Chapter 24 The Birthday Party.

Back at the hall it was the Eve of Astrid’s Birthday party. Rose & Alice both had their surgery and where now complete. Tanya entered “Hello everybody I thought I would come and give you all a hand getting ready for the party.”

“Tanya when did you get here?” Exclaimed Helen.

“I flew from JFK to Manchester and then hired a car for my vacation. Hope you do not mind I came in at the main entrance. I rang the bell but you all were busy.”

Leslie came in, “I better show you to your room these can make us a drink.”

“Coffee or Cocoa.”

“Cocoa would be nice please.”

Terri, “I was just about to make the others a drink. The doorbell rang again. We had better answer it.”

“Hello I hope I have the correct place. Christobell invited me and the gang to stay and come to a birthday party.”

Tanya, “I know you. Your picture was splashed all over America with a mystery woman. I thought it looked like Christobell. Come in Mr Diddy. So are we going to see you getting married to our Christobell?”

Ken, “That is between me and Christobell. The Gang will all be here in a minute.” A mini coach drew up and what appeared to be tiny girls got out. “Ah all my gang and my minder are here. This is Heidi she is sort of my general domo & also is a first rate body guard.”

Heidi, “We all appreciate this break.”

Helen came to greet them, “We are trying to decorate the room while the girls are asleep.”

Heidi, “Well we may be guests, but we all muck in to get the stage set so this should be a doodle.” A blast of her whistle and all the girls lined up. Heidi barked out some orders and the girls followed them explicitly. Within a short time the room was decorated.

Ken, “Where is Christobell?

Leslie, “Mum is with her sisters plotting she was not expecting you so soon and informed us you would not be here until very late.”

One of the girls,” “We would have been still there, but the fire alarm went off and the show had to be cancelled. So we got away early. Ken wanted to be sure he found his way in the light so I made sure we finished early.” Heidi blew her whistle again.

Ken, “The media can speculate all they want. I already have all the girls I need and Heidi keeps them in order.” The tallest of the females was Heidi. One by one they introduced themselves.

Tanya, “I initially thought you were all children but you are?”

Ken, “My diddy men.”

Tanya, “Do you mind if I call you all dwarfs or would you prefer another title?”

Saskia, “Well we are all technically Dwarfs but diddy men or hobbit is much nicer. We all have our names on our badges so just call us by our names. Most of us starred in Willow and several of us in Lord of the Rings as Hobbits.”

Terri came back with the cocoa, “Oh my lord we have been invaded by horrible hobbits.”

“Hello Terri nice to see you again.”

“I did not realise it was you that Christobell had asked.”

Helen, “I take it you know Saskia Terri,”

“Know her I slept with her for at least Twenty years.”

Saskia, “Terri that sounds terrible please tell them I am your little sister.”

Terri, “All these horrible Hobbits.”

Terri looked round, “Were the other hobbits? Kyle & Zena. Miss Helen These three horrible hobbits are all my sisters. I was the odd one out in more than one way.”

Zena, “Actually we did play the part of Hobbits. The way our sister looks now is more like the Lady Galadriel.”

Terri, “Will my hobbit sisters please help me bring extra drinks in.”

“Ok we will earn our keep.”

Helen, “Terri do you want to alter your sleeping arrangements.”

“Miss if it is ok I will sleep with my three hobbit sisters.”

They were all just finishing the cocoa when Christobell arrived back. Clara came in, “Helen somebody has left a bus out side.”

“Yes we already know your guests arrived early.”

Christobell, “Ken we did not expect you so early.”

Tanya, “Hello mum I thought I had better get here early. We have been helping get ready for your grandchildren.”

Ken hugged Christobell & the diddy men all hummed her comes the bride.

Christobell, “Ken I if you are going to propose I want you to do it now.”

Ken got down on his knees, “Christobell I propose we all go to bed as my diddy men are rather tired.”

Christobell, “You old fool now give me that kiss you promised me.”

Heidi, which is Ken’s room? Good I will bring the case in here,”

Ken, “Heidi takes her job seriously. She guards me day and night,”

Saskia,” Don't we know it. This brought a giggle from the remaining diddy men.”

Angela,” “Do you want individual beds or do you double or treble up?”

Saskia, “They will all huddle up. If we are with Terri then only two additional rooms are required.”

The following morning Astrid was up bright & early. Saskia was also up early. “Hello I am Astrid I see your mummy makes you wear a name badge. Are you here for my and the twins party?”

“I was hungry and was looking for something to eat?”
“I am not allowed to cook anything but I can give you some biscuits and Crisps & a drink of orange juice. Want to see my Princess? She is my pony. I am not supposed to go in the great hall as mum & Aunt were busy last night decorating it. We sneaked in to the gallery and saw you helping. Your mummy sure is bossy.”

Saskia, “She may be but we love her.”

“Do you go and jump on your mum and dad to wake them up?”

Saskia was picturing all the Diddymen jumping up and down on Ken & Heidi.

“No we have not done that for some time.”

“Well if Alexis, Helen & Leslie were not up soon we will be going to wake them all.”

Saskia, “In that case I will get my sisters and start with Terri.” Saskia found Kyle and Zena were up washed and dressed. “This is the birthday girl & we have come to wake Terri.” Astrid was given a water pistol and told to fire it at Terri's face. She fired it a couple of times,

“Terri Terri you have over slept and everybody is waiting for breakfast.” Terri leaped out of bed and ran to the bathroom. Alexis was the next victim.

The twins came to join the group who was going round waking the others up. Eventually only Ken and Heidi were left.” The diddy men approached the bedroom with water pistols at the ready. Astrid went in to see if they were sleeping “Oh your daughters are going to be disappointed they wanted to wake you up.”

Heidi.” In that case I will pretend to be asleep.”

Almost as quietly as was possible the girls crept in and aimed their water pistols at Heidi. Who brought out an even larger water pistol, “I thought you might try something like this.”

Saskia, “Come on girls there is only one of her and there are more of us.”

Heidi, “Right you have asked for it” & Fired just as Helen walked into the room. “Ops sorry.”
Helen, “I should have knocked. Breakfast will be in 30 minutes. So perhaps they had better go away for later.”

Helen, “Honestly Christobell I do not know who is the biggest child. I got soaked by Heidi with her Water cannon.

Christobell, “Perhaps you should take her on a tour of the garden, especially if you prime certain little helpers before hand.”

It soon became apparently to all that Astrid had three new play mates. Terri groaned,” “All I need is another Hobbit around here.”

Astrid, “All us little people should stick together. Mum is going to show Heidi and Ken around the garden. Aunt Helen mentioned she would like help to repay Heidi for the soaking.”

Saskia, “We are all in as so far we have never got the better of Heidi yet.”

“Well we know how to with the aid of the garden.”

Saskia, “In that case we will split into three groups and each of the groups shall take position at a different site.”

Astrid, “Saskia you and your sisters will come with me. We will go to the Temple as I want to show you something. The other two groups will go to the side walk and wait for Heidi.”

Astrid went for Alexis, “We need your help to alter the controls on the Jets.”

Alexis, “Ok I will come and do that for you. In fact I have an idea so Heidi does not suspect. You and the Hobbits wait until she is almost at the temple and then crossing the lake. I will make sure it is off and then put it to full as soon as she starts to cross.” The Twins appeared to be playing a game when Heidi arrived with Christobell. As she crossed the path the water jet shot up and hit Heidi. Again she was hit at the second site. They even got her on the return journey.

Heidi, “How unlucky can I be you told me they were random but I got hit four times.” When they got to the temple Heidi paused and said, “I am watching first.” Astrid and the hobbits crossed with out mishap. Christobell crossed without anything happening to her.

Saskia, “Come on Heidi we all crossed safely.” Heidi got half way across the stepping stones before the jets went to full blast. Heidi was trapped between the jets of water.

Astrid shouted, “Wait until they get lower and then dash across.”

Heidi tried to follow the instructions. She though got soaked. “I just knew I was going to get wet. Every time I have gone near water today I have got wet. It looks as if somebody has it in for me.”

Helen, “Perhaps it was payment for earlier.”

Heidi, “But you never touched me.”

Helen, “I did not have to when there are others who were all too willing to help soak you.”

Ken burst out laughing, “It looks like the hobbits have finally got even with you.” Saskia & the others all brought out their water pistols & aimed them at Heidi.

Saskia, “Now we are even.”

Heidi, “I will have to go back to the manor and change. I promise no more water pistols.”

Ken, “I have a request it is mainly for the gang. As you know we tour up and down the country most of the time. Most of the girls have been with me for some time. It is not very easy getting a job when you are their size. The main exception is Christmas when they are all in great demand for pintos. All though I am famous I do not have what I call a home. Yes I own property but I hardly get to live in it. I was wondering if the rooms we are currently using could be our permanent base. It would be far better for all of us. Saskia here already has a big sister living here and I have some friends.”

One of the Hobbits spoke, “Please I know we are here as guests and here for a party but we have all enjoyed ourselves. We are quite willing to pay rent for the rooms.”

Heidi, “It would be mainly at weekends but if we are close enough by we could return home.”

Angela, “You have made no mention of office space. Presumably either you have a lap top or use hotel facilities.”

Heidi, “Sorry I forgot about that I was supposed to appoint a part time secretary to oversee our affairs.”

Angela, “Actually we can help there.”

Angela, “Claire Isla come here. Heidi here needs a part time secretary and we all know you want to go back to work although that is not possible at the moment. A part time job here though would be ideal for your talents and allow you to perform your other duties.”

Heidi, “Please we could really need some help as at the moment it all falls on my shoulders.”

Isla came into the conversation. “Actually I would have applied but with the twins I am too busy. Claire if you want to apply then I have no objections.”

Heidi, “Actually we need somebody who is good at Databases, Spreadsheets & word processing. It would be an additional bonus if they had DTP & Design skills.”

Ken spoke, “I enjoyed myself in the garden & I know all the others did including a wet Heidi. Christobell you have been a good friend to me and the diddy men or Hobbits as I noticed Terri calling them. I was wondering if it would be possible to obtain those three fields in front of the Garden. For a long time I have dreamed of building a Diddy man village. The Temple and maze & Village green are similar to what I dreamed about for a long time. Diddymen all live underground. I had some plans drawn up some time ago but never found a suitable site until now. Ah here they are.”

Ken laid them on the table “Look at the similarity between our designs.”

Angela, “Actually we were planning to extend the garden. By the look of it the only difference is we have not got a treacle mine.”

Ken, “It was my intention to put some big furry feet on the girls and have them wandering around helping people or playing practical jokes on them. Angela went and fetched their plans and laid them side by side. Angela laid the original plan down and then the new plan. “Ken yours is compressed into a smaller area while ours is on a larger scale. In fact the scale is five times bigger. Working on that ratio we could put the treacle mine here.”

Clara, “officially Alexis is the owner but we all have a stake in the garden. The idea is for the garden to be child friendly without any of the modern trappings of life. We had intended doing the extension a bit at a time. This was because the cost was rather prohibitive.”

Ken wrote a figure down, “That is what I was going to invest in a theme park. Is it anywhere near the amount you need?”

Christobell, “For that sort of investment it would buy you an equal share of the garden. It would also enable all the development to be done at once rather than piecemeal.”

Alexis, “Ken I need to ask the others what they think & if they would like you as a partner.” Alexis took a vote all voted for accepting Ken and the Hobbits.

Helen, “Now that is over I need to have a talk with Terri and her sisters.”

Helen vanished in to a side room with them. “Terri the part I am growing for you is almost complete. There could be a problem though. I did not realise your sisters were all small. Once the part is fixed to you it is possible that you could shrink until you are similar height as your sisters. I tested their blood and the female line is genetically disposed to being small. While the male line does not have this factor.”

Saskia, “You can make our Terri just like us? She will truly be our big sister then.”

Terri said, “Well if I become a hobbit I will be in good company.”

Saskia said, “When do you intend to operate.”

“Actually I am ready now. But we have the party today so it will be tomorrow at the earliest. I forgot to tell you no food or drink after eight tonight. Now would you girls like to come and watch me create your sister?”

Saskia, “If we had been working we would have been taking the time off. Yes we will all be there.”

Angela, “Ken you do realise it will be several years before you start getting any return on your money.”

Ken, “My accountants advised me to lose that amount so my tax bill is considerably less. I got new accountants after the last fiasco. These days I use Andersons in Leeds.”

Claire went to the computer and typed in a code. Up came Kens account.

Ken, “That is supposed to be private how did you do that?”

Alexis, “Do not worry Claire is on special leave from the same firm & it looks like Heidi has appointed her as your management team.”

Claire, “The amount you wrote down is correct, but if you had invested this amount it would have lowered you tax liability further. Also as you are making an investment for the next seven years you can claim back one seventh of your initial investment each year from the taxman.”

“So even if I take your advice I am not going to be in the poor house.”

Claire, “Ken far from it.”

Ken, “Also I like the idea of getting something back from the government. It is usually me paying them money.”

Ken, “Once the site is completed we may have to advertise for additional Hobbits. Do you mind if I ring my accountants and double check with them?” Ken came back a few minutes later, “The figure was the lowest they gave me and advised me I would actually be better off financially investing the higher figure. Young lady I do now know what Heidi has appointed you as but from now on you deal with my accounts. At least you are not scared to tell me the truth. Alexis will the additional amount be sufficient to buy my current hobbits a share in the garden? I will not always be around to look after them & so I want to ensure their future is secure.”

Alice came in to the room. “I thought I better let you all know permission has been granted for the garden extension on the proviso we put in new access to the garden. Also apparently we have a grant from Yorkshire forward & Heritage Fund. These will cover the cost of the new access road.”

Ken,” Well do you want me still now that you have additional funding?”

Alexis spoke, “Ken for three of you Hobbits this is going to be there home regardless where in the country they are. There may be a time in the future when we need to expand again. Hopefully the new access will solve the problem we had with the council. We can then stop the timed entry and allow anybody to come when they want.”

Alexis, “We have tried to ensure all the work is done by local craftsmen. It provided jobs locally & they can admire their handiwork.”

Alexis, “As from tomorrow those fields you wanted and several more will be very muddy as the contractors start work. The new access road is going in first. Then the foundations of all the buildings. Depending on the weather it will be six month before the extension is ready for the first visitors.”

Saskia, “I know nothing of horses or donkeys but would it be possible for the hobbits to give children a ride on Shetland ponies? In the new enlarged garden area.”

Alexis, “Well as we all have an interest let’s listen to what everybody says.”

Astrid, “Well Hobbits live underground and grow plants in their gardens that attract insects & Butterflies.”

Astral. “They do not have stairs they have ramps and Slides in their houses.”

Saskia, “While they each have their own plot with a window on to the world. They all have interconnecting tunnels to each other’s homes so in bad weather they have no need to go outside.”

Ideas continued to be bandied around.

Alexis, “I think we have sufficient ideas to work with. Now to get back to the task in question. “

Astrid it is time you and the twins went to the great hall.” They did not need a second telling.

There they found friends waiting for them their friends said, “You have real Diddymen for your party.”

Astrid, “Oh they were a present from the diddy king as he is going to live with us.”

“You got the diddy king as well?”

“Well he is going to marry my grandma.”

Kens face turned red but he still came out with his jokes.

As the evening wore on Lord Percy said, “Ken may I have a word with you about Christobell.”

“I thought you might it was a joke that has got rather out of hand. If you come to my room I will show you why.”

Lord Percy followed Ken to his room. “Lord Percy I only like women.”

“That is understandable Ken.”

“No you don’t understand and I doubt the general public will if it ever got out. I am not what I seam. Heidi and the girls all know. A long time ago I discovered male comedians have it far easier than female. So I had an ugly mask made that you all know as Ken. My real name is Eleanor Sidebottom. “ She peeled off the mask to reveal a rather pretty female.

Lord Percy, “Christobell prefers female company & certainly will not want a male partner again. It would also give you a reason for investing in the garden. Please put the mask back on and I will formally announce your engagement to Christobell.”

Lord Percy, “Ken here wanted a word with me he would like to ask Christobell to become his wife.”

The photographer who was there for the party said, “Have I permission to take photos of the happy couple?”

Later that night Christobell “Ken I did not want to embarrass you out there. I used to have a husband and he was a womaniser. Since then I have never been with another man. I prefer the company of women.”

Ken, “In that case you might allow me to show you something. Or at least the lack of something. Sorry but Ken is just a part I play to entertain people.”
Once again he removed the mask. “This is the real me Eleanor Sidebottom.”

Christobell cracked out laughing. “Yes we will get married and it will be a big do. I think though I will have Eleanor in my bed.”

Christobell, “Don’t look so distraught Heidi there is a place for you also. Have you not noticed this is a female establishment and Ken being here could have caused problems? As it is I will be happy to marry Ken.”

Astrid came to the room and said, “Grandma Can I be a bridesmaid?”

Ken said, “You and all your sisters and the Hobbits.” Astrid shot off to tell the others.

Saskia said, “Are you positive the wedding is going ahead.”

“Ken told me himself we were all to be bridesmaids.”

“Saskia looked at the others, “A miracle must have happened. Heidi is it true.”

Heidi, “Will you hobbits find room for me because I am going to be replaced.”

Saskia, “Heidi you are still wanted has Ken told you that you are no longer required. Has Christobell told you that you have not to continue acting as body guard?”

Heidi stopped crying and then said. “No.”

Saskia, “Heidi with your skills we thought you would have realised they cannot be legally married as they are both females. What will happen is a sham wedding that is basically for the media. It will give Ken great publicity & it will give this place some free advertising. There are only us that know Ken is really Eleanor. From what I hear Christobell will not be averse to sharing the marital bed with you.”

“You really think so. Well she did tell me there was a place for me here.”

Eleanor came in as herself. “Heidi nobody intends replacing you.”

Christobell, “Who else can guard my Ken from all those predatory females out there?”

Eleanor, “Do you mind if I return to the party as perhaps it would be better if the girls get use to me being around. Come on it is time we all got back to the party.” A quick change and Eleanor came in to the great hall.

Eleanor, “Sorry girls Ken was called away and he has asked me to give you these each. They are diddy men dolls and are due for release soon. You three have the first three on the market.”

The girls opened their presents. They found each one had a different name and they could talk to them.” Astrid came over and gave Eleanor a hug. “Thank you all for these.” One by one all the hobbits also got a hug.

Astrid, “This is mine she is Stargirl because of the star on her top.”

Astral, “Mine is Fairy queen because of her wand and crown.”

The remaining sister, “Mine is Princess Moon.”

Lord Percy, “I have some presents for you girls but we need to go outside to collect them.” They all followed Lord Percy to the stable and noticed it had been done up and there was a sign that said princess ponies. The stable hands led the ponies out. The ponies were all adorned with new rugs that said Princess Ponies.

Astrid, “Thank you for getting our pony’s new tack.” All the girls gave Lord Percy a hug.

The stable hands came out with their presents. “These are from all the stable staff and are full stable riding colours for you three.”

Astrid, “Thank you these are lovely & we will wear them when we next go out on our ponies.”