Gandhi and Me -4

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Gandhi and Me -4



By Jessica C


Having been abusive to five gay and lesbian students, Brad has agreed to act as one of them for a full year. This is in place of being incarcerated for seven years as an adult... Brad is not just becoming sensitive to what he had done. He's learning it was misplaced anger about who he is and did not want to accept.
(Caution: This story talks about violence, gender bigotry and personal relationships. Brad’s life is now being transformed. Is it guilt or desire; probably a combination. Brad is finding himself with feelings about Randy that before had have been repulsive. He’s seeing their friendship and himself in a new light. )

“Thank you, Mrs. Thomas.”

She says, “I never noticed how pretty your eyes are. You know, those eyelashes shouldn’t be on a boy? Would you mind if I just pulled a few eyebrow hairs before others stir?” My only answer is a smile as she proceeds. “I want Randy to respect you and treat you… treat you like a young woman if you would prefer that.”

I say, “But Randy’s not attracted to girls, he rather see me to be his boyfriend.”

She smiles at me, “There that makes your eyes look better.” I look into the mirror she holds up and I really like what I see. My eyes look more feminine but if I’m dressed as a guy they would be okay as well. "I took just enough out around your eyebrows to help yet you'll have no trouble being Brad at School."

“When you are with Randy and feeling comfortable, and when he’s affectionate. You appear to me to be more feminine, more like a girl liking him back. I can be wrong and I don’t want to put thoughts in your mind. Affection needs to work two ways and if you want to feel more like a girlfriend, do it.”

< ~ O ~ >

Mrs. Thomas surprises me, saying, “Hello Robin, I didn’t know you came over.” I’m sure she’s teasing me trying to get me to think Robin is here.

“I’m sorry Mrs. Thomas, but I hope you won’t tell Robin if she comes over that I’d rather be Randy’s girlfriend.” Mrs. T’s expression goes from shock to laughing. It’s then I realize she wasn’t joking.

I slowly turn just as Robin opens her arms to give me a hug. “You know you’d make a cute girl. If you’re ever comfortable enough to give it a try in public, I’d even help you. I’d even be your friend at school.”

“You can’t be serious,” I respond? Robin takes me over to the nook table sets me down and takes nail polish out of her purse. Before I know it she’s filing my nails and using a delicate pair of manicure scissors. I make the mistake at looking at the color without saying no or remarking about the color.

“Is there another color that you prefer?” I’m a little bit embarrassed, I really do like the idea of having my fingernails polished.

Finally, I say, “If you’re to do it. I would like a deeper red.” Robin pulls out a cranberry red and I blush as I say, “Yes.”

Mrs. Thomas asks Brad, “Would you mind going further and wear a skirt and blouse?” I am looking down and not at them. I’m fluttering inside, do I dare say yes? I want to yet I had not thought about things going this far. I am surprised that I’m even entertaining the idea. I take a deep breath.

Calmly I say, “I’m willing to do it if you think I should.” Robin just messed the fingernail she’s working on. Is she surprised I might soon look more girly? She cleans and dries the messed nail and goes to paint my pinky nail, allowing this one to dry. Robin looks into my eyes and her eyes are sparkling.

As Robin finished my fingernails, Mrs. Thomas has gone looking for clothing I can wear. She comes back with a heavy maroon skirt, boots and a cream blouse. The blouse has openings along the sleeve with a similar opening down the front. “It is a pretty outfit and modest enough that you should be comfortable.” Robin says, “You need to wait and make sure your nails are good and dry before you're dressing in nice clothing like that.”

Robin continues, “That satin blouse will shimmer and if Randy isn’t moved to hug and kiss you, I will be.” She giggles as I realize that Robin may be attracted to me. I know I have experienced some emotions in me rise when she’s around.

I wait another five minutes to allow my nails to dry before I go and change in Megan’s room. Just to be in a girl’s room changing, experiencing the fragrances and subtle nuances of how girls differ from boys keep a smile on my face. It is like I’m getting away with something. But it isn’t just a skirt and blouse as they said. There are panties, a bra, and knee high socks on the bed. There’s even a bracelet and make-up on the table next to her bed.

I hear Randy and his Dad back in the house and I’m becoming anxious about going out to see them. I’m considering changing back when Robin knocks at the door. She and Mrs. Thomas come into the bedroom. “We just want to make sure you aren’t changing back into Brad’s clothes.” My expression gives me away. Robin speaks again, “You were ready to change back weren’t you?” Robin says, “Ma T, look we have a ‘scaredy cat’.”

Mrs. Thomas gives me a hug, “There is nothing to be scared about you are very pretty and Randy will be tickled, I know it.”

Mrs. Thomas opens the door and Robin takes me by the hand out into the living room. The boots have a three-inch heel which changes my walk but it is subtle and the length of the boots give me support, and the difference is not difficult to adjust to. I see my reflection in several places and I like what I see. I’m not a beauty but I like the fact I look nice as a normal girl. Mrs. T checks and tells me Randy is showering so it will be a little while before he is back out.

< ~ O ~ >

The doorbell rings and Mrs. Thomas is already on her way to answer the door. As she opens the door she says, “O yes, Brad, I forgot to tell you I invited your parents over.” The door opens as I begin to stand up. I smooth out my skirt as I look up to see my parents.

“O’ my, aren’t you cute, I would never have imagined how pretty you are as a girl?” My Mom says as she has her hands up to her face. My Dad looks and just shakes his head no with a slight smile.

I find myself hugging my Mom knowing I’m a daughter hugging her mother. I don’t know how it is different, I just know. I step back and my hands are up to my face and Mom and I look like we are mimicking one another. The moment is not lost as Mrs. Thomas captures it on her smartphone.

Mom says, “O Darling, I wish I had brought some make-up to finish off your transformation.”

Mrs. Thomas says, “There is some on the table next to our daughter’s bed. You are welcome to take her in and help her with her makeup.” I can’t believe I am now in tow of my Mom and Randy’s younger sister Margie is coming in with us. Robin’s there saying, “I’m here just to make sure you continue to look like a teenager.” She is quite amused by how Mom does such a great job on her teen daughter.

Mrs. Thomas comes in, “Gloria, you have done a wonderful job, but then again your daughter looks a lot like her mother.”

I look into Megan’s mirror pulling my mother along and it’s eerie how much I look like my sister Cathy. No, I am not the woman my Mom and Cathy are, but then I’m not even an hour old.

Robin asks “What would her name have been if she was born a girl?” Mom pauses, finally saying, “Grace, she would have been Grace Lincoln.”

We step out into the hallway the same time Randy is coming out of his room.”Hello Mrs. Lincoln, hi Robin,” and he looks at me not recognizing me right away. “Grace, her name is Grace Lincoln, Randy,” Robin tells him.

Randy steps back and I’m afraid, but I see he is taking me in with his eyes and he does not look upset. He steps forward and gives me a kiss on the cheek. “You make a very pretty girl,” Randy says.

“I’m not sure if that is a compliment or not,” I say to him.

“You are very pretty but you were pretty to me as Brad.” He takes my hand as we walk back out to the living room. The room is more crowded than I thought, I look around and there’s another person or two. It takes me a moment to realize that Mandy is here as is my sister Cathy.

“Now, are we announcing me to the entire world or just those who know me as Grace?”

Mandy smiles, “You know you should use a pretty girl voice when you look like this.” She steps up and gives me a hug and whispers, “I just happened to come over to your house. And no, I won’t even tell Jeff, until you out yourself.”

“Well, you won’t need to worry about that. This will be the last time I dress as a girl!” I say forcefully.

“Somehow, looking this pretty I doubt this will be your last time. If it is, shame on you,” Mandy says. “You have grown a lot and gotten back to being the nice you since you got yourself caught. If you stop, you will probably go back to that ugly part of you. If so I’d hope they throw the book at you!”

I say, “Mandy, you don’t mean I should come out as a boy wearing a dress.”

Mandy pushes me down in a seat. “I know we caught you off guard and this might be new to you. But more of us have a sister, brother or cousin who's a lesbian, gay or TG. I and my family are included in there. We're not back in the 1960s when civil rights were new. Take your time to figure out who you are. Remember I saw you kiss Randy at the basketball game. Whatever you are, is not a catchy disease, you’re discovering who you are.”

Cathy comes over and hugs Mandy and stands with her. I look around and realize I’ve not only embarrassed me, but I’ve also insulted Randy and those around me. “I’m sorry everyone, like Mandy, said I felt caught off guard, but I shouldn’t have said any of that stuff. I guess I’m having growing pains, please excuse me.” Mandy hands me a tissue and tells me to dab my eyes and not wipe them. She knew before I did, I’m ready to cry.”

A moment later Mandy and Cathy are both offering me a hand telling me to stand up and turn around. The doorbell rings and I am ready to say “O no.” But it’s a pizza delivery person with three pizzas. Mrs. T calls us to gather around their large dining room table. Cath pulls me, “We need to fix your makeup first.”

It’s the third time in Megan’s room as Cathy takes the lead in repairing and adding to my makeup. The finishing touch is Cathy taking her necklace and placing it around my neck. It is a necklace that our grandmother gives to each of her granddaughters. The significance is not lost on me, but I need to work, not to allow tears to ruin the repair job. I feel Cathy’s breath on my ear as she says, “You look very pretty and I am very proud of you.”

We go out to the dining room and Mandy teases me by trying to sit next to Randy. Randy is already on his second piece of pizza. I take a piece of pizza, but I’m worried as I have on a pretty blouse. Mom and Cathy both realize I’m scared. Cathy comes back out from the kitchen with a clean dish towel. “She’s a dangerous eater around things with a red sauce.” She pins the towel around my neck and down my front and pulls up my right sleeve slightly.

Come the end of the pizza, I take off the towel, go wash my hands and go into Megan’s room to refresh my lipstick. Robin is in Megan’s room when I turn around, “Who told you to do that girl?”

“Do what,” I ask?

“Freshen up your makeup?” It looks like Robin is tempted to kiss me, but she steps back whispering “Boys don’t think about fixing makeup.” She takes my hand and we go back out to the others. Once we get out to the others, the teens and Randy’s younger sister leave the adults and find another room to watch our TV programs.

The others go in ahead of us and Randy stops me to give me a kiss. The kiss has the added joy as I enjoy kissing with luscious lipstick on my lips. I get the feeling even Randy likes kissing me like this. Randy’s phone interrupts us as we’re ready to kiss again. Randy begins talking, smiles and then asks me to step back. I can tell he’s taking a picture or video and liking it. “My older sister wants a picture to see which outfit you’re wearing.”

Megan wants to talk to me, “Sweet Brad, you look pretty in that outfit. When I get home I’ll go through my stuff and we can see what I am willing to allow you to wear.” I sit and talk to Megan, its ten minutes before I realize what I’m doing. I would never have talked more than two minutes to a girl before. “I know my Mom says you’re nervous about being in girl mode, but I hope sometime you will go out shopping with me as Grace.”

To my surprise, I reply, “I hope so too.”

< ~ O ~ >

It is 9:00 p.m. when Mom announces we’re ready to go home. It has either snowed lightly or the wind has put a light blanket of snow over everything. Mom tells me she has Brad’s clothes and Mrs. Thomas says it’s okay to wear my present outfit home and to keep it for now. Cathy scoots into the rear seat saying I do well not to try it.

We take Mandy to our house to take her car home. I am quite comfortable as I watch Mandy pull away. It is nice to have her as a friend, I feel I can trust her knowing me. Cathy puts her arm around me as I watch Mandy drive away. She says, “Girl friends can be really neat can’t they?” I smile to Cathy and she knows I understand.

Come ten o’clock I announce I’m taking a shower and getting ready for bed. Cathy is soon there and Mom is behind her. Mom smiles and Cathy tells me, “Taking off makeup and being a girl changes getting ready for bed.” I am ready to tell them both I’m not a girl, and while I’m not I stop, knowing I’m not sure who and what I am.

Sis helps me to take off my makeup; the eye makeup is fussy. Taking off the concealer and face makeup just takes time. Before I can take my shower Cathy calls me back out to my room, saying, “You need to do a better job of hanging up your clothes girl.” She shows me a special hanger for hanging skirts. She shows me a loop under each shoulder of the blouse and how to use it to keep the blouse from slipping off the hanger.

I take my shower and have trouble drying and brushing my hair, but I’m finally satisfied. I go to put on my pajamas and the ones near my pillow are missing and Cathy has left a pair of hers on my bed. I put them on but use my robe to cover them up as I go out to watch the news. Mom is shocked when she sees me. “Who taught you to dry and brush your hair like that?”

My Mom hadn’t worried about my hair before, “It’s bad enough being a boy, but you should learn to take better care of it.” She takes me and sprays something on it, “At least you used your sister’s conditioner.” She starts to brush the tangles out of my hair.

I ask, “How do you know whose conditioner I used?”

“See how it’s brushing out that wouldn’t be happening if you had used your stuff Sweetie.” ‘Sweetie’ I sure hope tomorrow when I’m Brad that stops. It is nice to have the tangles out. Mom takes off my robe and takes Cathy’s second robe hanging behind the door. Not only is it a girl’s robe but it is shorter and shows off more of me. Mom and Cathy are amused, I kind of like it too but I am not willing to say anything.


< ~ O ~ >

Come morning when I get dressed, I take off my fingernail polish. Unfortunately I’m thinking about my Monday schedule, but because of snow it is now Wednesday. I am at school when I realize I have gym. I have nail polish on my toes and a pair of Cathy’s panties on under my slacks. Fortunately, the world does not come to an end with the ribbing and harassment I get. Randy’s not there to help me but Marvin helps me to get through it. Once Marvin spoke up two friends who joked with me are now helping to cool the others down.

Marvin tells me, “You know you’re going to have to learn to speak up for yourself and when to complain about harassment.” When I see Randy and tell him what happened; Randy too tells me, “Marvin’s right, even if you’re Grace you’d need to respect and speak up for yourself.” Randy gives me a quick hug, “It’s not that I won’t be there when I can.”


< ~ O ~ >

Randy points to a poster, “Have you thought about going to the prom?”

“It’s just for Juniors and Seniors,” I tell him.

“And their dates,” he responds. “I hadn’t asked you yet but I had hoped you have thought about it.” He pauses and turns to me, “Brad, I would very much like you to be my date for the Prom, will you go with me?” I had thought about this and dreaded the thought. I still dread the thought of being out in public with him but it is no longer repulsive. I’m more scared of what others will say. I think it comes under the ageement of the covenant I agreed to follow.

“Randy are you asking me as your boyfriend or as a girlfriend?” He smiles, knowing I’m considering his invitation. “Brad, you know I’m asking my boyfriend but if he decides to dress as Grace I could live with that. Are you willing to go?” I am saved as we arrive at my next class.

Robin is in the class sitting near me. “What’s on your mind,” she asks as I sit down?

“You know he asked me,” I curtly respond. Robin gets upset with my attitude and I realize she hadn’t known. “He asked me to the Prom,” I said, it with more than the whisper I intended. I see Gordy laugh two rows over and realize I just announce my prom invitation to any who were listening and to some who weren’t. Robin says I’m blushing, I can feel the warmth from turning red. Mandy speaks up, “Robin and I can help you shop if you want.” With that a number of classmates begin to laugh and the teacher speaks up for the class to focus on her.

When class ends a number of girls surround me as I try to leave class. Mandy speaks over the others, “Brad, most of us have an interest in the Prom not coming off as a circus; we sincerely want to help you. Especially if you want to dress as one of us.” I look around and I see at least three girls affirming what Mandy is saying. I’m ready to cry. Another girl Sharon speaks up, “We’re not saying you’re gay or a girl, but if you go, you should know there will be some who care.” I begin to cry and the girls give me a group hug. Someone says, “Welcome to the girls’ club.”

I quickly regain my composure as most of the girls have already headed to the next class. Sharon is still there and speaks up, “Steve and Bob are both your friends and they still care about you. But if you do this, I’ll be the friend that is more visible.” I smile but I’m sure Sharon doesn’t understand why. I’ve had a crush on her since fourth grade and the idea of us being friends tickles me.

As we enter our last class of the day, Sharon says, “I think you’ll do better as a feminine girl than a femme boy. But I will help you either way.”

“Is either Steve or Bob open to talking with me,” I ask?

“I could have you over as a friend that might give them a chance to safely warm up to you again.” “I’d like that but I don’t know when.”

“May be if we go shopping; are you convincing as a girl, I’d think you could be.” I’m surprised she would think that even before seeing me. “I don’t mean to offend you but you have nice features for it. And it would give you a chance to be at my house and see my brothers without them having preconceived ideas or their barriers up.”

Sharon sits in a seat near me different from usual and she passes notes. “Talk to Robin but you don’t want to wait until the selections are all picked over.”

I write back, “I’m not really interested how in how I’d look.” Sharon smiles, “You should be. Pass the same comment to Robin and see what she says.” I look over to Robin, write a new note that I’m ready to pass it.

Ms Clark catches me, “Brad Lincoln please come up here with your note.” I stand and go up to the teacher. ‘My day already stinks and it just got worse.’ Ms Clark looks at the note, “Class start on your assignment. Robin and Sharon join us out in the hall for a minute.”

“Mr. Lincoln, I gather your punishment is getting a little deeper and these two classmates are trying to help you. It doesn’t usually matter to me what your other problems are. But among other things these two could teach you about keeping your head in class and to pass notes more discretely.”

“Now are you willing to go looking for a prom gown Saturday with these girls or do I need to send you to the office?” “I…”

The teacher says, “Yes or the office, I don’t really care.”

“Yes,” I really am afraid to go out with them, but I really don’t want more trouble at the office.

Ms. Clark turns to Sharon and Robin, “Which of you would like to pick him up and what time?

“I’m hoping she’ll stop over my house after shopping, so I’ll plan to pick Brad up,” Sharon says. Ms. Clark waves us back into class. “Brad why don’t you tackle this assignment with your new found perspective. I will even allow you to collaborate with one or both of these girls.” “Girls please help him keep the discussion to the assignment.” Sharon and Robin share a quiet giggle and once I’m seated Sharon pushes her desk next to mine. Robin soon joins us.

Sharon touches my neck and I quickly smell a perfume fragrance. Robin asks, “Brad did you step into something? O’ I guess that’s to keep your focus on the assignment.”

To Be Continued…

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I wanted

To read a whole story.

Hugs, Kathleen