The girls left for their respective classes, and I was on my way to mine. I caught Dr. Corning’s attention. Actually, I think my uniform caught her attention.

“Miss Stewart, may I see you in my office for a moment?”

That didn’t take long.

I let out a slow breath and close my eyes. “Now, Miss Stewart.” She commanded. I begin to walk hurriedly toward her and follow her to her office. She gestures to that now familiar chair, and I sit. The skirt does not cover enough to protect my bare skin from touching the cold surface of the chair. I pop up from the chair, reacting to the chill, I look at the offending chair which offers no sympathy. I sigh, smoothing the skirt under me, well, as much as I could of it, under me. I inch forward just a bit so that no bare skin touches the chair. I feel my thighs press together as my ankles cross and skid my shoes slightly under the chair. My shin rubs my calf so even sitting feels different. Dr. Corning gives me a puzzled look before commencing.

“Miss Stewart...” She takes a brief moment to compose herself. My eyes gravitate to the hem of my skirt, wondering if anything could be done about the revealing uniform. “Aaron,” She pauses again. She must notice how nervous I am. I lookup, crossing my arms under my breasts. My hands begin to rub my bare arms, trying to comfort myself. Her eyes are trained on me. I become more self-conscious. I start pulling down at the hem of my skirt. “I’m sure you have an explanation of why you are dressed in the manner you are. You are probably practicing the explanation in your head. Instead, I want you to think about a few things before you are dismissed.”

I’m nervous beyond words. Does she think this is a prank?

“Is this something you want?” She asks.

I’m bewildered. I’m not sure how to respond, so I don’t.

“It is not a simple question, mind you. Would you feel comfortable talking about this perhaps with Mrs. Yates? Or another counselor, if you are apprehensive about her? While I’m not allowed to divulge possible gender-related issues with your parents unless you demonstrate a need for your parents to be involved; you still need to talk to someone that can help."

I’m relieved, though concerned at where this conversation is going.

“The question I ask you to consider—is this ‘who you are’ or is this ‘a costume’?”

I open my mouth to speak. She stops me. “The answer is an important one. It’s a truth for you to work through and something that should not be answered on a lark. You have to be honest with yourself. If this is more than a costume, then perhaps you can work through these issues early enough in your life, you may be able to spare yourself a lifetime of pain by asking for and receiving the help that is available.”

Honest with myself? Issues? What would I have to ‘work through?’ A lifetime of pain? Her reaction and her words unnerve me. I thought she was going to call my parents and send me home. This seems worse.

She scribbles a note. “I want you to show this note to each of your teachers before each class. You will not disrupt the classes in any way, am I clear?” She hands me the note, open. I nod my head and accept the note.

Miss Stewart is to be addressed as the gender she presents. She is to be treated with the respect afforded to all students and faculty alike. Any problems are to be reported to me immediately. - Dr. Corning.

I look up questioningly from the note after reading it.

“Is there a problem, Miss Stewart?”

“No, Dr. Corning,” I say nervously. What is going on here?

“Oh, and Miss Stewart?”

“Yes, Dr. Corning.”

“Because the laws of this state allow for you to use the restroom of the gender that you present. I EXPECT for you to BEHAVE in a manner consistent with the young lady you appear. Is that clear?”

A strand of hair falls loose from the ponytail. I instinctively push it behind my ear. The gesture garners in another look from Dr. Corning.

“One other thing Miss Stewart, you will also report here during your PE class this afternoon, you will have an opportunity to speak with Mrs. Yates, if you wish. We may also consider options for your physical education class if the need arises…”

For some reason, that calms me.

---

I walk into the first period, late. The teacher eyes me suspiciously as I hand her Dr. Corning’s note as instructed, she gives me a curious look, reads the note, and returns the note, discretely. I take my seat without a word being spoken about my attire. I do feel 30 sets of eyes are boring into me. The class continues without incident, though as I walk out of the room after class, I can tell that some students are wondering about my uniform.

Second period was much the same as First. By this point, the word had spread throughout the school, that the cheerleaders were in uniform in honor of Coach T. During the break between Second and Third period, students try to comfort the girls on the squad and me. Here and there, students offer kind words to me about Coach T and how much she was loved. There are a few looks, whispers, and oddly a few smiles as well.

I meet up with Lisa who matches my pace walking down the hall heading to class.

“Hey, Aaron? You seem to be settling in as the newest cheerleader. How is it going so far.”

“There’s a lot going on to tell you the truth. I had an odd meeting with the Principal this morning.”

“What did Dr. Corning want this time?” Her voice has a hint of a sarcastic tone.

“Well, she ordered me into her office. Then the conversation got weird.”

“Weird? How so?”

“She started to ask me about… No actually, she didn’t ask. She did all the talking. She asked me if this was ‘who I am’ or ‘just a costume.’ Then, she gave me this note.” I pull the note from my backpack, now wishing I said ‘yes’ to the purse that Ellie offered me. I hand Lisa the note, and she studies it.

“So, she thinks you want to be a girl?”

“I don’t actually know. She said ‘I’ needed to ‘think about it.’ and that ‘if I work through this early’… I could save myself a lifetime of pain. Isn’t that weird?”

Lisa hands me the note, and I place it folded in the pouch pocket in my backpack. She looks at me almost, ‘sizing me up.’ I’m starting to get that feeling that prey must have when they sense danger. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but you don’t actually seem like a boy in a cheerleader uniform.”

My eyes widen. “What?”

“I know we wanted you to look natural but… There’s something else about you. I can’t really put my finger on it. I mean, you and Ellie could almost be twins, but compared to even just yesterday…”

“I’m still me, right?”

“Well yes and no…”

“What?”

“I mean, you are still the same person, but different, you know?”

“How am I different?”

“It’s like you’re Aaron, but not, at the same time.” The bell rings. "Hey, I’ve got to get to class." She pulls me into a hug. She whispers into my ear. “Hey, try not to worry about what I said, okay?”

“Okay, I’ll see ya at lunch?” I ask sheepishly.

She smiles back at me. “I’ll see you then. And thanks.” before she walks off I rub her arm gently and give her a warm smile. She giggles and walks away.

A teacher calls out to me. “Young lady?” I turn instantly.

“Yes?”

“Your backpack is open, you better get a move on, you’re going to be late for class.”

“Oh…” I smile. “Okay, Thank you,” I say cheerfully, then zip up my backpack pouch and head off to class.

---

Again more of the same for my next two classes. Though I’m starting to get used to the stares I get. Thankfully, the teachers don’t really draw any attention to me after I hand them Dr. Corning’s note.

I’m walking to lunch when a girl walks along with me. “You’re Aaron, right?”

“Um, yes,” I say nervously.

She yells back to her friends. “See! I told you it was Amber’s sister!” She whispers to me, “I’m glad to see you aren’t hiding yourself any more. You’re just as pretty as your sister.” she caresses my arm and walks back to rejoin her friends.

I try to shake off the encounter and find Ellie before heading to the Cafeteria for lunch.

She greets me with a smile and a hug. “Hey, are you okay? You still seem a bit distracted.”

“It’s been a weird day.” We're walking side by side when she walks towards the women’s restroom. I stop as she opens the door and begins to walk in. She notices, and grabs me by the wrist and pulls me in. “What’s wrong with you? It’s just a bathroom?” She starts to walk into a stall stops and whispers into my ear. “you know to sit down, right?”

I nod my head.

“Well, be sure to ‘hover’ instead. The seats are icky.” she giggles and enters one of the stalls.

I wince and take the stall next to her.

The dispenser for the seat cover is empty. I try as best to wipe the seat with toilet paper. I attempt to hover and end up sitting on the seat. Ewww… I cringe. I emerge from the stall, after ‘failing’ at hovering and feeling a bit grossed out at what I actually sat on.

Ellie is already in front of the mirror touching up her lips, I wash my hands with a lot of soap and I start to make my way to the door. “That was so gross!” I whine, which leads to a giggle by Ellie.

“Come here for a second, will you?”

I walk back over to her.

“Here.” She hands me a tube, which looks like a glue pen, only it has a light pink liquid in it. “You probably want to touch up your lips a bit.”

I open the tube, I study the wand with the sponge at the end coated in a shiny light pink liquid. I swipe my lips coating and smoothing them with the wand and close the tube. I’m handing it back to Ellie.

“Umm, that’s yours. It’s new. Actually, I brought it with me because I thought it would work for you since I already had a few tubes in the same shade.”

I place it in the pouch in my backpack. “I told you that you should have brought the purse, Here, some of your hair has gotten loose.” She hands me a bobbie pin which I use to secure the offending tendril of hair, thanking her in the process.

I straighten my skirt and tug at my shell, and Ellie nods approvingly. I walk out with Ellie, and we make our way to grab our lunches at the cafeteria. I head for the hot food line, and she pulls me to the salad line. I was about to protest when we are joined by a few of the others in the squad.

“Aaron, Ellie!” We’re joined by Casey and Allison. Jennifer is not far behind. “You know, you two could be twins,” Allison says gleefully.

Ellie pulls me close to her and with some whimsy, announces to the girls. “She looks great, doesn’t she?”

Casey adds, “Aaron, I’m sorry for how we treated you.”

I look over at the trio, “No, I deserved it.”

Allison smiles at me. “Any word on Amber?”

“She misses all of you a whole lot. She hopes to be home by Saturday. She was angry with me when I told her what happened and how it was my fault that she was hurt.” I sigh. “Now, she won’t even talk to me.”

Jennifer puts a hand on my shoulder and gives it a gentle squeeze. “Just give her time. She’ll come around. Besides, you’ve changed, and I think she will see that.”

Lisa and Cindy join us in line. I fish into my backpack for my lunch coupon book. Thankfully, our meals are subsidized, I don’t have any money of my own. My parents barely make ends meet as it is. All the care for Amber and the costs of visiting her must put a strain on our savings. I pull today’s ticket out. Lisa does the same. We grab our salads and hand the ticket to the cashier. Jennifer, Cindy, Ellie, and Allison pay with cash for their lunches. We walk over to the table, Monica and Dianna are already there waiting for us.

Monica looks at me, “How are you holding up?”

“I think I’ve settled down. I had a meeting with Dr. Corning this morning.” I begin to stab at my salad. “She asked me to think about a couple of questions. Then she asked me to talk to the counselor after lunch during my PE class.”

“About Coach T?” Ellie quips.

“No, she asked me if ‘this is who I was or if it was just a costume.’ Then she dismissed me with a note to show each of my teachers.”

I pull the note and hand it to Monica who reads it and offers me a warm smile while handing it back. I take another stab at my salad.

“And?” Monica continues, “what do you think?”

After another bite of my salad, “Well, this is to honor Coach T, of course.” I push more of the lettuce around the container, wishing I had more dressing.

“Are you sure about that?” Monica presses.

I open the carton of low fat milk and plunge the skinny red drinking straw into it. I notice the girls all used straw. It felt wrong to guzzle it like I would normally. Eating the salad had wipe the lip gloss from my lips in a few spots. That unnerves me for some reason. My eyes dart to my backpack, though I stop myself from reaching for the tube. “Umm… I think so.” I nervously take a sip from the straw.

Dianna places her hand atop Monica’s wrist, “She’s had a rough time, you may want to leave her alone, She’s got a lot on her plate as it is.”

Monica turns to Dianna, “She does have a lot going on, but if we can help, shouldn’t we? I mean, I can’t help but feel there's something more to her.”

“Umm.” I’m starting to feel a bit self-conscious. I stare intently at the cherry tomato feeling just as small.

Monica turns back to the group, “I mean look at her. You don’t honestly see her as a boy do you? Do any of you?” The table is silent.

“You need to be honest with yourself. Did you pull that prank because you thought it was funny or did you do it because you were jealous?”

Jealous? “I…”

“We care about you, Aaron, you’ve actually put up with a lot just to be here with us. I think it shows some character that you’ve tried so hard. That’s why I left the note for you at your house.” She’s the one who left the note?

“What note?” Allison asks.

“When she first started out with us. I was impressed that she joined us for practice even when she didn’t have to. I wanted to test her to see how serious she was about being on the squad. So, I left her a note to meet us at McKinley Park that first Saturday and she did! What I didn’t know was whether she was joining us because of guilt over Amber, or if she genuinely wanted to be part of the squad. Her apology to the squad got me thinking. Then this morning, when I confronted her about the uniform, I could see it.” Monica looks straight at me, “I could see it in your eyes that this was where you wanted to be—With us.” She blinks a few times, the table is still silent. She continues. “What I don’t know WHO wants to be part of the squad. The boy that pulled the prank or the young woman in front of me silently eating her salad?”

I feel suffocated. I need to get out of here. I stand up. “I… I need to be alone for a bit,” I say sadly.

Ellie grabs my hand, but I give her a pained look, and she lets go.

---

I walk away from the table with my head swirling as I head down towards the office. Lunch has not ended yet, and the halls are empty.

I’m walking down the hall towards the office lost in thought. I hear footsteps from behind. I was about to turn, when a hand grabs me and pulls me into the men’s restroom. My backpack falls off my shoulder and on to the floor in the hall as I am yanked into the room. My heart is racing, I’m scared out of my mind before I realize who grabbed me, a hand pushes my shoulders to the wall. “Aaron, are you alright? Who did this to you?”

“Taylor? What are you doing? If anyone catches me in here, I’m going to get in trouble!” All the fears of being bullied resurface as I start to shake.

“In trouble for being a boy in a boy’s bathroom? What did they do to you and why are you wearing a cheerleader’s uniform?” His questions are pointed and stern. I can barely think.

“It's in honor of Coach T.” I blurt out nervously.

“What? You’re not making any sense. What does a dead coach have to do with you dressed up as a cheerleader?”

“Please, I’ve got to get out of here. I’m not supposed to be in here.” I don’t know why I’m so afraid. It’s Taylor. Why is he doing this to me?

“Not until I get an explanation.” his voice is more stern, angry even.

I’m in a panic. “Please, just let me go. I promise I won’t tell anyone you pulled me in here.”

Taylor’s searches my face. All I can feel is fear. I don’t know what he’s going to do to me.

“Aaron, I’m not here to hurt you. I’m not the bad guy here. Someone is messing with your head. I want to know who it is.”

“N…Nobody, nobody is messing with my head. Now, please, just let me go. I’m not supposed to be in here.” My eyes are searching him for what he may do.

He grabs me by my shoulders. I let out a small yelp.

“Aaron! Get a hold of yourself.” I’m petrified.

I hear the door open and smack violently against the wall. We’re both startled. A loud angered growl interrupts Taylor. “Let her go, NOW!” The voice booms from behind Taylor.

Taylor raises his hands and backs off. “Hey man! I don't want any trouble.”

“Nobody messes with our cheerleaders!” It’s one of the football players has his hand on Taylor’s shoulder pulling him further away from me.

Taylor is frozen, I take my opportunity to escape, I turn and run out the door. I fall into the arms of someone who wraps me in a hug, I’m shaking. The tall figure tries to soothe me. I hear another voice, a girl’s voice spits venom from behind me. The fiery voice is familiar. Monica? Monica’s yelling at Taylor. “You don’t EVER touch one of my girls! YOU HEAR ME? YOU PERVERT!” I look up, I’m in the arms of Dianna. She’s trying to hold back her own anger as well. I turn to see the commotion. Dianna has her arms wrapped protectively around me, holding me tight. Lisa has Monica by the arm, trying to calm Monica down. Monica continues her verbal assault on Taylor.

Dianna tries to soothe me. I’m still trembling. She shepherds me away from the scene while trying to calm herself as well. She pulls me into the women’s restroom. I crumple onto the floor and I bellow out a pained moan and start sobbing. I don’t know what’s come over me. I’m not sure what's going on. Dianna is holding me. Then backs off. My eyes are closed. I hated this feeling. I hated being vulnerable. Another hug from a smaller frame. “Ellie?” I murmur.

“Shhh, I’m here… I’m here…” Ellie’s rocking me. Soothing me. I'm such a mess.

“Did he hurt you?” Dianna’s voice strains of concern. I shake my head, still trembling. “Monica went to apologize to you, she saw some guy pull you into the men’s room. She grabbed Victor to help.” I can hear more girls file into the restroom. Monica and Victor made Taylor back off, but had drawn enough attention, that it drew a crowd.

There were whispers among the girls entering. ‘He did what to her?’ ‘Are you serious?’ ‘Is she okay?’ ‘Good thing Victor stopped it.’ ‘I hope he gets thrown out of school!’

I open my eyes to see Ellie. She pulls a few tissues from her purse and dabs at my eyes. “Whatever he did, it wasn’t your fault. Okay?” I nod my head, everything was happening so fast.

My thoughts shift away from my fears. “Wait, this all was a misunderstanding…Taylor was…”

“Shhh… You’re safe now, you don’t have to defend him. They caught the guy. He’s not going to hurt you. We’re not going to let him hurt you.”

---

---

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Author's Note: Thank you all for taking the time to read, comment, and encourage this story. I appreciate every bit of critique and encouragement I've received thus far. It's helped more than you know,

I love you all so much for being with me on this journey.

Hugs,
Leila