Intro by Carla Ann

“Tiffany, I’ve asked you how everything is going with people and the activities you’re involved in, but you haven’t mentioned how you are coping with everything.” She emphasized the ‘you,’ when she asked that.

“Well, better than I was last year,” I started. “Way better than last year… I have a lot of friends now, and I’m not getting picked on every day.” I saw her eyes boring into me looking for something else. “Alright, I don’t know how I’m doing right now.” I told her honestly.

“What do you mean?” She asked.

“Well for one I’m really tired of everyone guessing I’m five if I wear the wrong clothes.” I told her hesitantly. I was sure my parents had filled her in with everything anyway, “Tuesday was pajama day. Mom and I had found some cute pajamas with feet on them that would fit Amy and me, so we wore them for pajama day. We really did look cute dressed like that, and I was having a lot of fun with it. That was until the sub in English class thought that I was someone’s little sister that had come them to school that day.”

I was really surprised Dr. Reynolds didn’t laugh about it, but I continued, “Then the next day the whole squad was wearing shortalls and our hair done in pigtails and I looked to be about five again. One of my best friends even brought a doll to school to play a joke on the sub that we’d had. I don’t think she knew that it really upset me though. I’m not five, I’m twelve! Amy has grown about five inches here in the last couple months, but I’m still the same height I was last year. It’s good for cheerleading stuff because people can toss me so easily… but…” I was doing my best to not go into tears over all of this. “as long as we’ve got my puberty stopped then I won’t be doing much growing. That’s all on top of the fact that I’m never going to be able to have periods like my friends… and I’m stuck with this stupid thing between my legs,” I told her with a great deal of exasperation. “I’m so tired of having to look at it, or hide it, every time I turn around. I know you can’t do anything about it till I’m eighteen – but I wish it could be gone now!” I had gone to tears now.

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Viewing Note: This story should be viewed with the Edwardian Script ITC font installed on your Windows platform in the c:/Windows/Fonts directory. Microsoft Word installs this font automatically.

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The Legal Stuff: Dreaming of Cheers  © 2010 By Tiffany Shar
 
This is a work of fiction. Names, Characters, places, and incidents either are products of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, businesses, companies, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

Copyright  © 2010 By Tiffany Shar. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, scanned, or distributed in any printed or electronic form without permission.
 
 
Preface
 
 
It’s been a long road to publishing this third book in my Standing Up to Life Series. I began writing the first book over two years ago, putting the first two books out in a quick succession of six months work. The third book became more challenging to finish as I had set my sights on only writing a trilogy. I declared myself finished last August, but found myself unhappy with the ending. Well seven months later I feel this is ready to give to you, my readers, and I hope you will enjoy it. It has not gone on the track I had expected, and indeed there will probably be at least one more book following this in order to complete Tiffany’s story. I hope you will find that your wait has been worth it.

Like the first two books I posted here, I will be posting a full copy here on BigCloset. This time I am going to upload two chapters per week to the site. The full version should be completely posted by August. For those that cannot wait however, I have an e-book version of the full book available from Lulu.com as of today. You may find it at My Store. My assumption is that the majority of my readers would be more interested in this edition of the book rather than a hardback or paperback. If you enjoy this work perhaps you will consider supporting me by purchasing it ($5.95 for the eBook).

Thanks again, and I hope you enjoy reading Dreaming of Cheers!

 

Chapter 23:

 
WE WOKE UP, got dressed in our new ski clothes, ate breakfast, and hit the slopes as soon as the ski lifts opened the next morning. Amy and I both started off with some easier trails before working progressively harder trails. “Do you think you’re ready for something harder?” She asked me as we finished off the hardest blue trail at the resort.

“You mean like a black diamond?” I asked her.

“Uh-huh,” she said with a smile.

“Umm… what if I kill myself?”

“Don’t worry, you’ll be fine… what’s the worst that can happen?” She asked me.

“I break a leg, arm, or my neck?”

“Come on they’re not that bad,” she told me.

“I guess I can always slide down on my butt if I have to…” I agreed grudgingly.

“Yay, let’s go!” she said and led us off to the direction of a ski lift that went to some of the harder trails.

I wasn’t sure what I was getting myself into, but I was prepared to go down the hill on my bottom if I had to. At the top of the ski lift we followed the signs to a black-diamond she swore wasn’t that hard. ‘Right,’ I said to myself pessimistically.

“Ready?” she asked me as she waited for me by the beginning of the trail.

“Not really?”

“It’ll be fun, I promise!” she told me. “Let’s go!” she said with every bit of cheerleading spirit thrown in there. With that I followed her down the slope. At first it didn’t seem too bad at all, definitely not as bad as the last blue trail we’d been on, but out of nowhere a set of moguls popped up! ‘The last time I did moguls I didn’t do so hot,’ I thought to myself in that brief moment.

‘Just stay calm,’ I told myself and began making my way through the miniature snow hills. I had slowed down a bit to give myself more time to think through the obstacle, and did really well through that section! Amy had stopped a little way down from there and was looking back up at me.

“Come on slow poke!” she told me.

My only response to that was to stick my tongue out. That started the two of us giggling as I caught up to her and we continued down the slope. We actually made it down the black part of the trail with no problems and continued down it as it merged into a blue down the back side of the mountain.

“Now see that was fun!” she told me.

“It was,” I agreed. “What time is it?” I asked as I looked down at my own watch too.

“Ooops… we’re supposed to meet my parents in five minutes!”

We quickly hurried to the ski lift to take us back as close to the restaurant as we could. It took a long ten minutes to get up to the restaurant and we could see her parents as we skied up waiting for us. “We thought maybe you forgot,” her mom told us.

“Umm… we just were stuck in between trails,” Amy said for us as we put our skis on a ski rack and walked into the restaurant. It felt really good to sit down, and the four of us sat and ate for a long while before Amy and I hit the bathroom before continuing. I don’t know how many times we had ridden up and down the mountain, but by about four I was really tired.

“Would you be okay with calling it a day?” Amy asked me as we came down the hill into the main ski village.

“I was getting ready to ask you the same thing,” I told her with a smile.

“My parents are supposed to meet us at the car in about a half-hour, why don’t we go get a cup of hot chocolate first and then we’ll walk over there,” she was saying to me as I felt an arm go around my shoulder.

I jumped, “Or we could just go put your skis away first and then go together,” a voice said behind us. I turned around already knowing it was Melanie.

“You scared us,” Amy told her. I was still too startled to make that statement.

“Well, do you want to go do that first?” her dad asked from behind her mom and led us to the car. There hadn’t been many people at the resort when we had got there so we were parked pretty close. It didn’t take long to put the skis up and return to the village where we sat down in front of a gigantic fireplace with the hot chocolates.

“Did you two have fun?” her dad asked from a chair he sat in next to couch Amy and I were sitting on. Melanie sat in a chair to our right.

“Uh-huh, thanks again for bringing me,” I told them.

“Anytime Tiffany,” he said with a smile.

“My hair is such a mess,” Amy proclaimed suddenly out of nowhere.

“Of course it’s a mess, you’ve been skiing all day,” Melanie told her.

“Where’d that come from?” I asked her.

“I just felt it,” she said as she reached up and pulled the scrunchie out of her hair to redo her ponytail. She grumbled a little bit before settling for another ponytail that was better. This of course made me self conscious and I redid mine as well.

“Are you two trying to get me to do your hair tonight?” Melanie asked us.

I looked back completely innocently, but Amy said, “Would you?”

“I guess… Let’s get dinner first,” she said to us.

“Where are we going?” I asked.

“Well, there’s a new restaurant here in the ski village that I thought we could try out.” Melanie replied.

“Okay, I’m starving,” Amy told her.

Melanie held out her hands to us and the three of us walked hand in hand with her husband following close by. The new restaurant apparently featured steak and seafood. Both sounded good after a long day on the slopes. Mr. Hancock stopped at the hostess station and asked for a table for four. A few moments later we heard, “right this way,” from a lady dressed in a nice black dress. As we sat down I realized that I was once again in a restaurant way classier than my parents could normally afford… and underdressed to boot at the moment! I squirmed a little inside.

“Would you like a childrens menu for your younger one?” the waitress asked referring to me.

My mouth opened a bit in shock, Amy’s twitched a smile, and Amy’s mom found words to say, “No, a regular menu will be just fine.”

“Of course ma’am,” the lady said without missing a beat. “My name is Carolyn and I’ll be taking care of you this evening. I’ll give you a moment to look at the menu and come back to answer any questions you might have.” She said this last bit almost too cheerfully for my tastes.

Well, maybe I was just holding a grudge because she thought I was a little kid. The grudge became bigger as I looked at the menu it said the kids menu was available for ‘kids ten and under.’

‘When I my breasts grow bigger no one will confuse me…’ I said to myself reassuringly. At least I hoped that would be the case. I probably still wouldn’t get very tall. If I could make it to at least my mom’s height of five-feet-two it wouldn’t be as bad - at least not as a girl. ‘Being that short might even help me get onto a college cheerleading squad, maybe even a scholarship,’ I thought to myself. I was grateful that after the last year I might not need it as much to pay for a good college.

“So what are you going to get?” Amy asked me.

I shrugged, “I guess I should wake up and look at the menu huh?” I said to her with a smile. She nodded.

“What are you getting?”

“I’m thinking about this seafood alfredo dish,” she said while pointing to the menu. “It sounds good,” she added.

It did sound kind of good, but there was shrimp scampi pasta below it that sounded even better to me. I loved shrimp scampi! “I think I’m going to get the shrimp scampi actually,” I told her.

“Oooh, that sounds good too,” she replied to me, “but I won’t copy you,” she said with a wink. “So how old do you think the waitress thinks you are?” she asked with a giggle.

“If it’s at least six I’ll be surprised,” I said with a shake of my head. Some snow had fallen on top of my hair and melted on the way into the restaurant, ‘that feels cold and wet,’ I grumped to myself.

“That’s about how old I bet she thinks you are. I’m surprised she didn’t bring you a coloring book and crayons.” She snickered a little.

“You know it’s really not fair that you decided to start growing already,” I told her.

“Oh it’s not so bad, and you know it,” she told me. “If you want to you can easily get the kids price at movies and everything.”

We had been talking in a pretty low volume so her parents didn’t really know what we were saying. “So what are you getting girls?” Amy’s dad asked.

“I’m getting the shrimp scampi pasta,” I said.

“I’m going to do the seafood alfredo,” Amy said.

“Sounds good girls,” he told us. “So Tiffany we’re coming back here in a few weeks during Christmas vacation, would you like to come up with us again?” he asked.

“Definitely,” I said smiling, ‘anything to get me out of our hometown,’ I thought silently. As the weekend progressed I decided I really didn’t want to go back to school. I just had a bad feeling about the next few weeks.

“Then we’ll plan on it!” He said with a smile.

At that time the waitress came back to take our orders. She took Melanie’s first, then Amy’s, then she looked back at Melanie, “And for her?” she said referring to me.

Amy couldn’t help it, it was funny, and she started laughing. Her dad glared at her though to get her to stop. “Why don’t you ask her yourself?” Melanie suggested politely, “She’s not as young as I think you think she is.”

The waitress turned bright red all of the sudden wondering how far she had been off. “Begging your pardon, and for you miss?” she asked as if she got do-over’s in this game.

“The Shrimp Scampi Pasta please,” I told her. She took that down on her pad and took Mr. Hancock’s order before picking up the menus.

As she was leaving I decided I wanted to know something, “Excuse me, Miss?”

She turned around on the spot and said, “Yes?”

“Just out of curiosity how old did you think I was?”

She looked really embarrassed because she knew she must have been wrong, “Um… Seven?” I had a feeling she actually inflated the age she thought. “How far off was I?”

“I’m twelve,” I told her with a smile, “I get it all the time, I was just curious. Thanks,” I told her.
There was kind of an awkward silence at the table for about thirty seconds before the giggling from Amy began. It was infectious and traveled around the table. I finally said sourly, “I’m really ready to start growing already.”

“Tiffany, really… enjoy it. It probably means that you’re going to be one of those girls that when you hit thirty people will still think you might be under twenty. You’re going to have the gift of always looking about ten years younger than everyone else.” She said that with a smile.

“I hope so…” I said. And with that we moved onto other conversations.

“So how’s practice going for the squad?” Melanie asked me.

“I think it’s going better now…” I paused for a second, “we’re down to less than two months before nationals now? I hope we do well there,” I added the last part hopefully.

“I’m sure we’re going to do great,” Amy said.

“You two get to go to Florida for the second time in a year!” Melanie said to us. “I’m still trying to get off for it,” she added.

“I can’t get off,” Amy’s dad told us right away when I looked at him. “I have a major case that’s scheduled to be in court that week. I’m sure you’re going to do great though,” he said. The rest of the time before we got our meal we talked about the outfits that should be coming in the next week, and everything else we had to do before we’d be ready to go on the trip.

When the food arrived I picked up my fork, stuck a piece of shrimp, cut off the tail with my knife, and then wound some pasta around it… it was great! I smiled as I closed my eyes and savored the sauce.

“Good Tiffany?” Mr. Hancock asked with a smile of his own.

“Uh-huh, thanks again.” I told him with the same smile.

“You’re welcome,” he told me. Everyone’s food was really good. Of course I couldn’t finish it all so a box was brought. Our waitress also brought a piece of chocolate cake out to the table and sat it down in front of me.

“On the house,” she said to us.

“You don’t have to…” I started to say.

“It’s on the house,” she said again to me, smiled, and left the check for Mr. Hancock.

“You are going to share right?” Amy asked me.

I looked at the gigantic piece of layered chocolate cake and said, “Hello! Do you think I can really eat that all by myself?” I took a bite of one section and motioned for her to munch on another section. Her parents took the fatter edge of it, and it was gone before she finished coming back with the change for Mr. Hancock.

“Come back soon now,” she told us as we walked out.

It was dark already as we walked down the decking outside the building. The mountain blocked any traces of sunlight that might have still been showing elsewhere. There were a few shops along the building, but all had called it a night and were closed. “Well let’s go back to the condo girls, and then I’ll do your hair for you,” Melanie told us as she grabbed a hand from each of us.

“Yay!” Amy and I said together.

“I seem to really get a lot of answers in stereo from the two of you,” she said as a smile and a shake of her head as we continued.

I watched my breath freeze and turn into a fog in front of me as we walked up to the car. It was really getting cold! Amy and I climbed in the back of their car and buckled up. The trip to the condo wasn’t too long, and we rushed to get inside quickly. “Brrr…” I exclaimed as I took my coat off and hung it up in the closet. ‘I really like that coat!’ I said to myself. ‘It’s cute!’ I almost hated the idea of leaving it there. But that was what I would probably do. Amy’s family kept a separate set of ski coats and such up there all year. I had one for home.

“Girls go upstairs and change into your pajamas and I’ll wash your hair,” she told us.

“Okay!” Amy said. She really liked having her mommy wash her hair more than anything else. I hadn’t even started moving when she was half-way up the stairs. Her mom smiled at me as I followed her up the stairs.

I went in the room and Amy said, “Tiff, close the door please,” to me. She didn’t even think of changing in front of me as strange that point and began stripping off her clothes, including her bra. I was so jealous of her breasts. I forced myself not to look at them though and grabbed my pajamas and changed my top. I hadn’t worn a bra that day. My breasts were still so tiny… it had seemed pointless since I was wearing something loose. I made sure she wasn’t looking and changed my ski pants out for my sweatpants. At least I was comfy at that point.

The two of us headed downstairs and I told her mom to go ahead and do Amy’s hair first. I liked it, but she liked it way more than I did even. I watched from a couch in front of the fireplace as Melanie washed Amy’s hair at the kitchen sink. The more I watched, the more of a flashback it seemed to be for me. I got goosebumps up and down my spine as I thought about how this is really where it had all begun for me. ‘Last spring I’d ended up with pigtails, would they do the same or something else?’ I wondered.

Amy sat up and her mom wrapped a towel around her hair carefully and said, “Next!” with a smile.

I smiled at her and walked over to the chair where Amy had been sitting up until a couple moments ago. “Amy, go get the hair dryer and the box of hair stuff.” She said to her with a smile.

“Okay mommy,” she said. Amy, like me, reverted to mommy every now and then. I always watched and saw it had the same effect on her mommy as it did mine.

I sat down in the chair and she wrapped a towel around my shoulders before having me lean back into the sink. I closed my eyes as she began using the sink sprayer on my hair and washed it first with shampoo, and then used conditioner on it. All the while she also gently massaged my scalp… I was almost purring by the time it was over. It was like being in the salon but more personal, because of who was doing it, I think. I got the same feeling anytime my mom did it too.

“All done,” she told me as she sat me up and wrapped my hair in a towel. I didn’t want to move, but I ended being led to the couch to wait for my turn for my hair. The tradition was Amy’s mom did Amy’s hair alone. I didn’t want to encroach upon that, even though I was sure it would have been fine.

I watched as Amy’s mom blow dried her hair, and proceeded to start by just doing two pigtails on either side of her hair. From there though she braided each side and tied the ends with a pink bow on one side and a purple one on the other side. She looked cute, and honestly she looked younger now. That thought amused me for a second until I remembered that last time I had ended up with the same hair style! I would probably look altogether like a little kid. Before her mom pronounced her done she added a couple of cute barrettes, with three flowers on each of them, to either side of the top of her head.

“Okay, you’re done Amy,” her mom told her with a kiss on her forehead before saying, “Tiffany, you’re up next,” she said with a smile.

“Cute,” I said as I passed Amy. She went to the downstairs bathroom to look at herself in the mirror as I sat down in the chair for my turn. For the next ten minutes or so I felt her blow dry my hair and pull my hair in ways that made me sure I was getting the exact same hair treatment as Amy… ‘The waitress would probably think I was four with this hairstyle…’ I thought to myself. Somehow I still found myself smiling though. This was how I had first had my hair placed into a girls style, and that brought back more than a few pleasant memories!

When she finally said, “Okay I’m done with you.”

Amy had reappeared and giggled a little when she saw me. “You said I looked cute… you are the cute one!” She giggled some more. I glared at her but had to go see what the damage looked like. I went into the downstairs bathroom myself.

I couldn’t help but giggle too. It was a really cute little girl in front of me. I frowned for a second as I realized once again I was ‘little,’ but there was no other way to put it. Besides as I started to think about frowning more I looked up to see Amy reflected now too. She looked just as young as I did at that point. We both smiled at each other and went back to the kitchen. Her dad came in at that point and smiled at us, “We have to get a picture of this,” he told his wife.

He returned with her camera and handed it to her. She took several pictures of us together around the living room. I was sure the ones with me sitting on Amy’s lap on the couch were going to be really cute. She was just enough bigger than me now that the angles would look right. Eventually she took some pictures with her dad in them too, and then handed the camera to him so he could take pictures of the three of us together. We had a lot of fun for a while doing that.

After all of the pictures that could possibly be taken had been shot, Amy and I were sent to find a board game to play. We had played mall madness and monopoly the first time I had been there, so we decided it was time for something else. “How about Trivial Pursuit Junior?” I suggested.

“Okay,” she said. The two of us took the game out to the living room and set it up on the coffee table in front of the fireplace. It was a fun night of playing a game that stumped us sometimes, but more often than not did her parents too because they were too old to know some of the questions.

After Amy had gotten home and answered her last question she said, “I win!” She was smiling big and started giggling.

“Okay you two; it’s time for you to head to bed.” Amy’s dad said.

“But it’s only ten!” Amy objected.

“Yes, but we’re waking up early and skiing till lunch and then going home.” Before Amy could object he continued, “And you two both have to go to school on Monday. I don’t want you two being cranky all week.”

I tugged Amy with me and said, “Good night,” with a smile to them before she could argue any more. I gave her mom and dad both a hug before heading to bed with her following grumpily. As we climbed into bed her mom came and tucked us both in and kissed us goodnight.

“And no talking all night…” her mom told us as she flipped the light switch off and closed the door.

 
SUNDAY MORNING WE woke up before seven so we could get breakfast, pack up, and then go to the ski resort. We were going to eat lunch and drop off our ski stuff back there before heading home. Neither of us had pulled out the braided pony tails so they were still there in the morning. Her mom had done them tight enough that other than adjusting the top barrettes both of our hair looked exactly as it had the night before. As I looked in the mirror I had considered pulling it out, but decided not to. ‘It wouldn’t matter that much anyway today,’ I told myself.

We were at the slopes as soon as they opened and spent four hours skiing until noon when we met her parents. The four of us drove back to the condo where her mom quickly made us grilled cheese and soup for lunch. “Did you two have fun?” Amy’s mom asked us as we ate.

“Yes, thanks again for bringing me.” I told her and her husband.

“Like I said, we’ll be coming back up in here in a couple weeks if you want to come with us Tiffany. Maybe your parents can come one of these trips too. It’s not the most comfortable, but we do have the sleeper sofa couch.” He said.

“They might really enjoy that,” I told him. It would be kind of fun to have my parents there too, but at the same time I kind of felt like it might intrude upon a place that seemed to be ours.

We stuck around the condo just long enough to wash the dishes, put our ski jackets and equipment in their closet, and then get into the car and take off. Amy’s mom had us bring our ski pants with us because her mom was going to wash them. “I’ll just keep them at our house,” she told me, rightly figuring I wouldn’t go skiing without them anyway. I had told her thanks for that and for buying them for me in the first place.

The trip home wasn’t quiet. Amy and I spent the whole trip forcing her parents to listen to some of the latest music we liked. Her dad grimaced at some of it, but her mom danced in the car with us most of the time. I had finally begun to get quiet as they pulled into my driveway at home. I didn’t want to go to school tomorrow, it had been such a bad week I didn’t believe it could possibly get better this week. As I opened the door to get out of their car I felt like an invisible wall of safety was crossed, and I felt myself slip into a less happy version of myself. I didn’t let it show though, my parents and Amy’s parents would worry — I couldn’t have that.

Mr. Hancock grabbed my bags out of the car and helped me carry them into my house. He and Melanie spoke with my parents for a few moments before they went home. I gave my parents both hugs and mom said, “This is cute, can I do your hair like this every day?”

I glared at her, “No! I forgot about it,” I said as I began to reach to take the barrettes out at least.

Her hand stopped mine though and said, “It’s cute though, let me enjoy it tonight.”

I sighed, “Alright.”

“Did you have a good time,” my dad asked as he watched the two of us amused.

“Yes… and I need to find a really nice thank you card for them,” I told mom. Cards were always mom’s department.

“Why?” Mom asked.

“They bought me my own ski equipment and a set of cute ski pants and a new ski jacket!” I told her both grimacing and smiling. I was happy about it, but I was also a little worried about their reactions.

“They shouldn’t have…” my dad said.

“But it doesn’t surprise me,” my mom said.

“Huh?” I said. My dad happened to make the same reply to her. We made a quick glance at each other before returning to her.

“Look Joe… our daughters are pretty much becoming shared between us. Amy spends a lot of time over here, and Tiffany spends a lot of time over there… They would do it for their daughter, so why shouldn’t they do it for their other daughter too?” She suggested softly. “You definitely need to get them a nice thank you card though Tiffany, why don’t we go do that now and get dinner after that?” She suggested.

“Okay,” I told her.

Dad had a funny look on his face as he was still trying to grasp what mom had said. He agreed too though and we left to go to a Hallmark Store to get a card. While we were in the store I had strayed away from mom for a few moments looking at some figurines. “Sweetie where’s your mommy?” An older lady asked that obviously worked there.

“My mom’s on the other side,” I told her. She motioned for me to show her.

“Ma’am we ask that you keep any young children close to you while you’re shopping in here,” she started to mom.

“How young is young?” She asked the lady.

“Under eight especially,” she said motioning to me.

“So since I’m twelve it shouldn’t be a problem?” I suggested to her. I was polite, but there was still a bit of sarcasm in there.

“Excuse me?” She asked and looked towards mom.

“Yes she really is twelve.”

“I’m really sorry sweetie, I saw how tall you are and the hair…”

“It’s okay ma’am,” I told her, “It happens to me too often. My hair’s just like this because my best friend’s mom did our hair like this last night.”

“It looks cute sweetie,” she told me. She was completely embarrassed at this point and when we went to checkout with the card I’d chosen she gave us a fifteen percent off that she got as an employee. “Sorry about that,” she told me again as she handed me the bag with the card in it. Dad had disappeared somewhere in the store while all of this had gone on and reappeared about then.

“What was that about?” He asked. The two of us explained it over dinner. I had sighed and turned red when he made a cute remark towards me that made me want to hit him. That night I filled out the card and put it into an envelope to send instead of just delivering it. It seemed like a nicer way to do it for some reason. As I went to bed I hoped and prayed that tomorrow would not be as bad as the last week. I didn’t know how much more of that I could take.

 

Chapter 24:

MONDAY MORNING THANKFULLY was as quiet as a morning could be when you went to school. The teachers all seemed to be bracing for the inevitable chaos that was going to come as the last two-and-a-half weeks before Christmas Break were upon us. I even made it all the way through the day without a single threatening note or comment. Maybe the principals were putting enough heat on whoever was doing it that I was going to be okay now… ‘I doubt it,’ I thought to myself after that though. Whatever the reason was I appreciated the break from the torment.

Dance practice after school went really well. We made it through both routines straight through without having to stop because someone was lost. “Well ladies that’s a good start…” Coach Holt had been complimentary for a few moments before quickly telling us we would still get our rears handed to us at Nationals at that point. So we began going through everything again and again. We spent most of our time without music the rest of the rehearsal, working solely by counts. More often than not we would get through two or three sets of moves and get told to do it all again for some mistake or another. As frustrating as Coach Holt was sometimes, I knew that she was making us better every day.

“Tiffany, nice job today,” she told me as I exited the coaches’ bathroom.

“Thanks!” I told her with a smile.

“Don’t forget to remind your parents that we’re having a meeting next Monday about the trip to Nationals,” she said as she handed me a note that basically said exactly that.

“Okay, I’ll tell them,” I said as I hurried outside to follow Amy.

Mom was talking to Amy’s mom outside their cars outside. “How was your day?” Mom asked.

“It was good,” I told them. I was feeling pretty good since nothing had happened and practice had gone well.

“Good,” she said as she gave me a hug and motioned for me to get into the car. “So Friday night you said?” She was asking Amy’s mom about something.

“Yes if that’s fine with you,” she told my mom.

“I’m sure they’ll have fun.” She said giving her assent with a nod. “I’ve got to get Tiffany to her gymnastics lesson, so we’ll see you later,” she said as she moved to the car and I closed my door.

As she closed it I handed over the letter, “Before I forget to tell you, we’re supposed to have a meeting with all of our parents and Coach Holt about the trip to Nationals, next Monday,” I told her.

“Okay, we’ll make sure we’re there,” Mom said to me before taking me home. I quickly changed for gymnastics and suddenly wondered what the point was of me even changing from my dance clothes before this.

Mom dropped me off at my lesson where I had a great time. We worked a lot on tumbling for the first half of the lesson and then began working on a dance routine involving the tumbling techniques I was learning and some other moves. My teacher was trying to get me ready to do a simple floor routine at a competition coming up in May. I doubted I could be ready for something that rigorous by then, but she seemed to think it would be good for me either way. By the time I got home from my lesson I was exhausted, but felt better after a long shower. Homework killed the rest of the time I had before Mom sent me to bed.

Tuesday passed the same as Monday, with jazz band taking the place of gymnastics. It was our last practice before the holiday concert, so Mrs. Remar was a bit stressed. We did well though, and I felt like it was going to be a lot more fun to perform with our jazz group than it would be to perform with the normal band. My solo went really well at the practice, as did Kyle’s. When we had a little break we talked with each other about being a bit nervous about the solos next week. Ever since the dream I felt a bit awkward around Kyle. I didn’t quite know what to do with or about him. As I went to bed that night I was even more exhausted than I had been the night before.

 
WEDNESDAY MORNING WHEN I heard the words, “Tiffany it’s time to wake up” from my dad I really groaned. I didn’t want to wake up. He actually had to come in twice before I began moving.

I decided not to do anything with my hair that morning, just putting up into a ponytail and calling it good enough. I was sure that I looked like crap as I walked out to Melanie’s car that morning. “Morning sunshine,” she told me.

I stuck my tongue out at her.

“I see someone else is cranky this morning?” She said with a smirk on her face. I looked over at Amy and saw that it looked like she had a mirrored expression on her face. She grumbled something at her mom too, and the drive to the school was more quiet than normal. I wondered why Amy was having a bad morning of her own.

I found out as we got out of the car, “I got into a fight with my mom this morning,” Amy told me as we waited to go inside.

“What for?”

“Well I don’t even know… I’m just feeling kind of moody today.” She was leaving something out.

“Period?” I asked nicely.

“Uh-huh,” she said nodding. “Believe me, it’s the one thing on being a girl you really aren’t missing out on.”

“What’s so bad?”

“Besides the cramps, the bloating, and the whole grossness?”

“I guess I can see your point…” I told her. Honestly I’d still have taken it, but now was not the time to get into that argument. Instead I gave her a hug and gave her a simple ‘sorry.’ It wasn’t much but it was appreciated by her.

The two of us walked pretty quietly to class and I think some of our friends must have wondered if the two of us had gotten into a fight. Kyle saw us and said, “Hi,” and seemed rather confused by the lackluster response. I almost always had a smile for him.

That kind of made me feel bad and so I said, “Sorry, I’m having a bad morning,” I forced a smile as I said that. It was kind of scary to watch the expression on his face brighten as much as it did. ‘Does he really like me?’ I asked myself.

“I can understand that.” He said simply. I may not have been a biological girl, but he was still smart enough to realize he shouldn’t delve into a question like that with a girl real deep. We were sitting down across from each other in Mr. Randolph’s class when he asked me, “So what are you getting for Christmas?”

“I don’t know… well I know about some clothes and stuff we bought after Thanksgiving, but other than that I don’t know much. I asked for some makeup and stuff… and a new saxophone, but those are really expensive.” I trailed off on the last part. Why would he care about the makeup? What was I thinking?

“That’s cool. I think my parents may be thinking about a new trumpet for me as well actually,” he said. I was so thankful he glossed over the rest of it…

“That’s cool, are you going to get a silver one then?”

“I’m hoping to, but they’re about twelve-hundred dollars for the one I want..”

“Ouch,” I said. “That’s still better than the saxophone I want though…”

“How much do they run,” he asked me. I liked how he always looked at me in my eyes when he talked to me. It scared me though too, it made me nervous for some reason. I found myself playing with the edge of my ponytail behind my shoulders right about then.

“Well the one I want is about three-thousand.”

“Wow! Ouch!” He said surprised. “I thought mine was bad. Do you think you might actually get it?”

“I don’t know. My parents have money from the film set aside for stuff for me, but I don’t know if they’ll spend money on that yet.”

The two of us continued to talk for a good long while before the bell rang. In between first and second hour I needed to run to my locker, “Do you two mind coming with me?” I asked Amy and Kyle.

“Sure,” Amy said simply. She was miserable, I could see it in her face. I’d actually wondered if she was going to have to go to the bathroom during the break but she seemed fine.

“Why not?” Kyle asked happily. As we came up to my locker I noticed something red and white sticking to the outside of my locker. As I came closer I noticed that it was a maxi pad stuck to the outside of my locker… another used one.

“What the hell?” Kyle said next to me. He was bewildered, he didn’t even know what a pad was really — but it looked gross.

As I got closer I could see they had just used the sticky backing that held it to your panties to hold it onto the locker. I looked around to see if there was a teacher around, but found one better as Mrs. Henry was walking down the hallway. In the meantime there was a whole group of kids that started giggling and laughing about it. Kyle had enough, “KNOCK THIS SHIT OFF ALREADY!!!! I WILL BEAT THE CRAP OUT OF WHOEVER IS DOING THIS IF I CATCH THEM!” He screamed.

I appreciated him trying to help me, but I was now a bit worried he was going to have his own problems from this. Especially since Mrs. Henry had heard someone screaming that and trying to figure out who it was. “Kyle get out of here, Amy will stay with me,” I told him quietly.

“But…”

“I don’t want you getting detention or in trouble with the coaches for swearing, get out of here,” I told him tersely. “I’ll see you next hour.”

As soon as he was down the hallway Mrs. Henry came over and said, “What’s wrong Tiffany? Amy?”

I didn’t say anything, I just pointed.

Mrs. Henry’s face moved through three distinct expressions. The first was shock, the second was anger, and the third looked like fear. Well the fear made sense, my parents were on the verge of suing the school district again — last time that happened the principal, her predecessor, had been fired. At least Mrs. Henry had always been supportive though. She used her hand held radio to call to the office for a janitor to come clean the pad off of the locker. The lady, her nametag said ‘Linda,’ had gloves on and quickly cleaned it off and into a trash bag she had with her.

“Are you alright Tiffany?” She asked me.

“Not really, no,” I told her.

She gave me a one shouldered hug. Amy by this point had her hand in mine and gave it a squeeze. “Would you open your locker please?” She asked me after the janitor had cleaned it off.

“Why not? I’m sure there’ll be another note in there,” I told her as I let go of Amy’s hand and did the combination dial with my now freed hand.

I wasn’t quite ready for what awaited me when I opened my locker. As soon as I opened it my relatively organized locker seemed to all fall out on me. It took me a second, but I realized that it was paper falling out at me. Lot’s of notes. I gasped as I looked at one of them that seemed to be larger than the others.

‘Leave school or DIE Freak.’

 
I DIDN’T REALLY remember how I got there, but before I knew it I was sitting in Mrs. Henry’s office with my parents and Amy’s dad.

“How can this be happening?” My dad asked angrily.

“We don’t know…” She started to say.

“Look, how can you not have a teacher notice something like that plastered to her locker in between class periods?”

“Well her locker is just a little out of sight of one of the teachers’ spots, but also I’m investigating why she wasn’t out there.” She answered that honestly.

“The thing I want to know is how any student was out, and unsupervised long enough to put that many notes through the slots of her locker,” my mom said angrily.

“I don’t know Mrs. Jacobson. The problem is Tiffany didn’t check her locker this morning so the notes might have been done anytime between one-thirty yesterday and this time.”

“The thing that concerns me Mrs. Henry is the escalating nature of these threats,” Amy’s dad started, “it seems unfortunately like it’s only a matter of time before someone acts out on these.”

“I don’t know what more we can do Mr. Hancock except remove her from the school…” Mrs. Henry started, but quickly continued, “but I don’t think that’s a good option either. She’s been an amazingly well adjusted student who does incredibly well with her grades and her extra-curricular activities. Tiffany is clearly not the problem here, everyone else is, but I just don’t know how to make sure with one-hundred percent certainty that she is safe.” Mrs. Henry looked exhausted.

“Well can we at least work to prevent the rest of this stuff from recurring continually?” my dad asked somehow sounding calm.

This whole time I had been letting them get away with talking about me like I wasn’t there, but I’d had enough with that. “How?!?” I paused, “I think there’s enough of them, that if they want to do anything they have no problem doing it. You don’t honestly think just one or two people are doing this?”

I watched faces drop down. “Look at these notes, there’s at least six different handwriting styles,” I had looked at them endlessly while waiting and could see that. I was too smart to let them just get away with acting like I was dumb kid. “Six people… and I’m sure at least one of them has to be a girl since they’re leaving me such wonderful gifts.”

“What about getting rid of her need for a locker altogether?” Mr. Hancock suggested.

“How?” Mrs. Henry asked. I sensed she was grasping at straws to save herself. I also got the feeling she genuinely wanted to help me, she just was clueless on how.

“Well could she leave her books and stuff in the office? Maybe give her a basket to leave her stuff in next to the secretaries’ desks?”

“I don’t know…” I said. I didn’t like the idea of having to come into the office multiple times a day. Avoiding the office as much as possible always seemed like the best plan to me.

“How many times do you go to your locker every day, Tiffany?” Dad asked me.

“I don’t know… maybe twice?”

“What all are you keeping in there?” Mrs. Henry asked.

“Books… homework… my binder sometimes…”

“So it might work?” My mom asked.

“I guess… maybe.” I added tentatively.

“Let’s try it then.” Mrs. Henry said. “I’ll even do one better and have my secretary give you a drawer in a filing cabinet.”

“Okay, so that covers her normal locker, what about her gym locker?” Mom asked.

“Well, I suppose she can just keep it all in the office.” Mrs. Henry suggested. I looked unhappy with that but she added, “that or maybe Coach Holt has a spot you could use in a cabinet in her room or something.”

“That sounds better,” I told her. The home-ec room beat the office for keeping clothes…

“I’ll check with her then about that. Other than that I suppose we could talk to the PE teachers about leaving it in their office there, but I think that would be less secure.”

“Well let’s give this a try then,” Mr. Hancock said. “My bigger concern than the threats though is that sooner or later someone is going to act out on one of these threats. The number that she’s gotten in the last week alone is ridiculous!”

“You know I can’t discuss discipline of other students Mr. Hancock,” Mrs. Henry started to say.

“So you have picked up some students and administered consequences?” he asked.

“Well… not exactly…” she said.

“What exactly have you done?” Dad asked angrily. This was the second time in a week he was here instead of work and he was losing money from it. That didn’t include the fact his boss wasn’t exactly thrilled with it.

“We’ve picked up some writing samples and compared them, but we don’t have any solid proof. Until we actually see one of these students place something…”

“Or until someone actually attacks her…? Is that what you’re really saying Mrs. Henry?” My mom asked.

Mrs. Henry finally said, “Look, I don’t know what else I can do. I’m doing everything I can. If you wish to continue this meeting at this point though I want to have a school attorney and the superintendent involved. I’m not answering anymore questions or allegations.”

That was that. Mr. Hancock said, “Very well, the district will have a formal written complaint filed in court by the end of the week. Thank you for your time Mrs. Henry.”

Her face showed that didn’t exactly surprise her. Quietly she said, “Do what you all have to do. I’m sorry I can’t do anything more to help you.”

“I am too,” Dad said.

My parents and Amy’s dad all gave me hugs before they left the office. I was doing my best not to start crying. ‘I’m not going to until no one can see me,’ I resolved to myself.

“Tiffany I’m going to walk with you to get your stuff out of your locker and move it here,” Mrs. Henry told me gently interrupting my thoughts.

She supervised me moving my stuff over from my locker to a file cabinet drawer that she had one of the secretaries empty. The secretary wasn’t real happy about it, I could tell, but the look on Mrs. Henry’s face said not to mess with her. My day had started crummy and it had only gotten worse…

I got what I needed for the rest of my real classes that day with me and she walked me to Algebra, which was half over. “Please excuse Tiffany, she was with me,” she told Mr. Martin my math teacher. “If she missed anything please just excuse it — she doesn’t need to make it up,” I heard her tell him quietly as I sat down by Amy.

“What happened?” Amy asked me.

“Pretty much nothing… I get to have my locker in the office now!” I said the last part with fake enthusiasm and a cheesy smile only a cheerleader can make.

“What?!?”

The two of us talked back and forth for a bit before Mr. Martin’s glares finally broke through to us. Since the bell rang right then though I didn’t care. ‘This just isn’t fair!’ I said angrily to myself.

We walked half-way to the cafeteria for lunch before I realized that Mrs. Henry was right behind us. As we continued down the hallway she stayed right there and I realized just how nervous she was about everything. She even stayed as Amy and I stood by Kyle in the lunch line, finally she came up to us as we sat down at our table.

“Kyle,” she said quietly in front of the three of us, “please refrain from screaming obscene threats in the hallways. I don’t want to have to punish you for anything.” She told him that and then turned around and left. I noticed our new assistant principal was now watching the three of us intensely. I had a feeling that ‘tag you’re it,’ applied to my babysitting.

Kristina had come up right about then, “What was that about?”

She got the full story and seemed near tears herself when everything was done. Kristina was just as mad as Kyle, but she seemed worried about everything. “Tiffany don’t go anywhere around the school by yourself, promise me.” She said with a lot of insistence in her voice.

“I never do Kristina, I always have someone with me,” I told her.

“I’m worried about you Tiff,” she said. Amy, Kyle, David, and Nikki all nodded together on that. No one seemed to think I was safe. ‘Great,’ I thought to myself.

The rest of the afternoon leading up to band was thankfully uneventful. I didn’t think I could possibly take anything else, so I was incredibly grateful for that. During band Mrs. Remar told us that she would be playing with a community jazz band the next night and that we would get extra credit for coming. “Are you going?” Kyle asked me as he walked me to the girls’ locker room. We hadn’t relocated my stuff from there yet.

“Maybe, I’ll have to ask my mom.” I told him.

“You?” I asked.

“Same, I’d like to though. Someone said they’re supposed to be pretty good. I bet it would be fun,” he added.

“Yeah…” I said as we reached the hallway to the girl’s locker room.

Amy had come up behind us hurrying so she could make sure she caught up with me. “You ready?” She asked me with a smirk on her face. I knew she was going to ask me about this.

“Yeah… Thanks for walking with me over here Kyle, you don’t have to do that you know,” I told him.

“I walk home anyway, and I’d much rather be sure that nothing happens to you.” He blushed a bit when he said that — it was cute.

“Thanks Kyle,” I said with a smile and walked off with Amy down the hallway.

Ten feet down the hallway she started giggling, I poked her. “Behave,” I told her.

Practice went about ten minutes over what it normally did that night because Coach Holt had gotten us into a rhythm where she was getting a lot done. She recorded our last run-through of each routine with a school video camera so she could show it to us the next day. I was kind of surprised as I came out of the coach’s bathroom from changing that Mom was standing there, but I guess she wanted to be sure I was safe.

“Ready?” she asked me.

“Yeah,” I told her while picking up my duffle bag of stuff. She took that from me and slung it over her shoulder and walked me out to the car.

“Let’s go home and let you get showered so we can meet your dad for dinner,” she told me.

“We’re going out?” I asked.

“Yeah, after today I don’t feel like cooking.”

“Did anything else happen?” I asked concerned. How bad could things get?

“Why would anything else need to happen? It was bad enough with what happened to you.” She said to me. That was a reminder to dwell on the gross mess left for me, and the fifty threats that had been in my locker…

 

THAT NIGHT WE drove to our favorite Mexican restaurant and the chile rellenos I had seemed to help my mood a bit. My mouth was on fire, but my mood was slightly cooled from what it had been earlier. The same could not be said for my parents. Both of them were down and I watched my dad snip at my mom for some little things. It made me so mad, because I knew I was at fault for all of this.

‘If only I hadn’t…’ I started to myself before another voice in my said, ‘What? Like this wouldn’t have been this way anyway?’ It wasn’t the first time I had gotten threats. These were more extreme than what I had gotten the year before, but I’d gotten threats against me even before adding Tiffany into the mix. That started me brooding myself for a few minutes as I tried to clean up every bit of remaining chile skin up to the stem of the relleno. I caught a seed that I chomped in between my teeth and reached for the water I had in front of me instinctively. Of course I’d already polished that glass of water off and our waitress was nowhere nearby.

Mom saw the look on my face and pushed my dad’s water over to me. As I drank the water through a straw absent-mindedly I saw my parents watch me. I felt self-conscious. “Don’t stare at me,” I said softly.

“You’re cute though,” Mom told me with a bemused look on her face. ‘Great, what was I doing?’ I wondered to myself.

Thankfully I remembered a way out of the attention being directed to me, “Mom, Mrs. Remar is playing with the Community Jazz Band tomorrow night. Can we go see her?”

“Wasn’t Amy going to stay the night tomorrow?” She asked me.

“I don’t know, probably…” I’d forgotten about it. I didn’t really think about it much though, we were almost always at one or the others house every week. I was supposed to be at their house this weekend, which meant she would probably be staying over tomorrow. We tried not to spend too many nights at her house — I didn’t want my parents to decide they hated me or something.

“Well will she want to go?” Mom asked.

“I’m sure she would,” I answered for her. She gave me a look like I should probably ask her but let it go.

“Is anyone else going?” She asked me.

“A couple other kids were talking about it….” I said. I was really hoping she didn’t ask who. Talking about boys in general with her was something to be avoided, but with Dad sitting there it was like a mine field was waiting for me.

“Who?”

“Just a couple other kids… Nikki said maybe… and a couple others…” She gave me a look that made me sure that she could read every thought going through my head.

“That sounds like fun.” She said after a moment’s pause. “I’ll go with you guys.”

“Great,” I said unenthusiastically. I’d known all along I wouldn’t have an unsupervised evening though, so that didn’t surprise me.

“Daddy?” I asked.

“No sweetie, I’m sorry I have work stuff that’s going to keep me late tomorrow. Have fun though,” he said finishing the matter. Again, I wasn’t surprised.

“You’re going to be able to come to my concert next week though, right?” I asked him hopefully.

“I wouldn’t miss it Tiffany,” he told me. That made me feel a little better.

“Thanks Daddy,” I replied with a smile.

After we paid for dinner and went home I worked on the homework that had piled up on me today. Missing classes every time I turned around for meetings with Mrs. Henry was becoming a pain in the butt. ‘Why can’t people just let me be?’ I asked myself angrily as I put up my homework late that night. I hadn’t had time to do anything fun, again, and I was getting really tired of it.

I washed my face, put my pajamas on, made sure my door was closed, and then covered my head securely with a pillow. Only then did I let out all of the crying that I had held in all day. I had hoped my sobs would be hidden from my parents. I didn’t want them to know about it, but Mom knew me too well and came in after a bit and I cried on her shoulder until I fell asleep.