by mittfh
Copyright © 2010 Ben Norwood.
.
(N.B. Just in case it isn't absolutely obvious, this is a virux hoax parody. Please do NOT redistribute this via email!)
From: scampbell @ gmail.com.cn
To: undisclosed-recipients:;
Subject: Fwd: A Life Changing Experience!
Attachments: lifechange.pdf.vbs
WARNING!
If you receive an email with the subject "A Life Changing Experience!" please delete it immediately without opening it. Especially do not open any included attachments.
I was unfortunate enough to open a copy of this email. At first, I wasn't aware of anything happening. It certainly didn't destroy my hard drive or overwrite my files as other viruses are known to do. No, what it did was far more sneaky and malicious - and even now I don't know how the virus accomplished what it did.
The first indication that something was odd was in the evening when I next logged onto the computer - the colour scheme had been changed to a selection of pinks. I could choose other schemes, but as I found out on subsequent days, that was always the default and wouldn't change. OK, a minor irritant, but I could live with it.
However, far more serious changes were apparent when I logged into my bank. Although I hadn't lost any money, I'd noticed that it referred to me as MRS S Campbell, rather than MR S Campbell. I fired off an email to their customer service department, and was shocked when 15 minutes later came the reply that as far as their computer records showed, I'd ALWAYS been MRS S Campbell - there were no records of a MR S Campbell.
On a hunch, I then tried my utility supplier. Yup - I was MRS S Campbell there as well. Something very strange was going on...
To cut a long story short, as the week passed, I slowly came to the realisation that the virus had hacked into EVERY SINGLE electronic record of me, and changed ALL references to my gender, including title and pronouns. Even (worryingly) the tax coding letter that arrived from HMRC yesterday was addressed to MRS S Campbell.
Two weeks later, I found myself arrested on charges of fraud - as every electronic record of me apparently thought I was a female called "Mrs S Campbell", the powers that be had thought the only reason I could have paper documents in the name of a male called "Mr S Campbell" was if I had forged them (!) - despite the biological evidence in front of their eyes.
Matters weren't exactly helped when my solicitor informed me that although it was clearly evident I appeared to be male, it was "completely impossible" to change every electronic record of me - even those on systems not connected to the internet. Upon questionning him, he couldn't explain how it was possible for someone who appeared male, with paper documents claiming he was a male, to have a completely female electronic record from birth. He said there was no legal precedent, so it would be difficult to argue my case. Great.
So here I am, holed up in isolation in HMP Holloway for the next ten years of my life barring a miracle, the only parting advice from my solicitor being to change my appearance to match my apparent identity, as to continue to "pretend" I'm a male will only result in further imprisonment.
The warders here have been generous enough to allow me internet access, so I'm sending this to you as a warning to NEVER open an email with the subject "A Life Changing Experience!". Please forward this to everyone you know, so you can warn others before they fall into this trap. To further help spread the message, I've created and attached a poster to print out and display at your workplace.
S. Campbell
Authors note: I was thinking of writing this en-route to work this morning, so I couldn't help but notice the irony of receiving this in my work inbox...
From: COMPENSATION© 2010 <[email protected]>
Subject: Scam Victim Compensation ,($500,000)have been awarded to you. contact email with your Name,Age,Sex, Country,Phone Number and Address sent to Mrs Joan Cole,email:[email protected]
Comments
A Life Changing Experience!
Indeed! This is a forced change with an unusual twist. Will you continue it to its conclusion?
May Your Light Forever Shine
May Your Light Forever Shine
Exercise for the reader :)
Continuing the story beyond where the chain email ends is left as an exercise for the reader :)
After all, as with most chain emails, the content may not bear any resemblance to reality - after all, the sender is supposedly locked up in HMP Holloway, yet is posting from a Chinese domain...
Then again, if you look closely you may spot something that throws the 'hoax' interpretation into question.
I've probably covered quite a few stereotypes of chain emails here, but there undoubtedly many I've missed. As is the nature of chain emails, the more they travel, the more the content mutates. So there's plenty of scope for alternative versions.
-oOo-
Actually, I've just had a wicked idea. If anyone reading this has ideas for other effects of the supposed virus - either to the computer or to the writer's life - let me know either in these comments or via PM and I'll try to incorporate them in a version to post over at Stardust next week :)
-oOo-
Of course, there may be people in the world who'd take delight in receiving this supposed virus and deliberately opening the attachment - and would have a nice long list of contacts to send it to :)
As the right side of the brain controls the left side of the body, then only left-handers are in their right mind!
Hehehe
I guess everyone on this site is now screwed! ^_^
Faraway
Big Closet Top Shelf
Where you can fool around like you want to and most you get is some bemused good ribbing!
Faraway
Big Closet Top Shelf
Where you can fool around like you want to and most you get is some bemused good ribbing!
Uhmm...
I wish!! However my therapist advises waiting until the hormones have a little more time to work (g)
Beth
Darn, and I opened my e-mail
Darn, and I opened my e-mail to this. Oh well, skirts are sooooo much nicer aren't they. :) Jan
HMRC
Screw up badly all the time, if ever a government department needs a shake up it has to be this one.
Over 20 million tax records screwed up that works out at approx 50% of the working population.
condidering we have a Pay as You Earn system unlike the USA and a few other countries they`ve proved to pretty poor at getting tax codes right unless your an immigrant, politician or crook your royaly screwed by them everytime
hugs
jackie