CHAPTER 46
“Mike?”

“Er, hang on…”

I topped out on the overhang, then shuffled across to the easy descent holds, as Maz snorted with muffled laughter.

“What’s funny, woman?”

“What you said: ‘Hang on’. Surely that’s the whole point of this game?”

Vern was shrugging.

“She’s not wrong, mate! Now, not being funny, well, at least not intentionally, but your mates are all a bit new to this, so I was wondering…”

I still laughed.

“Let’s see if I have it right: you want to lead a route, with someone you can trust to belay you, and you’re going to bribe them by making the same offer first?”

“Spot on, mate! There’s a 24 I want to have a go at. It’s a bit of a power-move thing rather than a balance one”

Dal was listening hard.

“Mike calls that a ‘thug route’, Vern. It’s what he does on gritstone, near our old place”

“Thug? I like that. Want to go first, Mike?”

“Dog and rabbit, mate?”

“Eh?”

“Never mind. Which one?”

‘Thug’ was not quite the right term, but it was certainly dynamic. The crux was getting over the lip of an impending wall onto easier ground, but there was a runner right there and a thank-god-jug a stretch away. The trick was getting my left foot up onto what had been the handhold I used for a semi-dyno---

In English, I brought my chin up over the lip of a bulging wall, lunged one-handed for a much bigger handhold, then put my left foot on top of the hold I still had that hand on, and stood up.

It wasn’t until a few flashes went off, and applause started that clearly involved more than our party, that I realised I had drawn a crowd. I settled myself for the last part of the route before being lowered off, Vern declining a chance to second it.

“No, Mike. I want to lead this one, if I can. I’ll let you know if I come off, probably by screaming”

As we set up my ground belay, another climber asked me how many times I had fallen off the move before I got it right, and Maz answered.

“None at all, my friend. It’s our first visit here”

“Your hubby’s just on-sighted that? Christ on a bloody bike!”

Vern chipped in.

“Met this lot up at Statham’s. Mike’s a trad climber, from England”

“Trad? Bugger that”

Dal put his own teenage oar in, with a smirk.

“I will just say ‘Aussie bolts’, mister, and leave it there”

Our new friend shrugged and grinned.

“Fair bloody point, mate. You got anywhere you’re looking to go, er, Mike?”

Maryam smiled at him.

“We were reading about some routes near Margaret River, on granite”

Our new chum was nodding.

“Vern knows the gen on that place. Bit---ah, there was me about to say ‘trad’. What do you lead at, Mike?”

Dal once again translated the grades, to come out with “29 or so”

“Christ again! No wonder you cruised that one. You going up, Vern?”

“Giving it a go, Tim. Mike’s shown me how, and he knows what belaying’s about. Want to run the vid for me?”

“Already done it for Mike, mate. As long as he doesn’t mind?”

I shook my head, then thought better of it.

“What’s the vid for, Tim?”

“Ah, we have an orientation message on video for newbs, and a shot of that move would fit right into the aspiration bit. ‘Look what this bloke did on his first visit’ sort of thing, and it helps that you’re no racing snake. Sorry, mate, but you are built like a brick bloody dunny, ey? Not like Vern here, or his mate over there trying to stop blushing cause I mentioned snakes. When you pulled round the lip and dynoed for that jug, your arms were like bunches of coconuts. Just not as hairy, of course”

He grinned happily.

“Keep talking like this, and your missus will slap me. Go on, Vern: camera’s ready”

Maz was doing her best not to laugh, so I turned away and set my focus on Vern.

“Climb when ready, mate”

He made easy work up to the last reach before the lip, lunged for it, and then lost his feet. The rope stretch brought him to a couple of feet of the mat, and I lowered him the rest of the way.

“Another go?”

“Yeah, but ground up, okay? Just got to pull the rope back down”

“You sure?”

“Yeah. Do it properly, or not at all”

“Right. Now, when you’re reaching for that hold on the lip, get your left foot a little higher, onto the next bolt-on, and extend slowly rather than jump. Get both hands onto it, clip the rope, THEN go for the lunge when you’re ready. Your feet will pop off, but push down with the left hand and rotate so you’re facing left. Foot up, transfer bodyweight, then stand up”

He nodded, brow furrowed.

“I’ll owe you a pint if I get this one”

“We’re all off for a meal afterwards”

“Yeah, so Chad said. I’m, well, me too for the meal. Climbing!”

I talked him through the move as he tried to make the stretch as smooth as possible, and then he exploded from the lip, one hand seizing the jug as his legs swung from side to side until he pushed away from the lower hold, raised his lag, and with a yell of delight stood up and stepped onto the finishing wall.

“YES! YES! BLOODY YES!”

As more applause rose, I found my friends staring at me, Dal and Maz in particular. The young man was looking hopeful, Maz slightly dreamy. I shook my head at Dal, calling up to Vern to ask him to wait at the top, then have my explanation to the lad.

“Not if you want to lead it. I’ll toprope you, though, or Vern can bring you up as a second”

“Could I try that, Mike?”

I called the request up to Vern, and he agreed. Dal got as far as the stretch for the hold at the lip before he peeled, and Vern lowered him back down. Dal was grinning.

“What was that you told us about understanding how a route goes, even if you can’t climb it? That was me! Anyone else? Dad?”

Kul shook his head.

“Not me, son. I know my limits. I think you have another customer, though”

Maryam stepped forward.

“Don’t think I have any coconuts in my arms, husband dearest, but I would like to try, if I can”

There was a twinkle in her eye, which was nice, so I asked whether she would prefer to be belayed by me or Vern.

“I want you free to watch me, Mike. I mean, watch what I’m doing if I am getting it wrong”

She was teasing now, pretty obviously, so I forgot to mention that Tim was still running the camera. My own teasing would come later.

She surprised me with her balance as she worked her way up the overhanging start, until she was just below the lip.

“Maz?”

“Unh… yeah?”

“Slowly, now. See that hold by your left knee? See the lip on it? If you roll your knee outwards, your foot will hook onto it… that’s it. Now hop the other foot up a bit… that one, by your ankle, yes! Turn your body a little to face that hold… reach… Well done! Both hands on it… that’s good… bring your feet up and…”

She was off, held by the rope, swinging clear of the wall, head hanging.

“Am I allowed to swear, Vern?”

“Feel free, Maz!”

“Bastard! Nearly had it!”

“You bloody well did, love! How long have you been climbing?”

“Since that day we all met”

“Strewth! BLOODY well done! Tim?”

“Yeah, mate?”

“You got all that?”

“I did. Already got the framing edit in mind: ‘this could be you’ for Mike’s bit, followed by ‘and this is how inspiring it is, even for complete beginners’. Just need to swipe out the swearing”

“Good one, mate. Mike, we’ll have a chat about that, if you’re willing. I’m coming down”

He surprised me after his descent, by wrapping me in a crushing hug.

“Been aiming for that one so bloody long! And how could I NOT climb it, when you made it look so simple?”

Maz came over for her own hug of both of us.

“Simple isn’t the right word, Vern. I think, well, ‘logical’? Yes, that works. Mike’s real strength, I think: he lets people see things, rather than showing them. Now, I still have my harness on, so can we try some of these ones with a rope already there?”

As she moved away, one hand gently squeezed my left buttock, and no, the hand in question wasn’t Vern’s.

The logic of roped climbing left us in pairs, Vern and Chad happily moving onto easier ground along with the Butts, which of course left me with Maryam. As I tied her on for a low grade route, I kept my voice down.

“Um, my arse and your hand, Ms Rahman?”

“Well, as we seem to have wed at some point… Seriously, when you did that jump, round that overhang, you were like an anatomy lesson! Every muscle standing out, it was amazing. And, well, I just had an urge to see if, well, objective reality?”

She slumped a little.

“I’m sorry, Mike. What I was saying the other day, about the Butts talking about you so much. Just feel like I’ve known you forever. And Kul, well, what makes him so good at our job: he sees beyond the obvious, he sees clearly. If I am… If I am pushing things, well, yes. Only been a fortnight, anyway”

I searched for the words, then shook my head.

“No, Maz. Not dismissing you, just thinking things through. My wife, Caro? It’s been years since, you know, and she’s still there. I get confused. You… Fancy some fresher air?”

I picked up a couple of cold drinks from the vending machine, and settled myself outside the big roller door, trying to find the right words yet again.

“I came down here partly to make that break, Maz. I moved up to Sheffield for the same thing. I know, in my head, I need to move on, but Caro and me, that was a special thing in my life. Doesn’t go away”

“Like me and Alan, Mike. He was a big man as well”

“And Caro had a lovely bum as well”

I found my jaw flapping.

“Shit! Sorry! Didn’t mean to say that”

She had that teasing look in her eyes again.

“But is it true? What you were thinking? About my own?”

“Oh, for god’s sake… Yes, it is lovely, and you know it. And you have dimples when you smile, just like her”

“Well, they depend on smiles being triggered. I am sorry for pushing things, my friend, but I think we have cleared a lot of rubbish over the last few days. Our demons will fight back, but daylight helps. At least we have agreed one important fact”

“What’s that?”

“We find each other rather attractive. That’s a very good start. Now, let’s go back in and see if we can sneak a view of that video. Oh, and…”

Her hand squeezed my buttock once more, and I raised both eyebrows. Maz grinned happily.

“Just checking for any sag—Ooh!”

I let my own hand linger for a couple of seconds.

“None found!”

I hoped my voice didn’t betray the screaming of my nerves, and the inner accusations of ‘Adultery!’