Turning up at Rick’s place that Saturday evening was a fine balancing act in personality hopscotch. I had managed to tame Holly back into a reasonable facsimile of Alex, no mean feat given that he didn’t really exist anymore outside of school. The trickier part was, that while I had to restrain myself from being too feminine around Rick, I had to somehow not shatter his mother’s apparent impression that I was not just female, but his girlfriend. What the hell do I get myself into?

See, this is where I realize that non-trans folks are utterly oblivious to gender variance unless it’s screamingly obvious. It must be a blessing honestly, to be able to exist in a world where that just doesn’t matter. I could make a joke about how boys are dumb, and we could all laugh, but in reality, it’s more than that. Everyone really just makes assumptions and nobody questions them too hard. As much as we might want there to be, there’s usually no ulterior motive.

I was waiting outside Willy’s store when Rick’s truck pulled into the lot. While I was a little better prepared for the country this time, I certainly wasn’t going native any time soon. Before you get your hopes up for a romantic moment, I was in my usual Alex drag of jeans, a tee, and a hooded sweatshirt. Granted, this time the jeans were actually a girl's slouchy boyfriend cut pair, but they looked more gender-neutral on me than any of my old ones. Did I look like a rampant tomboy to most people? Probably. The trick was managing to still look boy enough for Rick, and girl enough for his mother. Why is my life this complicated? Oh wait, my bad.

“Hey Alex, you make it ok?”

I climbed up into the cab before he could do anything dumb like jump out to help me. “I didn’t have to wait too long and nobody tried to stick me on a horse yet.”

Rick sighs and shakes his head, “You’re not going to let me forget that one, are you?”

“Eventually,” I grin, “but for now It’s a pretty strong reminder of why I don’t belong on horses.”

Rick shrugs and turns us out of the parking lot. “Nah, you’ll get the hang of it, I promise. It’s fun, really when you get the hang of things.”

I sniff in the alluring scent of cheese and meat that is filling my nostrils. “Pizza?”

Rick gestures in the back seat with his thumb and we hit the main road out of town. “Couple of fresh pies from Antonio’s; Sausage and Bacon and four cheese. That should be enough to see us through the movies.”

I approve of the selection. I’m a little pleased that he remembered the pizza we got when we went into the city that one time, just the two of us. Secretly, I let the tiniest part of myself believe it was a boy/girl date. I remembered the waitress calling me miss and how secretly, it overjoyed me. Sadly, I have to push those feelings down; I can’t allow myself to feel that way no matter what it does to me. It was hard to suppress my feelings when I was still living as Alex, but now that I’m Holly everywhere but at school, it’s almost unbearably difficult.

After the short drive, Rick turns the truck down their driveway and into the yard. As we roll to a stop beside the house, the first thing I spot is the absence of his parent's cars.

“Home alone?”

Rick glances over and nods. “Oh, yeah. Mom and Dad went into the city to some art gallery thing. Mom’s on a board for local artists.”

I hadn’t really connected his down-to-earth Ranch wife Mom with the city art scene but then again, I’m a kid; what do I know? At least with his folks out, I don’t have to deal with the girl stuff for one evening. I actually feel a good amount of relief.

Rick hands me pizza boxes and I follow him up to the house. Once inside, I follow him through to their magnificent kitchen.

“I still can’t believe you live here, this place is amazing.” I opine, staring around their cavernous space.

“Your place is hardly small,” Rick points out grabbing sodas from the refrigerator.

“I’ll give you that,” I concede, “but yours is on another level; I could live in your bathroom pretty comfortably.”

“Only because you’re so tiny,” Rick chuckles. “Pretty sure you’d consider one of the stalls a mansion. Come on, let's go set the movie on before these pizzas go cold huh?”

“Sure Gigantor, lead the way.”

We make our way through to the living room and set up camp on their huge sofa. Naturally, we pick comfortably distant spots from each other. What? Did you think I was going to accidentally lay my head on his shoulder halfway through the movie? Get a grip, this is real life not some cheesy piece of trans lit.

I’ll give him credit, scoring a copy of Howard’s Mobile House was a great coup. I’d been expecting to wait up to six months for it to become available in America. A copy direct from Japan is a pretty epic score. Considering that the Taylor family’s TV is huge, this is as good as going to the movies.

We start the movie and tuck into our pizza, I can honestly think of a lot worse ways to spend an evening. There’s not a lot to describe here; if you’re into Anime, you’ve totally seen this classic. If not, you won’t care anyway. Two glorious hours pass by, and before we know it, the movie is over. Honestly, I’m a little sad.

“That was amazing,” I enthuse gleefully as the final credits roll. “The Kiss with Potato Head and Sarah that broke the curse. Then she fell in love with Howard; it was just so sweet.”

“Steady on!” Rick laughed as he ejected the movie. “You sound like Anna when we used to watch these movies together as kids. She was always so caught up in the soppy bits.”

I sit back and shrug, “It’s a great happy-ever-after ending; you can’t help but feel good about it.”

Rick rolls his eyes, “I mean yeah, the prince heading back and ending the war, and the whole scene at the end when the bombers heading off to a new war somewhere else was kinda powerful.”

“Well, I liked the soppy bits,” I reassert. “You’ve gotta thank your sister for me. I loved it.”

Rick smirks and shakes his head. “I’m going to take a leak, want to watch another?”

“Sure.”

Rick takes off and I busy myself cleaning up our mess. It won’t do to have his parents come home and find the place a tip. He might get away with it, but I’m a conscientious guest, first and foremost. I carry the boxes through to the kitchen and toss our cans in the trash. I’m in the process of getting us fresh drinks when Rick returns.

“You didn’t need to clean up you know.”

I toss him a soda and grin, “I hired myself as your cleaning lady like Sarah did.”

“Oh you’re my cleaning lady?” he replies raising an eyebrow. “You don’t look ninety.”

“I’m a bit more spritely than that, sure, but I can clean just as well.”

Rick opens his mouth, as though he is going to say something else but chooses instead to turn red. “Ah, never mind,” he mutters awkwardly. “I have the second Space Conflict prequel, wanna put that on?”

Why the hell did I call myself the cleaning lady? Ugh, I’m an idiot with a magical ability to kill a perfectly nice evening. I nod and avert my eyes, “sure Rick, that sounds good.”

The second movie is a bit more awkward after my faux pas, but soon we’re more focused on the TV than my big mouth. Honestly, I’m not that bothered by the film; I’ve seen it before. It does however provide a pretty reasonable distraction for my mind that allows me to drift off to sleep.

I woke up what felt like moments later curled up on the sofa by myself. The TV was quietly scrolling through the credits of the movie we had been watching and there wasn’t a single sound in the house.

“Rick?”

There was no answer, although I didn’t think that he had gone to bed, because his phone was still sitting on the sofa arm where he had left it earlier. I got up slowly and stretched as I glanced around. It’s exactly as we had left it, almost as if I’d slept for only a moment. I couldn’t have been out for more than fifteen minutes, twenty tops. Where has he gotten to?

I can see the moonlight streaming through the windows on the far wall. There’s a slight movement on the porch, and I realize after a moment that it’s a human figure out there in the darkness. I move cautiously over to the window and peer out. After a second, I spot Rick leaning against the balcony railing just staring off into the distance.

I open the door and step outside. He spins around as he hears my approach, he looks surprised, like I caught him doing something wrong.

“I didn’t mean to disturb you,” I offer awkwardly. “I was just wondering where you vanished off to.”

“Oh, Alex, I’m sorry. I just needed some time to myself; to think, you know?”

He looks troubled and I’ve never seen him behaving like this before. I can tell he’s struggling with something and by the look in his eyes, I know it’s me. I make a face and sigh, my breath misting in the cool night air. How the hell have I fallen so far? I made myself one simple promise and I couldn’t even keep that. Megan’s prophecy so long ago was entirely correct; I really do care for him and it hurts not being able to do anything about it. I should have just steered clear from the moment she told me what she could see was happening. I wrap my arms around myself and smile sadly. “I’m so very sorry Rick.”

“Why are you sorry?” he blurts out. He looks surprised, as though he was terrified that I could read his mind. “None of this is your fault… how could it be? I… Alex… fuck.”

Rick turns away and runs his hands through his hair. He looks distraught, and I’m starting to realize why. When he turns back to face me, he looks like he’s almost on the edge of tears.

“I don’t… I don’t even know where to begin,” he admits. “I’ve never… hell, I’m struggling to even say it.”

I step closer, reach out, and touch his arm. It’s a comforting gesture, but one I recognize is more Holly than Alex. Suddenly, I don’t give a fuck about hiding myself around him anymore. “What is it, Rick? You can talk to me, I promise.”

He glances down at my hand on his arm and seems to freeze for a second as he stares at it, not able to pull his arm away. I can feel him trembling under my touch, but I’m not sure if it’s because of the cold or his nerves. He glances back up at me, and his eyes are wide with fear. His mouth opens like he wants to speak but he gulps before glancing away. “Alex… I… I think I’m gay.”

I had been so selfish, I should have stayed away from him. I should never have allowed myself to get close to him or to develop these feelings. I should have just kept my head down and not allowed myself to tempt fate. I thought I could straddle the line and just be friends with the guy. Now, he’s suffering because of me. I’ve put him in the exact position I didn’t want to and I know what he’s feeling, but I need to hear him say it.

“Why do you think that?” I whisper hesitantly, not taking my eyes away from his.

“Because… I think that I’m, in love with you,” he croaks out. “I’ve barely been able to stop thinking about you. From the moment I first laid eyes on you, when the semester started, there was something; something special about you. As we got to know each other I’ve gotten these urges, these desires. Somehow, our friendship just isn’t enough. I can’t stop thinking about holding you or kissing you whenever we’re together. God this must be… I’m so sorry.” he blurts, the anguish evident on his face.

“Back there on the sofa when we were watching the movie, you fell asleep. You looked so peaceful lying there, so beautiful.” he smiles softly, a wistful look in his eyes. “I just wanted to take you in my arms and hold you tight. I don’t know why, I’ve never felt like this before,” he admits. “Nobody else ever captured my heart like you did. I thought I just wanted to be friends, that this was what real friendship felt like but… it was more.”

Here we go Holly, time to ironically have some balls. This is the pivotal moment where I might find happiness or it might destroy my life. I’ve gotta roll the dice here and run the gauntlet of fantasy ending or get my ass kicked and buried in a shallow grave, god I love being trans.

“You’re not gay,” I reply quietly, looking away from him for the first time. “I would need to be a boy for you to be gay, Rick.”

There is silence as I listen to my heart beating against my ribs. I can feel the deep blush rising in my cheeks despite the cold night air.

“I… don’t understand,” he murmurs, his voice catching with emotion. I can feel him standing so close to me now, that I can sense his body heat radiating out. “What do you mean you would need to be a boy for me to be gay?”

“I’m a girl,” I confess quietly, unable to meet his eyes. “At least, I should be.”

“You’re… how? But I’m…?”

I glance up at him cautiously. He’s not angry, he just looks confused. I would be too in his position. Hell, I have no idea what I’m doing. None of this was planned, but I’m making it up as I go alone like so very much in my life.

“I’m transgender, I should have been born a girl, Rick.” I explain, “Long story short, In my heart and soul, I am like my Mom and sister; a girl. I need to be that, with every spark of my being. It’s who I am, and I cannot live as a boy. I’ve been on female hormones now for about eight months. I’m just trying to tread water until Christmas when I can leave this school and transfer to the Girls’ Division. Then, I don’t know; maybe I can live the rest of my life.”

In for a cent, in for a dollar. I reach up, unzip my sweatshirt, and shrug it off my shoulders. Underneath, I’m only wearing a T-shirt and my sports bra, but my shape is pretty obvious, even in the dim light of the porch. Reaching up, I pull the hair tie out of my ponytail and shake my hair out until it flows down around my shoulders. I swallow and I look back up at him defiantly, I stand before him as Holly Juliette Winters.

“This is who I am; this is the real me.”

Rick’s eyes grow wide. What he’s seeing for the very first time is the girl me that hides just behind the surface at school. Like Meg and Kara said, it can be a little jarring when your mental image of someone snaps in two. It’s surprising just how set in their ways people can be. I haven’t changed a lot, but I’m confident he’s seeing me in an entirely new light.

I shiver involuntarily, the porch isn’t exactly T-shirt weather. Rick just stares at me, his eyes flicking around as his jaw moves wordlessly.

“Say something, please.” I implore.

Rick looks at me and shakes his head slowly as though he can’t believe what he’s seeing. “My god, you’re beautiful, Alex.”

“Holly.”

“Holly?”

“My real name is Holly.”

Rick smiles again, “That’s a really pretty name, it suits you.”

If I could soak my panties at this point, they would be like Niagra freaking Falls, more to the shame sadly. All the same though, my heart does that squishy pang thing at his beautiful words.

He looks almost embarrassed now and he grins in the way that I just love so much. “I have no idea how I didn’t see any of this. I was… so, caught up in my own head; I thought I was falling in love with a boy. I was battling the feelings that I was gay; I fought it, tried to deny it but in the end, I just, couldn’t… I had to tell you,” he admits. “Oh, gosh, I never even thought. Do you even like boys?”

“I like boys,” I whisper breathlessly, “and one in particular, I guess.”

“A…Holly,” he murmurs softly, reaching out to take me by the shoulders. I step forward and allow him to wrap me in his arms. “Holly, I’ve dreamed about this moment for months. I told myself I was crazy but… is this for real?”

I want to scream out loud when he says my real name. I nod slowly, “It’s real. I’m not… perfect, but it is real.”

Rick shakes his head and smiles so sweetly that it hurts my very heart. “You are perfect, Holly, just the way you are.”

With that, he leans down and gently presses his lips to mine. Suddenly, the air isn’t even cold anymore. I melt as his lips caress mine and I find myself gasping for oxygen. He doesn’t wait as I feel his tongue gently caress my bottom lip.

We kiss for what feels like hours, our only accompaniment the moon and stars above. My heart is singing a song I never expected to hear with words that were once but a distant dream. I don’t know what I’m doing or if it’s even sensible. Honestly, at this moment, I don’t even care. In that time, that place, my heart and soul have but one focus.

Eventually, Rick breaks the kiss and smiles gently down at me, his eyes are so full of affection. “We should get you inside, it’s freezing out here.”

“I can’t even tell,” I murmur back at him, a lazy grin on my lips. I let him take me by the hand, my legs still slightly unsteady after our kiss and he leads me back inside the house. I can’t believe this is happening, it feels like a fairytale.

How the hell did this happen? Here I am with a boy that seems to like the real me. A boy that is holding my hand, a boy that has kissed me. He has seen my truth and he accepts me for who I really am. I cannot begin to explain to you how very monumental this is for someone in my shoes.

Inside, out of the cold, I suddenly feel extremely uncertain of myself. I allow my hand to slip from Rick’s as we walk through, into his family’s living room. Instead of following him, I just stand, rooted to the ground, and doubt myself. Even now, I have no idea why I could not allow myself to just accept that a good thing could happen to me.

“Holly?” he asks nervously. “Did I do something wrong?”

I shake my head, “this is real, isn’t it?”

Rick smiles; it’s that classic Rick smile with the slight quirk to the right-hand side that sits halfway between a smirk and a grin and it just moves my mountain. “Yeah, I can’t believe it, but it’s real. It feels like I’m dreaming.”

I walk forward nervously and take a seat on one of the sofas.

“I wasn’t planning to tell you like this,” I admit with a sigh. “I… was trying to deny how I felt about you, about us. I was convinced that you would hate me, that you would resent me for what I could see I was doing to you.”

Rick chuckles quietly as he sits down beside me, “Yeah, I’ve been a little confused. I did kinda have a major identity crisis. I’ve never been attracted to boys before, and here I was falling for someone I was convinced was one. Typical luck though; only I could manage to fall for the only girl at an all-boys' school and be convinced I was gay.”

“Sorry about that,” I grin sheepishly.

“How the hell does anyone in school see you as a boy?”

“You did,” I point out, raising an eyebrow.

“Well, I guess my eyes did, but I don’t think my heart ever did,” he confesses. He frowns before looking back at me. “I think that somehow, somewhere in my head, my heart, I’ve seen you as a girl from the first moment we met.”

“Yeah, I’ve been told a few times that I suck at hiding.”

“Megan and Kara, right? Your friends?”

“They were the first to find out about me back at the start of the semester.”

Rick nods, “That makes sense. You know, that very first game of the year, when you came over to see your brother with them, I thought it was three girls at first.”

“It was.”

“Your Brother, Rob, he knows right?”

I nod, “my family knows. Rob, he looks out for me at school.”

He shakes his head, “I can’t believe you still go there.”

“I have to hold on,” I sigh. “They said I can transfer at the end of the semester, it’s not so long.”

“That’s insane,” he murmurs, it must be so hard for you.”

I feel him slide closer and wrap me in his arms. There’s nothing sexual about this moment, I just feel safe; protected. It’s an intoxicating feeling that I never want to let go.

“I was so afraid that my parents would hate me, I just… I was going to kill myself.” I admit. ”Last Christmas.”

“Oh my god….”

I shake my head and hold a finger to his lips. “Let me finish, ok? Then you can say your piece.” I sigh and relax back into his arms, my back now to his chest. “I’ve always felt this way; that I should have been born a girl. It’s the one memory that overrides all of my childhood. Last Christmas, puberty was starting to rear its ugly head, and… I couldn't… I just couldn’t become like my brother,” I choke.

After a moment to collect myself, I continue. “I… I had to do something, so I managed to source medication online. I took medications that stopped my puberty and started me on the path I should have been. I was told it would take time, I’d be able to hide it for a year or two until I got to college but I don’t think they accounted for my age,” I chuckle darkly. “It’s becoming impossible to hide my changes.”

“You’re telling me,” he chuckles. God that feels amazing, I can feel the vibrations rolling through my body.

I twist around until I’m sitting across his lap. It’s a little more intimate than I had planned, but here we are. I look up at him and smile nervously. “Can I kiss you? Is that ok?”

His smile is all I need. Slowly, my heart thumping I reach up and cup his face in my hands. He looks as nervous as I feel. I lift myself up and press my lips against his. The tingle of sensation rushes through me and I feel electrically charged. Arms wrap around me and hold me firmly as I feel his tongue probing at my lips. I let them part and feel his tongue entering my mouth.

At this point, my breath is ragged and I can barely sense the world around me. I’ve shifted somewhere in our liplock to straddling his lap, my thighs on either side of his so our faces are almost level.

“Rick.” I gasp between gulps of air, “Oh god, Rick.”

I feel his arms grip my sides and lift me as he lays me back until I’m beneath him on the sofa. Our bodies touch and I can’t keep the moan of pleasure inside me.

“Am I hurting you?” He asks, lifting himself slightly, his face full of concern.

“No,” I whisper and grip his hips with my thighs, “not even a little bit.”

I can feel… lil’ Rick pressing against my pelvis down below and it feels… significant. I block that thought from my head and focus on the moment. This isn’t going to be happening tonight, but just the thought alone seems to flip some switch in my mind. A desire I never knew I had to have… him… within me.

I can feel his hands roaming along my sides as we kiss, his hands gripping my body so firmly yet so gently that I feel utterly safe. I slide my fingers up underneath his shirt and run my hands across his abdomen. His skin is hot and firm and I can feel the hair against my fingers. A moment later, I feel him reciprocate and I gasp out loud as he touches my bare flesh.

“Oh god, don’t stop,” I whimper, biting his lip.

Rick’s fingers reach the bottom of my bra and he looks momentarily uncertain. Driven by passion I push him back slightly and shrug out of my shirt so I’m now lying there in just my sports bra and jeans. Rick’s eyes roam my body and I can see the pure lust in his eyes; it drives me wild. Quickly, he tosses his own shirt before leaning back down and kissing the skin of my upper chest. His lips feel like molten lava against my skin, and I feel his hands roaming along my body.

I don’t think I could possibly be more happy if I tried. In this moment, I feel so utterly wonderful that I might cry tears of joy. I feel a hand slide up and cup the side of my breast through the fabric of my bra and eyes that glance tentatively at me for permission. Reaching down I grab his hand and place it gently against my left breast. Right then and there I want him to touch me, I want it so badly.

The gentle squeeze is all I dreamed of as his fingers gently tease me through the fabric and I cannot hold back a whimper of ecstasy. At that moment, I would be willing to give him anything in the world.

Really romantic huh? Getting excited? I bet you are. Unfortunately, this is when the most poorly timed cockblock of our young lives strikes. What is the female version of a cock block I hear you ask? I’m a little torn between Clitorference and Clam Jam, but I digress. Trust me, it sucks If you’ve been there.

Picture this; Mister Lover Boy has his hands tentatively on my boobs when we hear the crunch of tires and the splash of headlights from the darkened yard outside. Both of us panic, our explorations forgotten as we grab for discarded clothing and spring to our feet. Somehow, we’re just about presentable in time for the front door to swing open and Rick’s parents to walk casually into the house.

Picture this for a moment if you will, because this moment is seared into my memory for all eternity. Rick and I are stood next to each other, both bright red in the face and breathing heavily. My hair is loose, and my T-shirt is pulled up exposing half my abdomen and the shape of my boobs is incredibly obvious to even a blind man. Our lips are red and swollen from kissing and the pair of us look guiltier than sin.

Rick’s mother is the first to spot us and she looks a little surprised but hides it well. His father, however, is grinning like a fool… men!

“Oh, I’m sorry,” Rick’s Mom exclaims, grabbing her husband’s hand and steering him towards the kitchen. “We sent you a text message to tell you we were on our way home, honey. We thought you’d be… elsewhere.” She looks a little embarrassed, but it’s not a patch on us. “John come on, let’s let them pull themselves together.”

“I uh, sorry… Mom, Dad,” Rick blurts, “I uh…”

“Don’t worry, sorry for disturbing you honey,” she calls over her shoulder as she vanishes with a still-grinning father.

I look up at Rick and shrug, “they don’t seem surprised at all.”

“Uh… no,” he admits scratching his head.

“Why did they text you?”

Rick pulls his phone out and reads it then raises his eyebrows and shows me the phone.

Mom - We’re coming home, please be clothed when we get there. Love Mom.

“The fuck,” I splutter, shooting Rick a bemused look. “Why does your mother presume we were sleeping together?”

“I.. have no idea,” he admits slowly. “Look, Holly…”

I swallow and sheepishly pull my shirt all the way down, “you’d best call me Alex around other people. I…”

“I understand,” he nods, tucking a lock of hair behind my ear affectionately. “I’ll go see them, I’ll be back in a minute.”

Rick leaves the room and I slump down on the sofa. I’ve just made out with a boy, a boy who knows I’m a girl and sees the real me. To cap this weird ass evening off, his parents came home and absolutely knew we had been making out. holy shit; how do I end up in these situations?

Rick gets back a few minutes later and he’s looking far too pleased with himself. “Come on, I’ll drive you home.”

“What did they say?” I ask, following him out the door. “Your parents?”

“I’ll tell you in the truck.” he grins, come on.”

We leave the ranch house and walk out across the yard to his truck by the barn. I don’t bother with my sweatshirt but I wrap my coat around myself tightly against the chill as we walk. God, I feel so happy right now I cannot even begin to explain it. I don’t even have to hide anymore, it’s unspeakably freeing.

Rick gets the door for me and gets that same tummy squish feeling. I pop up on the balls of my feet and kiss him gently in thanks before hopping up into the cab. I don’t know why, but doing something so simple feels so damn good right now. He climbs in beside me and starts the truck.

“So what happened in there; what did they say?” I ask as we turn out of the ranch yard and head towards the main road. I already have a pretty fair idea, but I’m playing dumb.

Rick grins at me in the gloom. “Well, it turns out that I really was the only one who thought I was gay,” he shakes his head. “My parents were giving us a little space tonight when I told them you were coming over. You know… for things that boys and girls get up to.”

“I’m not sure if I should be offended or not,” I mutter, rolling my eyes.

Rick looks over as we turn off the driveway and onto the main road. “What?”

“That they thought I was that easy.”

“You’re not surprised that they thought you were a girl?”

“I’m pretty sure your Mom has thought that from the first day I met her.”

Rick frowns and then makes a face as he puts two and two together, “damn, that explains why she was so pissed when I got you dunked.”

Trying to get dry and not reveal myself to you was a little difficult,” I grin. “I was soaked and I couldn’t even get out of my wet clothes.”

“I kind of have a confession to make.”

“Oh?”

“Remember that one Saturday, when we went into the city to hang out?”

I’m starting to feel a little suspicious here, “Uhuh?”

“I was just beginning to accept that I had feelings for you,” Rick admitted. “I wasn’t sure how to rationalize it, and I was trying out the idea in my head. When we were having lunch, a little part of my mind, right in the back, was pretending we were on a date.”

I chuckle softly in the darkness, how ironic. “I was doing the same thing,” I admit. “I knew I could never have you, I had to remain your friend and nothing more. I let the tiniest part of me pretend we were on a boy-girl date and it was so sweet.”

“We should, if you want, that is?”

“I’d like that,” I smile, reaching out to touch his hand on the center console.

We chat idly for most of the way home. It turns out that Ricky Boy has had feelings for me for almost as long as I have; how ironic eh? The difference was, that he never really knew why or how to frame them.

It still feels like a miracle that this moment has come to pass at all. The very fact that I’m here, riding home in my boyfriend’s truck, still able to feel the touch of his lips on mine feels unbelievably good.

Truth be told, I never expected this day to come for me. I always hoped that it might; well, you do, don’t you? The devil on my shoulder told me that I would never find a boy who cared for the real me. I might not be able to live my life as me one hundred percent of the time yet, but my spirit is singing at this moment. Nothing can beat me now, no matter how much it hurts.

We pull up outside my place a little before eleven and Rick kills the engine, “Holly…”

I unfasten my belt and reach across and take his hands in mine, “Rick, I cannot begin to tell you how happy you’ve made me tonight. I… I never dreamed that this might happen.”

He smiles, god I love that smile of his. It’s got that little quirk on the left and the crinkle at the edge of his eyes as they sparkle. “You nearly drove me nuts,” he chuckles, “But I’d go crazy for you again in a heartbeat.”

“I’m real sorry about that,” I giggle and bite my lip.

“My god, you’re so damn beautiful,” he whispers, stroking my cheek. “Can I kiss you again?”

My breath catches in my throat and I can’t speak, Instead, I just nod wordlessly and wait as he closes the distance between us. I feel like I’m on fire the second his lips touch mine. My world melts away until the only two people on its entire surface are right here in this truck. His arms grasp me gently and my mind flashes back to that moment where he caught me when I tripped.
Hindsight is twenty-twenty. Now I know that our little mistaken embrace was so shocking because we both desired it so much. Now? Now I never want him to put me down.

We kiss for what feels like an eternity, probably all of a minute or two before I pull myself away reluctantly. “I’ve got to go inside; my folks are expecting me home.”

Rick nods and grins, god, he looks so good when he smiles at me. He hops down and makes his way around the truck to my door before opening it for me and offering me his hand. “I’m going to miss you.”

“You’ll see me Monday,” I point out, not wanting to release his hand.

“Monday is so far away,” he points out with a dopey grin.

“So call me?”

“I’ll do that, Holly Winters. Good night.”

“Good night, Rick Taylor.”

He leans down and kisses me softly. I swear to god, I have to fight the urge to pop a freaking foot. I just stand there like an idiot as he walks back to his truck and drives away down the road.

With a sigh, I turn around and let myself into the house. It’s pretty dark, but there’s a light in the kitchen; I guess someone’s still awake. I guess I’m not that late after all.

I kick my shoes off and toss my jacket on the side before heading through to the kitchen. My spirit is light and I’m pretty sure I’m not sleeping anytime soon. A nice herbal tea and I’ll wander off upstairs to change into something silky and girly to go with my good mood.

“Hey, sweetie.”

The voice startles me as I enter the kitchen. Mom's at the island, still wearing her scrubs as she reads through some documents.

“Hey Mom, did you just get in?”

She nods, “Ten minutes ago. How was your even…Oh my, Holly, come here.”

“Huh?” I reply intelligently. I comply with parental unit A’s orders however and move around to sit beside her. “What’s up?”

Mom reaches out and strokes my cheek. “Did you tell him? Of course, you told him,” she smiles. “My little girl is a woman now; God, I missed so very much of your life.”

Oh, now I follow. Damn, she’s good. One look and she has me sussed.

I pour out the entire evening to my mother there at the kitchen island. I told her every detail because I wanted to share it with her. Any consideration that I might be embarrassed about sharing my romantic evening with a boy was long gone; Alex was dead. Sure, I left out a few of the more saucy details of our sofa time adventures, but that wasn’t shame, that’s not wanting to get grounded in round one. Do you think my mom is beyond grounding me just because I can’t get pregnant?

Mom smiles and we share a soppy cuddle, I can smell the scent of her shampoo as she holds me close. “I could tell you know; a mother always can. When you came in just now, there was a look about you, Holly. You looked like you were finally at peace with the world. Your lips were quite swollen too,” she giggle

My hand flies to my lips in surprise and I giggle back. It’s a really freaking amazing little moment we’re sharing.

“He drove me home and walked me to the door. God Mom, when he calls me by my real name it just melts me.”

Mom smiles, “Young love is so beautiful at the best of times. For you though; gosh, I cannot imagine darling.”

“I never hoped…” I admit. “Not once did I truly believe it might be remotely possible.”

“You’re living a lot of firsts baby, and you’ll live a lot more before you’re done.”

“I love you, Mom.”

I grab my tea and go to head towards the stairs. “You’re ok with this, right Mom?”

Mom nods. “I am Holly. You’re my daughter, never doubt that. You seeing a young man doesn’t bother me in the slightest as long as you’re responsible. Promise me one thing though?”

“Anything, Mom.”

Mother dearest smiles slyly. “I know you can’t get pregnant darling, but that doesn’t mean you need to start testing the theory straight away, ok?”

“MOM!”

 

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