Once we were away from the site, all a bit subdued at the thought that our time in Kielder was over, we stopped just outside Hexham, where I was going to leave them and get the train back home, before they all went back to Newcastle. Regretfully I needed to to change back into my boys’ clothes and revert to my life as Lyndsay for the last part of the trip to my home village.

There was bound to be someone at the station that would recognise me if I turned up as Lyn, and the local taxi driver who would be waiting there for a fare had been in my class at school.

Judy was rummaging for a long time in her backpack and taking stuff out for a better look and gave me a worried frown. “You are not going to like this Lyn, but I can’t find the solvent to remove your breast forms, you’ll have to live with them for the next few days until I order some more for delivery to you. I’m afraid that you will have to stay as a girl a bit longer.”

“Damn, that causes problems, I need to get a taxi from the station to take me home, and Bardon Mill is only a small village, I’m sure that I’ll be recognised and it will be the village gossip within a few hours.”

“It’s not that far from here to your home is it, we can make a bit of a detour and drop you off there instead, is that any better?”

“It’s probably about twenty minutes each way, I’d prefer that unless anyone is in a rush.”

“That’s fine, it’s the least we can do, you have told us so much about your farm and the beautiful area it is in, it would be nice to see it anyway. Is that ok with the rest of you?” Judy turned to the others.

Nobody was in a rush and they all seemed as curious as Judy to see where I lived

We soon pulled into the courtyard in front of my house, I collected my stuff and invited the girls in for a coffee before they set off again. I put the kettle on and took all my stuff up to my room and decided that if I had to keep the breast forms for a while, I would just keep on my girl clothes too, and went back down in my leggings and scoop-neck top.

We were happily sitting chatting and drinking coffee, and attacking the contents of Mam’s biscuit barrel when the door suddenly opened and in walked Mam and Dad. They took a long look around at the strangers in their house, trying to recognise anyone.

“Who on earth are you lot and what are you doing in my house, and how did you get in” Dad thundered , before Mam put her hand up to stop him, staring at me.

“Lyndsay, is that you?” She shrieked looking me up and down.”

“I can explain Mam.” I started but I was cut short by her.

“I think we need to have a talk Lyndsay. The rest of you girls, and I assume that you are all girls, leave us now please.”

“Mrs Armstrong, it’s all our fault, we have encouraged Lyn to blend in with us for the time we were up at Kielder.” Zara tried to cut in, but Mam just glared at her.

"As I said, just go now, I need to have a talk with my son, or as much of him as you have left me with.”

I gave a deep sigh and waved the girls to leave , showed them to the door, with a quick ’I’ll phone you’ sign, and turned around to face the music from my parents.

“What are you doing home today, you were supposed to be staying away for another week, I wasn’t expecting you to be back.”

“Obviously not ! Anyway it is me that is asking the questions, not you. You have a lot of explaining to do, and it had better be good.”

“Give me a couple of minutes, I’ll go and change.”

“Oh no, you won’t., you are not getting away that easily. You’ve obviously been living as a girl for the last four weeks , you can at least give me the same opportunity to get used to you, stay as you are, and tell me what this is all about.” Mam shouted at me and was obviously not in the mood for any arguments back to her.

My dad was about to tell her to calm down but a warning glance made him think better of it, he knew that it was best to keep out of the conversation when she was in this mood. He left to go, supposedly to check on his stock up on the hills, but mainly because he knew that it would be best to leave Mam to calm down and sort things out by herself.

“Well, Mam it all started when we were on the way to the lodges where we were staying………….” I told her all the details of what had happened and how I came to be living as a girl for the last four weeks and that I had really enjoyed my time with the girls.

“Are you trying to tell me that you are just a victim of circumstances and that you got no pleasure out of any of this.”

“That’s right, it just sort of happened and the longer it went on the easier it was just to fit in with them all. The girls have just been treating me as another one of them, and to be honest I think that I enjoyed my time there a lot more, just fitting in with them, than if I had been Lyndsay, an outsider, or if I had been relocated to the boys’ huts.”

“What about the breasts, were they really necessary? You seem to have no problem with them and no problem showing them off either.” She said running her eyes over my bust-line which made me feel a little embarrassed and uncomfortable.

“ The girls reckoned that if I was going to be Lyn for the month that I needed realistic looking breasts, rather than just stuffing my bra with tissues or knickers or the bags of rice that I started with. Unfortunately they’ll have to stay for the moment, they need a special solvent to remove them and Judy lost it somewhere. She’s ordering some more but it will take a few days before it arrives.”

“Right Lyn, and you had better get used to that name. You have spent the last few weeks with your friends as a girl, and from the fact that you have your breasts for a fwhile , and seem to have no problem showing them off, it will be best if you continue to live as a girl until this can all be sorted out. The least you can do is spend some time with me as Lyn.”

“What about Dad, how will he react to you making me do this?”

“He is the least of your problems, young lady, I’ll square things up with him. Do you think that I don’t know about all your times with Caroline and her friends, and that the only time I knew about was when I came home early and caught you. I found out from Caroline that you were doing it all the time although you never gave me the opportunity to see you as Lyn. Until you go back to university we are going to spend some mother and daughter time together, I haven’t seen Caroline for months, it will be nice to have some feminine company for a change Now down to practicalities, have you got enough decent clothes and things to last you for a few weeks?”

“Yes, I’ve got more than enough, the girls loaned me some of their stuff and then bought me some new clothes of my own, undies, skirts, tops, a dress, makeup and some bits and pieces.”

“We’ll start as we mean to go on then. Except when I am out helping your dad with the stock I never wear trousers, always skirts or dresses, I expect you to do the same. Go and get changed, just change those leggings for one for your skirts, you may as well keep that top on, that’s fine.”

I went upstairs, changed into a mid-thigh A-line navy denim skirt, checked my legs were clean of fuzz, freshened up my lipstick and mascara, brushed out my hair and, with my heart beating so strongly I thought I would collapse with the stress, made my way down stairs. As I expected Mam was in the kitchen, preparing a meal for later.”

“That’s a lot better, Lyn, you are quite pretty with the right clothes and a bit of makeup. Put on an apron, you don’t want to dirty your new clothes, and you can help me get things ready. It will help if you can chop up the vegetables for the casserole, while I concentrate on the apple pies I am stocking up the freezer with before the end of the season”

For the next couple of hours asI helped the kitchen there was no mention of the fact that I was dressed as girl, but that is exactly the way Mam treated me. We chatted away as we worked, with me subconsciously reverting to my female voice and mannerisms that I had grown into during my time at Kielder. She took delight in telling me about their holiday, gossiping about the neighbours, and getting me up to date on what had happened in the village while I was away at University. Once everything was cooking away we sat down for a cup of tea and some home made cake.

“I enjoyed that Lyn, sometimes it can be a bit boring working away in the house while your dad is up in the hills tending to the stock, It’s nice to have someone to chat to, the time seems to pass a lot more quickly. I really miss Caroline sometimes and it’s nice to have a daughter again to share things with, even if it is only temporary. You have surprised me, after your time living with the girls you even talk and react like them and I almost felt that I was talking to Caroline, it’s a pity that we never discovered this side to you before.”

I didn’t know quite how to respond to that, but at least it was now a lot better than the angry way she had reacted when they first came home.

“Anyway, enough of that. What are you going to do when you go back to university, now you are in your second year, you don’t have to live in the Halls of Residence anymore.”

“I haven’t decided yet, I might look for a flat or a house-share, it is more independent and could be cheaper than staying in the university accommodation. The only problem is that I spend so much time with the girls that I have very few close male friends to share with.”

“What are the friends you were up at Kielder with doing, they seem to be a fairly decent bunch, now you have told me a bit more about them, although I am a bit annoyed with them for what they have done to you. Could you not get somewhere with one or two of them.”

“I don’t know what their plans are, we never really talked about it. Although they were comfortable with me, as Lyn, sharing with them for a few weeks, I’m not sure that they would like me as Lyndsay being there with them all the time.”

“In that case, if you are going to be sharing with boys you need to learn to look after yourself, I don’t want you living like a slob in dirty clothes and eating only ready-meals and takeaways. While you are here you are going to get a fast-track course from me on cooking, cleaning and looking after your clothes, It’s fortunate that you will be dressing as a girl while you are here at home, it’ll be easier to relate to you while I am teaching you all you need to know.”

We were interrupted by the buzz of my phone, and on checking I saw that it was Judy.

“Excuse me Mam, do you mind if I take this? It’s Judy that you saw earlier, she is probably checking that I am alright, and that you haven’t killed me yet.”

“Go on then, you better take the call, if you don’t answer she’ll only worry.”

I quickly answered the call while walking up to my room. “Hi Judy, did you all get back ok?”

“We’re all fine, we got back quite quickly and returned the van with no problems, but how about you Lyn? Your Mam seemed pretty annoyed and we are all worried for you.”

“ Actually, once I explained everything, she calmed down a lot, and even stopped calling you all some names that I won’t repeat. The main problem that I have now is that once she found out that I couldn’t remove the breast forms, she insisted that I had to say dressed as a girl for the rest of the holiday while I am here at home.”

“No different to being in the hut with us then.” She giggled. “I’ve ordered the solvent for you it should arrive in a couple of days, but by the sound of it there is no desperate hurry. How do you feel about her making you continue to dress as a girl?”

“That’s not a problem, after all the time with you and the other girls, I am used to the clothes, but she is treating me like a girl too. She is insisting that instead of going out with Dad to look after the stock which I normally do in the summer, that I stay in the house with her, learning to cook and take care of my clothes. She says that I need to learn to look after myself if I am going to find a flat or something, rather than living on campus.”

“Quite right too, my Mam is treating me the same, but in my case, it’s the daily help that is doing all the teaching as Mam is too busy at her law office, and is not particularly domestically-minded anyway. she hardly knows how to boil an egg, and the technology of the fancy new washing machine is totally beyond her.”

“Thanks for calling to check up on me Judy, I really appreciate it. I’ll keep in touch to let you know how I am getting on.”

“I’ve just had a thought Lyn, if your Mam is insisting that you stay dressed as, and living as a girl, I’ve loads of dresses and things that I rarely wear, would you like a couple more to go with that red one I bought for you up at the camp and some other stuff too.”

“If you’re sure, but just a couple and nothing too fancy, just something to wear about the house or something like that, I don’t intend to be going out anywhere.”

“Ok, I’ll sort something out and take them to the courier depot, you should get them tomorrow or the day after. Take care Lyn, give me a call if you need to talk. Love you, bye.”

“Love you too Judy, tell the others that I‘m glad you all got back ok, and thank them for looking after me up at Kielder. When Mam chased you out of the house I didn’t really get time to say goodbye and thank you.”

“What did your friend want Lyn?” Mam asked when I went back to the kitchen.

“She was just checking up that you hadn’t killed me yet, the girls were all worried for me. When I told her that I you wanted me to stay as Lyn until it is time to go back to university, she said that she’d arrange to send me some of her clothes that she doesn’t wear anymore.”

“Despite what they all did with you while you were up at camp, they sound like good friends.”

After a while Dad, returned, he had given Mam enough time to calm down, he knew he was best out of the way when she got wound up. His eyes nearly popped out of his head when he saw me wearing a skirt and with a bit of makeup, but a glare from Mam told him not to make any comment.

“John, Lyn will be staying with us until college starts again, and she will be helping me around the house, so she won’t be available to help you with the stock, I’m sure that you will manage.” She gave him a look challenging him to argue.

“Ok , that’ll be fine, I’ll leave you…er…girls to sort things out while I go and get cleaned up and fetch all our cases in from the car.”

I went out to give him a hand to fetch the luggage.

“I didn’t want to say anything in front of your Mam, but are you sure that you are ok with what she has planned for you? I don’t want to have a big row with her, but if you are not happy, I am prepared to make an issue of it.”

“It’s fine Dad, I don’t want to cause problems between you, I’ve been living as a girl for the last four weeks, another few won’t make any difference, and it seems to be making her happy. Just go with it and don”t make a fuss. Besides, at least for the next couple of days I don’t have much choice, these breasts are stuck on and I won’t be able to remove them until I get some special solvent.”

All through dinner and when we were relaxing in front of the TV afterwards, Dad kept looking over to me, trying to take it all in, but said nothing on the subject, keeping the conversation to the meal that had been prepared or the tv programmes that we were watching.

I want off to my room to get ready for bed. While I was cleaning off all my makeup and changing into the sleep set I had been wearing in the hut with the girls, I heard them in long discussions, obviously having a difference of opinion about my situation, but thought it best just to keep out of it and leave them to agree something between themselves.

In the morning I brushed my hair and put on basic makeup, dressed in the short kilt and pink scooped-neck top that was the first girls’ outfit I had worn and cautiously went downstairs not knowing what to expect. Dad was nowhere to be seen and Mam was happy and smiling to see me.

“I like your outfit dear, it suits you, let’s get you a quick breakfast then we can start tidying up the house, it’s amazing how dust collects when you are away for a few weeks, I don’t know where it all comes from.”

I helped mam unpack the cases and, having been given instructions by her, sorted out the washing into piles that needed similar wash programmes, and loaded up the machine. We then gave the place a good clean, living in an old house in the country it was amazing how quickly the dust collected, and the shelves and skirtings all needed a good wipe down. The washing was hung out to dry and we were then able to relax for a while with coffee and sandwiches.

“Thanks for the help Lyn I was always left do all this myself while you were out helping your dad in the fields.”

“Like you said yesterday Mam, when I am living in a flat or whatever I’ll need to do all this stuff myself, this is a good opportunity to learn.”

“ Lyn, I forced you into this, are you happy as you are, I really won’t object if you want to go back to being Lyndsay.”

“Mam, to be honest, I have just been getting on with things helping you, I am not really conscious of what I am wearing, they are only clothes, and I have got used to wearing them. If it is what you want, I’ll go along with it.”

Dad didn’t even come back for lunch, it had obviously been a major row between them, but Mam seemed unperturbed by it and just got on with her work, giving me instructions as to what I needed to do to help her.

“Come on Lyn, get yourself ready to go to the shops. I ran down the grocery stocks for when we were away, we need to get a lot of stuff in, particularly fresh fruit and vegetables, bread, meat and fish, most of the canned and packaged stuff is ok.”

“Do I have to come with you, what if someone recognises me, can I not just stay here and continuing tidying up?”

“No Lyn dear, you cannot hide away, you socialised when you were at camp, you must know that you will be ok in public. If it will help, instead of just going down into the village, we’ll take the car and go to Hexham, the shops are better there and it’s a lot busier, you’ll get lost in the crowd, nobody will know you.”

At first wandering around in public was a bit stressful but I remembered what Rachel had told me that day at the camp “Just live your life here as a girl, think and act as if it the most natural thing in the world.”, and I was soon relaxed and enjoying myself, chatting to Mam as we walked around the shops and stopped at a café for a quick lunch.”

When we got back home laden down with bags of shopping, Dad had come down from the hills, took one look at me and shook his head. Mam may have won the argument but he was obviously still not happy with the outcome.

That all became the routine, I got very close to Mam, much more than I had been the last few years at home, Dad thawed out a bit and was at least civil to me, even though he was probably gritting his teeth as he spoke. I had totally adjusted to living as Lyn and was a bit despondent and disappointed at the thought of reverting back to life as Lyndsay, but soon it was almost time for me to head back to Newcastle to university. Although we had chatted a few times since I had returned home, I was surprised to get a call from Judy which removed some of my worries.

“ Hi Lyn, it’s Judy, have you arranged any where to live yet? Apparently the halls of residence and other official accommodation is all fully booked, mainly by the freshers.”

“ To be honest, I haven’t, it’s been the last thing on my mind, I’ll get something sorted out over the next few days.”

“ Ok, I might have the answer to your dilemma. How about this, Dad has a friend who has several properties in Jesmond not far from the campus and the city centre, and has a house available which he has said I can rent. It is a large Victorian family house with 6 main bedrooms over two floors and a couple of spare rooms up in the roof space. He has made me a great offer, much lower rental than he would normally charge. The others are all interested, it will be a lot cheaper than the official accommodation and we will be near enough to the nightlife in town and everything that will be going on at Uni. Do you want to join us there?”

“Sounds great Judy, but I just want to make sure, the last thing I want is any awkwardness spoiling our friendship, with me getting in the way of what you girls have planned.”

“ Don’t be daft, over the last year when you have socialised with us, particularly during our time up at Kielder, we have all got to know you very well, and would really like you to join in with us.”

“Just to be clear, is the offer being made to Lyndsay or to Lyn?”

“That’s totally up to you, the offer is for either for you, I don’t care which of you turns up, you are the same person we have become friends with whether you are wearing trousers or a skirt.”

“In that case, count me in, it’ll be fun rooming with you all again. Send me the details and I’ll see you there in a week or so.”

I had hardly put my phone down when it buzzed again, obviously she had forgotten to tell me something. “Hi what’s up Judy?”

“Have I got the right number, I’m after Lyndsay Armstrong?” said an obviously older male voice, that I was desperately trying to place. This is Professor Cooper his course mentor from the university.”

As I had answered in my now almost normal girl tones, I quickly answered, “Hold on I’ll get him for you.”, cleared my throat and continued in my Lyndsay voice.

“ Hello Professor, I wasn’t expecting to hear from you before we started back up again next week, what can I do for you?”

“This may sound strange. I’ve had a report from the conservation rangers up at Kielder on what you have been up to during the holidays, but I am puzzled. They refer to how well all of our girls did and although not officially part of your course this year they suggested that you should all be given credits to count against your course assessment.”

“That’s good, we all enjoyed ourselves and learned a lot.”

“The thing that I find strange is that kept referring to the six girls, and made particular reference to one called Lyn, saying that she was a really enthusiastic and committed worker, and had possibly saved the life of one of her friends from drowning as they arrived. Is there an explanation for this?”

He listened without asking any questions as I went through my story once again, I was deeply embarrassed and almost crying when I finished, it was one thing for my friends to know, even worse for my family to know, but to have to tell someone in authority who could make or break my future gradings and job prospects was a different level altogether.

“Calm down Lyn, do you mind if I call you Lyn, thank you for being open and honest with me and not trying to pull the wool over my eyes. It doesn’t really matter to me or to the university what you call yourself and how you dress, you are a bright committed student and as long as you maintain your academic standards, how you live your life is up to you. As with most universities we have strict guidance on discrimination and diversity and you would not be the first person to attend living an alternative lifestyle. You’re lucky that your name is as it is, being suitable for males or females, there is no problem with filing the report against your records and having anyone questioning a name change. By the way, halfway though your story your voice changed and I could hear why you were totally accepted as a girl. Now that is all cleared up, I will leave you in peace and hope to see you soon back at the university.

“You look happy pet, were those calls good news?” Asked Mam when I put the phone down.

“ Where I am going to live has been solved, Judy and the girls are sharing a house and have asked me to go and join them. It will be a lot better than sharing with strangers that I don’t know, and I get on really well with all of them.”

“Are you going there as Lyndsay or Lyn, the girls seem happy with you as either?”

“I am not sure Mam, I will have to think about it.”

“ Well you had better hurry up, if you are going to be living as a girl, you will need a lot more clothes and things, and we’ll need to go shopping.”

Almost two weeks later. I knocked on the door of the house I would be sharing with the girls, and was greeted with a big hug from Judy.

“ Glad you’re here Lyn the others are already settled in, I’ll show you to your room. You’re looking really well, I love what you have done with your hair and that dress I sent you really suits you. The Kielder girls are all back together again and the others are all excited to see which version of you turned up!”

Four years later, we had all successfully completed our studies graduating with our MSc accreditation and were all forging new careers scattered around the country and occasionally around the world.

During my time at university I adjusted to my new life as Lyn supported and encouraged by the others, As I was always in a group with the others, none of my other classmates seemed to notice that the shy withdrawn Lyndsay that had been in their classes the previous year seemed to have dropped out of the course and I was just accepted without question as Lyn.

Gradually with the help of hormone treatment, I became even more and more naturally feminine and in my final year I completed my transition. My mam and dad were both delighted to come to my graduation ceremony, seeing me confidently climb the stops onto the dais in my academic gown hood and cap, to be presented with my Masters degree. Afterwards Dad gave me a big hug, and with tears in his eyes told me that I was the daughter that he could be so proud of.

Nicola and I are now working for the National Trust, operating out of Seahouses on the Northumberland coast, with responsibility as wardens mainly monitoring the numbers and condition of the grey seal, gannett and puffin populations on the Farne Islands. We are close friends and developing a relationship that is even closer.

Zara is doing something similar up at Unst in Shetland, keeping on eye on the sea otter population as a sign of the health of the ocean, and the growing population of the sea eagles now breeding again after many years, following their re-introduction.

Rachel is working down in London for a prestige wildlife magazine as a staff reporter, and often uses the rest of us as sources of material for her articles, featuring our work as wardens.

Kathy is living an exciting life as a freelance wildlife photographer, travelling the world fulfilling commissions for major tv programmes, and providing photographs and articles to several wildlife protection groups.

Judy never really got over our time at Kielder and returned there as a ranger, forging both a professional and personal relationship with Mark, who had looked after us all so well. In fact, as one of our many reunion get-togethers, we were all due to meet again as bridesmaids for their wedding.

Out time together up at Kielder had really given us all a direction for our lives, me in particular, and I will forever be grateful to the other Kielder Girls, who helped me come out of my shell and become the happy successful, confident woman that I now am.

The end