Never thought of the possibility that my Dad could have been a rocker... When I told my Mom about wanting to take up the guitar and form a girl band; Mom said talk to your Dad... It was unlike my Mom to be indirect, but it was like a loud NO! ...Then she showed me an old guitar and amplifier; she was serious about me talking to my Dad, 'Ordinary Joe.'

MEGAN - the middle daughter
Wow, how I thank the day Jenn took up the guitar and we got to see the other side of our Dad. I am not saying I want Dad to be Jaz 24/7. I am girly enough that I have gotten to enjoy the rewards for me that came along with Dad/Jasmine's changes. I don't enjoy the negative comments, but Jaz has not been embarrassing as far as I'm concerned.

I enjoy that we have been able to shop together and talk in a different way than I do with Dad. Yes, I know Jaz is my Dad. That's far-out and strange at the same time; getting lingerie for Jaz or nicer clothes for me as I'm growing. Giving her make-up and fashion tips have been enjoyable and sometimes funny. Dad always showed up for my dance recitals. Now whether it is as Dad or Jaz, he’s more really there and interested. His compliments on what I do and how I look are sincere. I know that better with knowing Jaz.

Dad, within the week of agreeing to become pregnant if possible, has now put off that idea for one year. He called a family conference where he began the discussion and let all participate. Everyone agreed Dad's changes are already significant and the family could use the time to catch up with all of it. Being family is way different than even half a year ago.

Softball season is close to the beginning, I like playing catch with Jaz and sharing her time with Jenn. Once we pounced on Dad and found out that he was developing a bit more as Jaz than we knew. It was startling at first. I was surprised so much that I could not stop trying to tickle her or to see how much her budding nipples might respond.

That might not be a healthy response for a daughter to do to her Dad. While some dads might be called Jazz, they are not usually called Jasmine nor look like one who might be. I rather grow up and look like my Mom but to look like Jaz in ways would be okay with me.

JENN
I would not have been this far along on the guitar if it wasn’t for Dad being there and taking extra time. Or Mom’s suggestions leading to the revelation of my real Dad. Mom has helped me to cut through some crap and understand how dramatic this is for Dad as well. School this year has been a great learning experience, to say the least, and not what I expected. It is not what you might think: My interest and ability in the guitar have resulted in my parents being vocal about me keeping up a B+ average. Come mid-March I had two A’s, 2 B+’s, and one B, soon to be my third B+. That did not count A’s in Chorus, Band, and Phys. Ed.

I have lost a few friends for the time being, but some who had left at first are already back. My skin is a little thicker in some ways, and I have surprised a few people as well. When you are the oldest and the only brother is over 5 years behind me, one does not put up with some of the crap that other girls might.

An example being, Max, a jerk at school, was a little surprised when I gave him a fat lip as others had to pull me off him. But he shouldn’t have said what he did about my Dad. It’s okay now when Rhonda calls Jaz a Femme joking in private. But not too many get away with it because they don’t mean it with affection as she does. Max’s remarks were far worse and I had warned him I would put up with only so much. I did get detention and threatened with more, especially at home.

Jaz has needed to help in the band three times now. I would rather we didn’t need her but it was appreciated as she needed to quickly change from Joe to Jaz to do so. I would have preferred Mom one night, but I was glad she lent the clothes and makeup so Dad could. Dad is quicker and better of the two in changing over to Band-mode and picking up where we were.

I was also glad when Dad decided to put off becoming pregnant. It reminded us that Dad needs to train others in the band to run the soundboard. Mom even talked to me about Dad being implanted with a fertilized egg. I first told her, “TMI, more than a teenage daughter wants to hear.” Several days later I asked, “How would that possible?”

Mom has gone back to school; the hospital wants her as a physician’s assistant, but she been accepted to a med school to be a medical doctor. "Way to go, mom!" She has been doing clinical work at our hospital as well as going to a medical school some thirty-five miles away.

Once Mom was called into an emergency. Darla met us at the hospital and Mom was told she could not work on the next patient coming in. Mom was sent up to the nursery to get baby Sherry ready to be nursed. Sherry’s mom came through the Emergency Room in Critical Care, having been in an accident 24 hours earlier, that caused her to give birth to Sherry.

Jaz had taken some medication, having talked to Darla earlier. It would cause Jaz’s breasts to begin to lactate. The Mom would recover and Sherry would be the child of a single parent who loved her dearly. We became her extended family that night. Jaz nursed Sherry twice daily for 8-9 days. Now some of Dad’s breast tissue may now be forever changed.

The engorging of breasts can be overwhelming enough for a pregnant woman, more. But it wasn't that unsuspecting my mom but that a guy, my dad, was the one who would help nurse baby Sherry. I know it was overwhelming. I was one of many people who were proud of my Dad. I thought it funny that my Dad was unrealistic enough to think it would be all fun.

Dad had built up a lot of medical leave and flex-time, but he never expected to need it for something like this. He was allowed to take one week of medical leave, three flex days, and a week of vacation time he had built up. This was good, as Sherry came three weeks early, she would be ready to go home in two weeks at the earliest. Sara Spires, the mother, would be laid up in the hospital for another week. And she would need at least three months of rehabilitation time to recuperate from her accident.

Sara’s home and workplace were 120 miles away on the southwest side of Newark, Delaware. She had attended a business meeting in the Boston area as well as acting as a company courier into NYC. Despite the distance and demands on Sara all reports concerning the accident were that she was an innocent victim of others' poor driving mistakes.

Her folks lived over a thousand miles away and had already judged her harshly for becoming pregnant while not married. They were also angry; she had taken a job living so far away. They sounded sweet over the phone, but they gave Sara the ultimatum for her to give Sherry over to them and returned home, or to give Sherry up for adoption and come home to recover from the accident.

Mom and Joe/Jaz Stamps had fallen in love with Sherry and Sara and offered our place and family for both. Mom and Dad quickly had plans to add two rooms with a full bathroom to the house. Sara’s company made a settlement offer that sounded sizable. But part of Dad's job had dealt in this area numerous times. He knew the amount would easily be exhausted while various expenses would be piling up.

Through a lawyer, Sara made a casual counter offer for medical and living expenses plus the cost of a new vehicle, and an increase in settlement terms was made to the counteroffer. The driver balked at settling but their insurance company knew a suit would be much more costly not including legal fees and court costs. Luckily a window of 10 days to respond and thirty days to make good on the settlement was given.

Dad and I traveled to Sara's apartment, the day before Sara was to come to our home. We went to her place to pick up her belongings including a crib. There was nursery furniture, some baby things, and a modest amount of furniture and clothing for Sara. Sara’s ex-lover, Sherry’s dad, was not in the picture nor did he plan to be. Truth be told, I suspect he wasn't much of what Sara would want as a husband nor the dad of her baby.

The first time they brought Sherry into Sara’s room to nurse was a difficult time. Jaz and the nurse gave plenty of time and patience to help the time to be successful. Jaz was needed to finish nursing the baby as it would take two more days for Sara’s milk to come into full production.

I was pretty certain then; we were only marking time before Dad would be with child, thankfully not right now…

KAREN
One of my great joys that year was the pictures I got to take of Jaz and none was more precious than Jaz nursing her first baby. “Ouch!” Jaz thought it was all to be easy and fun, but Sherry chomped down on Jaz's engorged tits with more force and suction than Jaz expected.

Jaz was just about to yell about the pain when the joy of Sherry nursing swept over Jaz. That is when I began to click off the pictures. Sherry paused and Jaz knew to lift her and lightly pat her back until she burped. Jaz wiped her mouth and placed Sherry’s cheek next to her other nipple. Sherry instinctively turned, opened her mouth, and began to suckle on the other breast. When Sherry's milk came full she'd fall to sleep while nursing on a breast. Jaz tried to move Sherry away but baby Sherry was locked down on the nipple. Jaz laid-back rocking the sleeping baby until a nurse came to help her.

The nurse broke the seal by lightly putting her finger between the mouth and nipple. “You make a very good mommy.” Jaz lit up with a smile and thanked her. She took the baby in one hand and took Jaz by another, saying “I could use your help.” The three went back to the nursery and the nurse gave Sherry to someone to clean, change, and put back in her bassinet.

The nurse cleaned Jaz and brought another baby sharing, "I'd greatly appreciate you helping us." It was not like Jaz was out of milk. This baby messed her diaper as she just began to drink. Jaz like a trooper held the baby’s head nursing and used her other hand to change, clean, and put a new diaper back on.

The nurse upon returning watched the last of Jaz caring for the baby. “Are you Dr. Darla’s, would be mom?” Jaz looked up with puppy eyes and received the praise of the nurse. “Jasmine, I know Karen quite well and I know she is awfully proud of you. She speaks so affectionately about how beautiful you are as a lover.”

I had come from behind Jaz, nibbled on her ear and slipped my hand underneath her gown. With the look of a shy young woman, Jaz looked to the nurse. I slowly grew in the affection I was showing her. Jaz was being turned on as a woman, and I could not help but take her deeper. Jaz wanted to return the affection but all I would allow was a warm passionate kiss. I took Jaz back to a room so she could rest until Sherry and the other baby needed her again.

Sara was the single mother to Sherry and eight days from being released from the hospital, with months of recuperating ahead of her. I asked, "Jenn what's your thought about Sara recuperating with us? I thought she and the baby could be in the guest room?"

Jenn said, “If she stays with us she needs to know about Jaz. Meg and I have talked and we think we could move into the guest room. Sara and Sherry should have our bedrooms as a two-room apartment with a bathroom... Megan and I will probably kill each other, but we just thought she needs a little more space than just one room.”

I talked to Megan to make sure she was in agreement and I had to laugh as she said, “Yes, since Dad’s change, Jenn has become a bit more girly and easier to live with. She even has some stuff I wouldn’t mind borrowing.”

I visited with Sara over my lunch break and she cried about having a place to go with support for her and Sherry. She knew about Jaz and even had Sherry and Jaz in her room nursing. She broke down again when I said Jenn and Megan wanted to give her their two rooms so she would have more space.

That weekend Joe and a buddy put in a wide connecting doorway into Jenn and Megan rooms and expanded the guestroom closet to be a large walk-in closet for the girls. Luckily we had an oversized laundry room that they cut into. The girls' rooms had an attaching bathroom.

It was funny watching Joe in his bibbed overalls working together with neighbor Bill. Jaz’s bust snugly fitted into Joe's clothes. Come Saturday noon Joe changed into Jaz’s work clothes. By 3 p.m. Bill had started to give Joe a hard time about distracting him, “Here I am trying to make sure things are straight and level and you distract me with curvy lines and bumps. I can’t balance this with my image of you Joe.”

Bill co-opted his son and Jenn to help and the projects move along. It was what was needed to pick up the pace and extra hands to get the work done.

Joe physically and emotionally had trouble doing the work with breasts that were actively producing milk. Even with the proper bra and nursing pads, he leaked out onto his work shirt. I took him to our room and had him use the breast pump to fill two small bottles.

It was nothing new that I or other working Moms hadn’t experienced. Mood swings, body changes and embarrassing moments all took a toll. Jaz/Joe had one additional problem regular women did not. While Jaz was in our room pumping her breasts, I notice a uniquely male odor associated with Joe. Upon finishing pumping her breasts and fixing herself up top; I pushed her down on the bed and undid Joe’s pants. He thought I was getting interested in him and willingly stayed down.

I checked Jaz’s panty like a mom might check a diaper. It was messed by a man who had more than one time of excitement while working and/or nursing. I calmly cleaned him up and put on a clean pair of pink panties. When he stood up I undressed his top and put him to bed in a nightgown. “You are through for the afternoon, take a good shower and get some rest, and then .” He tried arguing about his duty to work.

I took him over to my side of the bed and sat him down. Woman to woman and we talked through the past six months. I shared she was now a nursing mom and things were catching up to her. Jaz lay down on my side of the bed as I stroked her back and ran my fingers through her hair until she fell asleep.

Needless to say, the others had no trouble that Joe did not come back to work. Bill commented on his respect for Joe, “He’s doing more than I could. It’s like he’s trying to be me and Marge in one body. …You already realize how hard that is, that’s why you are opening your house to a single mom.”

That was 3 p.m. and at six I got Jaz up to eat before we went to the hospital. Megan and I had painted the guest room for the girls. It was a joyful time at the hospital as we watched Sara nurse her daughter. Jaz pumped a couple of bottles for the night. Sara was making good progress. Her parents had been there earlier in the day and would be back tomorrow. But they lived almost a thousand miles away in a place that was not Sherry’s home. Sara’s apartment and work were over a hundred miles away. We would probably be Sara’s home and family well into next year.

Her folks were not pleased that Jaz was transgendered and disgusted that Sara had accepted our help. I suspect if it had not been for Sherry they would have divorced their daughter. Sara shared she could cook and would learn to cook and clean as we like. She was pleased and even wondered if we were god sent in light of her accident.

Sherry was working for a competitor to IOTEK, but it was a man’s company and not very caring towards her. She had worked long hours and not made many friends since she went there. Wanda already shared Sara would have a place with them if she wanted. That was when she was well enough to return to work. If she wanted it, it would be there. Her present employer already communicated her sick time and maternity leave were running on the same clock. That wasn't legal but they were betting Sherry wouldn't and couldn't afford to fight them.

Joe had quickly come not only to care for Sherry, but he liked the talents of Sara as a possible co-worker at IOTEK. The fact that Sara and Sherry were comfortable with Jaz and liked by the family made it that much more attractive. He and I felt blessed with the support we had. It is our experience: many in the TG community have it much rougher with less visible support out in the regular community. Someone said, Jasmine being accepted and visible would help make some people grow up.

The middle of that week we got to bring Sara and Sherry home and it was such a joy. The day before Bill, Joe, and Jenn went up to Sara’s apartment and brought back the baby stuff she already had like a pretty changing table, several pieces of living room furniture for the extra room. They brought Sara's bed, chest of drawers, and her clothes, make-up, and care products.

Sara was delighted to be out of the hospital and broke down into tears when she saw the two rooms fixed for them along with their own bathroom. Seeing her stuff made it feel more like her home.

Come Friday morning, I was an hour away from being home and Sara had an accident she could not clean alone. Joe changed to Jaz and gave Sara the help she needed. I had wished Jenn would have done it, but she was not up to it. Luckily Joe had been there years before with me and so Jaz knew what she needed to do. I suspect she even had a touch and way about her that Joe would not have had except through the experience of being Jaz.

I was surprised come Sunday a party was in preparation for Sunday afternoon. I was being kept out of the preparation since it was a rare weekend for me to work. I just assumed it was for Sara and Sherry, but soon would learn that shower was the following week. Jaz/Joe, Jenn, and the other kids had decided months ago, after Dad’s pregnancy they would have a surprise party for me and it was quite a surprise.

My folks showed up at four and the party began at 5:00. Nurses and other staff even a few doctors came, in addition to Dr. Darla. Neighbors, some from the church, and our kids' friends came as well as people who knew us socially as Karen and Joe/Jaz. The first two hours Joe was visible with his breasts tightly wrapped. Come 7:00 the wrapping came off and Joe changed into Jaz's clothes. Jenn and Rhonda provided some entertainment come six and the children expressed their caring and thanks to me.

Special attention was given to me about my caring and my giving room to Dad’s life blossoming. I was called the ‘Unsung Hero” for Dad, Sara, and Sherry Spires and being the nightly ghost who went to work and was now studying to be a “Doctor”.

My Dad and Mom did not enjoy all the humor. Jenn said “She may be the only Mom whose husband could fill her bra… Dad this gives you the incentive to keep your weight down or worry about the clothes you could wear.”

Megan said, “We did not only discover a new part of Dad but a long-hidden part of Mom. She sings, plays a mean keyboard and a good guitar. She is not a square mom who just drives a van… She has been Dr. Mom to us for a long time, but soon the world would know it too. She was already a great nurse and Mom and didn’t need to change. She would soon become a doctor but always have the heart of a nurse and mom.”

Dad’s parents had come and after they spoke briefly, the Robins spoke up and verbalized their pride in their daughter as well as their love for her and her family. That may have been the greatest, unexpected gift of the evening. They didn’t say a word about Jaz nor much about Joe, but they renewed their love for me and my family.

Jaz appeared come 7:15 as Jaz played and sang. Joe/Jaz tried to speak about what I meant to him. Time and again he/she was overwhelmed with tears and emotion. It was through the guitar and song that the love and conviction were most clearly heard.

Finally, he confessed aloud that “Without Karen, Jasmine would never have been alive but an imaginary part of me who never lived, but died stillborn. I could have been a discarded spouse, a cast-off dad… She bears over twice the burden of insults and hurt that comes our family’s way. And she gets about 1% of the appreciation expressed.”

Cathy and Dan expressed things purely wrapped in the words and hugs of young children. “We guess she’s special but to us, she has always been Mommy. When others speak about the special things their moms do, we see it as ordinary for our Mom and wonder what is so special. She may be extra beautiful come Easter and Mother’s Day, but every day she is pretty and loving… We know she doesn’t always feel like making dinner nor is happy with things we have done wrong… But the biggest hurt we receive when she is hard with us, and the tears it brings to her eyes… Sometimes when Daddy is in a dress, Mom works to make him look more beautiful… I think sometimes she’s sad and hides her tears… She expresses love to Dad the same ordinary way she does to us.”

People could hardly talk when they finished speaking. We did use the last tissues we had.

I wished I could have wrapped those kids in my arms and hid the rest of the night away, but alas I was so happy inside. I am glad I am me and not Joe/Jaz. I think it is easier being the same person all the time. I wish Joe was Joe more often, and I wished that Jaz was not growing to be a bigger part of that life. Jaz for now and I suspect forever is part of the person I love as my mate.

Some people say I am strong and ask how I can do what I do. I say I am in love and married and that the two/three have become one. I love the idea that Jaz could someday bear our child, but I am not sure I can talk her into that.

JENN
Dad’s back to a new normal, dressing sometimes as himself and his breasts are returning to a new normal a size b, hardly noticeable if wrapped and he’s wearing the right clothes. Dad is back to being Dad in the way he is there for us 90% of the time. Cathy is the only one who regularly gets away with putting her hand into his shirt and touching a breast. Not true, Sherry does it too. It is funny when Dad holds Sherry out in public and sometimes you can see where she tried to nurse him. That is especially true when we are out with Jaz.

I am beginning our second year of high school and The Mind Changers are getting more requests. We would be extra busy if our parents wouldn’t force us to be students first. I have to keep band as a class which means marching in the fall and playing for football games. I did insist that I play guitar whenever I can. The band instructor fought me, but with my parents' support, we reached compromise.

I do think we have one of the coolest pep bands at the high school level. “We are the Champions and many other popular songs sound better with guitars and Rhonda’s drums.” Playing Another One Bites the Dust probably wasn’t responsible for the victories this year, but it was enjoyable when we got to play it.

We did not play it when we won a 10-7 game over our arch-rival. The Seniors were angry with us until a newspaper said it reflected class and proper respect for the game of a good rival. We didn’t do things o get more business but it did earn the Mind Changers a couple of more gigs.

Meg got most of the household into something new come late September. She had read an article and wrote a report for her class. The assignment was to encourage people to make a difference with little to no cost. Someone challenged her as she anticipated about practicing what she was asking of others. The project was for donating a ponytail of hair in love for those who have lost hair due to cancer or other health reasons. Megan usually had long hair anyway and since March she only once had split ends cut off.

Cathy looked up to her sister and already enjoyed long hair. The hard sells were to me and Mom. Mom shared she would try but as a nurse and medical student, she was not sure if she could. Mom suggested if Jaz would she would try too.

Dad for six weeks now was trying to be Joe as much as he could. Unbeknown to Dad, Megan recruited Wanda’s support through Dad’s work. Dad quickly volunteered to grow his hair 12” long, if it would be okay with his workplace. Dad had tried to make the request to an unsympathetic VP of Marketing.

But Wanda required the request go up the normal route which was first through her. Wanda made one request and that was for Dad either to dress full-time as Jaz or to cut the hair if it would become a problem.

Megan reported at dinner that she had all family members save one, Dan. Dan’s refusal got support from both Mom and Dad. Sara shared if it was six volunteers from the house Meg was looking for she would be more than happy to be the sixth.

Megan made a formal request for volunteers during her class presentation and opened it to all within the school district. She gave a sign-up date for just before Thanksgiving — Locks for Thanksgiving. The final tally was seven teachers, 57 seven students, and another 33 from the community. One nice surprise was some seven volunteers were male. Three salons offered participants free shampoos, conditioning, and styling.

For most volunteers, it would become an 18-month commitment.

Our band was invited to play at a dance two towns over, but we were the second band to be listed. Rhonda and Sara had already agreed we would do the dance. The other band was well known and we were afraid of being outclassed. We were to have two 45 minutes segments but the headline band threatened to cut us down to 30 minutes each time.

Dad got on the phone and used Jaz’s voice. Later he shared with our band, he had been in that circumstance several times, and the most effective way through it was to listen but not to agree. He suggested we finish each segment with a segment of four or more songs. He insisted we needed to be ready to perform really well. He would gently raise the volume as we went to the next song. After our first 45 minute segment, Sara gave a warm welcome to the other band. Those being angry with us were caught off guard by our nice introduction and their first two songs came across as weak and dragging. We were ready and began to play as soon as they took their break.

During the second segment, we did two songs that we knew but had not yet played in performance. Dad had done his homework and our two new songs were regular standards of the other band. One they kept but it did not go over well with the crowd.

The other band had prepared and expected to end at 11:00 pm. which was normal for school dances, but community centers traditionally had bands playing until 11:30 and hoped they would do a couple of extra songs past that. While we had turned off our instruments and pulled off our guitars at the end of our second performance we were ready and plugging things in when they closed at 11:00.

The community boosters who sponsored the dance had not realized that the lead band had filled in the wrong performance times. They appreciated our being ready and filling in the extra time.

It earned us the extra $50 given as bonuses for good performances. The extra money was nice but the fact there were at least three scouts for future performances was even better. Since we were limiting our performances, we had more requests than we could fill.

Dad did not make our decisions but as the adult, he was often the one first approached for future performances. That night we would receive three offers, as well as having received three offers the past two weeks. Dad casually informed them there were six requests for every 3-4 open dates.

The terms on four of the requests were significantly increased. The fourth date was blocked out for a holiday concert at the regional hospital. Karen, Joe, and Jaz were all on the hour and a half program. Dad hoped to end the concert as Joe but we inked in Karen and Joe to open the concert and featured Dad on the guitar to finish the segment.

It was neat as Joe stayed and played some. He was usually just an extra guitar and stayed in the background being there for us. Rhonda and Sara both complimented on how great it was that such a talent enhanced the program yet was so invisible.

When Jaz came back later with Mom, Jaz fit into the group as another member. The closing number, if there would be no encore, was a duet by Sara and me but Sara gave her part to Jaz. The crowd was especially quiet and into our singing. It received one of the biggest ovations of the night.

Most didn’t get the implications but come to Silent Night, I handed Jaz, Dad’s guitar. After the first verse, he alone accompanied the band and the crowd in the song. The concert was played over the hospital’s TV channel. Comments following the concert were that Silent Night moved patients and staff around the hospital, “It was as if the Spirit of all that is holy, engulfed and moved through the hospital and eased many over and again.”

During the concert, Sara, Robin, Karen, Jaz, and I were asked to interact with the audience on at least one song. Sara and I did it on quite a few songs so it did not seem any big deal. The third song Jaz was with us I tapped her and pointed to a group of doctors. She was singing a ballad and was at her third doctor when he began to dance with her as she was already gently moving. At the end of the song, he asked her if she would sing to a group of children after the concert.Joe/Jaz
An hour after the concert we had been greeted by many in the crowd, took turns at the reception and in packing our stuff. Karen and I were visiting when Dr. Michaels approached sharing’ a small group of patients were still waiting. I asked Karen to go but the band needed her to drive the band van back to Rhonda’s and get us home.

She told Dr. Michaels, he either released Jaz from her obligation or needed to drive her home. I took my guitar and our small amplifier with me. Dr. Michaels led me to the Ped unit and Jaz was quite a hit with the children. Seven had stayed up and another ten came out as I sang and played. One teen requested me to sing a song to Dr. Michaels. It was a romantic song and as I was ending the song, Dr. Michaels thanked me with a kiss and hug.

I visited with two patients one on one at the staff’s request as Dr. Michaels checked on some patients. Dr. Michaels was tired and distraught over one of his patients. We visited in the doctors’ lounge and I was not thinking of it like a man and woman visiting as I consoled him.

But I did realize I was becoming passionate with him and a hug ended with a warm kiss. We knew we were at an awkward place but I either needed him to drive me home or call Karen for a ride. We had placed the equipment in his back seat, but as I was ready to get in the front seat we were again locked in a passionate embrace. On the way home Doc shared he was attracted to women like me and would like to rendezvous with me sometime. By the time I got home, I communicated I would not be meeting with him. He walked me to the door with the amplifier and gave me another kiss as we said good-bye.

Having put the equipment away I was going to take a shower and go to bed. Karen asked me how the night went and why things took so long and realized I was crying as I tried to answer. I shared what happened and she was both hurt and understanding.

"It was a long day for both of you and I did not warn you that he would be attracted to you."

I shared that when I began to take time and listen I did so as Joe, but appeared and responded as Jaz. Karen told me, “I hate to tell you that his indiscretions as a doctor are usually overlooked and the woman needs to stop things or accept her part in such encounters.”

“I accept my part in it but I am ashamed.” We talked and Karen shared she too needed to learn as she has found herself in embraces with three other women the past year before she backed away. The relationship between Karen and Jaz had opened emotions and situations we were not used to dealing with.

“I do not mean to extend this as a statement of permission, but I would not be surprised you are bedded by someone who knows who you are. I have visited with Dr. Darla and a psychiatrist in this area. They both think you probably want and are likely to seek a man to love you and penetrate you… Part of me is happy you said no to Dr. Michaels while part of me hopes it is someone like him who you do it with.”

“How can you say that?”

“Can you tell me, you are not going to take someone to bed who can penetrate you and physically love like that?” I started to say ‘No’ three times but stopped. I knew I had, I felt if Dr. Michaels had led me to a safe room it might have happened tonight.