CHAPTER 28
He was back with Vic in under an hour, the smell of the chips strong in the kitchen. Vic dished them out as Keith poured mugs of tea, and I simply waited for what they felt they could tell me. Vic looked drained, so after a few minutes of his almost mechanical intake pf chips, I changed my mind and risked a question.

“You okay, Vic?”

He looked across to Keith for a moment before turning back to me.

“Not really, Mike. What’s Keith told you?”

I avoided Keith’s eyes, framing my words as best I could to avoid dropping him in it.

“All I know is that Dafi’s been having a shit time at school, and he’s ended up in dock as a result”

Vic drew some long, slow breaths, took another look at Keith, then gave me an absolutely bleak smile.

“He put himself in there, Mike. Could have been a lot worse, to be honest. Overdose”

Stay frosty, Michael.

“What did he take?”

“Ah, that’s what I meant by ‘worse’, Mike. He’s nearly ten, that’s all, and tablets are tablets. He took a load of them probably hoping not to wake…”

He lost it just then, the sobs almost exploding from him, and we two men sat there, in our manky way, until he was able to be manly in his own right. Cowards, Keith and myself, but Vic got there in the end.

“What he took was some stuff Pen got when she was having serious allergy issues. Prescription antihistamines. That’s what he took, rather than paracetamol or sleeping pills, and that is indeed what I meant by that word. Next time, though?”

I pushed away my own cowardice and reached across for his hand, greasy from the chips, but so what?

“What’s… what do the pills do, as an overdose?”

“Drowsiness. Balance stuff. Worst case, they depress breathing and bugger up the heart. It’s next time, though, and he isn’t talking to us. Not saying why he did it. What it was we did wrong”

I drew in a long breath of my own, weighing my options, then gave his hand a squeeze.

“Vic, going to go out on a limb here. This is just my own guess, based on a couple of things; if I’m wrong, just slap me”

Breathe again.

“It was a comment from my local pub landlord. I was showing some pics around, from when Betty and her lot went up Snowdon with us. Shaun, that’s the landlord, he asked who the other little girls were. Enfys and Dafi were who he meant”

“You don’t think that he was just…?”

“No, mate, not like that. It was another thing, really. I had Steph and her man staying over, so we could do some stuff on grit, and…”

‘Oh, love’ and deep breathing from the guest bedroom.

“Let’s just say it’s one thing accepting her as what she says she is when we’re sitting in the pub, and it’s a completely different thing when, you know?”

Keith coughed, looking slightly pink.

“When you realise they’re being rather intimate?”

I nodded.

“Exactly. Not going any further than that, but you get my point. Has Dafi ever said anything like that?”

Vic looked down at his knees before nodding, then shaking his head.

“Not explicitly, no. Couple of times… Said something about girls, and meaning him and Enfys, and… Mike? Remember when he had all those bruises on his face?”

“Yeah. One of those kickings from school”

“No, not entirely. Inside these walls, ah? After that beating, I found him headbutting his bedroom wall. Self-harm. Other stuff as well. To be honest, the only times I’ve seen him happy recently have involved little Enfys. Pen…”

He shook his head once more.

“Not going to say much more. Don’t want to end up convincing myself of something that might turn out to be a mistake, ah? Not trying to put you down, Mike”

“Not taking it that way, mate. Just flying a kite, brainstorming sort of thing. I get that way when I have a shock”

This time, Vic stared straight at me, head cocked slightly to his left.

“I’d guessed that, Mike. It’s one thing I’ve been banking on. Confession time for me: Keith told me some of your history. Going through old pictures, and you’re in so many of theirs, and it was one of those evenings with enough food and too much beer and wine, ha, and malts as well, and he told me about, about your wife, ah? Carolyn? And I remember thinking, when I met you, how strong you have to be to get through that, and be who you are, and we need…”

With that, he was weeping, and Keith was leaving the room to collect some glasses and a small jug of water. As we waited in our manly way for Vic to return to us, he was pulling bottles from a sideboard.

“I think one of us needs to stay sober, and I’m sorry, Vic, that’s not you”

I held up a hand.

“My job, I think, lads. What are you starting with, Keith?”

“Well, a mild one first. Highland Park, ten years old. Orkney distillery, Vic…”

I got them upstairs while they were still mobile, putting Vic into the little girl’s room, before settling myself down for the night on the settee. The phone rang at two AM.

“Keith?”

“No, Pen: Mike”

“What the fu--- I mean, thank god. Wasn’t expecting you. Unexpected weekend?”

“Exactly. Walked into, well, you know. How is he?”

“Ah, curled up with Enfys. How are those two? Pissed?”

“Basically, yes. I saw them work through Keith’s malts, after I volunteered for duty sober person”

She sighed down the phone.

“Yeah, best way. Out of Nansi’s earshot at the moment, so I can talk. Vic was losing it, and better drink in company than solo. Nansi’s not much better, which is understandable”

That was Penny as I knew her, so strong in a crisis she had walked out on Keith rather than see him lost.

“What did Vic tell you?”

“Antihistamine overdose”

“That’s the headline. My worry, and I know the Edwards are on the same track, is what happens next time, what he might take, unless we can sort out the driver. This was no bloody ‘cry for help’ cliché, Mike. If he was doing that, he’d have gone up to Vic or Nansi and said ‘taken pills’, rather than necking a whole bottle and then getting his head down in bed. He was being serious about it”

“I know. Been having some thoughts about it, before this shitshow”

I brought her up to speed with Shaun’s comments, to a chorus of mphs and ahs of agreement.

“Enfys asked me the other day about something the boy asked her: when could he have a different name?”

I could feel the grunt leave me. Penny’s voice was softer when she next spoke.

“You’re thinking about Steph, aren’t you?”

“I am. Could be completely off route, though. What do you think?”

“Me? I wonder, if we’re right, how Vic will take it. Dad and lad, Vic, ever since the birth”

“You say ‘if we’re right’, Pen?”

“Oh hell aye, love. Haven’t I always been the sharper one? Sorry, not meant as a slap. Just rather fucking stressed out. Yes, ‘we’. Lots of little things, clues and stuff, so, yes, we’re on route, or at worst on a variation. Let’s hope it’s Verandah Buttress rather than Sundowner”

I got the reference immediately, the hope that we were on a route with a single hard move before easier ground, and a lot of protection, rather than something that was consistently hard, and effectively a roped solo: come off, and end up in the morgue at worst.

“Got you, Pen”

“Yeah. Let him, her, whatever, let them see they’re on a top rope, not solo”

There were other sounds on the line, and I realised she had followed Vic’s example, weeping as silently as she could manage. You haven’t noticed, Rhodes, not at all.

“The two lads are in bed. I put Vic in Enfys’ room, and I’m in my bag on the settee. Got a plan?”

“Beyond just staying with them till they’re somewhere more stable? Not a chance. Can I beg a favour?”

“Stupid question. What do you need?”

“Nothing much. I will assume that those two will be off driving duties for most of tomorrow, and I need some basics like clean knickers and toiletries. Keith knows where everything is. Oh, and same for Enfys and Nansi so Vic will have something to take his mind off things”

She actually chuckled.

“You always wanted to get into my knickers, admit it!”

Not at all, but she was at least laughing. I found a scrap of paper and made some quick notes as to what they needed, which ward to aim for and so on.

“Got all that, Pen. See you tomorrow?”

“Will do. And Mike?”

“Yes?”

“Thanks, love”

“Don’t be daft, woman. Sleep as best you can, and I’ll get my head down as well. Night”

Not just me, then, wondering about the child. I spread my sleeping bag before stripping down to my boxers and stretching out on the settee, my mind spinning its wheels with images of Dafi as someone else.

The other two lads were slower out of bed than me, but I soon had a couple of packages of clothing and sundries from Keith, Vic taking a little longer to collect his own family’s essentials, but after a skimpy breakfast, I was off on the bike for the hospital.

I’d managed to fit everything into my throwovers, along with the bike locks, so it was a simple stroll along endless corridors until I was at the children’s ward. They had my friends in a private room, thankfully, so we were spared an audience for the inevitable tears. Nansi was almost embarrassing in her welcome.

“Thank god you came over, Mike. How are the boys?”

Pen was standing behind her, and I got a slight head shake, so I made no mention of my thoughts.

“Both a little sore in the head this morning, Nansi. Now, got a mix of stuff here. Yours is this side, Pen and Enfys that one. Blame your husbands for any errors; I’m just the messenger”

“I’m sure it’ll be fine”

“Vic packed some paperbacks for Dafi. I can pick up some comics or that if it would be better”

Nansi shook her head.

“He’s a reader, is Dafi. I mean, he reads books rather than cartoons. Advanced for… for his age”

The cracks were still there, clearly. A nurse tapped on the doorframe, smiling as she asked if she could take the usual measurements, and Pen asked if she could suggest anywhere the girls could go to change, freshen up, et cetera.

“Absolutely! Just along there, two combination shower rooms and toilets. You be long?”

“Shouldn’t be. This is Uncle Mike; he can answer most questions if you need him”

“No. Just usual BP, temperature and blood oxy levels”

“Fine. Back as soon as we can. Enfys? Teeth and face time”

The three were off, drawn by the prospect of cleaner clothing as the nurse bustled through her checks.

“Er, Uncle Mike?”

“Mike Rhodes. Yes?”

“Doctor will be round in about ninety minutes for the daily checks. You okay with Dafi here till the ladies are back?”

I turned to Dafi, asking if he would be all right with me, and he simply nodded. I settled into the easy chair beside him, with a sigh, then looked him in the face.

“Got a question for you, Dafi. Not a nasty one, just something I was wondering about, something that might help. You okay with that?”

He looked away for a few seconds, then back at me.

“You won’t get it”

“I might”

“Mam can’t”

“I think she can, Dafi”

“What’s the question?”

‘First, do no harm’. No choice, Rhodes, and the harm was already evident.

“Dafi, are you really a boy?”

He stared at me, mouth slightly open and tears starting to flow, and slowly but clearly shook his head.

“No, I’m not”