I was walking pass the local church of some village miles from nowhere, the service seemed to have just started and being cold,tired and hungry I went inside hoping at least at to get some warmth into my body.

I had tied up the dogs outside guarding my pack but out of the wind, I listened to the sermon and the lesson that was read out, people kept looking around and staring at me, alright I wasn`t dressed as neat and tidy as they were in their Sunday Best, no my clothing was old and tatty but clean.

I had been layed off earlier in the year and shortly after evicted from my home when I could no longer afford the rent so I had left the area and just roamed the country looking for work but as tens of thousands were being layed off all the time there was no work to be found. I couldn`t claim State Aid as my Military pension was more than what was payed out in unemployment benefit.

I lived in a tent where ever I could pitch it, usually well away from towns and villages until I was moved on or had checked out the area for employment. It was by far a very uncomfortable existance but times and circumstances prevailed,and I doubt I was only one living this way.

I`ve never been a follower of any religion after I had seen what religion did around the world, muslim killing muslim, christian killing christian and muslims killing christians and vice versa, to my mind religion was the bane of mans existance, but like I said I only entered the church to get a little warmth yet as I listened to the sermon I was to denied that.

It must have been half way through the service when I was asked to leave by the local policeman, he escorted me outside and I was informed that the Vicar had asked for my removal as I was disturbing his congregation. I picked up my meagre belongings and with the dogs started to walk away.

The policeman followed me in his car for a few miles until I well away from the village, before he turned round he asked me where I was going.

"Wherever my feet take me " I told him

"You must have some somewhere to go" he said

" Sorry but I don`t " I replied and told him how I came to be in the area

His last words before he left were "Don`t come back, we don`t want your sort around here, come back and I`ll arrest you"

I travelled on in the wind driven snow the dogs at my side, I was getting tired now and needed to get out of the wind soon. I spied a ruin in the distance and headed for it once there I pitched my tent and lit a fire ouside to cook on and to get some heat, the dogs were running around chasing each other in the snow having a good time.

I had a small gas stove which after unrolling my sleeping bag lit it to warm the tent up, the walls of the ruin sheltered us from the wind and some of the snow. once it started to get dark i fed the dogs and ate something myself and then the three of us sat or lay in their case around the fire.

I checked out my stores and found I had little left but hopefully enough to last me for the next two days when the shops opened again, but I had plenty food for the dogs, most days they ate better than I did but I didn`t begrudge them that they were the only family I had and we loved each other. After putting out the fire and making sure it out completely and couldn`t restart I undressed and got into my sleeping bag, the dogs came and lay one on each side of me and I was grateful for the extra warmth they provided in the bitter cold of the night.

I lay there in the dark and my thoughts strayed back to the sermon the Vicar had delivered in the village, for a man of the cloth he wasn`t very charitable yet he was preaching about the season of goodwill to all men and peace on earth and yet he had called the police and had me removed from his church.

Why ? I wondered, was it because I transexual and my dress and coat looked out of place. I didn`t threaten anyone I had just sat at the back and listened to the service, the nearest person was four rows away from me, I didn`t speak to anyone,I took nothing and had even put five pounds in the collection bowl.

I had been brought up in childrens home after my parents threw me out, I think I was about 10 when that happened, oh I remembered my parents and the thrashings I recieved from them when they were bored or my siblings misbehaved, I could never understand why they hated me so much. At school I never had any friends and was always bullied and thinking about it now I`ve never had any friends, always the loner for some reason people just don`t like me but I do get on well with animals.

What is about me that people dislike so much, was it because I was different from them ? or was it just because I existed ?

I never asked anyone for anything and earned everything I had what little that was by hard work, I had served my country and fought in several wars and now I served my purpose the country didn`t want to know. Now I knew how the Vets from Vietman felt when the returned home to America but I never thought it would be like that here. Was live in this miserable country worth it? the pain, time spent in hospital and rehab then into another war and more injuries and pain, seeing comrades die for this pitiful nation.

As a soldier you are prepared to die in defence of your country and never ask for anything but you don`t expect the country to kick you in the teeth when they have no further use for you. For all they`re rambling about the nations heroes and the various funds they have going their nothing but hippocrites.

Oh well now I think I understand wht the mean when they talk about "Christmas and the Season of Peace and Goodwill to all Men"

It only applies if you belong and aren`t an outsider and to people everywhere for some reason I`ll always be the outsider.

Theres another village nearby I can the church bells ringing, most probably for the evening service but I won`t be going,I doubt i`ll ever set inside a church or any other place of religion as long as I live.