As far as home was concerned, Hannah and I were as close as a couple could be. I was constantly worried that it might all end in tears, and I was regularly being told not to be a silly moo.

Previously...

It had been a magical evening and one that I would remember for a long time. It was toasty warm in the cottage and the fireplace was warm and glowing from the logs that hadn’t fully burnt away. We put more logs on the fire so that when Mum and Dad came home, it would be warm for them.

‘I’m tired,’ yawned Hannah, ‘want to go to bed?’

I looked at the clock, it was only nine o’clock.

‘A bit early, isn’t it?’

‘Well,’ said Hannah, ‘We don’t actually have to go to sleep, there are other things we can do in bed,’

‘I can’t think of anything,’ I replied innocently.

‘I can,’ said Hannah smiling, wiggling her eyebrows suggestively and grabbing hold of my hand.

The perfect end to a perfect day, apart from my poor bruised botty!

And now the story continues…

Life went on as it normally does, well as normal for me as possible. Soon we broke up at college, but to me, that meant that I spent more time at the hospital, doing my clinical placement thing and learning what I could with the help of some very patient nurses and a few sympathetic doctors.

I did as much as I could to help and tried not to get too much in the way.

I marvelled at the hard work and dedication of the nurses, doctors and all the other workers at the hospital. I wasn’t doing anything like the hours they had to do and to put it frankly I was completely knackered when I came home.

Mind you, I was learning so much and had to get used to the harrowing things that can happen in such an environment. The worst one so far was when a little boy came in after being hit by a car while on his bicycle. Unfortunately, he wasn’t wearing a helmet and didn’t survive.

It would be something I would just have to get used to, but I would never get hardened to it.

As far as home was concerned, Hannah and I were as close as a couple could be. I was constantly worried that it might all end in tears, and I was regularly being told not to be a silly moo.

My new mum and dad were everything to me and were, as far as I was concerned, the only real parents that I had ever had. I couldn’t believe my luck and pinched myself on occasion to make sure that I wasn’t dreaming and that I would wake up, still living with my old parents and still suffering at their hands.

One morning, I had got up late as I had been on an evening shift at the hospital. It was about ten o’clock when I came downstairs and yawning hugely, went into the kitchen.

Mum was there and I went over, said good morning and kissed her on the cheek, something that I loved to do. If Dad had been there, I would have done the same to him. Hannah was sitting there with a mug of tea in her hand.

‘Don’t I get a kiss too?’ she asked.

I smiled and did as she asked. It wasn’t exactly a chore, was it?

Soon, I was sitting next to her eating some microwaved porridge covered with warm milk - yummy.

‘So,’ said Mum as she sat there sipping her tea, ‘what are you up to today girls?’

‘Going into Penzance to get some Chrimbo pressies,’ said Hannah, ‘we’re meeting the twins and Megan at half past eleven and catching the bus.’

‘Okay; have a nice time,’ said Mum as she got up. ‘I’m popping over to see Mrs Renshaw, she is feeling a bit under the weather. I said that I would do her shopping.’

‘She must be at least 80,’ said Hannah.

‘88 actually and she has a hip problem now.’

‘That’s a shame, I like her.’
‘I don’t think that you’ve seen her yet have you Emma?’

‘No,’ I yawned, nearly dislocating my jaw in the process.

I was a bit monosyllabic after just waking up. My sunny personality didn’t normally surface until an hour or two after breakfast.

‘Hmm, Emma, you’re not taking on too much are you?’

‘What do you mean Mum?’ I said looking up at her blearily.

‘You are supposed to be on holiday, but you spend most of your days burying your head in medical books and then going to the hospital. You need to slow down a bit. You don’t want to burn yourself out.’

‘I know Mum, but I’m desperate to do well and I need to do what I’m doing to get where I want to be.’

‘You’re no fun at the moment Emma. I want to be a nurse and I’m studying hard too, but you’ve gone overboard,’ said Hannah.

‘I’m going shopping with you, aren’t I?’

‘Yes, but you need to cool it all a bit.’

I sighed.

‘I’ll try,’ I replied.

‘Right,’ said Hannah, I’m going to get changed. Hurry up with your breakfast we don’t want to miss the bus, it’s the last one for two hours.’

‘Alright Miss Bossy Pants, I won’t be long.’

With that Hannah gave me ‘that look’ poked her tongue out and went off leaving Mum and me.

She was looking at me and then, after a moment, sat down again.

‘I’m worried about you Emma. You don’t seem that happy.’

‘Sorry Mum, but I don’t know what’s wrong. I suppose that things are getting a bit on top of me. I keep thinking about my mother for some reason.’

‘Well, she died recently and it takes time to get over a thing like that.’

‘But she was horrible to me.’

‘Yes, but she was still your mother and blood is thicker than water.’

‘I know.’

Mum looked at me and I could see the look of concern in her face.

‘Do you know what I think?’

‘No.’

‘You haven’t let go and said a proper goodbye to her. That’s what funerals are for, to say goodbye. Funerals are for the living and not the dead. The dead have already moved on if you like, but you haven’t.’

‘Probably,’ I replied doubtfully.

‘The day after tomorrow, I’m free. Would you like to go to the crematorium to say goodbye to her?’

‘Do I have to?’

‘No, you don’t. I’m not forcing you but I think that you should go and then you can move on with your life. She was a sick woman. Who knows how much her attitude to you was due to that? You owe it to yourself to go and then draw a line through everything.’

I thought for a moment. What she said made a lot of sense and it might help me to get back on track and be a little bit more cheerful.

‘All right, I’ll go, but only if you and Hannah come with me.’

So there I was on a train with Mum and Hannah on the way back to London for the first time since I left my old family with all the pain, tension and heartache of my previous life behind me. I slept most of the way as I had had another late shift at the hospital the previous evening due to the fact they were desperately short there, as a lot of the staff had come down with either the flu or stomach bug that was doing the rounds. Not surprising, as a lot of people were obviously sick in the hospital and bugs flew around. We all wore masks, but you can still catch nasty things.

Eventually, we arrived, and I was reasonably awake after my extended nap.

We caught two buses and then, there we were at the cemetery.

We went to the office to find out where Mum was. I’m not keen on cemeteries, let’s face it, it isn’t a place that one would go to willingly except to visit the dear departed. My mind was in a bit of a turmoil as we headed in the direction of Mum’s grave.

Hannah held my hand and I was reassured by the presence of Mum. Eventually, we arrived and Mum and Hannah sat on a seat as I walked over to her grave.

On the gravestone, the words said:

We had bought some flowers at the entrance of the cemetery, and I placed them in the vase in front of the headstone.

I felt a lump in my throat as I looked down at the new grave that held the remains of my mother.

‘Well Mum, I hope that you are now at peace. I’m sorry that you never liked or loved me. If you are looking down at me now. I want you to know that I forgive you, as you were ill and probably not responsible for your actions. As it says on your headstone, rest in peace.’

I stood there for a few moments, willing her to speak from beyond the grave and give me a sign that she did care and love me after all, but I heard nothing.

‘Goodbye Mother,’ I said with a choked voice.

I turned away and into the welcome arms of Mum and Hannah. I cried my eyes out and I wasn’t the only one.

As I walked away from the grave with Hannah holding one hand and Mum the other, I felt a lightning of my spirit. I had finally let go and I sensed somehow that things would get better from then on.

And things did get better. It was as if a great weight was now off my shoulders. I reduced the amount of work that I was doing, realising that I was working to forget my past and all the heartache. I eased off my college work a bit, although I did so enjoy studying and I also reduced the amount of time at the hospital, although I did do more than I was required to do and had promised to help out at a couple of the children’s wards on Christmas Day afternoon and Hannah was going too as she had a clinical placement there too now.

Mum and Dad evidently stuffed themselves so much on Christmas Day that they normally spent the afternoon asleep, snoring loudly in front of the telly. This is what Hannah told me and she was a bit biased, but I thought that it would be good to do something nice and worthy at Christmastime and we both looked forward to going.

On Christmas Eve, we wrapped our presents up in secret so that prying eyes wouldn’t find out early what was being given to them. That meant that I went next door to my cottage to do the present wrapping. It was handy that I had that bolthole that I could use at any time.

I now lived permanently at Seashell Cottage and so I did not use my cottage much. I had ideas that I might rent the cottage out so that it might give me a welcome income whilst going through medical school and beyond.

All that was for next year though and we would enjoy Christmas as a family and that gave me a warm feeling in my tummy.

I went to sleep that night in a lot better place both physically and mentally than I had been the previous year.

I was a little hot and sweaty as Hannah and I had been rather athletic in bed and we tried a few new things that we had learnt for Uncle Google, which we shouldn’t have been looking at but did anyway. we couldn’t be bothered to have a shower as we were far too knackered as Hannah charmingly put it and anyway, would wake us up too much.

Christmas morning was a lovely experience for me.

I woke up to Hannah kissing me gently on the lips.

‘Morning sleepyhead,’ she said smiling, ‘Happy Christmas!’

‘Happy Christmas,’ I yawned, what time is it?’

‘Ten past eight. Can you smell the cooking?’

I sniffed.

‘Mmm, that does smell nice.’

‘Eggs bacon, sausages and fried bread. A good, traditional, healthy Christmas breakfast.’

‘Sounds yummy,’ I replied, sitting up.

‘I need a shower first though.’

‘Me too, shall we?’

We shalt.

After our invigorating and up close and personal shower, we got dressed and went downstairs.

Mum and Dad were in the kitchen having a kiss and a cuddle.

‘Yuk!’ said Hannah.

I just blushed.

Mum and Dad untangled but didn’t look too embarrassed at their public display of affection that would have been banned in most public places.

They both looked at us and laughed.

Hannah and I were wearing matching red Christmas pyjamas that we thought that it would be a hoot to wear for breakfast. They were nice and comfortable and very festive. We would dress later, but for now, it was the perfect look.

‘Merry Christmas!’ said Mum coming over and hugging us both.

Dad did the hug thing too and then we all sat around the large round kitchen table and tucking into our breakfast.

The smells coming from the oven were delicious and mouthwatering.

‘So,’ said Dad, ‘are you still going to the hospital this afternoon?’

‘Yes, we said that we would be there by about three.’ I replied.

‘Right, well I want to have a few drinks today and it’s my day off, so I won’t be driving you.’

‘Dad,’ whined Hannah, ‘how are we going to get there, walk?’

‘It’s not far, if you go now you should get there in time,’ he replied with a po-face.

‘Don’t be cruel John,’ said Mum.

He laughed.

‘Well, it’s a good job that one of the patrol cars will be passing by us at about the time you need to go and that they just happen to need to go into Penzance and co-incidentally, they might be outside the hospital at roughly in time to pick you up and bring you home as they would need to patrol our area as part of their duties.’

‘Isn’t that abusing your position,’ I asked innocently.

‘Yes, but rank hath it’s privileges. Don’t you want a lift then?’

‘Yes Daddykins,’ I said getting up and giving him an enthusiastic hug and kiss on his cheek.

‘Yuk, put him down Emma, He’s just snogged Mum and you might catch something!’

We all laughed and continued with our breakfasts.

I won’t go into too much detail about that morning except to say that it was absolutely wonderful and unlike any Christmas I had ever experienced.

OK, I will tell you about a few things. After breakfast, we opened our presents and we had the usual stuff, smellies, undies and choccies. Dad bought Mum a lovely necklace and she bought him a new iPhone which did everything except do the washing up. My special present to Hannah was a cute LBD that she had been lusting about for ages and giving me not-so-subtle hints that she wanted, no, needed it.

Mum and Dad then got up and mumbled something about pealing some sprouts and then left the room together.

Hannah went over to the tree and then picked up a small square gift-wrapped box with a tiny red bow and handed it to me.

Frowning slightly, wondering what it might be, I carefully unwrapped it.

I looked at the small red-hinged box and then…

‘Stop Emma, don’t open it yet.’

She came over and knelt beside me.

I looked at her questioningly. She looked serious and not a little nervous.

Did she want to break up with me? It would break my heart if she did…

‘Emma, you know that I love you?’

‘Yes, of course. I love you too, you know that.’

‘I know that we are still very young but I want you to know that there is no one else in the world that I would ever want to be with other than you.’

My heart was thumping for some reason and I was getting a little tearful and I noticed that she was too…

‘Emma, hopefully one day I will be a nurse and you will be a doctor. We might have to move away from each other during our studies, but I want you to know that as far as I am concerned you will always be the one for me and I love you more than anything.’

‘What are you saying?’

She took a deep breath.

‘You can open the box now.’

With shaking hands, I did as she asked.

Inside was a diamond ring – an engagement ring!

I gasped.

‘I am saying that when we are ready, I want to marry you if you’ll have me. So will you marry me?’

I couldn’t tear my eyes off the beautiful ring. I took it out and placed it on my finger and then looked up with tears in my eyes.

‘Yes, you silly moo, of course I’ll marry you, wherever and whenever you say. I love you so much!’

It took a while to pull ourselves together. We sat on the comfortable settee and hugged closely, my head on her shoulder.

We talked quietly about our decision to become engaged.

‘I suppose that Mum and Dad know about this?’

‘How did you figure that out?’

‘They left the room together and I can’t see Dad peeling sprouts, somehow.’

‘All right smarty-pants. They did know. I spoke to them about it last week. They said that it was nice but Dad said that he was a bit worried, as we are very young to commit ourselves like that. Mum said, don’t be a wet blanket.’

We giggled at that.

‘We are only sixteen, but I don’t care,’ I said, ‘age is just a number.’

‘That’s a bit deep, even for you Emma. Well, I do know that Mum and Dad became engaged at seventeen but didn’t marry until they were twenty-one.’

‘Well, with me studying to become a doctor, we’ll be older than that before I qualify, but according to Antonia, because of my Nan, money isn’t a problem and if we decide to marry before I qualify, then I certainly wouldn’t mind, but we can decide about that later.’

‘Of course,’ said Hannah, ‘I’m only marrying you for your money?’

‘That’s what I thought, and I’m only marrying you because I rather like playing with your body.’

We both started giggling and then Mum and Dad came into the sitting room.

Mum looked at us.

‘I take it you said yes, Emma.’

Sitting up, I waved my finger at them, the stone glittering in the light.

‘What do you think?’

For our Christmas dinner Hannah and I had changed from our festive PJ’s into nice frocks. Hannah wanted to wear the delicate black dress that I gave her, but I said no as she could be a messy eater and she didn’t want to ruin it. So we put on nice dresses that suited the occasion without being over the top. My dress was dark blue, V-necked and cap sleaved and Hannah’s was similarly styled but in maroon.

Christmas dinner was lovely. Mum could really cook and afterwards, I was well and truly stuffed.

Hannah and I even had a glass of red wine and it made us both a bit giggly and in need of strong coffee before leaving for the hospital.

We changed before going out. It was flaming cold outside and thin dresses weren’t a very good idea. Also, for once, we didn’t need to wear our uniforms so I changed into jeans with thick tights and over a silky camisole, I wore a festive jumper with a red-nosed reindeer on the front. Hannah wore jeans too, but her jumper had a snowman with a carrot nose. We both looked quite festive if you ask me.

Mum and Dad were in the sitting room seemingly watching It’s a Wonderful Life but in reality, they were in sleepy mode.

We said our goodbyes and after putting on our hats, coats and scarves, we went out into the wintery cold. There had been a sprinkling of the snow on the ground and the boots we were wearing were a good choice as they were low heeled and had grippy soles.

We were picked up by two nice police officers, Rachel and Sue. They didn’t mind giving us a lift and we had a lively conversation about clothes, makeup, music and other important topics of conversation.

We thanked them as they dropped us off at the hospital entrance. They promised to pick us up from the staff car park in three hours' time.

Soon we made our way to the children’s surgical ward and got stuck in trying to cheer up and have fun with the kids, many of whom were bed-bound and unable to get about. It was nice to see the kids having a nice time, despite their problems. The ward had lots of decorations and a tree in the corner with twinkling lights that all gave the place a more festive look than was normal.

Little Harry had two broken legs due to a car accident and was in traction. He was only 7 years old and I spent some time with him reading him his favourite book I Swapped My Sister for a Stinky Stegosaurus! I don’t know about him, but I thought that it was hilarious!

Maisie had just had an operation and was a bit groggy but she was cheerful enough when I helped change her brand new dolly’s dress and we played a bit of make-believe where she was a superhero, flying through the air and throwing snowballs at yucky, naughty boys.

All too soon, it was time to leave as it was visiting time and I was sure that the kids would prefer to see their parents rather than us. We said our goodbyes to our new little friends, put on our coats, hats, gloves and scarves once again and made our way downstairs and out into the chilly darkness outside.

That was the trouble with winter, it got dark far too early and it always seemed later than it was. The roads and paths were a bit slippery and icy as it was subzero temperatures, surprising as, being in Cornwall, we normally had a milder climate than many other places. Christmas is a time for happiness and good cheer, but the place was buzzing with A&E looking very busy and plenty of ambulances coming and going.

We crossed the road that led to where the staff car park was. Just inside the car park, we could see the police car waiting for us.

‘Good timing,’ said Hannah shivering, ‘I can’t wait for summer.’

Holding hands to prevent us from slipping over we walked across the road. The full moon was out, casting an eery glow on the ground that still had a sprinkling of snow on it and a lot of stars were shining in the almost cloudless sky. I was looking forward to getting home and having some eggnog, whatever that was…

Suddenly, I could hear the roar of a car coming toward us at speed. I turned to look and in an instant I recognised it. It was my father’s yellow SsangYong Rodius, a very distinctive and unusual car in the UK. I knew it was him as in the glow of the street lights, I saw his face, almost touching the windscreen as he came straight towards us.

All this happened in a flash.

His car came at us and I just knew that he wanted to run us down.

I desperately pushed Hannah, who did not seem aware of what was going on, out of the way.

I tried to jump out of the way too, but slipped on the ice before I could escape.

The engine roared and I could hear a scream.

The car hit me with a loud thump and I flew up and over the car, spinning like a top.

I landed heavily but strangely felt no pain.

I heard the sound of a car crash and an explosion, and I felt the sensation of intense heat and then everything went dark.

I woke up to the sounds of beeps. I briefly opened my eyes and then shut them again.

Where was I?

I was disoriented, my thoughts confused.

Opening my eyes again I noticed that the lights above me were dim. I felt a bit of pain in my leg, which was raised slightly and in a cast with my prettily painted red toenails poking out of the end. My chest ached and appeared to be strapped up. I had various leads attached to me and I had more aches and pains in a few places, but the pains were dull except for my head. It felt like the builders were in, using sledgehammers and pneumatic drills enthusiastically.

I quite was groggy though and vaguely realised that I was in hospital and on a bed but I had no idea why.

Then it all came back to me.

The car that hit me.

Dad!

I tried to sit up but groaned as the pain in my ribs and leg stabbed sharply.

‘Ouch!’

I heard a few steps and there she was, my Hannah, her arm in a sling.

‘About time you woke up. I nearly called the undertaker to cart you away. How are you?’

‘Rough, what about you?’

‘Dislocated arm, clunked back in by a dishy nurse by the name of Clarabel of all things, but the arm’s still a bit painful. What about you?’

‘What about me?’

‘How do you feel silly?’

‘Like somebody put me in a spin dryer and spun me on the high setting.’

‘Not surprising really. You shouldn’t summersault through the air like that.’

I was quiet for a moment and then it all came back more clearly.

‘My father?’

‘Sorry Honey, he didn’t make it.’

I felt numb. Maybe I should be a crying wreck, but I think the pills were dulling my senses a bit and the true shock of what happened would come back and haunt me.

‘Tell me about it.’

She dragged a chair up and sat by me, holding my free hand with her good one.

‘Are you sure that you want to hear about it yet?’

‘Yes; please Hannah, I need to know.’

‘All right, but this is going to upset you. Well, we crossed the road to get to the car park and then that car came at us at speed, it was obvious that it was going to hit us and my little heroine, namely you, pushed me out of the way in a split second and then you got hit by the car and you were thrown over it. The car skidded on the icy road and then hit a lamppost at speed and just blew up.

‘There wasn’t a lot left of it or him after the fireball but the reg number was listed as a car owned by your dad.’

‘It was my father; I saw him the instant before his car hit me.’

‘Yes, they are going through dental records but they were pretty sure that it was him anyway. As far as you are concerned, the doctors want to tell you what’s wrong with you but to hell with that I’m nearly, well almost training to be a nurse and I can tell you that you have a broken leg, three cracked ribs and various other smaller problems that the doctor will tell you about.’

‘So, I’ll live?’

‘Probably.’

‘Your bedside manner stinks.’

‘Tell it how it is, I say.’

‘I take it that your pre-nursing training doesn’t include compassion then?’

‘Probably, anyway enough of that nonsense. Mum and Dad will be coming to see you later. Be prepared for fuss bother and tears. Mum will get upset too.’

‘I thought that Dad was the strong silent type.’

‘Nah, he even cried when Bambi lost his Mum when we saw the film last Christmas.’

I closed my eyes.

‘You’re tired, I’ll go and get some of that disgusting dishwater they call coffee from the machine. Are you thirsty?’

I opened my eyes.

‘A bit.’

‘Want some water?’

‘Please.’

She poured some out and gave it to me and then because my hand was a bit shaky, she helped me to drink it.

‘Thanks.’

After I had finished my drink, she took the glass from me and put it on the bedside cabinet.

She sat down again.

‘Aren’t you going to get yourself a coffee? I asked.

Her face sort of crumpled and she started crying.

‘Hannah,’ I said holding onto her hand, ‘what’s wrong Honey?’

‘I…I thought that he’d killed you. You were so still and…and your leg was at a funny angle and... and.’

‘Hannah, I made it didn’t I? I couldn’t leave my fiancée in the lurch now, could I? I’m a lot tougher than I look. Now dry your eyes out, your mascara is threatening to run. You do not want panda eyes. Now, go and get your coffee and get me one too, as long as I’m not nil by mouth or banned from having any. Ask your dishy nurse, what was her name? Oh yes Chlorine, wasn’t it?’

She laughed through her tears.

‘Clarabel, you idiot. I’m allowed to look aren’t I?’

‘Yes, but not touch. Now shoot off.’

She sniffed again and just kissed me and stood up.

‘I love you,’ she said.

‘Me, too you.’

She went out, closing the door quietly.

Then it hit me.

I could have died.

My own father wanted to kill me.

Just by good luck, he didn’t get his wish and died in the process.

Why he wanted me dead, I didn’t think that I would ever know, but it looked like he blamed me for everything.

I must admit that I cried then, big sobbing tears for all the nasty things that had happened lately. This was the second time I had been in hospital due to people who hated me. Was I such a bad person?

I was glad that Hannah took her time getting back to me. She was, no doubt, repairing her makeup. As it was, I had only just pulled myself together when she came back in with two coffees.

She came over, put a coffee on the table and took the lid off hers. Blowing on the drink, she gave a tentative sip and then grimaced.

‘At least it’s wet and warm,’ she said.

‘I’ll try mine in a minute.’

She looked at me.

‘You’ve been crying.’

‘A bit. It’s sinking in now.’

‘Not a very good Christmas is it.’

‘What day is it?’

‘Boxing Day.’

‘Oh no, I’ve spoilt things for everyone.’

I started crying again; not something that I did much, but it was all getting to me now.

‘Stop that. Or you’ll start me off again. Look, Emma, be thankful that you are still alive, and your father is now finally out of your hair. Everyone who knows you loves you to bits. Anyway, we’ve all agreed to put the remainder of Christmas hols on hold until you are out of here. Mum has about a thousand mince pies and other goodies that need eating but she’ll freeze them and then there’s all the chocolates…’

She sighed. She loved chocolate. So did I, come to think of it.

‘I’d love a Cadbury’s Flake,’ I said wistfully.

‘Terry’s Chocolate Orange for me.’

We both sighed.

She stayed with me for about another ten minutes. By then, I was yawning so much that my jaw was in danger of dislocation. Anyway, a nurse came in and had to check my vitals, so Hannah kissed me and said that she would be back later with Mum and Dad.

I was sad to see her go but I was so tired.

I let the nurse do her thing.

When she finished, I asked if the doctor was coming to see me.

‘Yes Emma, he’s on his rounds and will see you soon.’

She smiled and left me.

I looked around the room for the first time and realised that it was a private one, almost like a posh hotel room. That was nice as there would be less chance of dropped bedpans, coughing patients and other distractions. Don’t ever say that money has no uses, in these situations, it’s nice to have some funds to pay for things. I said a silent thank you to my dear nan for all of her help from the other side.

I did miss her so much and wished that I had been able to spend more time with her whilst she was still with us.

The one thing that is normal for a hospital patient stuck in bed is the boredom. I couldn’t even do any studying as I had no books and anyway, the doctor told me that I was to rest my aching head and not stuff it with anything else until I was a bit better. I knew the doctor anyway as I had come across him during my placement at the hospital. He was nice and friendly with a bedside manner that eclipsed Hannah’s!

‘Well Emma, you certainly been through it,’ he said after examining me shortly after Hannah left, ‘you should be able to go home tomorrow. The fracture was a clean one and should heal quite nicely. Your ribs should knit well too. Whilst you were out of it, we did a CT scan of your skull and there’s nothing to worry about there. Your headaches should ease by itself but, as you know, if there are any contraindications like feeling sick, blackouts or if your headaches don’t improve, you must come back, okay?’

I just nodded.

‘Right, I need to go and see some really sick patients now, so take it easy, relax and get yourself well.’

With that, he left me to my thoughts.

Later that day, I had a visit from the police who asked if I was well enough to give them a statement about what they laughingly called ‘the incident’.

I told them all that I knew and when they left, I had another cry. Recalling what happened didn’t help my mental wellbeing.

I was able, with help from a nurse to change out of the awful, drafty hospital gown and into a nice nightie brought in by Hannah and that cheered me up a bit. For some daft reason, I wasn’t allowed to wear makeup. I wanted to hide a rather vivid bruise on my cheek, but the nurse Chlorine or whatever her name was, wouldn’t let me.

Anyway, enough of the Moaning Minnie Mode.

That evening Mum and Dad came to see me and they were a welcome sight. They initially kept off the subject of what happened and I was pleased about that as I didn’t want to think about it. They were cheerful and just happy that I was still alive and would hopefully be coming home soon.

I told them that I would be allowed out the following day if I behaved and didn’t do anything naughty!

Mum went off to get some dishwater – sorry coffee for us and a few magazines for me, and I took the opportunity to talk to Dad, as I had to know.

‘Dad, do you know anything more about what happened?’

He thought for a moment and looked troubled.

‘This might not be the right time to talk about it.’ he said, looking uncomfortable.

‘Please Dad, I need to know.’

He looked at me and sighed.

‘It’s very unpleasant. Are you sure that you are well enough? Wouldn’t you rather wait until we get you home?’

‘No Dad. I need to know now. I’m racking my brain about what happened and why and I’ll not get any peace until I find out what made him do what he did.’

‘Alright but if you get too upset, I’ll stop.’

He looked out of the window for a moment and then back at me. He held onto my hand.

‘Your father left a note…’

‘A note, where?’

‘In the hotel room that he was booked into. We traced it through his credit card statements. Anyway, I can’t let you see that note at the moment as it’s evidence and anyway, I wouldn’t recommend it; trust me, it’s nasty. The note told us what we suspected but couldn’t prove. Your father killed your mother by giving her an overdose of the pills she had taken that had been dissolved in a drink of gin and tonic…’

I gasped and gripped his hand tighter.

‘Are you sure that you want…’ he said.

‘Please.’

‘Okay. He wrote that he wanted her dead because he could not take it anymore. Her mental illness and you had ruined everything for him. He blamed her for your birth and you for her mental illness. He just didn’t want another child and he thought you were never a normal boy. He got a private detective to investigate things and, after fishing about, he somehow found out about your grandmother's will and the sections of it that he wasn’t aware of and importantly, what had been left to you, your brother and sister. During the investigation, he discovered that you were living as a girl in a cottage that, according to your father, should have gone to him and not you. By the way, that’s all he found out. I understand Antonia gave the man the brush off when he tried to find out more about you and your finances and she did not divulge anything to him. However, a girl in her office was sacked due to some breaches of confidentiality, so you can read into that what you will.

‘The detective was a good one and he managed to find out your new name and also that you were often working at the hospital. How your dad knew that you were going to be at the hospital on Christmas Day, I don’t know, but suspect that he or his investigator have been following you; your father seems to have been a very obsessive character. Anyway, regarding the note, he said that he wanted you dead and that he would do it as soon as possible, probably by running you over somehow. He was vitriolic about what he felt about you. He finally wrote that he had had enough and believed that you had ruined his life. He had nothing to live for and would kill himself after finishing you off as he charmingly put it. He was a bitter and twisted man. There were other things in the note that were disturbing, and I don’t think that you should ever read it. We have the name of the investigator and will be looking for him. We need to interview him as there may be charges brought against him.’

By now, I was in a bit of a state and luckily for me, just then, Mum came into the room and immediately came over and hugged me, telling Dad off for upsetting me.

‘I needed to know Mum.’ I said as she comforted me.

It took a while for me to get over what Dad had told me and I decided early on, that I would never read what I considered to be a suicide note. To me, he was never a father and I would shed no more tears over that imbittered and disturbed man. I decided that I would not be attending his funeral, whenever that would be.

At some stage, I was to be referred to a psychiatrist to work through my problems and what had happened to me. I would have to do that regarding my transition anyway, but I was not looking forward to reliving all of my past.

That night, I was woken up several times by a sadistic nurse to check that everything was okay. This was normal procedure for concussion patients but didn’t help me rest very much.

Those times that I did manage to sleep, I had a recurring dream about my father’s attempt to kill me and Hannah too. Unpleasant dreams or rather nightmares but, I supposed understandable in the circumstances. I had touched on PTSD during my studies, and it was obvious that I was badly affected by my experiences. I only hoped that the bad stuff would fade in time and then I would go back to normal, whatever that was. Maybe the psychiatrist would help me with that?

The next day, I was allowed to go home, which was nice. I preferred to be a prospective healer in a hospital rather than a patient and anyway, I much preferred Mum’s cooking! Mum had brought me a long skirt and top as anything with legs was out of the question. I had on a thick woolly jumper, coat scarf and gloves, all to keep the cold out.

Having a broken tibia was a pain in the neck… was I mixing metawhatsits there?

I had to use a wheelchair with my leg sticking out and getting in the way. It was almost like a lethal weapon, sticking out like that. I could have used crutches, but it wasn’t advisable as that would have put an unnecessary strain on my leg.

Luckily, the hospital had transport for me and took me back home. With Mum and Hannah following in their car, we left the hospital and made our way home.

As we left the hospital, we passed by the place where ‘the incident’ happened. My heart sort of flipped as I looked at it. My father’s car or what was left of it had been taken away. The lamppost was still there but at an extremely strange angle, the broken light nearly touching the ground. There were heavy scorch marks where the car had caught fire and I had a sudden flashback about what happened. I shivered and wondered at what speed his car was doing when he hit the lamppost. Hannah and I had been lucky that the police car that was to give us a lift home was there and able to help us. I thought that I would have to find out their names and thank them sometime soon.

We arrived home and with a bit of a fuss, the ambulance driver decanted me and Mum and Hannah somehow got me into the cottage and after taking off my outside clothes, I sank into an armchair with thanks, my foot resting on a convenient pouffe footstool.

It was nice to be home in the cosy sitting room with the Christmas decorations and tree with the lights twinkling on and off.

I was tired, due to the lack of proper sleep, the medications and all the stress and before I knew it, I was asleep.

When I finally woke up, it was dark outside, and the lights were on. I was in the room by myself, and the fire was cracking gently in the grate.

I yawned. On the coffee table was my mobile phone and I picked it up, I had several messages from my brother, sister, Megan and the twins, all asking me how I was and when could they come over and see me.

I smiled. I had so many people who cared for me and it was a stark contrast to my previous life where I couldn’t count on friends with even one finger.

Hannah came in and smiled as she came over and kissed me gently on the lips.

‘Hello sleepyhead.’

‘Hi.’

‘Feel a bit better?’

‘Yes, now that I’m home and with you.’

‘My phone’s been running red hot with the messages about you. Even Ivy and Len sent a text.’

‘I didn’t even know that they could text.’

‘Don’t be nasty and ageist; everyone is worried about you.’

‘That was a bit insensitive, sorry.’

I yawned.

‘Not still sleepy are you? You could sleep for England.’

‘I know, it’s the painkillers, I think.’

‘And the stress?’

‘Hark at you, the almost Miss Nurse.’

She stroked my hair, which was rather nice.

‘When I’m up to it, we must go shopping,’ I said, looking at her pretty eyes.

‘What for?’

‘You gave me an engagement ring and I need to get one for you.’

‘That sounds nice. One with a rock that’s so big that my finger might have trouble carrying the weight?

‘Dream on!’

To be continued...

Please leave comments and let me know if you want this to continue. Oh, and if you can, please do the kudo-thingie... thanks! ~Sue