I awoke with a bleeping noise from my phone and blearily turned off the alarm. I groaned, as I wasn’t quite awake and then sat bolt upright in bed, as I remembered where I was.

Today was a new day and a new start!

I got up, slipped off my lovely nightie and went to the toilet, washed the sleep off me and then did the other things needed to get me going for the day. After that, I went back into the bedroom.

I had a train to catch at 11.30 from Paddington Station so I had to get a move on.

Over in the corner were my boy's clothes, thrown in the corner. I felt a certain feeling of freedom when I realised that I wouldn’t need those again.

Opening my case, I took out a white bra and panties and slipped them on. I was fairly adept at putting on a bra, I had practised a lot in my bedroom when there was no one about.

I had decided to wear a cream top and an above-the-knee black skirt and nude tights. Luckily it was Summer and something of a heat wave was going on so I didn’t need to wear anything too heavy.

Before putting my clothes on, I went over to my rucksack and pulled out my makeup bag.

I had some essential items there and the first thing I did was to sort my nails out. I had let them grow out a bit but not too much as I didn’t want to give the game away to my parents. As soon as I could, I would go to a nail salon and give them a treat, but for now, I would just paint them a nice pink to match my lipstick. After a few mishaps, I managed to make them look nice and I marvelled at the look. It made my hands look all girlie!

I wanted to paint my toenails but was worried about the time. I still had a lot to do.

Thanks to practice and YouTube, I was quite good at applying makeup quickly and efficiently.

I didn’t cake makeup on as some girls do and I believed that less is best. The last thing I wanted was to look tarty! I had a nice clean complexion and no horrid spots or pimples for which I was truly thankful.

I chose a light foundation, a bit of blush to put colour in my cheeks and light slate grey eyeshadow. I wasn’t that good with mascara and eyeliner so I didn’t bother. I would have to learn to do that better when I had the time. Luckily, I have light thin nicely shaped eyebrows and I left those alone except for plucking a few wayward stray hairs (ouch).

Finally, I finished things off with a nice pale pink lip gloss, which looked and felt wonderful!

Soon I was carefully putting on my blouse and tights and skirt. The last thing I wanted was makeup on my nice blouse. I removed the black elasticated hair band and then brushed my hair out. I liked my hair; it was close to shoulder length and I fully intended to let it grow as long as possible. I was so glad that I resisted my parents' nagging at me to get it cut. When I had finished playing with it, it was still slightly boyish, something that I would change as soon as possible.

Finally, I spritzed myself with some nice body spray and I was almost ready to go. I had a silver bracelet and necklace brought from Pandora. Expensive but nice. And with slightly shaky hands I put my jewellery on.

I had wanted to have my ears pierced but up to now, that had not been possible. That’s another thing to do from my wish list. I had tried those magnetic stud earrings, but they were uncomfortable and hurt my ears

Thanks to eBay, I bought a silver used Pandora watch in excellent condition, as the company no longer made them and I wanted to match the other items of jewellery. I placed the watch on my other wrist and was pleased that everything matched quite well.

All that jewellery put a slight dent in my savings, but it was well worth it.

I had a PO box for any items that I wanted to receive. There were too many prying eyes at home and I didn’t want to take any chances, so I had everything private sent to my P O box at the local post office. It was expensive but necessary.

Looking out of the window, I could see that it was going to be warm that day, so I wore some nice sandals. I wasn’t too sure about tights with sandals, but they were nude and sheer, so I didn’t think it mattered too much. If it got too hot later, I would take off my tights, but for now, it would have to do.

I was finally ready to go. Reluctantly, I looked at myself in the mirror for the first time and saw the real me.

I nearly ruined my makeup but managed somehow not to tear up. It was a close-run thing!

Prior to that point, I had only dressed at home. I was always concerned that someone would come home unexpectantly and catch me out, so everything was done in a hurry and I had not fully taken in what I looked like.

I hadn’t even looked at myself in the mirror, in fear of looking stupid or a boy in a dress. Self-confidence was not one of my stronger attributes.

It was as if I was seeing someone else. I looked almost pretty and not like a boy in a skirt. I couldn’t see any sign of boy. I had never before gone out dressed as a girl and it was the one thing that was scaring me. I didn’t want to look like a boy. I knew that some girls like me didn’t look so feminine and some had been “clocked” as they say. There were stories on the forums as to how hurtful some people could be. I didn’t want to be the subject of someone’s cruel jibes.

I had a very pale pink cardigan and I put it on as it might be still cool outside. Also, I had an anorak in my rucksack, just in case, so I think that I had everything covered. With English weather, you never knew what was coming next!

The hotel had a restaurant that was open for breakfast, so I left my things in the room and went downstairs. I had enough time and I didn’t want to go hungry on my long journey to Cornwall.

I was quite self-conscious as I left my room for the first time as Emma. A few people were actually cleaning rooms and they just smiled as they passed me and said hello. I replied and just kept on walking.

No screams of alarm and terror about this strange person passing them.

It gave me the courage to carry on. When I walked into the restaurant, a waitress smiled at me.

‘Morning Miss, table for one?’

‘Yes please.’

She walked me over to a table by a window.

‘It’s self-service breakfast. What room are you in?’

‘Erm, 129.’

She made a note on her pad.

‘That’s fine, help yourself.’

With that, she left me and I went over and had some cereal, fruit juice and toast.

As I sat eating my food, I glanced around. No one was paying me any attention and that was exactly how I wanted it. The slight fear that I felt in the pit of my stomach gradually eased. I was accepted for who I was, a girl and for that, I was truly happy.

After breakfast, I returned to my room, picked up my things and put them away in my rucksack and case. It was time to go. Before leaving I refreshed my lipstick as it needed a bit of TLC due to breakfast. It was so nice to see the teacup marked with my lipstick. Small things but oh so nice.

It was a strange feeling walking down the road in those clothes, looking as I hoped I did, a normal girl. Well, I hoped it was normal. I just loved the slight swing of my skirt and the gentle breeze on my legs. It was all very liberating. Also, I didn’t get any horrified looks and that was a positive! The feel of the clothes was indescribable, but it all felt right. I didn’t feel out of place. I wasn’t a square peg in a round hole anymore.

It was the real me.

It was a short walk to the station and I was soon picking up my larger case from left luggage.

I found my way to the platform and the train was waiting for me.

I had already booked a seat and made my way along the platform until I found the correct carriage. I put my two cases in the rack inside the door and made my way down the carriage to find my seat.

I had a window seat luckily and I noted in passing that the carriage was nearly empty. I was fine with that, but it was a bit early and the train wasn’t due to leave for another 20 minutes.

I settled down in my seat and did the one thing that I had been putting off.

I took my phone off airplane mode and Immediately saw that there were six missed calls and three voicemails Five of the calls were from the home number and another I didn’t immediately recognise. Two voicemails were from home and the other one was from a number I didn’t recognise.

I wondered if I should listen to the voicemails. I didn’t think that I would enjoy it. I wanted to cut myself off from my previous life.

In the brief note that I had left at home before I left, I didn’t mention my change and the fact that I was now going to live as a girl. The less they knew the better as far as I was concerned.

I sat there staring at my phone, undecided.

Then I shrugged. What could they say that could hurt me anymore?

I pressed the call voicemail number and with a thumping heart, listened to the messages.

It was Mum.

‘Chris, where are you? We need to talk. Call me soon.’

The message ended.

Then there was the second one. It was from Dad.

‘Chris, we’ve read your note. Don’t be so bloody stupid. For some reason, your mother is worried about you. Call me soon or else.’

Short and sweet and no Love Daddy. So I knew the score about Dad’s feelings about me and probably Mum too. I should have been upset, but I wasn’t. As far as I was concerned they had no part in my future…

The third voicemail came through.

‘Hi Emma, it’s Antonia, so today's the day! Good luck honey. I have let Mrs Anthony know that you are arriving, so you can get the key from her, she lives next door at Seashell Cottage. Incidentally, I have just found out that she is a couple of times removed cousin of yours and mine come to think of it. Anyway, ring me when you get settled down, Love you lots.’

I smiled. She had shown me more affection from the brief time that I had known her than I had ever had from my so-called family. I was intrigued about Mrs Anthony and her relation to me but would have to wait to find out more.

The next thing that I did was to block any numbers from my family. I didn’t want to hear from them, ever.

Harsh? Maybe, but I was in no mood to give them any time. I would speak to Antonia about her contacting them and maybe being a go-between if I ever changed my mind on that. I wondered if Mrs Anthony knew about my circumstances. I would soon find out.

One of the things that Antonia had arranged was for any mail addressed to me to be forwarded to the cottage, so that was at least one thing I didn’t have to worry about.

Antonia also provided me with the change of name deed poll document and a solicitors letter, confirming who I was. Eventually, once Antonia had found a good doctor who could deal with my problems, I would go for a gender change status and all that entailed. But that was in the future.

The carriage started filling up, but luckily, no one sat next to me so that I could stretch out a bit.

Soon, I heard a whistle from outside and the train started moving. We were on the way!

The journey was a long one with several stops. I listened to some music through my EarPods and fell asleep several times, as I was still tired from lack of decent sleep. However, eventually, we arrived at Penzance station and I stiffly picked up my cases and rucksack and left the train.

I was almost as far away from my old home as I could get in England and I was glad of that.

I had the address of the cottage on a piece of paper and I took the short walk to where the buses stopped and looked at the various timetables for the correct bus for Porthlowen, where the cottage was.

I had looked up Porthlowen on Google. It was a large village, almost a town and it was on the Cornish coast about 15 miles from Penzance. It had a lovely beach and several cafes restaurants and shops. It looked nice and I hoped that I might fit in there.

I found the right stop and waited for the bus which, according to the timetable, should be arriving in about ten minutes if it was on time.

Penzance looked quite a busy place and I think was the largest town in the area. I hoped to be able to do some shopping for clothes at some point when I settled in. Talking of shopping and on a practical note, I assumed that Porthlowen had some sort of supermarket as I would have to get food supplies in. I didn’t want to starve.

Before anything else, while I remembered, I sent a text to Antonia to let her know that I had arrived in Porthlowen safely.

She replied with an OK and kisses.

Twenty minutes later, the bus arrived and I got on board with several other people. I was able to put the cases on the rack by the entrance and I sat down close to them. Not being very trusting, the last thing I wanted was for my cases to be pinched!

There were about ten stops before the bus went up a steep hill and then there below me, I saw Porthlowen, my new home. It looked quaint and very pretty.

We went down the hill, which was rather steep, down several roads, some rather narrow, and then we stopped on the quay.

There were only a few other passengers on the bus by then and one other person, an old lady, got off at the same time as me. I grabbed my things and soon I was just standing there, not too sure where to go.

There were a lot of people about, as it was early Summer and at the beginning of the tourist season. It was obviously a busy time and no doubt it would get even busier when the kids were off school.

Off to the side was a shop that was also the post office, so I decided to go in and ask for directions to Seashell Cottage, which was next door to my new home Rainbow Cottage.

There were few people in there. It was one of those shops that appear to sell everything. I picked up a bar of chocolate and made my way to the counter, struggling a bit with my rucksack and cases, but managing somehow.

The lady behind the counter smiled as I paid for the chocolate.

‘I’m trying to find Seashell Cottage on Honeysuckle Lane; do you know where it is?’

‘Staying there are you dear?’

‘Near there.’

‘Right, go out the door, turn left, go towards the end of the quay and then you will see Honeysuckle Lane, Seashell Cottage is right at the top of the hill.’

‘Thank you.’

‘You’re welcome.’

She looked at me, frowning slightly.

‘Your face seems a bit familiar. Have you been here before?’

‘No, this is the first time.’

The lady shrugged and then turned to the next customer.

I left the shop and then made my way along the quay. It was a busy place; the harbour was full of small boats and the rigging was making pleasant twanging noises in the gentle breeze. There were some shops and a few cafes with outside tables where people were sitting drinking and eating and apparently enjoying themselves watching the world go by. There was also a small restaurant and a pub along the front. It made for a happy-looking, busy place.

I soon came across Honeysuckle Lane. It was quite narrow and I thought that some lorries might have problems. It was fairly steep and as I struggled up it, I wished that I didn’t have my cases. I needed to play more tennis to get my fitness levels up. Maybe there was a club nearby?

It was now quite hot and I wished that I had taken off my tights when I had the opportunity, but for now, I had to bear with it.

At last, I was near the top. It must have been at least a quarter of a mile from the quay. The various cottages in the lane were neatly painted in bright colours. I met a few people who were on the way down to the quay and they had all said hello, which was nice and welcoming.

Near the top was a cottage with a small garden. On the gate, it said Seashell Cottage. Beyond that, the road turned to the left and I couldn’t see where my cottage was. I assumed it was along there somewhere.

I opened the gate and walked up the short path to the cottage. It was old, very old, much like the others that I had seen along the lane.

There was a brass knocker on the old oak door, so I knocked on it.

I winced, as it was a bit noisy!

A few seconds later, a woman answered the door. She was in her thirties I would say, pretty with long blond hair and she had an apron on over her dress. She had flour on her hands, the apron and a little on her hair too.

‘Hello.’

‘Hi, I’m Emma.’

She smiled.

‘Hello Emma, I was expecting you. Come in. Sorry for the mess, I’m in cake-making mode!’

I went in and soon found myself in the kitchen with a mug of coffee in one hand and a choccy biscuit in the other whilst she cleared off the mess she had made making her cake. Judging by the smell coming from her oven, I thought that the cake would be very nice.

Mrs Anthony (call me Claire) was a nice bubbly lady and we immediately hit it off.

She sat down opposite me and smiled.

‘Antonia has told me a bit about what’s going on with you. You’ve fallen out with your parents?’

I nodded, wondering just how much Claire knew.

‘It happens. You are very young to be living by yourself though. My daughter Hannah is your age and I would worry myself sick if she had to live by herself. She’s at the college at the moment. I’m sure that she’ll introduce herself later. Do you know what you are going to do now?’

I thought for a moment.

‘It’s all a bit new. Obviously, I need to settle in. I’m only 16, so I hope to get into a 6th form college in Penzance and maybe get some part-time work locally to bring some money in.’

‘Hannah is in 6th at Penzance College and likes it there. She might be able to tell you a bit about it.’

‘I have 5 grades above 7, so I don’t think that there will be problems with entry requirements, if they have room of course.’

‘I’m sure that they will have as they are always advertising for new students. By the way, you may not know it but we are related. Our great grandfather had several children and my grandmother was one of them. I don’t know what that makes me, but it’s nice to know that we have a little bit of the same genes.’

‘Antonia told me. It’s nice to have family.’

I blushed at saying that. I was taking a lot for granted.

‘Yes it is,’ she replied smiling. ‘Now, you probably want to get yourself settled in, so shall I take you over to the cottage?’

‘That would be great.’

‘Well, finish your drink and biscuit and we’ll be off.’

She took off her apron, dusted herself off and picked up a set of keys.

‘Come on then,’ she said as I emptied my cup.

She led the way out of the front door and turned left up the lane with me following her. She was kind enough to take my large case whilst I took my small one and rucksack.

There was what looked like a small paddock and then a low hedge, beyond the hedge was a pretty detached two-storey cottage. It was picture postcard stuff. This couldn’t be mine, surely? I hadn’t seen it before as it was around the corner from Seashell Cottage.

There was a low drystone wall and I could see into the garden, which was a bit overgrown, but still well looked after. I expected a small, terraced cottage like many I had seen so far in the village, but this was something else.

It was the kind of cottage that you saw on jigsaw puzzles, it was gorgeous!

Claire led me up the garden path, put a key in the substantial old oak door and walked in, with me, open-mouthed, following in her wake.

There was a small entrance hall where we left my bags and rucksack. To the left was a small sitting room and on the right a dining room. There was a staircase off to the right beyond the entrance to the dining room.

Claire continued on and I found myself in the kitchen, it was like a farm kitchen with a big table in the middle. There were lots of copper pots and pans and a huge Welsh dresser with lots of crockery.

The whole place looked like it was in a time warp from the forties and fifties, not really my style, but it all went very well with the age and type of property. I wouldn’t change it, I couldn’t – it was Grandma’s.

Through the kitchen was another sitting room, much larger than the one in the front. It was cosy, with a three-piece suite and a large fireplace. However, what drew my attention was the French windows overlooking the pretty garden and down the hill to the sea beyond.

It took my breath away.

‘Lovely view, isn’t it?’

‘Mmm.’

‘It’s grade 2 listed so you can’t do much in the way of alteration without going through a lot of hoops. Anyway, enough of that, let me show you where everything is.’

I tore my eyes away from the view and Claire showed me where everything was, like practical things such as the stop cock and electrical consumer board. All a bit boring but necessary information.

‘Shrewd person, your grandma,’ remarked Claire as she pointed out various things.

‘Why?’

‘I think that she knew that you would come and live here. She was always talking about you. She told me about how things were at home for you and how she wanted to help you. Before she died she sent me a letter explaining a few things.’

I looked at her sharply. Did she know about me?

We had arrived back in the kitchen.

Claire opened a drawer and there was a ring binder that she picked up and opened.

‘Everything you need to know about the cottage is in here including useful phone numbers and addresses in case anything goes wrong. From what I understand, the local estate agents will be looking after the upkeep of the property until you are 18, but effectively, it’s yours and they cannot override you. Any real problems, just contact them.’

She looked at her watch.

‘I have to go now; will you be alright?’

‘I think so.’

‘Well, I’m just next door. My phone number is in the ring binder and don’t be afraid to call me, day or night. My hubby John is the local bobby, well an inspector really, so he’s useful to have around too. Oh, by the way, I have put a few things in your fridge and freezer, so you don’t have to worry about getting shopping yet.’

I got a bit teary. She had been so kind. On impulse, I hugged her.

‘Thank you, you’ve made me feel very welcome.’

‘Enough of that. I think that you are a very sweet girl and I hope to see a lot of you. Come around any time. I’ve no doubt my daughter Hannah will want to get to know you too.’

With that, she left me to carry on looking around my new home.

This isn’t an estate agent's pitch, so I won’t go into too much about the cottage except to say, all the rooms were lovely. Upstairs there were two bedrooms and a large bathroom. I decided that my bedroom would be the one at the back that had stunning views of the village and the coast beyond. All the furniture was old but functional and the mattress on the double bed in my room was soft and inviting.

I sat on the bed and took off my tights and felt immediately cooler.

After a while, I decided to sort out my clothes, so I went downstairs and brought the cases up.

I put everything away in the wardrobe and chest of drawers, noting that I just had to do a mega clothes shop when I had time! As for shoes, I had three pairs and also a pair of boots. What girl has just three pairs of shoes?

Enough negativity! As far as I was concerned, I was living the dream. I had left my past behind and was now living in a beautiful cottage in a lovely part of England. Yes, I had some sorting out to do, but I didn’t mind that. I could make my own decisions without my parents or anyone else butting in.

I was free!

Smiling, I went downstairs into the kitchen and opened the fridge. It was full of goodies. I saw a can of coke and I grabbed it. There was also on the side, a biscuit barrel and I popped the lid off and smiled. Chocolate Hobnobs are my favourite.

I went into the sitting room and over to the French doors and opened them. It was a warm day and the garden looked lovely. I sat on a bench seat on the patio and tried to take in the view.

It was lovely.

The garden had a lawn that stretched down towards some flower beds that looked well-tended. I wondered who looked after all this. I wasn’t much good at gardening. I could mow lawns but I was useless at naming plants, I knew what a rose was, and maybe a daffodil, but that was about the limit of my expertise.

I started to relax for the first time. I had been like a coiled spring for so long and now, here I was, as Emma, sitting in my own garden. Behind me was my cottage, no one else’s, but mine.

No more being bullied, hated and despised. No more parents that couldn’t stand the sight of me, no more brother and sister who ridiculed me and never wanted to care about me.

I felt so close to Grandma and I missed her so much. She was more of a mother to me than my own one had ever been. I wished now that I had confided in her about my big secret. Maybe things could have been a bit easier for me with her in my corner. But, it wasn’t to be. She was gone now and I had to be strong.

Somehow though, I felt that she was still with me, looking after me and making sure that I didn’t make a mess of things. I decided then and there to think about what she would do, before making any heavy decisions.

I drank my coke and nibbled at my biscuits.

My phone pinged.

A message from Antonia.

Hi Emma, I hope that you have arrived at your cottage and everything is going ok for you.

I have sent you an email regarding a few points and would appreciate it if you have a look at it and let me know what you intend to do.

Speak to you soon,

Love,
Cousin Antonia XXX

Cousin Antonia, I liked that, I suppose she was, sort of. It was nice to have a real family!

I got up and went to get out my laptop from my rucksack.

I put it on the kitchen table and fired it up.

I hadn’t had any emails and then remembered that I had no signal.

The ring binder was on the kitchen table and I opened it up.

The first page had a list of useful phone numbers and importantly, the wi-fi password for the router.

I put the information into the wi-fi settings on the laptop and almost immediately, it pinged that I had an email.

I opened it up.

Hi Emma,

I hope that you are settling in and Claire has shown you where everything is. Isn’t it mad that we all seem related? It doesn’t surprise me as in some villages, way back everyone was related. Anyway, from the pictures, the cottage looks lovely. You must invite me down!

Now back to more practical matters. I have taken the liberty of making you an appointment with a doctor to discuss your issues. It’s on Monday at 10.30 am. The surgery is in Penzance and it’s with a Dr Sullivan. She is, I hear, very nice and sympathetic and according to my contacts, she has had some experience of helping with gender problems.

The surgery is:

25 Church Street, Penzance and the phone number is xxxxx xxxxxx.

Regarding college, as discussed, as you are 16, by law you have to continue your education. You must contact your old school, tell them that you have moved on and then find a 6th Form College local to you. I believe that Claire’s daughter goes to one fairy locally.

Regarding your change of circumstances, you have in your papers your change of name. You will have to discuss your gender with the college as they would need to know your circumstances and take those into consideration. Many colleges now support transgender students and are sympathetic to their needs. If you have any issues or problems regarding this, please let me know.

Finally, I have spoken to the police station nearest to your old home to let them know that you have moved and are in a safe place. I hope you don’t mind my doing that as the last thing you want is for your parents to cause you any problems. I have given the police your address and they will contact you if they have any issues regarding your moving out of your home. I know from experience in these matters that the police rarely get involved with issues regarding people over the age of 16.

Anyway, that’s enough for you to be getting on with. Give me a call if ever you need to. You know that I’m here for you!

Love and very best wishes.

Cousin Antonia XXXX

Well, that was a lot to take in. Things seemed to be going fast as it was Saturday so I couldn’t contact my old school until Monday, also I had that dreaded doctor’s appointment on Monday. I suppose that I could go to the college to sort out things there too.

There wasn’t much point in worrying about things until Monday.

I spent the next hour finding my way around the cottage, looking at the rooms and into the various cupboards, nooks and crannies as Grandma used to say. There were some personal things of Grandma’s in a few of the drawers and I would have a look at them at some point.
After looking around, I went into the garden and had a look in the shed, which was off to the side. It had lots of gardening equipment in there together with a serious-looking petrol lawn mower. I didn’t go too far into the shed though, as I’m not that keen on spiders or eek, mice!

It was now getting late into the afternoon and I was getting hungry. I’m not the world’s best cook, not having much practice. I would have to learn sooner or later, but despite having food in the fridge, I decided to take a walk down to the quay, where I was sure that I saw and more importantly smelt a fish and chip shop lurking in a corner.

I should have changed, but all my clothes were a bit creased from being in the cases for so long, so I made do with what I had on.

I refreshed my makeup, well a girl has to look her best, and brushed out my hair again and then I was ready for the world. Whether the world was ready for me was another matter!

I picked up my shoulder bag and put my phone, purse, tissues and other essentials like tampons in (joke). I only had one shoulder bag, something I would rectify as soon as possible.

I made sure that the French doors were locked and then made my way to the front door.

Opening it, I had the fright of my life. There was a girl there with her hand up!

‘Hello, I was just about to knock. You’re Emma?’

‘Erm, yes.’

‘Hi, I’m Hannah from next door. Going somewhere?’

‘Down to the quay to get fish and chips.’

‘That sounds good, fancy some company?’

‘That would be great!’

Hannah was pretty with long dark hair. She wasn’t wearing much makeup but what she did have on added to her natural beauty. She had on ripped jeans and a white top. She also had several earrings and a nasal piercing. It made me feel a bit too overdressed, but I wasn’t worried as we all have our own look.

She was nice, very nice and my heart sort of flipped and a trickle of sweat went down my back.

What was that all about? Up to now, my sex drive was, on a scale of 1 to 10, near enough 1.

‘Hang on,’ continued Hannah, she pulled out her phone from her jeans pocket and stabbed at it.

‘Hi Mum, just with Emma, yea, she pretty, I hate her,’ she grinned at me, ‘yea, I’m just going down the chippy with her so no tea. What….oh yea, no problem. See you.’

I closed the front door and we were soon heading down the hill. To say that Hannah was chatty was an understatement.

‘So Emma, you’re our new next-door neighbour, that’s cool like. It’s about time someone young lived around here near me. It gets soooo boring with all the oldies around. All my friends live on the other end of town. Mum said that we’re probably related somehow, that’s cool.’

‘Yes strange that, anyway you said town, I thought that this is a village?’

‘Technically, yea, but it’s almost like, town-sized and you wouldn’t believe how busy it gets when schools are out. Anyway, you like it here?’

‘From what I’ve seen yea…I mean yes.’

God, I didn’t want to like, talk like her, did I?

I smiled.

‘What’s so funny.’

‘I haven’t got used to the West Country accent yet,’

‘Well, yours is pretty strange too. I think I need like, an interpreter!’

We both looked at each other and giggled. I was beginning to like Hannah!

We walked down the hill to the quay and soon found ourselves in the chippy.

I ordered haddock and chips and Hannah had cod and chips with a large gherkin – for those not in the know, that’s a miniature pickled cucumber - which I thought was slightly disgusting, but each to their own!

We found a nice spot on the quay to sit down and things got a bit quieter as we ate our food. We were forever shooing away seagulls who wanted our food without paying for it. They were a bit of a nuisance and had to be dealt with quite firmly. At certain times of the year when they had hatched their chicks, they could be downright aggressive according to Hannah.

Hannah seemed like a very nice girl. I had a strange feeling about her but couldn’t pin it down. We seemed to be on the same wavelength and I very much wanted her to be my friend.

As we sat there chatting about nothing in particular, two girls about the same age as us came up.

‘Hi Hannah,’ they said in unison.

I blinked.

They were identical.

‘Hi girls, this is Emma.’ replied Hannah pointing at me with a chip.

She turned to me.

‘This is Sophie and Stephanie. You may have noticed that they are twins.’

‘I had noticed, I thought that I was seeing double. Hi girls,’ I replied smiling.

I couldn’t get over how identical they were. They even wore the same clothes which I thought was downright weird. I know that young twins are often dressed the same, but when you get older, you would have thought that they would want to be more individual.

‘So,’ said one of them, I had no idea who was who, so I’ll call her Girl 1, ‘you are the new girl. Hannah said that someone was going to be moving into the cottage next door. Do your parents like it here?’

I think that my hormones were all over the place because, for some unaccountable reason, I started crying!

‘What did I say?’ asked the girl.

‘Sorry,’ I said, ‘I’m a bit up and down at the moment.’

‘Time of the month?’ asked girl number 2.

This set me off again. I was getting to be an embarrassment. I just had to get out of there.

‘Sorry, I said, ‘I need to go.’

With that, I threw what was left of my fish and chips in a convenient waste bin and ran off.

I was halfway up the hill before I pulled myself together. I had made a fool of myself when had I gone off like that. I had had a lot of mood swings lately and I didn’t know why. Now those girls probably felt that I was loopy or something. Things had started so well and now I had spoilt everything.

The likelihood of me being friends with Hannah or the twins come to that, seemed a distant dream.

I arrived home breathless, went up to my bedroom, threw myself on the bed and had another crying jag. What was wrong with me? Maybe it was all the changes that I had gone through lately. It was all getting on top of me. Let’s face it, I had made a lot of changes and I had so much to do to get myself sorted out.

I sort of dreaded Monday when I had to see that doctor. I had no choice. I couldn’t go on the way I had up to now. What if she said that I was not a girl? What if she acted like that other doctor and says stupid things like I would grow out of it and it was just a phase?

Those girls weren’t being nasty. They seemed quite nice. Why did I go off like that?

I felt a bit sick and had a tummy ache and my testicles, of all things were aching again. I hated the damn’ things and that horrid penis; don’t let me get started with that! An alarming thing was that my pains had been getting worse recently.

Sighing, I went into the bathroom and found some Rennie’s antacid and paracetamol. I took one look at my face and it wasn’t a pleasant experience. I had panda eyes where my makeup had run. I wiped my face clean of makeup with remover and although I looked a bit blotchy, it was better than looking like a clown.

I still felt a bit rough and hoped that the tablets would do their magic soon.

I went back into the bedroom to lie down, drawing my legs up as that felt a bit better.

I must have fallen asleep and was awoken by the sound of the front door knocker.

Blearily, I got up and went downstairs. At least my aches and pains had gone.

I opened the door and Claire was standing there.

‘Hi Claire.’

‘Are you alright Dear?’

‘Yes, I’m fine.’ I sniffed.

Even to me, my quavery voice didn’t sound fine.

‘Can I come in?’

‘Of course,’ replied standing aside.

I wondered, as we went into the kitchen, if she was going to have a go at me for running away from Hannah and the twins down at the quay.

‘You look a bit peaky, sit down and I’ll make us a cup of tea.’

I sat at the table, not saying anything. I was still a bit all over the place and felt drained. I wondered if I was coming down with something.

It couldn’t be man flu as I’m not a man.

Soon, a steaming mug of tea and the obligatory plate of hobnobs were in front of me.

‘You know that you look a lot like your Grandma? A very young version of her, but there are definite similarities.’

‘Are there?’

‘Yes, anyway, I’m not here to talk about that. Hannah said that she and the twins upset you somehow down at the harbour.’

‘They didn’t, I wasn’t feeling too good and I had to get home.’

‘What’s wrong?’

‘I don’t know, I feel a bit yucky. You know, tummy aches, stuff like that.’

I sounded a bit like a non-communicative teenager and I didn’t much like that.

I looked at her kind face. I hardly knew her and I had been here only for a few short hours. Although Antonia had been very supportive, she was miles away and I felt very much alone. She said that Claire was a friend of Grandma and could be trusted.

I felt a few tears go down my face. This was all getting much harder than I thought it would be.

Soon, I was in her arms, crying my eyes out. This was getting to be a habit!

After I had calmed down a bit, she led me into the sitting room and onto the sofa. She sat beside me and held my hand.

‘Tell me what’s troubling you.’

I tried to pull myself together.

I had to trust someone. It might all go terribly wrong and she might be like my parents and reject me but somehow I didn’t think that she would be like them and anyway, she was family, sort of.

I turned to her.

‘What do you see?’

‘Sorry?’

‘Looking at me, what do you see? What’s your impression of me?’

‘You are a very pretty girl who’s troubled and unhappy. I know that you didn’t get on with your parents, your grandma told me that much.’

I took a deep breath. ‘Here goes,’ I thought.

‘The name on my birth certificate is Christopher. I was born a boy, although I have never, for as long as I can remember, thought of myself as a boy. I have a penis, yes, but that’s it. In my head, I’m a girl.’

I didn’t look at her as I told her my story and how my parents never thought that I was a girl and how they had treated me all of my life. Also, the fact that my brother and sister never wanted anything to do with me and why I decided to leave home as soon as I could.

‘Grandma knew all of this and that is why she has helped me in all the ways that she could. I miss her so much.’

There, I had said it. I wondered how Hannah would take all these revelations and whether she would accept me for who I was and not someone who I could never be – a boy.

Of course, I was crying again and I held my head in my hands.

I had completely lost it.

I felt her comforting arms around me and I just cried myself out until I had no more tears in my tank.

I pulled myself together with the help of several tissues.

I finally looked at Claire.

‘Well, now you know.’ I said flatly.

‘I have a confession to make, I knew that you were born a boy. Gladys told me in confidence a long time ago. She’s always worried about you but could do nothing as your parents and her did not get on and she believed that she had no right to interfere as long as you were not physically abused. Looking at you, I can only see a girl. I don’t have any hang-ups regarding this. You have every right to live as you see fit. Each to their own, I say. I know that Gladys loved you like her own child and wanted to do what she could. When she became ill, she put things in motion like you having this cottage so that you could have a new start if you wish to. She also asked me to look out for you and help you in any way I can.’

She looked at me closely.

‘I know quite a few boys and frankly, you don’t look like any boy I’ve ever seen at your age, so I can see why your Grandma was worried about you.’

She hesitated.

‘What?’ I asked.

‘Erm, I know that this is personal but are they real breasts under that top?

I hesitated for a moment and then nodded.

‘So you are on some drugs?’

I nodded again.

‘But, I thought you said that your doctor wasn’t helpful. Did you find another doctor?’

‘No.’ I whispered.

‘So, you got them from another supplier without medical supervision?’

I just nodded, feeling a bit ashamed for some reason.

She was silent for a moment.

‘Off the internet?’

‘Mmm.’

‘I’m not going to have a go at you, except to say that that is a very dangerous thing to do. Promise me that you won’t take any more without a doctor’s say so?’

I nodded; I couldn’t say anything else.

‘You have a doctor’s appointment on Monday?’

‘Yes, at 10.30,’ I replied, playing with the hem of my skirt.

‘Would you like me to come with you?’

I looked up at her kind face, hopefully.

‘Could you?’

‘Yes and after that, we’ll go to the college, if you like,’

‘That would be great, if you’re sure you want to.’

‘Of course I want to, otherwise I wouldn’t have offered. Before that, what you need to do Emma is to go onto the college website and have a look at the prospectus and application forms, they are online and you can send them off so that when you turn up they have much of the information they need to assess you. Also, you must tell them of your name change and the fact that you would now like to be considered a girl. I know that you are a girl, but you need to go through the motions.’

I hugged and thanked her for being so nice.

‘No worries, now there’s another thing that I want to say. Hannah is very upset wondering what she has done wrong. It’s up to you, I will keep your confidence, but do you think that you ought to tell Hannah what you have told me? She is very sympathetic and she won’t judge you. It would be good to have someone your own age in your corner.’

I thought about it.

In for a penny, as Grandma used to say.

‘OK.’

‘I’ll send her over. If you don’t want to sleep here tonight or at any time, you are very welcome to stay with us.’

‘Thank you, you’ve been wonderful. I want to stay here tonight but if I have any worries, I’ll let you know.’

‘Right,’ she said standing up, ‘I’ll send over Hannah.’

She gave me another hug and a kiss on the cheek, which was nice. I wasn’t used to anyone showing me such signs of affection apart from my lovely, sorely missed grandma. It was nice.

I was beginning to think that I had people on my side and it felt nice.

And so she left me there. I wondered if I did the right thing telling her and soon Hannah about me. Only time would tell.

To be continued..

Please leave comments and let me know if you want this to continue. Oh, and if you can, please do the kudo-thingie... thanks! ~Sue