They say that some form of it will always be with us. What a pleasant thought!
It was a bit quieter now in the village as most of the holidaymakers, especially the ones with kids, were gone. I wondered what it would be like in the winter. Many of the cottages were owned by people who didn’t live in them full-time and they rented them out during the Summer months.

I was licking the stick, as you do, to get the last of the ice cream and chocolate off, when I nearly jumped out of my skin.

‘Hi you,’ said Hannah putting her arms around my shoulders from behind.

I stood up and turned to her.

‘Don’t come up to a girl and do that. I nearly had a heart attack!’

‘Sorry Emm, I couldn’t resist.’

I hugged her fiercely and kissed her hard on the lips.

After I put her down, she looked at me.

‘Had a bad day?’

‘You could say that.’

‘Tell me about it.’

So I did.

As I told her, she got angrier and angrier.

‘That slimeball. You should have told me earlier.’

‘And what would you have done?’

‘Give him what for and a kick where it hurts most.’

‘That’s why I didn’t tell you. Enough is going on about me without you getting into trouble.’

‘As I left today, there were rumours flying about.’

‘About what?’

‘Armstrong. He had been called out of a lecture for some reason. He evidently didn’t look like a happy bunny.’

‘I wonder why he was called out?’ I replied but suspecting that it was all to do with me.

Hannah shrugged.

‘Well, we’ll know soon enough. Let’s hope the little sod gets the sack. Anyway, enough of him. Want a drink?’

‘Okay, a hot chocolate is calling me.’

‘Calling you what?’ she replied almost innocently.

‘Right,’ I said and then proceeded to tickle her.

Did I say that she’s extremely ticklish?

She ran screaming down the quay with me chasing after her.

An old lady sitting on a bench eating her sandwich looked up, frowned and then shook her head.

Wasn’t she ever young once?

To be continued...

Please leave comments and let me know if you want this to continue. Oh, and if you can, please do the kudo-thingie... thanks! ~Sue