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Can Dreams Come True?…Part 5
I feel like shit.
No really its semi nausea mixed with this spiking of a headache. I hate headaches, I don’t get them a lot but when I do it just really sucks. They’re not migraines thankfully but close to or one of those minor ones.
And right there in my face when I open my eyes is that red hair.
Oh just shoot me.
“Ow…” I put my hand to my head.
“Oh you’re awake.” The voice is femme but guy femme like mine but a bit deeper. I’m lucky when it comes to my voice I guess.
She’s turned around and y’know for a crazy thought I thought she was Ryan but nope, different face. A really different, really pretty face and to go with the white tee shirt and the big boobs and this black vest and a fedora hat just sort of like Stevie Nicks wore back in the day.
“Yeah…where’s Ryan?”
She blinks at me a few times. “He’s in the kitchen. Making you something to eat.”
“Oh…ugh…my mouth tastes like…” It’s citrusy.
“That’d be Tang.”
“Tang?”
“You know Tang the orange drink?”
“Yeah why?”
“Because you passed out from low blood sugar.”
I did? “I did?”
“Yes, you did when was the last time you ate?’
“Is today the same day he busted in?”
“Yes…”
“Then last night.”
“Why?”
“I was upset…I get like that…”
“Oh…?”
“Depression.” I say it curtly and I sit up. It’s not her business…even if she’s… “So who are you?”
“Stephanie Prince, I work with Ryan.” She’s giving me this look.
“What?”
“I was here the other night for coffee.”
“Okay.”
“Coffee.”
“Okay (forceful.)…whatever.”
“Yeah okay…whatever.” Oh she did the bitchy thing too.
This could go bad really quick, I mean she’s like me and I can tell that right off from the get go only I think I pass better. (Rawrr…hiss.)
“Ryan she’s awake!” She hollers to him.
He come’s into the living room and he looks at me kind of frowny. “You okay?”
“I’m fine it was just a really shitty day.”
“What happened?”
I look at her and she looks at me and she gets up. “I gotta go love I need to make supper for the wife and kids.”
My mental brakes do a squeal in my head. Wait what?
“You’re married?”
“Happily, three kids.”
“But you’re….?”
“I’m lucky I have a wife that gets me and she’s my best friend. Laters you two.”
“Uhm…yeah…” I’m surprised that even came out sounding interpretable with my foot shoved in my mouth to my knee.
She grabs her purse and she sways out on four inch heels and okay maybe she’s not that bad looking, she certainly has a lot down that I’ll never get down. I’ve never been in more than a two inch heel and I’m pretty sure that I’ll never sway like that.
Oh god…
I get this whole mental cartoon of me trying to do just that and there’s the first sway and then the second and I over balance myself and…tim…ber…
I can’t stop giggling.
“Josie?”
(Snerk.) I slap my hands up over my nose and mouth. “Sorry…I was just trying to picture myself walking like that and….tim…ber…”
Ryan smiles, okay that’s good right?
Do I make people smile?
“So….?” He asks again.
(Sigh.)…. “It was just a bad day Ry…I should have know it was going to hit…it usually does and I just didn’t feel like eating and then I was going to and I got home and there was stuff on my machine and…” I stop and I shrug.
Yes I’m NOT telling him that Stephanie had me upset and for just some thing stupid and childish as wanting him to myself. I mean I feel bad enough he’s this involved with me and I’m that damaged that the thought of him having friends other than me messes me up?
I’d rather chew glass than tell him that.
Okay maybe, maybe I might like him a little it’s just…it’s too soon for anything like that if ever.
Ryan sits down beside me and he pulls me into a hug.
A real hug.
God it’s been so long… (Sniffle.)
And…
Boobs?
What?
I hug a little more…yes those are boobs, they’re smallish and he’s…well since we’ve met he’s always worn long sleeves and stuff.
Jesus…he’s all baby faced too…
Is he like me, but…but he acts like a guy?
Is he MtF?
Should I even ask?
No, no, no no…not my business. He says his name was Ryan and he’s only been decent to me and he’s always called me Josie.
I’m not saying a damned thing.
I bite my lip and I just try to breathe and enjoy the hug for what it is a hug.
(Sniffle.) “Stephanie said you were in the kitchen…are you trying to feed me again?’
“Guilty as charged, you feel like eating with me.”
I (Sniffle.) and nod like a five year old girl. “Yes please, alone isn’t good right now…”
“Okay…” I Eeep a little as he picks me up in his arms and he sets me in the big comfy chair he has that I watched LOTR with him in and he smiles and gets me the couch blanket to cuddle into and covers me with it and he heads into the kitchen.
I watch trying to tell from the bum.
I can’t tell, it’s a nice bum but there’s…well he kind of moves neutrally…like me.
But…he’s really strong if he started out as a girl….Oh wow…oh wow…my nipples are so hard right now.
WTF?
He comes in a few minutes later with this bowl of chicken stew on a tray and it’s home made and stuff with lots of veggies and one of those almost light gravy kinds of broth and he’s got a saucer with these rounds of what I thought were tortillas or pitas but are three rounds of pie crust that are dusted with like chicken seasoning or something.
“Looks good…” I smile at him but I’m staring just trying to figure it out and he’s handsome and he’s kind of pretty too.
No Josie mind your business.
“It’s chicken pot pie stew.”
“Cool.”
He shrugs and sets down a glass of milk. “I ripped it off of TV actually from Diner’s Drive-in’s and Dives.”
“Oh I like that show too.”
“I’ll be right back.” He smiles and heads off to get his own.
I’m crumbling the pie crust into chunks and pushing them under the broth like crackers and I’m trying really to figure out what to do if anything.
And…and I’m still kind of turned on by the thoughts too…
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Comments
handsome and pretty ?
very cool combination.
Damn right.
Double-Gender ROCKS. :)
I haven't actually decided on Ryan's exact situation.
But I promise it'll be interesting.
*Huggles and scratches.*
Bailey Summers
They are at that:)
There's some people that fit down that line. Cute on both standards of the gender divide.
*Great Big Angel Hugs.*
Bailey a Proud Big Brother.
Bailey Summers
boobs???
unexpected but always welcome. that was a surprise.
good chapter, thanks
I'll agree with that LoneWolf.
Boobs are always welcome one way or another.
*Hugs and Howls*
Bailey Summers
Boobies ROCK,
whether they're on cute girls or cute boys! = )
I like that-
show too. Diner', Drive-in's and Dives is very cool. Josie is going to have trust someone.
hugs
Grover
Triple-D is a staple show for me.
When there's nothing else on but junk I'll watch it even if it repeats. Josie finds trusting a hard thing to do.
*Big Hugs*
Bailey Summers
"Do I make people smile?"
I don't know why but there was something about Josie's comment of "Do I make people smile?" that seemed to say so much about her. It's also one I find myself now pondering.
A very interesting chapter that raises some interesting questions about Ryan. I think Josie focussed on the important thing though, that if Ryan is a guy called Ryan to her then she should treat him as such.
I look forward to seeing where you take this story Bailey. :-)
"Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it."
Josie is interesting to write.
with the look at her life through what she's going through and taking a look at what living with depression and going through transition as well as the other things that comes with trying to find yourself like having no clear ideas of your sexuality since starting to transition because you're to focused on survival.
Again this is also why I like writing on the fly since I have no idea either what's going to happen.
*Great Big Hugs*
Bailey Summers
Been there done that.
I never knew that I was a depressive before I went to my very first appointment with Dr Lief my gender specialist in Philadelphia.
From my first visit he was worried that I was so depressed I could very well hurt my self and would not let leave with out samples of the medication I still take. My life really started then I had answers to why I had such a messed up life. I would work my self until I physically could no longer move. And I had chronic low blood sugar until that day in June 1995 when I got smart enough to do something about my self.
Another great chapter Bailey. You do have the gift of second sight as you always have posted things I needed to see just when I needed it. Thank You
Michele
With those with open eyes the world reads like a book
Actually a little bit:)
My paternal grandmother was half Gypsy her mother came over at the end of WW2 as a warbride. It's mostly just really strong hunch like feelings even though I was taught branch dowsing and to read tea leaves as well as getting two really good recipes from my grandmother and her sister.
I make a really good goulash and excellent cabbage rolls.
But I think aside from the stuff with her family the rest of her story is more common than people write about. Depression, being too hurt and messed up to get through those self defining questions, white knuckling through some days and that so hard to reach out to anyone...and even the situation too...
We should see some more of these stories.
*Great Big Angel Hugs*
Bailey Summers
"Boobs?What?I hug a little more…"
"yes those are boobs, they’re smallish and he’s…well since we’ve met he’s always worn long sleeves and stuff.
Jesus…he’s all baby faced too… Is he like me, but…but he acts like a guy?"
But but, No!(Well maybe?) Ms. Summers, your teasing us now! Not exactly what I thought, but Hmmm! Seems poor Josie's
still on the coaster! More pwease? (Hugs) Taarpa
Yes Taarpa more will be coming:)
Currently it's one of the titles that I'm working on. Josie's not sure what Ryan is besides being Ryan and there's thoughts there that are freaking her out.
*Great Big Hugs*
Bailey Summers