I was back up with Lynn Watts to her office when she turned to me. “You have the rest of the afternoon off so you can get something special to wear and hopefully to a salon.”

“Unless that is an order, I’d rather not,” I said to Lynn. “I’d rather stay here and work over-time. I did some good things and I feel like I’ve been shot with a scattered shot-gun. A little bit of praise would be nice, not some pretty hairdo and a pretty dress, I’m not your regular girl.”

“Consider it a request to work overtime then, but you still need to do as I said.” Lynn was now sitting calmly behind her desk. “If you can find such a place, purchase a different attitude and wear it tonight. You will hear my praises tonight. However, understand I am sickened by Dan’s impact on our customers. Elaine did not come across just as window dressing, nor do I have girls working for me. The new you needs a genuine change. Please know that Bridgette has been invited to come with you tonight.”

I was met by Cathy down in the lobby, so I assumed it meant she would be taking care of my hair.

Cathy spoke up, “Bridgette said, "If she is to be with you tonight she needs to work this afternoon. We will go shopping together and hopefully, I will hear from one of my friends who can fit you into her schedule. So if I say drop things; it means an appointment just came open.”

I am surprised as we are down to Fifth Avenue, stores my wife so far has only window shopped at Cathy asks for Eleanor as Bridgette recommended. We look at several dresses with me trying on a white evening dress with white satin trim. I suggest a conservative dark blue gown instead. Eleanor brings out a red dress and a silver dress both with spaghetti straps.

I chose the silver dress because the hemline of the skirt is longer, enough to make a difference. I had not realized that the skirt had pleats that gave way to revealing even more of my legs than the red dress. The top of the dress requires a strapless bra that would show too much of my breasts.

Cathy spoke, “You need at least to try it on. It doesn’t mean we will buy it. Please call me in before you come out with the dress on.”

It was enough to calm me and I took the dress to change, along with a strapless bra which was now mine. A bra here would cost more than most dresses I had so far bought. Though I have little feeling of how my breasts feel, I enjoy putting on the strapless bra. It is a little difficult to hold it in place as I reach back to hook my bra. I hooked it on the second try and the dress fits very well. If I were girly I would definitely be tempted to keep it. Heck, even as I am I like it’s feel and look.

I called Cathy in, “Is there something I need to do now?”

Cathy grins, “I wanted to make sure the seams weren’t showing before I let you step out. It looks like Bridgette bought you a very good pair of breast forms. It is impossible to tell where you end and they begin.”

She opened the door and tells me to go find the three-sided mirror. I acknowledge it is a very pretty dress. Eleanor invites me, “Please come here and step up here so I can pin it for a quick alteration.” I stepped up before I realize what I was doing.

I try to step back down but Cathy has her hands and arms up to block my movement. “It is nice Cathy that doesn’t mean I’m willing to go out in it to a special dinner. You asked me to try it, now let me change out of it.”

Cathy shows me a picture on her phone. It is me and there is a message I can’t see to read. “Don’t tell me you already sent a picture to Bridgette. What’s the message?”

“I sent the picture to Lynn Watts. She says you look very beautiful in it. She is looking forward to dinner with you.” I was sure Cathy would not be that cruel even if she had Lynn’s number. “So did you send it to Bridgette?”

Cathy first spoke to Eleanor and then to me, “Elaine, please be careful but quickly change back into your outfit.” I was pleased to oblige.

Jerry met us at the door of the store as Cathy gave him an address. It was for a beautician up near Fordham University. “We are very fortunate, I think you will love what she does with hair.”

We are on the third floor of a building where I will get to look out over the campus. Marie Franz greets me, quickly looking at my hands and running her fingers through my hair. “Who did the job of coloring and adding extensions?” Before either of us answers, she says, “They did a very nice job. Why didn’t she finish the job?”

Cathy giggled lightly, “I worked on her hair the first time, but I wanted her to have the experience of coming to a salon and having this experience. I just thought it would be another week or two.”

“O, is this one of Bridgette’s girls, she is a natural isn’t she?”

I wanted to bark back, ‘No she isn’t!’ I did show some attitude and that I was not pleased.

“Calm down Honey, I meant that as a compliment. Now quickly look through this magazine and pick a style or look, or I’ll have Cathy choose for you,” Marie said with matching an attitude. I quickly glanced through a dozen pages but it was my third time back to a page when Marie points to the style I turned back too. “Is this the one catching your eye? I think it will look very nice on your.”

“I didn’t say yes, I’d rather not have a perm,” I said. “Listen to me, I want something simple. I don’t care about looking very sophisticated or special.”

Cathy says, “Shush, you went back there a third time for a reason. You are correct it will be a very good look that will do for work as well as your celebration out tonight.”

Marie asks, “Cathy is it alright if I cut some to get the look she wants? …Do you have a swatch or a picture of her dress for tonight?” I didn’t know what a swatch was until Cathy pulled out a piece of cloth from the silver dress I had tried on. She also showed her a picture of me in the dress. “O that will be a big help. We will go with a soft look with her makeup.”

I said, “But we are not getting that dress. We left it to come here.”

Marie looked to Cathy to confirm it was the dress I’d be wearing tonight.

I couldn’t believe so many curlers and Bobbi pins in my hair as Marie places me under a hairdryer. Cathy sits next to me but it takes a few minutes before I begin to understand what she is saying. I don’t understand all of what she is saying, but I know the dress will be waiting for us at the apartment. I am not to mess up my makeup nor do anything to chip or scratch my nails. My choice for shoes and hand purse is between red, with black sparkling trim.

Marie has given me a soft look with my makeup; somehow she has lightened my complexion. My cheeks and lips look delicate but with a warm pink glow. I would never have thought of this look but I am now anxious to see how I will look when I am dressed for tonight.

Jerry casually smiles as we leave the salon. He tells Cathy that my dress is already home as are the shoes and clutch purse.

There are actually three pairs of red shoes, two that fit rather well. I am taken by the fact I have a definite choice of the two for tonight. It is five thirty and I need to wait a full hour before Bridgette will let me get dressed.

Ashley has poked to see the bra and panty set I will be wearing. I did not know there was a panty to go with the bra. Ashley retrieves it and shows me the delicate satin and lace trim that is around the waist, legs and designed into the panty. She says, “I hope it isn’t wasted on you. I expect it should feel as wonderful as it looks.”

I was about ready to give my opinion when Bridgette walks into the room. “You would do well to listen to Ashley and seek to enjoy your experience. Lynn Watts believes in you, it is time you begin to see your better side and embrace it.”

“It sounds like you are quite intelligent and have a good eye in seeing how to make things work when you want to,” Bridgette says.

I begin telling her, “Dah, I believe I am a few years older than you. What makes you think I don’t already know that?”

Bridgette gives me a look, “It is not a matter if you know it. It is the attitude with which you are carrying it. Seemingly, Lynn is still hoping you will celebrate the accomplishments tonight along with her appreciation. It sounds like she also had her eyes open to how ugly your male persona comes across. I would appreciate hearing your take on that!”

I have a woman’s housecoat on as Bridgette hands me a cup of tea and we go off for a heart-to-heart chat. The discussion goes better than I thought as Bridgette drew some positive insights out of me.

It is time to get dressed and Bridgette asks Cathy to help me as she too needs to finish getting ready. It is embarrassing to be in my panties and bra and needing to dress with someone’s help. But there is a definite difference after I put on the dress. Cathy helps to make sure it is on properly. I am uncomfortable with how much of my breasts are showing. But as I stand properly in the shoes, I notice how my posture changes my appearance. I focus on how I appear to others. Bridgette hands me a wrap for the evening and a feeling engulfs me.

I am mindful how I get into the Cadillac, Ms. Watts picks us up in. I work to present myself as someone she can be proud of. I am between Lynn and Bridgette and do my part to keep up the conversation. It feels different as a woman for someone to hold the door whether it is to the car or as we enter the upscale nightclub. I have only rarely seen people sitting in the section where we are now. ‘I did have a client I hosted once, but I was preoccupied with pleasing the b* *d.’

Neither Stacy nor Lynn treat me with any disdain or bring up my attitude from earlier in the day. The hostess tells us, “Dinner will continue to be served until nine tonight. Then there will be music for your dancing pleasure until ten. The singers will then be performing and they will also be back just before midnight. Please enjoy your evening with us.”

Most of the praise goes to Stacy as it rightly should. What Lynn says speaks volumes to how observant she is. I am not usually easily impressed by those over me, but I am especially awestruck with Lynn Watts. While I too have seen Stacy’s work I’ve not given her half the credit I should have given. I have usually seen her as my competition, never as someone, I could learn from.

Tonight something causes me to realize she is more of an asset. I am a little suspicious about her being nice to me, but I could say the same for Lynn or Bridgette. I know Bridgette is being paid good money to help me. I have seen such consultants go through the motions and milk a company for as much as they can get. Bridgette like the other two women has caused me to take notice; not only with what she is getting me to do but the generally positive way she’s going about it.

Bridgette’s advice is usually simple, to the point and allows me room to make good decisions. I ordered a lemon whitefish entre, with wild rice and broccoli. No dinner here is simple, the flavors are to savor. After dinner, Bridgette invites me to go to the ladies room. She reminds me to take my time and to make sure I am back together properly before I come back to the sink. I am not used to having an attendant nor am I sure how much to do on my own. Bridgette compliments me on doing well as we go back out.

Lynn and Stacy are gone when we get back to the table. Our waitress indicates they have been asked to dance and are on the dance floor. Two men come to our table and ask us for a dance. I wanted to say I’m married but Bridgette is too. I confess to one man, “I am not a good dancer.

Bridgette looks to my would-be partner and says, “You are so warned.”

I cannot believe I am soon on a dance floor in the arms of another man. I am even more surprised by how well I do in following his lead. We danced through three songs and I was even making conversation with Edward Shannon. We stayed for the show. They are not national names but sing regularly around the top nightclubs of New York City.

The last glass of wine is getting to me and it makes a second trip to the ladies room a necessity. This time Lynn went with me. She complimented how well I had relaxed and enjoyed the evening. “I confess, I did not plan to do so. Even after Bridgette encouraged me as you had, I was set to do otherwise. I am not sure what happened to change me. Between being dressed up as I am and the way I am being treated I kind of enjoyed the evening.”

Once we are back to Bridgette’s and she’s with me in my apartment, I again regret being dressed up as a woman. Like Dan, I would have crashed on my bed and wake up in the morning. Now I needed to carefully take off my dress and hang it properly. I wasn’t sure how, but Bridgette helped me. I was soon down to my panty and bra taking off my makeup and moisturizing my face. Bridgette helped me to pin up my hair and told me to carefully take a shower.

I did most everything myself, but I would have done little correctly if she hadn’t guided me. We talked about the evening. The conversation just flowed like two women. I was in a nightgown and not sure how much of myself I had shown to Bridgette or how many times. I felt her hand carefully caress my cheek as I laid my head down to sleep. “Good night Elaine, I will see you in the morning.”

Lynn said I did not need to be in until 10:00 a.m. I was up shortly after 6:00 a.m. knowing better than to take until 10:00 a.m. to get to work. I had a cup of tea in my apartment before I was fully dressed and made-up. I went up to the kitchen upstairs.

Cathy complimented me on my effort and after another cup of tea and a light breakfast, she escorted me downstairs. A sober look into the mirror and I set about to redress myself and redo my makeup.

It was 8:30 a.m. before I was to work and Lynn’s office. Her secretary told me, “Ms. Watts was in late this morning at 7:30. She said, "you were excused until 10:30. I was told to tell you if you came early to go down Ms. Hadley’s office and to take your tablet.”

Ms. Hadley is an associate in the accounting department. I was sure that Ms. Watts was looking into an idea I had shared with her. It was to bring our accounting system and materials for our division's operations in sync.

Snags in the system had caused delays in bringing new programs online as well as having more bugs that needed to be worked out. Luckily I had come early because Ms. Hadley had noticed Dan’s work in Ms. Watts’s explanation. It took a sincere apology from me to gain Ms. Hadley’s acceptance. I did not like another person knowing my true identity. But she also knew Ron before and after he had been helped by Bridgette.

Lynn could not force the implementation of needed changes on Pat Hadley. But her understanding and taking time to communicate with Pat achieved what force would not have accomplished. My delight was the systematic changes that would be helpful went from wishful thinking to becoming possible. It would take a good week to iron out the mechanics on both sides, but Lynn’s attitude and clout made it all possible.

I worked with Pat up to lunchtime and went to lunch with her. I had not known Pat was Julie’s friend Patricia. I was both pleased and embarrassed at the same time showing up to see Julie sitting with a co-worker to eat lunch with us. And here I was dressed all nice and pretty.

It was awkward as we needed to act like old friends instead of husband and wife. I was sure Julie was equally surprised by how I listened and took interest in the conversation. When it came time to go back to work Julie took me aside.

She said, “Bridgette said we could come over tomorrow afternoon for a few hours if you say it is okay. She said we would need to spend at least half the time doing something like shopping, going to a park with Robin or have you read or do puzzles with Robin.”

I wanted to cry and was ready to, but Julie encouraged me. “You are likely to be away longer than one would like. While you might be embarrassed, you need to put Robin’s needs ahead of your own comfort. If she can benefit from visits with you, I believe we could do them more often.” ‘It was different as Julie helped me to put Robin first.’

I went back to work with Pat Hadley saying, “She (Julie) must be really proud of you finally taking responsibility for your actions. Did she compliment about the pretty young woman you are? It didn’t look like it turns her off to you.” I hadn’t thought of that possibility.

I stayed with Pat another hour and a half working on our project. Pat seemed to have an interest in introducing me to others as a co-worker. She told Sally and Margaret, “Elaine is being specially trained and working with Marilyn Watts.” Sally did not understand.

Margaret came over to me and whispered, “That means you need to be a good girl, doesn’t it.”

I worked back in Lynn’s office the rest of the day. Lynn had three contracts needing to be sent out, several events for the coming week to be confirmed along with proper registrations and accommodations being made. All this I was expected to get done like I was another one of the women in our division.

I am to travel with Lynn Tuesday through Thursday maybe longer, which meant acquiring an emergency passport and vaccinations.

One doctor insisted if I am to be identified as a woman on my passport that I needed to be on a testosterone blocker and a mild female hormone prescription. It most probably was not true, but I needed the doctor’s signature to validate my passport. The medical student giving me the shot stated, “Neither shot is that significant. You can reverse the program as early as Monday with your own doctor’s consent.”

The shots were given and all the proper signatures were sent in for the passport. I could have signed my life away for all I knew. Come six o’clock, I was done for the week.

I was back to my apartment by 6:45 p.m. and I was down in a rocker with my heels off as quickly as possible. I did, not care if I ate or not, I wanted out of my skirt, panties and bra. The door to upstairs had a knock and I heard Bridgette requesting me to come up and help with dinner. The shrimp was already being prepared, I needed to rinse the salad and set the table.

Five places to be set means we have a guest. Ashley says, “Melanie is special to each of us; she’s my grandmother even though she’s not technically related.”

I made the mistake of saying she was a ‘sweet little (old) lady’ and she heard it. She fired back at me, “I can see why someone (Cathy) said that Bridgette got a real work of art this time.” We casually greeted one another, and as we hugged Melanie stuttered as something struck her.

Melanie says, “Woe, contrary to the ignorance of your words, something tells me that your heart and life are open to the change.”

I sought to build on what she said, without the sincerity. “Yes, I hope that Bridgette will see that I am going the extra mile needed to change my life around. It is a must if I am to keep my job as well as to improve my marriage.”

Ashley enthusiastically says, “Maybe you can have Melanie kind of pray over you and help your spirit as she did with me last Christmas.”

I said, “Sure I would be open to that. I just hope I won’t fall asleep. It is been a long day and I suspect I still have dishes to do after dinner.”

The wine along with the fish was getting the best of me and I barely made it through doing the dishes. Bridgette invited me to stay up with them and visit in their lounge. It is a real liberated house which I am not at all use to. Cathy into the sixth month of her pregnancy is beautiful to many except to me. I have digressed back to my old self.

Ashley continues to insist that Melanie do her thing over me until Melanie and Bridgette decide to give in. I suffer the humility of being asked to lay out on the floor. Somehow Melanie is limber enough to kneel next to me and my head is laying in the fertile lap of Cathy with Bridgette, she was across from Melanie and Ashley. The doorbell rings and Ashley’s friend Ryta is quickly in the circle around me. I bite my tongue wanting this over and done.

I calmly close my eyes and soon feel Melanie anoint my lips and my eyes. She even opens my blouse to anoint my heart as she asks, “Sophia open Elaine’s mind and soften the spirit of this child to receive your wisdom and be created anew.” I could feel a breeze as Ryta must have left the door open a crack. I am getting nervous as the time goes on. I am unusually warm with all the women around me and their hands on me.

Cathy’s warm palms and finders are on my cheeks caressing my jaw; it’s so soothing I am in danger of falling asleep. Melanie begins to talk, “O great Spirit sooth the restless spirit of this one and let her soul be open to change. Let Dan see Elaine not as camouflage to needed change but a channel to something genuine. Let her not be as window dressing, let the spirit and not the clothes or makeup be the core of her substance. Yet help her to become comfortable with her adornment.”

Part of me wants to scream, ‘I’m not Elaine, not ‘her’.’ But I can’t speak and I relax for them to have their time. It somehow feels nice to be perceived as feminine yet stronger. I have never been attuned to my feelings. There is a joy in receiving their attention. I know I am not in danger of becoming a woman but it is comforting to get the attention of women as old as Melanie, as young as Ashley and her friend. The attention Bridgette and Cathy are giving me attention is especially appreciated.

Melanie asks, “Elaine please look to Cathy.” I am staring up to Cathy. “Relax and look upon her as a sister and you being in the sisterhood with Cathy and the women in your life. Your family, those with whom you work and your friends, seek to be accepting and desire to be seen in their community. Do you want this Elaine?”

Without hesitation I reply, “O yes, I think it would be a beautiful gift.” There is a long pause and I desire confirmation that I am being heard. “Please, I so want to be accepted as a sister. Is there something else I need to say or do?” Cathy kisses her hand and brings it down to my cheek. I begin to tear as well as smile, “I’m sorry, I am not usually emotional like this but I thank you.” I see other hands come, to caress my face.

“Close your eyes Elaine, picture Robin and Julie happy for you and them. The journey takes time, treasure them in your heart and embrace the importance of the journey.” With Julie and Robin pictured in my heart, I am lost in time. I wake and I am still lying where I was, but my head is on a pillow and a quilt is now keeping me warm. Cathy and Bridgette are in the candle lit room. The window indicates time has passed and we are in the darkness of the night, I suspect after 2:00 a.m.

Bridgette invites me, “You can get up and sit with us for a while if you’d like.” I sit up making sure I am dressed enough not to embarrass them or me. I get up and sit next to Cathy who puts an arm around me. I feel my right pinky finger. There is a small simple ring there. “Ashley hopes you will like it. It is a friendship ring.”

“I am sorry, I fell asleep, and hopefully it wasn’t too embarrassing.”

Bridgette said, “We saw it to mean that you were comfortable enough to relax. We saw it as a good thing. Are you saying you wished it hadn’t happened?”

“No, you’re right I relaxed, but the last thing I remembered was wanting Julie and Robin to be happy with me. I so want them to be proud about what I’m doing. I’m afraid, I will disappoint them when I see them tomorrow. In my dream they smiled and were happy to see me.”

Cathy smiled, “It sounds like you have turned a corner and being Elaine helps you to accept the warm, kinder side of you.” I turned quickly, straining and giving Cathy a kiss on the cheek.

“I’m sorry, that is not like me, but I liked the thought and wanted you to know it. I don’t know what overcame me.” Bridgette was in front of me extending her two hands. I took hold and stood up and asked if it was okay to give her a hug. She smiled, “Yes, I would like that.” We hugged and I felt like another woman giving her a hug.

I said, “Would you mind if I went down to my room and got ready for bed? I want to be ready for tomorrow.”…

To be continued…

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