I haven't been to a lot of malls but this one seemed big. Because it was friday there were a lot of people here too. For a bit I was almost looking forward to this even in the dress. The twins kept talking about how fun it was going to be. This was their world. Some of their excitement was rubbing off on me maybe. No less than two nurses said how cute I looked at the doctors. It was a different cute though, the cute of a little girl looking like her mommy made her all pretty. I sort of wanted to tell everyone I braided my own hair and I was a big girl not a little kid and then I thought how silly and not big that sounded. Not like I would have done it anyway.

When I realised I wanted to tell them I was a big Girl, the idea of saying anything faded as confusion came over me. It bothered me way more to be perceived as a little kid than as a girl rather than a boy. It didn't seem right but the more I tried to make myself mad about being looked at as a girl the more I realised I didn't mind at all. In a way I might almost like it. Like it's a trick or game were all playing only I'm the only one that knows about it. Did I want to pretend it's a game, or do I actually like it? Why would I think something like that?

For some reason up until we were walking into the mall I didn't realise that both the twins were wearing long “modest” skirts and simple long sleeve tops much like their mother. I guess I was thinking too much about myself to notice. I wasn't sure if it was out of sympathy for me or to suck up to Emily in hopes of winning a few more points to end the dishes discipline. With a shrug I selected the former. As we got closer to the doors Emily put her hand out and Cindy took it.

Emily started to reach for me as well but then said. “Please. Stay close to me. I know your not a little kid and I may be paranoid. Just, please?”

She really was asking. Did she expect me to run off or something. Did something bad happen at the mall maybe. I nodded. I really didn't want to end up lost in the mall anyway. There really were a lot of people in here. I found myself staying closer to Emily than I think I needed to. If we had been holding hands I don't think I would have been much closer. The first store we went in was Kohls. Grace grabbed a cart and Faith led the way. The rest of us followed in their wake.

Once we got to the girls section I really started to feel lost. Like totally out of my element. I really have no idea what I'm looking for at all. Emily called the twins back and told them to stay closer and reminded them this was for me and not them. This was good. I really needed these young fashion apprentices to help me. I need a lot of help. The twins quickly abandoned the cart to Emily’s care.

Grace started. “First she needs cammies and, do you want tights? They kind of make you look younger but maybe it will be easier if, um...the wind picks up.”

I mostly shrugged. What the heck is a cammie? Tights? At least I know what tights are but do I really need those. She has a point about “the wind” I guess but I have no idea how much stuff I'm going to get. Before I knew it two packs of “cammies” were in the cart. They looked like tshirts with thin straps. I picked up a pack and looked at it.

“Those have really long bottoms.” Faith said and when I looked like I still didn't understand added “So you can tuck it in and even if you bend over it stays tucked”.

That's a really good idea. Okay I guess I need cammies. The packs were all different colors, white and black as well as green blue yellow and not just one, but two pink. Grace came back with several tights and showed them to Emily. She looked at me and I gave my “I have absolutely no idea” shrug. Emily held up two fingers. A white pair with black polka dots and a black pair with white polka dots were added before Emily said “Give her at least one plain white pair.” Said pair promptly flew into the cart. Two packs of socks in as many colors as the cammies also found their way into our cart. They were the short ones that only covered what your shoe did. Emily also tossed in a pack of white dress socks with little lace on the tops. If either of the girls had put them in I’d have taken them out but it's her money I guess.

Grace was off again and now Faith came back with a lot of somethings in her hands. “Which ones of these do you like” as she dropped the pile into the top of the cart. Taking a few out she held them to me. Bras, she brought bras. I looked at her with wide eyes then I looked to Emily in hopes of her saving me.

Before Emily could even start to talk Faith said loud enough for both me and Emily to hear but not the rest of the store. “I know you don't “need these” but we were talking. Clothes in your size are just not going to look too grown up all that much. If you don't want to look like a five year old the easiest way is to have boobs.”

Cindy actually stuck her tongue out at Faith. Faith looked to Emily. “Mom, I know what your thinking and your right but seriously. These are just training bras with formed cups. Avery is short.” She turned to me with a quick “sorry sis” before back to her mom. “If we don't do something to make her look a little older she is going to be treated like a little kid too, she’s almost nine. It won't be too long before she does need these.”

That's what you think I thought. Emily looked at me and Faith started again. “Avery, what do you want. Little kid clothes or a bra and maybe look older than Cindy.” Turning to Cindy she added. “Sorry Cindy you know I love you, would you want everyone to think you were still two years old though? It’s the same thing.”

I looked at Emily who turns out was no help at all, she shrugged. Where was this parental wisdom they were supposed to have. All that wisdom and she shrugged. Was I really being talked into not just dresses but a bra too? This go with it idea of mine was really feeling like a bad call. I really wanted this entire conversation to just go away. There is no way I'll ever wear one of those. The fastest way to end this unfortunately was to just pick one quickly then I could toss it into a drawer and forget about it.

With a sigh I looked at the bras. I picked the two most simple ones a white and grey and with a look to Emily Faith tossed in a pink one as well. Ugh. They wanted me to be pink. Pink with a bra no less. This was not starting off well. I don't want a bunch of little girl dresses and skirts, and I certainly don't want a pink bra. I also really didn't want to look like a five year old.

As the twins ransacked the store bringing stuff to us and taking back the rejects we managed to meander our way around. There wasn't much we liked though. We only ended up with a skater skirt which was just like the dress I was almost wearing. At least it was black. They tried to put a pink one in but I quickly took it out and hung it on the closest rack. Grace groaned as she took it back and I just smiled. Small victory but a win nonetheless.

The other stuff was in packages but Emily insisted I try on the skirt. Faith said to just put it over the dress and that would be good enough. Apparently Emily just needed to make sure it wasn't too short or tight. Being in a dress wasn't an overwhelming obstacle I guess. It took a bit of time but when I came out of the little room I learned I had it on backwards and pulled it up too high but that was fine. Emily asked if she could check the waist. I was really uncomfortable with all of this and she regressed to asking way too many yes or no questions instead.

After wearing a dress to the mall where I got to choose my first bra, picking out a black skirt wasn’t too bad and was actually kind of easy. We payed here and bags in tow we made our way into the mall proper. How many stores could they put in one place that sell girl clothes. I soon learned that answer, a lot. As a boy we would go to say target. I would be told to get like four pants and maybe seven shirts. Some socks and we left. That was it.

Two other stores down and one jean skirt they called a “paper bag” style and I learned if their not pants it's called “denim” It had four large buttons up the center of the front that didn't actually work like buttons, just for looks. The waist was elastic but it had two “denim” flaps that I now know should be in a bow not a knot at the waist. I was starting to actually have fun. The girls kept bring us things as we slowly worked our way around.

Grace brought a dress in a peach color. Emily fell in love with it. It looked suspiciously close to pink to me but I had to admit it was peach. They called it a skater dress. I think that is only because of the skirt cut or something. It seemed a lot of totally different dresses were “skater”. The top was very different. It had thin straps but just to hold it up. The shoulders were not exactly sleeves they came out and covered the top part of my arms on the sides once Emily told me that's where they were supposed to go. The inside part of the sleeve was missing. Like I had a short sleeve top but if I raised my arm you could see my armpit and underarm. The sleeve fabric came over the front in sort of ripples of cloth to give it “texture” Emily said. They flowed in one piece all the way around my shoulders chest and back. I had to admit it was pretty and when they made me try it on I did not look five anymore. After seeing myself in it even I kind of wanted it. No idea if or where I would wear it but it did look really nice on me. Yes this pretty feminine girls peach dress looked really nice on me and I liked it.

Leaving that store is where it really started to sink in. I really was having fun. I really did like looking at all the clothes. They were all girl clothes and I didn't care. I liked some of them, didn't like most and it was fun.

We found the food court and we all realised we were hungry. It was way past when we normally ate lunch. We had simple burgers and fries and Emily even let us get a soda.

We went into plenty more stores much like we had done before lunch. We found another of those skater dresses. This one had normal straps over the shoulders and the front would have been simple looking except it had two rows of really large gold buttons on each side and a belt with gold buckle at the waist. When I tried it on the belt was way higher than I was use to having a belt but everyone said it looked good and was supposed to be like that. Neither the belt or buttons did anything but the dress would have been boring without them. Emily said we could get it but try not to only buy black anymore, this dress was only in black.

We also found two “midi” pull on circular skirts. By now they all realized I had no idea what the different names for all this stuff was or what they meant and were more than happy to educate me. The midi part meant it should come down past my knees and if it were a maxi it would go to about my ankles like what Emily was wearing. The circle part was because it had enough fabric that if you were to lay it on the floor it would make a flat circle. I liked all the extra fabric it didn't seem to be as easy for me to mess up and flash my diaper to everyone, same with the length.

I agreed to a red and a light blue one. When I wasn't looking a pink one also found its way into the cart. It was hidden mostly under the other two and I thought about taking it out but before I had decided they were showing me other things so I let it go. Maybe if I let them buy this one they will stop trying to get me in more pink.

It was quite some time after lunch and I realised a problem. Most of the time when I changed my after lunch diaper I also took a shower. So that's when I would try and poop. It was the best way to keep clean and not have to deal with the mess too much. Today my body seemed to acknowledge my set pattern despite my current location not being home and ready to shower. I really don't want to poop in the mall, I'll just hold it we can't be here much longer anyway.

We found this long sleeve maxi dress that was mostly aquamarine, with large flower print all over it The flowers were huge gold and black with traces of purple in them. I liked the long sleeve part and being a maxi it would be easy to keep my diaper hidden. Emily insisted I try it on and I had to admit it was comfortable. It did go all the way to my ankles and this was probably the first outfit I have tried on that I felt covered in. We also found three more maxi style skirts that seemed to be Emily’s favorite. They all had some dark floral print on them and so I picked a dark purple one. Emily added a dark blue and red one as well.

Emily announced that we really needed to focus on tops now. Most of the ones they showed me were tube tops, tank tops and crop tops. I felt I had enough of stuff without sleeves and kept saying no to them. They also seemed a little too much like little kid for me. Even with the cammies they also left my belly open and I really didn't want my diapers to show.

With Emily’s announcement I realised that indeed we didn't get any tops at all really. I needed to poop badly for some time and it seemed we still had a lot of shopping to do yet. I started to feel dread rising within me as well as the urgent need to potty. I was either going to need to use a public bathroom or poop my diaper in public. Neither seemed like a good choice. The next few minutes I was mostly distracted and was not paying all that much attention to what the twins were bringing. Fortunately they didn't bring anything too crazy.

We did get some basic long sleeve round neck tshirts. White red blue purple green...and they added a soft pink. Another almost t shirt but with ruffles on the ends of the sleeves which were more baggy than normal and a long ruffle that ran the length of the sleeve. We got a purple one and a blue one of those. I didn't bother protesting the pink.

I tried to wander around a little away from Emily pretending to look at stuff. I put off trying to find a bathroom too long so the choice was made for me. I needed to poop and it was going to happen here and now like it or not.

When I was mostly hidden from everyone behind a rack of shirts I let myself relax. Emily could still see the top of my head but nobody else was around. The moment I stopped clenching my body took over. My feet parted a little and even though I tried to stand normal so hopefully nobody would notice what I was doing my knees bent a bit and I hunched forward a little. My bowels pushed and I could feel poop pushing out into my diaper. I was even sticking my butt out like a little toddler as I messed my diaper. Like that toddler I couldn't stop if I wanted too. At least It was mostly firm. It mostly formed a clump into my diaper. Mashing into whatever shape my diaper would allow it to take.

When the worst of it was over I absently reached around to feel it. I was worried it was sticking out like a tail or something. It felt weird. I never pooped a diaper like this. I always did it just before I changed. This felt very different. Oddly it didn't feel nearly as nasty as I would have thought it would. I started to page through the shirts pretending to look at them as my body pushed the last of my poo out. Trying my best to pretend nothing had happened.

Emily came over to me with the cart and asked if I liked any of these shirts. I just shook my head no as I tried to think of what to do now. My “travel pack” was in the car. Was I going to try and go get it, just walk around with a messy diaper all day? If I stood in one place too long I could get a trace of the smell. I smelled like a baby with a messy diaper. I drifted around a little trying to think of what to do next as the twins brought back more things.

A bell sleeve lace top also fit my “need sleeves” mantra, sort of. It had sleeves but they were large like well, like bells. The chest part was also open and it felt too big when I tried it on but Emily said that the shoulders fit well and that's how it was supposed to be. The shoulders were all lace that you could see through and the round collar had a little bow in the center. They seemed long enough in the back but the sides were higher than the waist of my jeans. I would definitely need those cammies for these tops. I was starting to get the feeling that all girls clothing was either skin tight stretch stuff or so loose and flowing that it didn't feel like you had clothes on at all. It was very different. We got a purple and red one as well as green of these.

After we left the fitting room Emily called over Grace. I couldn't tell what they said but Emily handed her the car keys and Grace bolted off. When that happened I didn't really need to know what they said. Emily came up to me and leaned in as she whispered “Grace will get your bag. We can pay and meet her outside the store.”

I was glad she didn't ask me if I pooped myself or even worse, check me like the baby I felt like. I just nodded shyly. Hoping to end this conversation as fast as I could. Apparently everyone knew I had pooped my diaper. Cindy even came up to me and said “It's okay” with a cute little smile.

I was so embarrassed but everyone just went on like everything was normal. I didn't think they would tease me especially with Emily there but I expected a comment or something. Soon we were outside the store near a bench waiting for Grace. It took her a few minutes as the car was on the other side of the mall. Cindy and Emily sat and Faith drifted around looking in windows.

I just stood with my back to the fountain not wanting to sit and mash my poop into my butt. With the water of the fountain flowing I added my own flow into my wet and messy diaper. Most of the time I didn't even notice when I pee anymore beyond a half passing thought. With so much focus on the contents of my diaper the warm wet puddle that quickly faded as it soaked in somehow relaxed me. They didn't care at all about this. It was just a normal part of me and who I am.

After the initial shock of what I did wore off the mess I made didn't bother me as much as I would have thought it would. Sure it wasn't exactly pleasant or comfortable, but not nearly that bad or gross as I expected. Honestly it was way less uncomfortable as what pooping in a public bathroom would have been like.

When Grace got back we found our way to a family bathroom. It was occupied but after a couple minutes a woman came out with a little boy in a stroller. If I didn't use my diaper I wouldn't have been able to wait for this private restroom. I would have had to use the public girls restroom. Changing my diaper in one of those would be bad enough but when I had to carry it out and throw it away everyone would see. Emily handed me my travel bag and offered me help if I needed it which I quickly shook no to.

I looked at the baby changing table but no way I would fit on that. A quick thought of myself falling off flashed in my mind. Not to mention there wasn't exactly a lot of room on it even if my weight didn't tear it from the wall. I normally laid down to change but no way I was going to lay on the bathroom floor. I took some paper towels and set them on the floor. I thought about covering a huge spot and laying down but that just didn't seem like it would work.

Instead I kneeled down sort of like I did when I pooped in my room before I took a shower. The skirt from my dress was a bit of a problem but I pulled it up tight and tucked some of it into the top of the dress which mostly kept it out of the way. If I didn't move too much anyway. I had the bag open. Set the diaper and powder off to the side and opened the wipes. Finally ready I made sure the dress was tucked and still kneeling on the paper I lowered my butt till it was almost on the floor. Undoing the tapes I let the messy diaper fall the last couple inches to the ground with a slight wet thud.

I probably used way too many wipes but it wasn't nearly as hard to clean myself as I would have thought. If it were runny it would probably be really grose. The smell was stronger than I was expecting too. Now wonder everyone knew. Who did I think I was hiding this from. I remembered when some of the toddlers in some of the houses I was in would hide behind the couch and poop. I would chuckle and wonder what they were thinking. Everyone knew what they were doing, I had pretty much done the same thing and just like those toddlers I didn't fool anyone.

I used a bit more powder than normal and even spread some on my body. I wanted to make sure the smell was gone so I not only powdered my diaper area but a bit higher on my stomach and upper legs as well. I probably smelled like a baby that just had a diaper changed but that was way better than smelling like a baby that needed a diaper changed.

After throwing everything away and washing my hands very well I finally made sure my dress was hanging right and left the restroom. The bag now sans diaper was much smaller and Emily took it from me and fit it into her purse. She asked me if everything was alright and I just nodded yes. She smiled and thankfully everything seemed to be over now.

We were soon moving on to the next store for yet more clothes. I felt way better with a clean dry diaper on again and in no time I was once again having fun shopping much to my surprise. As uncomfortable as that situation was now that it was over it felt liberating in a way. Part of why I never really wanted to go anywhere was because I never wanted to need to use a public restroom. Now, I didn't need to, and my new family was completely fine with that. Also, I liked to shop, imagine that.

There was a tshirt with an embroidered heart on the stomach. If not for the heart it was a normal long sleeve t shirt. I wasn't too happy with the heart but the twins put a green one and a purple one in the cart anyway. I lost much of my will to fight some of their more girly choices. Apparently I did have a vote just, everyone seemed to have veto power anyway.

Cindy found these “tunic tops” that were like t shirts at the neck and shoulders. It had ¾ sleeves that opened with loose ruffles. It wasn't too flashy but the extra fabric made it kind of cute. The lower half of the shirt opened up kind of like that bell top from before. The front came down to my crotch but the back came down to a couple inches above my knees like a cape. I really liked these because of the way it covered things. I thought I might be able to get away with jeans with it. We got a red, light blue and a green one. I wish they had purple. Maybe the best part of girl mode is I can wear purple now, which is my favorite color but does not really say “boy”.

Emily concluded that we should have more than enough now to at least dress me properly and that it was time to move on. To which both girls chimed in unison “SHOES”.

So well next, I got new shoes. They were white and nothing special sneakers. They were girls but they didn't scream girl, I think my dress did enough of that. Emily made me pick out a pair of sandals too and as a tribute to Ashley they even had a wide two inch heel on them. The twins talked me into something they called flats. They were cheap so I ended up with a black and white pair of those. Emily also said I needed some nice shoes in case I wanted to go to church. I had long given up at this point. If she wanted to buy stuff I was not going to wear so be it. They were shiney and white also with the wide two inch heel and a little strap that buckled to hold it in place. I was shocked when I realised I now have five pair of shoes. I never had more than one….ever. In fact I now had more clothing than I think I had for at least the last four years of my life.

We were mostly done when we passed a teen accessory shop of sorts. The twins quickly remembered my travel bag. We did find small backpack purses. Cindy really wanted me to get the Hello Kitty one that was white pink and way too shiny. Eventually I settled on a black one that the tag said was real leather. I was surprised when I noticed it was forty dollars and Emily said I could get it. She asked if everything would fit and I nodded. I could easily fit two diapers in the big back area and the powder and the whipes would fit in the next biggest pocket. There was still another smaller pocket on the front if I had anything else I needed to carry like money or keys. Not like I had either of those.

On the way back to the car Grace asked me if I had a nightgown. When I nodded no, Emily seemed shocked. She asked what I slept in and just shook my head and shrugged. So we made one last circle. They showed my like fifty different nightgowns but they all looked ugly. They came down to my ankles and just looked like a really long baggy t shirt. On top of that most had really childish prints on them. It wasn't long before everyone was getting tired of me saying no.

“Alright Avery, how bout vintage?” Faith said as she showed me yet another gown. It was long and a soft cotton that was almost shiny. It had ruffle things that covered the shoulders and sort of acted like sleeves but were way too short. There was a little lace around the open neck and back as well as around the bottom about four inches above the end. I wasn't liking anything I was seeing but with all the time we spent here it was apparent I was not leaving without something to sleep in. I finally agreed to the “vintage” as it did come in purple.

As we were heading up to pay, we passed something that sort of looked like a bathrobe. Only it didn't have a belt or pockets or even a collar. It was woven with an almost loose weave. Emily said it was cute and would be nice if I got cold or when we went to the movies because it was always cold in there. Wow I’ve never seen a movie in a theater, did they do that?

Asking if I wanted one I picked a dark grey. When I tried it on there were slits on the sides that came up to my hips so that the back was like a shirt with a cape on the bottom and the front flaps I guess you would call them didn't really stay together. I guess if I were sitting and cold I could put them over my legs. This was the only thing I honestly picked out all by myself. It was like a thin loose trench coat that you didn't close. I'm sure there's some special girl name for it but heck if I knew what that was.

Looking back on the experience as we got everything packed into the car it was all kind of a blur. My feet were tired from all that walking. The other girls seemed like they could go again right now. Maybe not Cindy she seemed as tired as me. The amount of stuff they got me kind of stunned me. Emily must have spent a few hundred dollars today.