"Honey, I need to talk to you", I said to her with some trepidation. I did not know how she would react, but I needed to tell her the truth after these few years of our marriage.

She asked, "Alright, is this about why you were so withdrawn and quiet during today's dinner?".

"Yes, maybe, how could you tell?"

"Well, you are generally not the talkative sort, but today you seem to be in a flunk. So, tell me"

I took a deep breath and opened my mouth to talk but no words came out, my throat was dry and my heart was beating like I was running a marathon.

I closed my mouth. Thought better of it and said, "This wasn't a good idea, maybe later".

"Looking at your overall reaction, I don't think you will be able to tell me later. You have come this far, don't leave me hanging. Tell me whatever it is. Rip the band aid off"

"I am trans"

There was a stunned silence. A silence never before experienced in our house and never since. She looked confused, angry and sad. For a time, I wasn't sure what her reaction would be. Time and the silencd seemed to stretch forever. All the while, she just looked at me.

And then, her face contorted.

"You pervert", she said and walked to our bedroom, locking the door from inside. I just stood there, for a long long time, not daring to move, feeling very very dirty deep inside me.