The Ad research was back in by early November Attie and Teri had followers and their advertisements were having a very good impact on sales. With holiday sales active a new online push would be on. Computer and business students in several sororities had suggested challenges between rival sororities with competing universities. Our companies did not want to select one set of competing sororities and dismiss and aggravate potentially hundreds of more. They devised a campaign where universities and smaller colleges could compete by activating Christmas wish and buy lists groups with twenty-five responses from five or more college groups in any or fifty or more responses for responses from five groups at larger universities in a conference would put those groups into a competition.

Attie and I were happy that we didn’t need to figure the logistics of such a promotion, but we were deeply involved in modeling many more clothing and accessories items. It would take photo shoots Friday through Sunday the first two weekend of November. The early success of the promotion gave us a third and fourth weekend where we did online connections to early competing groups through online broadcasts with group responses. Leah learned firsthand that we were growing popular with the college and career women her age. , despite being teens.

The mystique of Teri being male or female was not as relevant as Attie and Teri developing this following and promoting the various clothing lines. Schools like Yale, Princeton, Stanford, Chicago University and MIT weren’t interested in the normal clothing but requested upper-end fashion lines also be promoted. Thus another modeling need.

That promotion was pushed to continue into early December but the interest in high-quality fashions with their bigger ticket items also hit a good cord. That promotion took us to Fifth Avenue in New York City for a runway style promotion. Two recorded sequences with over forty dresses and outfits were the draw, with over two hundred dresses, outfits and accessories being promoted in smaller doses online.

I spent so much time as Teri, I was living as her even at school. I had decided by the second week of November that I was staying as Teri for the foreseeable future. Needless to say, there were others who would fight my decision.

Fortunately, there was no evidence of adverse effects, only theories and no one asked me to speak in Terrance’s voice. While it was not impossible it was the voice that took an intentional effort.

Come Black Friday night Hattie and I got away to Leah’s place off campus and went out with a group. It included two freshman guys from Purdue University with Leah’s help. I thought it was an adult thing that I decided I could handle sitting on a guy’s lap and get his attention. Troy was a college soccer player but better known for his academic prowess and good looks.

It became our secret that he likes me, especially my feminine side of being Teri. It surprised me that it was no longer a problem to me in being with a guy. It was 1:30 a.m. before he got me back to Leah’s as we had a photo shoot and promotion beginning at 9:00 a.m. That meant being up and ready by 7:30. I did get a lecture or a small sermon from Leah as I got ready. Her close friend Sheila promised to help watch me closer in the future. I rarely have problems with agreeing to be better in the future.

My best friend Patti and I would visit and she updated me on class material almost every night. Academics had actually become more important as I wanted to graduate early. Our taking a college course each semester and two in the summer usually counted for high school as well as college.

Learning the business part of our modeling and fashion business made sense every way one looked at it. I was sharper in math, calculating sales impact and making sure the accounting of our interests were done properly.

Two nights in a row I fell asleep at Patti’s while we studied on Tuesdays and Wednesdays nights into December. Patti’s mother led me out to a couch where I slept until morning if I fell asleep there. Since I was now dressing as Teri it was not a big problem in getting ready for school. Patti and I did get hassled, mostly by Patti’s close friends or boys whose imaginations ran off with them.

I was now a fan of Patti and the high school orchestra and choir. It was especially good giving me interests where I wasn’t being focused on. The choir director Mr. Hurd did test my voice and Hattie’s. He ended up using it in their holiday gala. Five girls were missing because of the flu, colds and sore throats. We were singing nothing special just adding to the chorus parts.

It was special to me because it was the first time in a school activity I was accepted as a girl. Teri and Hattie Carsten were listed in the official program.

Long red skirts and white satin blouses with hair and nail salon appointments were required for our participation. The surprise for Mr. Hurd was when we helped a half dozen other girls with their makeup. Each of our girls stood out better under the auditoriums floodlights because we knew how to compensate for that better than most.

Performance wise that may have been the biggest contribution we made to the evening. We did agree with Mr. Hurd that the whole music program deserved to be supported and not its budget cut. Two thousand dollars from our holiday sales bonuses would come back to the choir for music and other expenses.

The fact that several girls boasted they were prettier than us in the choir went as inconsequential to us. Mom liked it as a reality and keeping us in touch with our community and friends. By the time we sang in the choir, exams were on the horizon and our mother put a halt to our work till after the New Year’s Day, and three weeks into the new semester.

We have three Spring Galas scheduled before the turn of the year that we’re to be in, more than we could have been, plus four photo shoots for spring and summer fashions. The reality of it was, we had done two Spring Fashion sessions already in November and December. The lead time as they call it is leading the buyers in what they’ll be interested in beforehand. The late January photo sessions included early sale surprises in what was trending from buyer interest.

Attie and I were part of presenting a series of awards from the online holiday promotion campaign. I remember leaving our community on January 23, because it was the day before Patti showed me evidence of her period and instructed me to keep my own calendar as though I too had experienced bleeding. She explained to me that many girls have to wear a half to a full size bigger in clothes as they retain more water before their body flushes out the building of their inner lining.

She suggested it as an assignment to better know the women I was selling fashions too. I thought it silly and told my mother which may not have been my wisest decision. She too thought the idea of keeping a calendar was a good idea. Mother said, “Saying you have a twenty-nine-day cycle, which means the height of your nest period would be February the 21. I would like you to begin wearing a panty liner on the seventeenth. That is until I tell you to begin wearing a larger napkin.”

I made the mistake of joking at that point. “Teri, do you want to go back to dressing as Terrance or do we have an agreement?” It was the next day that I observed Hattie being out of sorts. And I heard her confess to my mother that she too had her monthly visitor.

That made our photo shoot in Chicago more difficult for Attie and gave me two-thirds of the work if it hit her hard. Mom insisted that Hattie had gone through this before and was always diligent to make sure that her photo sessions went well. Getting three thousand dollars for the shoot was supposed to make it more agreeable. Hattie complained that she deserved a larger portion of the compensation if that were the case.

My suggestion that I was doing nearly twice the number of photo shoots was called insensitive. That night she suggested privately, “I suggest you sleep with Riley the photographer as he wants and experience the pain in the butt you can be.”

Though the time might soon be becoming it would not be tonight nor with Riley. Hattie smiled as she knew sex was something I had been considering. If it happened soon it would be sometime we were with Leah in Indianapolis.

My counselor knew of the growing likelihood but felt counselor patient confidentiality prevented her from saying anything without my permission.

Being pragmatic as Patti could be she suggested Attie and Teri visit our sister and for me to see Troy. She said, “We might as well get the mystery over with and see how much you enjoy a boy who has caught your attention.”

My date with him would be on the ninth; we agreed to go to a movie and sneak out before the credits were rolling. Several kisses and hugs put me in the mood to experience more. Fortunately, Troy’s room was just inside the stairway on the second floor of his dorm.

I had not expected Troy’s suggestion of oral sex, but doing that before he had sound logic to me. I was thankful the lights were out and the thought of me having him prepared me some already.

First kissing or touching him was the hardest, no pun intended. He was being cordial in his encouragement. When he nicely suggested I didn’t need to do him. It had the opposite effect increasing my desire to do it. Having refreshed my lipstick, aided the feeling I experienced as I began to take him.

Fortunately or whatever one might say, he was easily excited and it did not take long to get him to come. He gave me a cola to clear my mouth and throat before we would kiss again.

He seemed experienced using a gel to help ease his penetrating me. I wrongly thought this would all be fun. He didn’t use enough get and I wasn’t expecting how hard he had to push himself into me. Feeling him finally force himself into me; made me think that he had grown since the time I took him the other way.

The more he moved the movement made my pain give way to warm feelings and I felt an emotional explosion before he exploded into me. I never felt such joy as I did at that moment. He kept thrusting and the heat in me grew until we were both amazingly ecstatic.

Troy continued to kiss and be romantic with me even after he was just lying on me. I was happy for the experience and happy we were done. Troy, however, didn’t see it the same. The time wasn’t long before he wanted to have me the second time. The idea of a second time was enjoyable enough. His having me did not start with as much pain. Unfortunately the third was not comfortable and the soreness stayed.

But I had learned how to please him and for us to take our time in the building up to the climax. It was also then that I began to love his warm moist lips and the power his kiss had. I was sure I was special to him. Every part of me was happy and trying to return the love I was feeling.

We showered together and I enjoyed feeling him with me and his affections. Then I left a sadness came over me. I felt some shame and thought I couldn’t share what had happened.

When was she back with Leah, before Hattie was there, Leah was hurt that I wasn’t sharing what had happened. It was only after she jumped to a conclusion. That I told her, “Troy had not been rough or hit me. I just felt ashamed of having sex with him. All I say is we went further than just kissing.”

Leah smiled as she took hold of both of my hands, “Don’t feel bad Teri. Do you feel guilty because it was so good?”

“Yes, but it also began to feel worse,” I told her.

“You two did it more than once,” she asked? “I can only imagine how that hurt you. It can be hard enough on Hattie or me when we’re tight. If you’re sore in the morning, don’t be rushing home or momma will be asking more questions than you want to answer. But you shouldn’t feel ashamed…”

Leah stopped her conversation and looked passed me. I was sure Hattie couldn’t be back already. But Hattie asked, “Did you make out with Troy? Did you enjoy it?”

We talked and in a new way as I felt even more like one of the sisters. It wasn’t the sex per se but how Leah and Hattie were open and talked with me about girl things. I wasn’t ready to tell my parents but I probably moved two steps closer to being Teri full-time.

Leah woke me up in the morning saying “Here drink this glass of water and take these two aspirin pills.” I didn’t argue but didn’t understand. That was until I got up to take my shower and I was sore. She suggested, “Use this antibacterial soap and then use the ointment after you dry off.”

Going to the toilet and getting into the shower was an experience that I will not soon forget. Leah had someone early to talk with but told Hattie and me to go get breakfast before we packed and went home. Hattie told me I could have been worse as she had seen girls who walked funny the day after.

We went to a women’s basketball game at 1:00 p.m. Somehow Leah had gotten us front row seats opposite of the team. A few team members and others said hello as they recognized us. It was a good feeling.

They won the game over another good team by seven points. Before they left the court Connie and Akayla came over and asked if we would visit children at the hospital after they changed. There was actually four of them that went plus us.

Leah must have known beforehand because we had six of our blouses with Attie and Teri on them to give away.

Troy had called me while we were there but I didn’t answer it. It was easier to focus on the teens and children in the hospital. We generally have some 20% off coupons to give out. Today Attie and I both scratched out the 20 and wrote in 30% initialed them to be good with items already on sale.

We were so busy that soon the end of the school year was coming upon us. It was also over a year since we first modeled and then signed as models.

Mom and dad were going to Fort Wayne with me for my regular appointments with Dr. Cheryl Woods my Psychologist and Dr. Michele Dorft my women’s doctor. I was meeting them in different appointments on Tuesday. They’ll visit Thursday with each other and us again on Friday.

It’s kind of a bittersweet time as I’m wanting to be Teri in going to school and my life in general. Patti is my best friend but her affection is not the same. She decided a month ago that I needed time to grow as Teri. She said, “I need some space to learn about being Teri’s friend. I can tell you have changed about how you see boys. I know you try to act like you don’t, around me. That is not being honest with me. I have decided to go to the prom with our friend Steve.”

I had been asked by Glen Dalton to go to the prom which surprised me. I like him enough but hadn’t accepted yet. After Patti told me about her and Steve. I let Glen know I wanted to go on a date and have a week together when we’re at school.

Glen was a new student at our school just this year. He was happy when he heard that I was finishing the school year as Teri. He said to me, “You being a boy or girl is a big problem for me. But I do want us to be going to the Prom as boy and girl.”

All this came about early May, my first appointments with each doctor hit a bump that troubled me. I was not expecting my women’s doctor, Dr. Michele to realize I had been sexually active with a boy. She was even more upset that I didn’t use protection. My joke that I didn’t get pregnant only made her angrier. “Teri, it wasn’t that you recently had sex with another boy. I was expecting that to happen sooner or later.

“But 1) you need to be open and honest with me about things like this. 2) If you were too embarrassed to get the protection yourself. You should have been able to ask your older sister as your agent or communicated with my office for our help. There is also Planned Parenthood and other groups including women’s centers.”

Once I got past having my ego dampened I humbly realized I had been foolish and taken poor risks. She also told me, “I’d be very surprised that your parents, your mother especially didn’t realize something happened. She may or may not have figured what it was. You need to find a way to acknowledge it with her and them.”

“You missed your last two appointments and tests show your testosterone blocker has been in effect too long upsetting your ability to make the hormone at a normal level for a boy. We messaged you it that it was important to reschedule them. We even sent a letter to your home about problems that could cause.

Anything I’m willing to approve now will be based on us having written agreements that you will take greater responsibility for. You are not eighteen and I am your doctor.”

With that and some more said, Dr. Michele relaxed and talked to me as a doctor who was my aunt. My eyes were tear-swollen because my words should have meant nothing to her. However, she dared to trust me again. “You are acting like a number of teenage girls I see. You think you’re unique, but even someone with some your notoriety is no exception when it comes to your medical health. Please, you need to trust me and be honest with me from now on.”

Ms. Woods, I have seen more regularly. It was not until the end of my appointment did she confess that in setting up the times to meet with Dr. Michele Dorft that she found out about my missing appointments with her.

She was happy that I had told her about having sex with a boy the previous appointment. But when she had asked about taking precautions, I had lied to her. She said, she had expected that possibility but was happy that I came honestly. I realized even for a transgender-girl. Dr. Woods saw what I was going through to be quite normal. “Your ego for someone coping with fame wants to rush your maturing. Your life in some ways requires it as you are a rising star and more is being expected of you. You’re no longer a person growing up isolated in a small town in Indiana.”

“If you are open to it, I want to bring your mother in here and for us to update her about where you are. Come the end of the week she would need to be in agreement of us approving you becoming a female via the introduction of a hormone replacement therapy.” She pauses and asks, “I understand that you have in fact been in the past five months dressed as Teri when you’re at school more than your male persona?” I explained, why and confirmed it was true.

Mom and my father had come in to meet with us. My Dad had often planned to come, but several times before had excuses why he did not. He wasn’t there when we arrived nor when I was called back for my appointment. Talking to both of them became harder in coming honestly with what I had done. I was sure my father was going to be furious with my having sex with Troy.

Neither of my parents was pleased, but my mother, in fact, knew something had happened. She even confirmed it with Leah and Hattie, but neither one told her what happened. My Mom and then my parents figure whatever it was; I dealt with any trauma it caused me.

My father and I talked Thursday night before my conference meeting with the two doctors. “Teri, I’m expecting there is a good possibility that you will be getting shots and talking seriously about female issues. I wouldn’t intrude into such a time for your sisters…” Dad was now unable to put his thoughts into words. And we agreed I would go to the appointment without him. He even approved Leah and Hattie to be there and understood why they could be helpful. I know he’d rather see me stay as Terry and just be Teri Slade for modeling. However, as he said the handwriting has indicated for half a year that was not likely. The hard part for Dad was this was made that certain.

I knew part of the time on Friday I needed to sit through sermons from the doctors and my mother about needing to be open and honest with what I did. I also needed to be committed to abiding with whatever I agreed too with my doctors. One surprise was that Leah said she was going to act tougher on me as Hattie and my agent.

I was to declare come Monday that for the rest of the school year and forward I’m to be a girl. And when documents were presented I saw my formal name was to be Teresa June Carsten.

Two nights earlier my parents were talking about my new name. I protested having June for my middle name. June Constance Fox was my great grandmother. She was alive when Hattie and I were born, but died when we were only three years old. I didn’t have anything against my great-grandmother. Leah remembered her saying, “You would have loved her as much as she loved you two. She was a lot of fun and very active.” Unfortunately, my great-grand died in an accident caused by a drunk driver. The story was while Grandpa was an old seventy-two, Grams was a young and active sixty-three. Going by how active my Grandmother is; I could easily understand that. I could even see the emotions welling up in Leah as she told of her.

I gave Leah a hug, “You must have been very close to Grams June?” Leah perked up and looked at me, “How did you know to call her Grams June?” I didn’t really, yet it did seem to be like I kind of remembered. I was insisting Mom give me a cool name and then suddenly I knew better, but it was too late especially for Hattie.

“You ingrate, how dare you! That is something you didn’t learn from following me and my girlfriends. I don’t know if I want to be modeling with you. Mom, I don’t know her!” With that, Hattie turned and tried to leave but Leah and Mom blocked her way.

“Calm down young lady, I can appreciate you being upset…”

“Upset!!”

It was Mom then interrupting Hattie, “I think your sister has something you need to hear.”

“I’m sorry Hattie, Mom, Leah, and your doctors. I realized with Leah’s story that Grams is someone neat to be named after. With you Hattie, I’m not comfortable seen as following you and your friends, It doesn’t matter how much I do, it’s what I don’t do right that gets pinned to me. Please accept my apology, but I’m growing.

“Hattie like it or not I’m Teri. I hope Leah keeps us modeling together until you like me again.”

Dr. Woods and Dr. Michele Dorft agreed with me transitioning to be Teri June. I had to return to Michele’s office later to receive my first shot.

Despite being sore from my first shots, Mom and Dad celebrated the occasion of their new daughter with a dinner out. Ms. Briggs was even there.

Saturday, Hattie and I were out looking for prom dresses. We could have special ones sent to us with all the proper measurements. We decided this time we’re going to be two ordinary girls. It was late enough that we didn’t have as many dresses to pick from. I would have chosen Hattie’s gown if she hadn’t. It was pink with two shades of blue accents.

I had decided on a red gown but changed my mind when Pattie came holding this yellow and white gown with silver sequins. Patti said, “Ms. Briggs kept this one aside for me. Actually, for you and I want to see what you think of it. I like it, but it doesn’t mean you will.” I, in fact, fell in love with the beautiful gown. Ms. Briggs has set it aside early at Patti’s request.

I am having many times with mixed emotions. I still have feelings for Patti and I’m hoping she still does for me. I’m wanting to be Teri, but also Terry. It’s hard when I realize I’m not in control as much as I keep convincing myself…

Story to be continued…