CHAPTER 43
I didn’t sleep that well that night, and probably came across as a little grumpy over breakfast. Chad and Maryam were off quickly, Kul and I following a little later. The drive into work was a bit tense at first, as Kul clearly picked up on my mood.

“I never met her, Mike. Wish I could have”

“Sorry?”

“Me being silly. If I had been given the chance to meet her, you would never have ended up in Sheffield, so we’d never have met, us two that is, and well, yeah. You’re thinking betrayal, aren’t you?”

I stayed silent, and he reached across to squeeze my hand.

“You’re a bloody good bloke, Mister Rhodes. Made a huge difference in our lives, me, the boy and SWMBO, almost as much as moving out here has done. Boy’s really opened up, and yes, I know he told you about the mock turtle, I mean turban. This weekend was all your doing. Can I ask a really personal question?”

“You are being pretty personal already, Kul”

“Good. I’d hate to slip out of character. What was it that caught your eye yesterday? Her smile or her bum?”

Carolyn bending over that pool table… my mouth was playing traitor once again.

“Dimples, mate. When she smiles”

He flicked me a glance before returning his gaze to the road, where traffic was building as we approached the ‘CBD’. My mouth was still running its own game, though.

“But yes, she does have a very nice bum”

“At last! Normal bloody service is resumed, at least in terms of your eyesight. Geeta’s been watching you, mate, and I don’t just mean since you flew in. She’s got a soft spot for you, you know?”

“Why?”

“Oh, the boy, to start with. He was always a little backward in coming forward, if you take my point. Family shit, yeah? Since you got him on the rock, well, new man in so many ways. You know that his haircut was all his own idea, and when I asked him why, it had sod all to do with fitting in. he just said ’It’s too hot for faff’, and that was it”

“You not going to follow suit?”

“Oh, it’s like that bit in Blackadder: like the beard, gives me something to PULL on, or that’s what Geeta says. I just hope that she never has a canoe in her trousers, but I digress”

So typical of the man, opening up my soul and then leaving me laughing, and I could see why his wife loved him and his son almost worshipped his shadow. I drew in a calming breath, or at least one I hoped might help.

“My wife had a very nice bottom, and dimples when she smiled, and so, well, you have it right. Yes, I find Maryam very attractive. Yes, it feels like adultery. I can’t help that, Kul. Wish I could”

“Well, I know a few things about her background. Not going to betray confidences, mate”

I smiled to myself. It was getting steadily easier to talk.

“Keith and Pen said that Caro and me were peas in a pod. Caro could never see what others saw in her; self-esteem issues, yeah? She just knew she wanted me, and well, that got mutual bloody quickly. Took a while for both of us to settle, to understand that we valued each other even if we didn’t value ourselves. That let us see, bloody long time later… If this person I adore sees something in me, maybe there is really something there to be seen?”

“Yeah, mate. I see the same in Steph, yeah? Her bloke looks at her, and he is smitten, and I can tell she still pinches herself every so often, ‘Is this real?’ thingy. Going to have to work on you, I see. Oh, and that Neil bloke? He spent most of the session staring at Alys. What’s that all about?”

I shook my head.

“Wrong track, mate. He knows about her, and he is absolutely on her side. Not that way, yeah? Not going to break my own confidences, but he is sound. Anyway, you’ve done the shrink business: what’s today’s plan?”

“Ah, two sushi bars, so bugger-all in the waste oils side of things. We just need to find a way to persuade each or them that we have the key to out-compete the other one. Then we have a windsurfing school and three more chippies”

“Going to end up like a blimp, mate”

“But a sleek, toned blimp of taste and perfect deltoids. Oh, and got a sneaky one for later in the week. We have a chain, franchise thing, on our books. Chad reminded me with his comments about seafood places in the middle of the desert. This place is like the Logis de France thing”

“Lost there, mate”

“Hotel group in France. All separate places, but to get the badge they have to offer a specifically local menu as well as the main one”

“How the hell do they do that somewhere in the middle of the desert?”

“Buggered if I know. Salt and pepper locust?”

“Locusts aren’t seafood”

“Lots of legs and wavy antenna bits, and anyway, locusts and lobsters are both arthropods. QED. More to the point, when you’re blitzed out of your brain on canned Jack Daniel’s and coke—drink of choice for the discerning miner--- do you actually give a shit?”

Typically, he couldn’t leave it there.

“Course, if you’re living on canned booze and deep fried crispy cockroach, you’ll probably be giving loads of shits”

“Kul?”

“Yeah?”

“We are visiting food places today”

“Yeah, well, you said you’d get fat, so I thought I’d help with the diet. Free service!”

We pulled up at the reserved spot, and I noticed Maryam’s car was missing, and guessed that she had stuck to her plan for an office day. Ronnie was chipper to the extreme, grinning at us as we walked in.

“Hiya, you two! Didn’t break either of them, then? I’m going out on a coffee run in a few; want anything? Latte? Americano? Ibuprofen? Two days’ debauch, oh my!”

Kul pretended to consider her offer.

“Um… I’ll have a white Americano and a side order of a new liver, love”

“How’d you put it, mate? Oh yeah: ripper! Maz and Chad left their orders with me, so I’m offski”

I dug for my wallet.

“Need some cash?”

She shook her head.

“Nah. I’ll just embezzle it from petty cash, like I do for my rent. See you in a few. Phones are on divert to Maz till I’m back”

I turned, my mood lifting with the omnipresent daftness, and headed for the back office, where the other two were tapping away at their terminals. Each looked up at our arrival, and while Chad gave a grin towards both of us, Maryam’s smile seemed to be aimed entirely at me. I didn’t get that much time to appreciate it, because once Ronnie had returned, leaving Kul without his requested liver, and the drinks were gone, Kul and I were on the road once more, First at the seafood place, and then down to the South of Perth.

Everything was as I was coming to expect, almost mundane, and then we arrived at the windsurfing place, which was set at the edge of the great sort-of-lake that defined central Perth. The owners were two utterly grizzled sets of dreadlocks, Matt and Rhona, and Kul did the ‘state of your business’ chat. The two old hippies were sanguine, and, given their appearance, amazingly lucid as they tag-teamed smoothly.

“Well, boys, we got a range of stuff, from standing paddle board though old school sail—windsurf-- boards to kites”

I immediately thought of that sign at the beach: no dogs, no kitesurfers, and asked the obvious question.

“Where do you do this?”

Rhona waved out of the window.

“Paddle boarding right here. Water stays reasonably placid. Windsurfing is out from Freo, kites too. Trouble is, not much in the way of breaks round here”

I must have looked too obviously puzzled, because Matt felt the need to explain.

“Reefs, mate. Round here’s all limestone, and that crumbles after getting slicy. Granite’s better. Somewhere to make the water jump, ey? Let the guys get some decent air time? Predictable waves, not too gnarly, like a half-pipe in a skate park--- oh, bollocks. Bloody poms!”

He was smiling as he said it, so I grinned back.

“I don’t do wet stuff, Matt. I’m a climber”

His eyes widened.

“Fuck that for a game of soldiers, mate! You get bloody HURT if you fall off, not just wet!”

I shrugged.

“Each to their own, Matt. Where are these breaks?”

“Ah, Maggie River’s good, and there’s some good ones up North. Problem’s accommodation. Hotels are a bit uncool, youth hostels a bit thin. Lot of the hardcore surfers use campers, ey?”

I caught Kul looking at me, and immediately understood. I left him to the sale. So much of what we were doing seemed to be a networking session, with so many obvious risks. He led off.

“Be a bit friendly in a camper van, wouldn’t it? How big’s a group?”

Rhona shrugged.

“Ah, it’s all about arse watching and watching for idiots and arseholes. Some punters think they know it all, some need cosseting, and some need kicking out. Each of us can manage about ten on the paddle boards, as long as the water stays flat. For the sails and kites, we do offer a one-to-one, but that cuts our potential earnings, bloody obviously, so prices are uplifted. Normally, I’d not want more than four to a group looking at air time”

Kul nodded.

“So would you be looking at a single camper van, or tents?”

She nodded at her partner, who took over.

“Ideal, mate? A camper that could carry six in driving mode, with a trailer hitch. We’ve got our own trailers for the gear. Wouldn’t need berths for more than the two of us, but a decent kitchen unit and fridge. Most campsites’ve got their own gas or leccy barbies, so it’s breakfasts to sort, as well as a cuppa down at the beach”

He grinned once more.

“Me and Ro, we know campers. Got our own, but it’s tiny. Enough room for the bed, little kitchen, and an Elsan dunny. Be a bit cosy with six, ey?”

Kul made some more notes, then smiled yet again.

“We may be able to put you in contact with someone who could supply what you need, Matt. If you want to leave it with us?”

“That would be ripper, mate”

We finished off with the usual look through their books and accounting system, which was surprisingly good, and then set off for the first of our afternoon chippies. I made a show of admonishing Kul as he drove.

“No shame, have you?”

“Sod it, mate: if we’re going nepotistic with cousins in Sydney, why not with our customers. You want to ring Rod, or shall I?”

“Best if you do; things will be straighter in your head. Oh: that must be the first time I have heard ‘ripper’ come from anyone but you”

“Bollocks. Ronnie said it this morning”

“Yeah, but she was taking the piss out of you, so it doesn’t count”

“Ah, she’ll be right, cobber”

“I give up!”

Three chippies, and one bag of chips and a “Oh, if you insist” meat pie each later, we were heading back to the office. Once in, after Ronnie’s call of “I can smell those bloody chips, boys”, we were at a conference phone. As agreed, Kul took the lead.

“Hi Rod. It’s Kul from Talbot and Swan. Got you on speaker, if that’s okay”

Rod’s voice was tinny, but clear.

“Hiya, Kul. That’s fine. What can I do for you?”

Kul ran through the specs for the proposed camper, and Rod grunted.

“Interesting tweak… Right, typical lay out for a budgie type camper is two benches in the back, facing each other, that break down to form a double bed… if I… Sorry. Thinking out loud. What I could do is set up two benches that breakdown, both facing forward. Might need to tweak the kitchen space for that… Got some spare seat clips… I would need to see what their trailer is like, weight wise, but yeah, I think she’ll be right”

“Would you like to speak to the customer?”

“If I can, would be good”

“Hang on a few, then”

He pulled out a business card and grabbed another phone.

“Hi Rhona? Kul, from Talbot and Swan. You free for a conference call with a contact of ours? Yeah? Well, dial this number…”

He rattled off the conference call access numbers, and after a few seconds there was the usual announcement that “Rhona [change of voice] has joined the call”

“Hiya Kul, and I guess Mike as well”

“Yup, he’s here beside me, plus a couple of colleagues who might have a fresh take on this. Matt not there?”

“Out on the water with some real beginners, mate. What you got for us?”

“What I’ve got is Rod, who’s here on the call with us. Tod does campers”

“You beauty, mate! Hiya, Rod. Kul given you what we need?”

Rod came back louder.

“Sorry, just taken the phone into a back room. Yeah, he has Camper for two, but that can run as a small people carrier for about six? And pull a trailer?”

“Yes, that’s dead right. Sound like a goer?”

“Already got ideas, er, Rhona. Layout I could fit would actually carry six in the back, sleep two. What I need is a look at your trailer, see what weights we’re talking about”

“You’re welcome to come down any time we’re free. Only worries are if we’re off to Freo. This week, that leaves us Wednesday. Got groups on the other days. You?”

“Yeah, Wednesday’s good for me. Kul?”

That man was wincing as he looked at his diary.

“Not me, I’m afraid. Booked up solid. Hang on a sec… Chad, Maz? What do you have on for Wednesday?”

Chad was already shaking her head, but Maryam had a thumb up.

“I’ve got the afternoon free from two o’clock”

Rhona spoke up again.

“After two would be perfect. Gets a bit hot after that, even on the water, round here. You free as well, Mike?”

Kul was nodding at me, so I said “Yes, I am”, and Rod replied.

“Simple, then. I have a van of the right size I can bring down for a look at, and maybe a try-out with your trailer, and I’ll also start looking at options I might get from factory spec. Where do I head for?”

Kyl handled the rest of the details before cutting the call, and looked around at the rest of us.

“Ripper, bonzer, she’ll be right, cobbers. That was such an obvious bit of match-making, but I do believe we might get more out of this”

Chad was laughing happily.

“Don’t tell us, Kul: you’re thinking of asking for a percentage of each sale?”

“No, mate. But whenever some business club get together, or some denizens of Crustydreads Hollow, it’ll be us they’re chatting about. Now, anyone got a camping supplies shop on their list? And Mike: you okay going out there with Maz in a couple of days? I can drop you off here early doors”

I had no alternative, so just nodded, before turning to Maryam.

“That suit you?”

“Absolutely. I have a pizzeria for Wednesday, and a sort of greasy spoon place before that. We’ve already got them on the waste oil account. You like pizza?”

“I do”

“We can do lunch there, then”