Pure fiction, inspired by two great British Comedians, one of whose characters was the First Gay in the Village. This Queen, however, is anything but gay, unless you count finding out that you’re a lesbian after coming out as a crossdresser! No such village yet exists but, who knows, one day….

Chapter 1 Behind closed doors

Having lived in the village in the English Cotswold hills for three years or more, Andy and Christine knew that, if they had secrets, then others who were their neighbours would have secrets too. They didn’t care — although they liked all of the others in the village very much. Not to engage in the Swingers’ parties that they thought probably went on, but then, they weren’t secret enough — just the odd phrase that was used in the pub occasionally - were they?

It wasn’t that they were prudish, far from it, but Andy and Christine just didn’t fancy screwing with others’ wives and husbands. Perhaps that made them more conventional than the rest. They couldn’t be sure. After all, if the others were all screwing away like mad spring rabbits, whatever else could be going on… behind closed doors?

Sometimes, like this evening, they spent time with a bottle of wine, speculating about what other residents got up to in the privacy of their own homes………..

It was a small community. Just a dozen couples, that’s all. Much of an age as they were themselves. Late-30s mostly. Enough to have been around the world a few times.

Nobody was gay, as far as they knew, apart from that one couple……. Nobody was unhappy in their marriages or partnerships. Nobody was out of work, so all had more than enough money — after all, this isn’t an inexpensive part of England in which to live.

There was a significant lack of gossip — something that, when they moved in, they expected would characterize village life. “Everyone knows everyone else’s business” some people said. But clearly they didn’t. “When you think… we know so little about any of them… really….. don’t we?” they often said to one another.

There was no scandal — nothing! In three years, there had been no scandals worth talking about.

Andy and Christine had their own secrets, that made them increasingly curious about the rest of the village. After all, if they got up to slightly naughty things behind their closed door, what could possibly be going on behind those other doors that faced them across the village green. They were of that age where naughty things made love-making fun.

They speculated whilst drinking several glasses of wine on a Friday evening and found they could agree on the many naughty things that their neighbours enjoyed.

Andy started it first. “We have to find a way to find out…. What do they all do, besides a healthy fuck now and again?”

Christine agreed. “Yes, indeed, but you can’t just come out with a direct question, like, say asking Cathy “Ever tied Johnny to the bed and given him a blow-job???? ….I mean, I’m sure she’s giving him a blow-job most weekends, but tying him up??.... She might be, but I don’t know her well enough to ask….”

There was no evidence that Johnny ever submitted to bondage games.

“Hmmm……” Andy was thoughtful. “She could give me a blow-job anytime…..!”

Andy was clearly attracted to Cathy, that was for sure.

“Andy!! How dare you!! For that, you’ll pay a penalty tonight!” cried Christine.

“Hmmm… Promise???!” said Andy, smiling. “I’m not sure I see Cathy and Johnny as bondage people really anyway. However, I do think he’d really be one to appreciate her dressing in a very sexy way, maybe a film star way….. I mean, he’s a bit schizo…. All talk and no trousers, I’d say. Probably a voyeur of some kind, just likes to watch her….. D’you think she’d make a good Julia Roberts? The red hair would help….”

Cathy was a fiery redhead.

“Nah, whatever….” Christine snorted, not being an admirer of this Cathy woman. “No, I’m sure she’s grey under that red….. I’d see her more like a Meryl Streep’s Cruella Deville. But then he’s quite attractive…….” Cathy and Johnny were what was known as ‘arms length’ lovers — not married, both with successful jobs, his taking him travelling overseas quite often, hers mainly UK-based. He was “something in Financial Services”. She was a Buyer for a couture house.

“Ohhh, miaowww! Catty about Cathy, or what!” taunted Andy. “But maybe you’re right….” He resolved one day to test out the theory about her dressing very sexily.

He went on, “And then, there’s Jenny and Peter….. They’re always acting suggestively when we go out to the pub as a group. They would be good for a play-acting night… seeing as they like Amateur Dramatics…… They’d do a great “Thomas Crown Affair — she’d be a cool Faye Dunaway and, oh no, he’d never be a Steve McQueen…. Would he?..... Anyhow, he’s an Accountant — what would he know about seduction?! Seduced by balance sheets, he is! Perhaps the acting takes him out of himself?”

Christine struck back. “Oh, I’ve always fancied Steve McQueen…….. but then you fancied Renee Russo in the second take on that movie didn’t you? And I preferred Pierce Brosnan… now he could have me anytime, any day!” laughed Christine.

“That makes a penalty for you too!.... but you’re right, that Renee Russo was something else!” smiled her husband. “That was some sexy encounter, in both the films…..” Jenny could pull that off, I think. She’s got real ‘come-to-bed eyes’ if you ask me.”

“She’s the one that doesn’t need to work — born into money as the saying goes. But she’s very nice and considerate with all of that.” Christine clearly liked the woman.

“Has she ever shown those eyes to you, my darling…?” asked her husband of Christine. There was more than a hint of a suggestion, or maybe a 5% possibility that Jenny would be “as moved by a woman as much as a man. “You mean, she might…. Well, quite possibly…… Now wouldn’t that set the village tongues wagging?!” “A lesbian scandal… too right it would!”

The evening’s speculation was warming up. Two couples down — and how many more to go?

“So, now we have one couple with her dressing sexy to catch him. Another playing seduction scenes with eachother…… one of them maybe being a lesbian? But that’s quite tame really……… If Cathy and Johnny and Peter and Jenny don’t do bondage games, who does?” asked Christine, warming to this line of conversation. She moved over to the other sofa and sat next to Andy, gently unbuttoning his shirt…. Well, it was more than a shirt. She reached inside and tweaked his left nipple…. Hard, but playfully. “Owwww!......” he said, curling with pleasure.

The next couple of neighbours came into contention.

Christine went on, “…Well, there’s Pamela who is very stern at times and can give a very dark frown if you, I mean, if I, say the wrong thing at the wrong time….. She could get on top of Jack if he put a foot wrong.”

Andy, too, was beginning to enjoy this speculation. “No doubt she would…. “Our Pammie”….. And she might be jealous of you when you get playful, my darling.” Andy’s eyes twinkled at the thought that ran through his mind. “I’ve always thought that Jack was a bit of a coward where she’s concerned. Never says a word, if you notice, when she’s around. He’s all full of bravado and his big career when we’re at the pub, just us fellas, but with her, oh! No!..”

“D’you think she spanks him, if he’s been naughty??!” Christine laughed, intrigued by the thought. “Perhaps she’s got one of those straps, or paddles…..!”

“Did you mean a strap-on…. You don’t….? You can’t…. er, ….mean it…! She wouldn’t, would she…?? I mean… Give him one with a strap-on???..... Phew! He’d have to be very naughty…!” Andy went a little cold at the thought. He had never once dreamed or really expected that people he knew did that sort of thing….. But successful men sometimes are the most submissive when they get home, aren’t they? “So is there any swinging

But then again, people he knew probably didn’t do what he and Christine had been doing for a long long time….. They did keep their secrets very secret. They made sure.

Three couples dealt with.

“OK, then, so who do we know around here that’s a real expert with a dildo? A trusty fucker?” Andy ventured to enquire.

“You mean, like we enjoy with our little fucker…. You know how much I enjoy that, especially when your tongue goes around……” Christine was playing with Andy’s nipple a lot now, so much in fact that she was losing the thread of the conversation.

“Yes, I think that would be Cathy, of all the people we’ve mentioned. I’m sure she’d know how to get the best out of one of those beauties. Especially if it had a little buzz-box inside…!” Andy said and raised an eyebrow waiting for his Wife’s response.

“You mean a vibrator? Oh, yes!” Christine agreed, her mouth now only an inch from Andy’s bra-covered nipple.

So, it was Cathy — Cruella Deville - for the dildo and vibrating tricks, Johnny for the voyeur’s role, Jenny the actress who might swing ‘both ways’ and Peter who’s the Accountant who does ‘AmDram’ seduction scenes with his wife, and there was Pamela who’s very stern and domineering with Jack who may take a dildo or strap-on on a quiet night in at home. All those without the two of them….. And there was Andy and Christine. Quite a start for just one village.

“Well, at least it’s not Midsummer Village….. we would all be dead by now!” (Andy guffawed with laughter. Midsummer Murders was always his source of derision about the standards of crap that was served up on British television).

Exploring who lived in the village besides these people, Christine said, “What about the couple who own the village store, next to the pub on the green? They have been in the village since they were married and took over the store from her parents. She’s always very friendly but I don’t see him around at all……” Andy thought for a while and answered, “I suspect he’s running a cannabis farm in his greenhouse in the garden and runs wild drug-fuelled parties when we aren’t here. Perhaps they’re all at it! maybe she’s so nice ‘cos she sells the weed as a special extra on any orders they get!”

“Now, you’re being daft…” exclaimed Christine. “…As if there’s a drugs farm going down here in the wilds of the countryside!”, and she paused, only to begin again saying, “…. But then again, it might explain why she is SO helpful!!!!” Andy answered very soon after she finished.

“OK, so now we can add them and their drugs parties to the dildo and vibrating tricks, the voyeur and the actress who swings both ways with her husband who seduces her in public, and the man who’s wife does him with the strap-on while being very stern, and then there’s you and me…….”

Four couples and themselves too…

“…..And what we get up to on a Friday night, a Saturday and a Sunday……. In secret!!!”

“Now, you’re forgetting the awfully prim and proper pair who probably “do it” once a week and only once a week, and always in the “missionary position” with him on top and her with her legs spread wide while he thrashes away as fast as he can and she thinks of what’s to have for supper, and it’s all over in about three minutes….” Christine had a clear picture of what went on in the house next to the pub. Andy thought again and said that he was sure that Christine was right in what she said. “Surely, the world would be a dull place if we all did it “their way”…. But, I suppose, that’s the way it was before the Sixties and the Seventies brought more freedom….”

Five couples and themselves…….

“Well, the two guys that run the village chemists and deli took advantage of that as soon as they could didn’t they? Living here all quiet or years before we got here, minding their own business and behaving like a pair of bookends. Then, as soon as Civil partnerships become legal, before you can say Elton and David, they’re hitched!” Andy was overwhelmed in mock outrage. “I mean, you would never have guessed that they were gay, unless you noticed the athleticism of their morning runs around the village and the houseproud way they take care of their little shop and fawn over the few tourists we get through here.”

“That’s so right… you would never know….. Mwahhh! Mwahh!” Christine blew Andy a couple of gay kisses as both laughed happily.

Six couples and themselves……….

The lovers sat back and slowly adopted a gentle fore-play routine that they did most Friday nights. Andy’s lacy blouse was now undone. His delicate perfume hit his lovers nostrils suddenly. Christine rummaged gently inside Andy’s top, her fingers tugging the bra aside to let her lips finally enclose the nipple that she lost no time in biting. Quite hard…… She loved her husband’s wearing of a bra during the weekends they spent together. “Your penalty is to have those nipple grips that I bought you for Christmas on for at least half an hour. Let’s see how much you can bear of them!”

Andy was used to them now but still experienced a luxurious kind of pain when his tits were gripped by the metal teeth of the peg-like clamps on the ends of the silver chain that Christine would then tug mercilessly. All very voluntary, this was. He pretended to be oppressed by this and pleaded with her not to treat him so badly, but there was no escape. He had to suffer just a little bit tonight. In fact, he did much prefer the silky satin and lace of his other bras. And panties.
And the slinkiness of his stockings. And the stretchiness of his suspenders. And the tightness of his stiletto-heeled shoes.

Of course, Andy and Christine had their little secrets that nobody knew anything about. Who doesn’t (have secrets!)???

Andy wearing bras and panties, and stockings and suspenders, and shoes, wasn’t the end of his crossdressing. Only at weekends. In private. He could wear a nightie at bedtime, after he had taken off his daytime make-up which he wore only around the house….

He spent weekends being “Astrid” and, after Christine had rolled his hair up for the night, he would sleep with Christine as her wife.

Not forgetting that, again at weekends only, Christine was “Christopher” and dressed in ‘proper English country style’ with brogue lace-up shoes, corduroy trousers, a ‘hound-tooth’ check shirt and had her hair slicked back, 1930s style, and her face scrubbed to bring out the complexion of the raw English man within her. And a pouch in her boxer shorts to simulate a hard-on. Just like Andy’s bra was filled with padding to simulate his female breasts.

“You really are the first Queen in the village, my darling!” said Christine.

“And you’re the first Jack of Spades, my love….” He/she answered.

--oo00oo–

Where does this conversation lead….? Find out in chapter 2’s fantasy “coming out”.