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Previously...

I had some duck food somewhere and I would maybe give them a treat later, but for the moment, I was glad to just sit there in the peace and quiet. The peace was shattered when my phone went off. I looked at the number but it was one I didn’t recognise.

I swiped the screen and said ‘Hello?’

‘Hi, Chr…I mean Emma?’

It was my brother, I would recognise him anywhere.

I sighed.

‘Hello Tommy,’

I had some duck food somewhere and I would maybe give them a treat later, but for the moment, I was glad to just sit there in the peace and quiet. The peace was shattered when my phone went off. I looked at the number but it was one I didn’t recognise.

I swiped the screen and said ‘Hello?’

‘Hi, Chr…I mean Emma?’

It was my brother, I would recognise him anywhere.

I sighed.

‘Hello Tommy,’

And now the story continues...

‘Em, how are you?’

‘Fine.’

There was a bit of a silence and then I heard a girl saying something in the background.

‘Give it to me doofus,’

‘Hello Emma, I’m Tommy’s girlfriend, Tamsin How are you?’

‘Ok, thanks.’

‘Look, you know what Tommy’s like. He has wanted to speak to you for ages, ever since we found out about your changes from your sister, Anne. He’s got this guilt complex thing about how he treated you and he thought that you might blow his head off if he spoke to you. I, being the intelligent one, decided enough was enough. He needed to mend bridges with you and that’s why he rang. Anne is going to be down in your neck of the woods next week and I have persuaded Tommy, by telling him that he had better get his finger out, that he's to come and see you too, otherwise there would be consequences and withdrawal of privileges, if you know what I mean. I’ll come because I’m dying to meet you and because I’m a nosy cow. What do you think?’

She seemed to say all that without drawing breath, which was awesome.

I sighed.

‘Okay, he can come.’

I’m pretty sure that I didn’t sound to enthusiastic.

‘Good. What’s your email address?’

I told her.

‘I’ll send you details later. I must go now. Do you want to speak to him?’

‘All right.’

‘Is that an all right, yes or an all right, no?’

‘Yes, I suppose so.’

‘Okay, look forward to seeing you and your sister, I’ll pass you over.’

There were some mutterings in the background and then Tommy came to the phone.

‘Emma.’

‘Yes Tommy?’

‘Sorry, I’ve been a bit of a prat.’

‘Yes, I know.’

‘I’m sorry. No excuses. Tamsin and Anne helped to show me what a right berk I’ve been.’

‘So, you’re coming over next week?’

‘Yeah, we need to talk.’

‘I think so too. Look I have to go, send me the details and we’ll go from there.’

‘Okay Emma, and I am sorry.’

‘I know, you already said. See you then, goodbye.’

‘Bye.’

I put the phone down.

From the above, it might seem that I was a little cold. Well, I had bad memories of how he treated me in the past and I wanted to see him face to face to see if what he said were merely words or if he meant what he said.

Time would tell.

I went back home. Hannah was still asleep and snoring heavily. I decided to go for a run, so without waking her, I grabbed my running kit and did just that. I usually ran when I wanted to think things out. The exercise helped clear my mind of any fog that I might be feeling and on this occasion though, it just helped to bring back memories of my dysfunctional family.

Tommy, as far as I could remember, cared little for me. He was older and had friends of his own. He had no time for his small brother. When we did interact, there was, as far as I was concerned, simply no chemistry between us. He just wasn’t interested in me. He occasionally called me a sissy…enough said.

I think that Tommy bought into the idea, peddled by my parents, that I was just some sort of spare part, unwanted and unloved. I now know that his mind had been poisoned from a young age to be against me. He had been pressurised, especially by my father to be good at games, tough and not be bullied by anyone, without realising that what he was doing to me could be construed to be a form of bullying, in the guise of mental cruelty.

At least he never hit me.

So, I had Tommy disliking me and not wanting to have anything to do with me and under the influence of my father And then, there was my sister Anne, under the malevolent clutches of my mother, who went overboard in lavishing affection and stifled any individuality that my sister might possess.

What a charming, lovely family I had been born into!

It was marvellous that Anne and Tommy had managed to escape from the clutches of my parents. It looked like my leaving home might have been the catalyst for them to do something positive about the possessive and stifling influence of my parents.

I wanted to forgive Tommy, but I was unsure as to his reaction to me when we finally met. Let’s face it, we had all suffered in different ways because of our oppressively dysfunctional parents.

I had heard nothing else regarding my father except that Antonia had managed to arrange a restraining order on him. Whether that would work, only time would tell. I just never wanted to see or hear of him again. My mother was in hospital I was told, but I had no idea as to her condition. I would like to have been charitable about her because of her issues, but in my heart, I felt no love for her. Perhaps I was harsh, as she had been mentally ill for many years, but there had been too much water under the bridge for me to feel any other way.

I continued on with my run. Over in the distance, I could see some dark clouds forming over the sea and then I saw a few flashes of lightning and soon after the rumble of thunder which showed that we were in for some rough weather.

Not wanting to get soaked, I turned around and made my way back up the beach. And then up the lane leading to the cottage.

When I got back, Lazy Bones was in the kitchen in her nightie, drinking coffee and looking tired and hot.

She coughed and then sneezed.

She looked up and smiled tiredly.

‘What’s up Hannah?’

She picked up a white plastic strip and showed it to me.

‘Bloody hell. You’ve got Covid!’

‘Mmm, I thought that we were past all that.’

‘No, it’s still around,’ I said, ‘though not so virulent.’

She coughed again and sounded like she was smoking fifty cigs a day, although, I knew that she had never smoked in her life.

‘God, I feel rough.’

‘You look it. Go back to bed, there’s a good girl.’

‘Yes Doctor,’ she replied wearily as she got up rather shakily.

She nearly fell over, so I helped her upstairs and into bed. I then got her a couple of paracetamols as she also had a bit of a headache. I grabbed an ear thermometer and one of the disposable probe covers from the medicine cabinet and went back into the bedroom.

‘I hope that you have clean ears, young Hannah.’ I said severely.

‘Of course,’ said Hannah between coughing, ‘cheeky cow!’

I pushed her damp hair back and put the thermometer probe in her ear. After a moment it made a series of beeps. I took it out of her ear and looked at the results. 38.7 degrees, quite high. She was burning up a bit and she looked quite ill.

‘Right, I’m ringing the doctor, stay here.’

‘I’m not about to go anywhere,’ she gasped between coughs.

I blew her a kiss and went downstairs. I rang my favourite doctor, Doctor Sullivan and after a few moments managed to talk to her; that’s what happens when you are a private patient. I would have probably had to wait for up to four weeks on the NHS.

‘Hello Emma, what’s up?’

‘It’s Hannah, she’s got Covid, her temperature is 38.7, she has a cough, she’s wheezing and has a headache. I’ve given her some paracetamol.’

‘She showed positive on the test?’

‘Yes.’

‘Hmm, have you got a blood oxygen monitor?’

‘I think so. Mum had Covid last year, quite bad evidently and she had one then.’

‘Use it on Hannah and give me a ring back with the readings.’

‘Will do. Speak to you soon, bye.’

I put the phone down and went upstairs. As I thought, the monitor was in one of the drawers and it was still working okay.

Hannah was lying back on the pillow and breathing a bit heavily. She opened her eyes and smiled rather wanly as I placed the monitor on her finger. After a moment it showed a reading of 92. Low but maybe not too dangerous.

I went out of the bedroom and rang the doctor back.

‘Hmm, 92, not good but not terrible either. I want you to recheck every hour and if it goes anywhere near 90 let me know.’

‘Is there still a lot of Covid about?’

‘Too much for my liking, but it isn’t so virulent now. It’s mainly the elderly or people with a poor immune system or underlying health problems that are considered to be most at risk, although some healthy people have it rough too.’

‘Is there anything more I can do?’

‘Give her plenty of drinks and ibuprofen for her aches and pains but don’t exceed the recommended dose. If things are bad you can alternate between paracetamol and ibuprofen though. Try not to get too close, as Covid is still quite good at transmitting itself. She will need plenty of rest. Let me know if she gets any worse.’

‘Thanks doctor.’

‘No problem.’

I poked my head around the door. Hannah seemed to be asleep, but she was wheezing a bit. It seemed like the bug had really affected her. She was breathing heavily earlier and was snoring more than usual. I felt guilty that I hadn’t picked up on that and felt very sorry for her. I wanted to give her a cuddle, but that wouldn’t have been very wise.

I went downstairs and texted Mum.

Hi Mum, Hannah’s got Covid. She’s in bed. Doc says to keep an eye on her. xxx

Almost immediately my phone rang.

‘Emma, I got your message. Is she all right?’

I told her the symptoms and what I had done for her.

‘I’ll be back in about an hour. Thanks for looking out for her. See you soon.’

‘Bye Mum.’

I made Hannah a hot lemon drink with honey and took it up to her. She was awake and just staring at the ceiling, wheezing slightly.

Sit up,’ I said, helping her.

‘Here, drink this.’

She took the drink and sipped it and then had a coughing fit.

I held her drink until she stopped.

‘I’ve spoken to the doctor and she said take plenty of liquid, rest and don’t give it to anyone else, especially me.’

‘I’m not keen on your bedside manner,’ she croaked.

‘You love me really.’

‘Sometimes.’

‘Mum is on the way home.’

‘Good, I need cossetting.’

‘You don’t do “ill” very well do you?’

‘No, I hate being ill.’

She coughed and spluttered a bit and then drank the rest of the honey and lemon.

‘Better get some sleep now, we can go out for a run later.’

‘Ha ha, I don’t think.’

‘Call me if you need me.’ I said.

I kissed her on her damp forehead and then she settled down. I would check up on her regularly as per doctors’ orders.

I picked up some of my clothes from a chair.

I left her to it and closed the door quietly. I wondered if I would catch Covid as we had been very up close and personal lately.

I shrugged; I couldn’t do anything about that now. I just got out of my damp running gear and then had a nice shower. After drying myself off and dressing, I went downstairs and into the kitchen. I made myself a coffee, very much afraid that I was turning into a coffee junkie!

I supposed that there are worse habits.

Going into the living room with my drink, I sat down in the comfy armchair that I usually use. After a few minutes, I heard the front door open and close.

I got up with my mug and went into the kitchen.

‘Hi Mum.’

‘Hello love,’ said Mum, putting down some shopping bags, ‘how is she?’

‘Not great, but the doctor got me to take her temperature, it’s a bit high and her blood oxygen levels are slightly on the low side, but not too bad. I gave her a drink a little while ago.’

‘Thanks love, I had better go up and see her.’

She left me and went upstairs. I washed out my mug and then went back into the sitting room grabbing my work bag as I went.

I opened one of my medical reference books and proceeded to do a bit of revision, although, what with worrying about Hannah, I wasn’t fully concentrating on the subject.

About ten minutes later, Mum came down.

‘She’s sleeping. I checked her temperature again and blood oxygen, both the same as before. We’ll keep checking regularly. It’s a pig of a disease. I got it quite bad and I’m still not a hundred percent. Anyway, are you alright?’

‘Yes.’

‘Well, we won’t take any chances, you’ll have to sleep in the spare bedroom until she isn’t infectious.’

I thought that would be the case, but it was sad that I couldn’t sleep with her for a while. The most important thing was for her to get better.

And get better she did. She was considered infectious for a week, and I couldn’t get too near her for a while. She had it relatively mildly, as she was young and fit. Her temperature came down after a couple of days and her blood oxygen levels returned to nearly normal as well.

Of course, being Hannah, she moaned about it all, but it was a good sign of her getting better, although her cough did persist for a couple of weeks. I wasn’t allowed back in our bed for ten days, just in case and it was frustrating for me but, not so much for Hannah, who wasn’t really up for hanky-panky for a while.

I would have liked to put off seeing my brother and sister because of Hannah’s illness, but because of Anne’s study schedule, it had to be that week or leave it until the vac, I opted to see them in a pizza restaurant on the following Tuesday after Hannah was confined to bed.

Hannah wanted to come but that was impossible, then she had the clever idea of my asking Megan to go with me.

‘You’re not as silly as you look?’ I remarked.

‘Bloody cheek!’

I phoned Megan and she was happy to come with me. She knew all about what had happened to me and realised that I needed moral support.

I booked a table at The Boatshed Restaurant in Penzance. It was a nice restaurant with separate booths which helped with privacy. I didn’t want anyone overhearing what we might be talking about!

We arrived slightly early. I had wondered what I should wear. Anne had seen me and knew what I looked like now, but Tommy had not, and I wondered how he would react to my appearance. In my mind, I shouldn’t give a damn what he thought. If her didn’t accept me, I would just walk out and never see him again.

I know that my sister had already said that Tommy knew of my circumstances and the fact that I was living as the girl I had always been, but I had enough insecurity to realise that words didn’t mean much when being confronted with someone who just wasn’t the same person you had last seen as a boy, if you know what I mean.

It was confusing even to me!

Back to what I should wear.

It wasn’t so warm now so my favourite, a sun dress wasn’t exactly suitable, I would freeze to death. A bit of a dramatization, but I didn’t want to be cold.

On one of my occasional forays into Penzance for clothes, I had picked up a faux black leather skirt and it looked great on me, according to Hannah and the twins anyway. After faffing about for a while I decided that I would get it, as it was on sale and no poor little moo cows were killed in the making of it. It was a bit shorter than I was used to and went down to mid-thigh, but that together with slightly thicker black tights looked kind of cool. On top, I chose a white crew neck long-sleeve jumper over a satin camisole top and a slightly padded bra, as the girls needed slightly more growth before I would be satisfied.

I took my pink puffer jacket with me too, as the weather at that time of year was changeable, to say the least and anyway, I loved the colour. I wore black heeled ankle boots to complete the ensemble and I managed to get the approval of Hannah and Mum before I left.

Before I left home, with Mum being the designated taxi service, I was careful with my makeup, using the less is more theory, meaning that I had nice enough skin not to have to plaster makeup on. I was getting quite good at applying makeup but still found it a bit tricky around my eyes. Twice I had to reapply mascara but finally managed to have the right effect. I loved the way my face changed when I applied makeup. It made me feel and look so much more feminine, although Hannah always says that I was more girly than the girliest girls she knew.

I think that that was a compliment!

As I said, we were early and I ordered a Coke, I was hyper enough without getting a buzz from coffee, not thinking that Coke had caffeine in it! Megan had the same and we sat there and made small talk. Megan was her usual pretty self, wearing jeans and a cream top. She too had a puffer jacket but in sky blue.

About five minutes after we sat down, Anne came in followed by my brother and a girl, slightly older than me. She was blond and very pretty, but my eyes were really on Tommy as he looked around the restaurant, presumably looking for me.

Tommy’s eyes reached me and then passed on and then, as Anne waved at us and then led the way to our table, he finally realised who I was, and his eyes opened wide.

I was uber-nervous, of course. Was that look a show of disgust? Would he laugh at me? Would he be aggressive and ultra-macho, like Dad? All those questions ran through me in the moments before they reached us.

Megan and I stood up as they arrived. I gave Anne a hug and then hesitantly turned to Tommy. He was looking at me with a puzzled expression.

‘What?’ I asked.

‘Erm.’

‘Oh for God’s sake give her a hug,’ said Tamsin, standing next to him grinning, ‘she’s your bloody sister, not a stranger.’

He smiled ruefully.

‘Sorry Sis,’ he said and then did something that he had never done before.

He kissed me on the cheek and then did hug me.

I was determined not to cry.

But of course, I did.

It took a moment a pull myself together but soon, we all sat in the booth which was big enough for eight but there were only five of us.

I had Megan sitting on one side of me and Anne on the other. Sitting opposite was Tommy and Tamsin.

The others ordered drinks and we all looked at the menu. I won’t go into much detail about that as it’s boring, but I had a burger and French fries if you’re really interested.

The other girls talked a lot but I, together with Tommy, didn’t contribute much to the conversation. I think that we both felt a bit shy and awkward.

Tamsin was a breath of fresh air. A no-nonsense pretty girl with long straight blond hair that was natural and not out of a bottle. She was obviously in love with Tommy and I could tell that he had the same feelings for her.

The meal was excellent, as it always was there, but I wasn’t concentrating on it. I was glad that I was in company, as I had very little to say except pass the salt and mayo. Tommy was the same, but he kept glancing at me, no doubt taking in my appearance and the way I behaved.

Did he think that I was just a boy in a skirt, wearing makeup like a clown?

As the meal continued, I was getting a bit stressed, wondering if this meeting was a good idea. I almost said that I had a headache or something just to end it all, but, I just kept quiet, answering questions if asked but not getting involved in things.

Eventually, after about a century, we finished eating.

Megan then turned to me.

‘I think you need to go for a walk to clear your head. Put on your jacket, as it’s not that warm.’

‘You too Tommy,’ said Tamsin, ‘Go and keep your sister company.’

I looked at Tommy and he shrugged, smiling ruefully.

I reluctantly got up, put on my coat and followed Tommy out, leaving the warmth and security of the restaurant.

Outside, it wasn’t too cold. Winter was around the corner and the Sun still had some warmth in it.

We walked in silence for a few minutes. Ahead was a sort of shelter which overlooked the beach and we went over to it and sat down.

We sat there a few moments, saying nothing.

I had had enough. I turned to him.

‘Tommy, what is it?’

He looked at me with a puzzled look on his face.

‘What do you mean?’

I’m getting the silent treatment. Am I that much of a disappointment to you? I thought things were alright when you kissed me and hugged me earlier.’

He looked at me in horror.

‘No. it’s not that.’

He looked over at the beach and the few people still on it, mostly dog walkers. The tide was coming in and soon everyone would be gone, and the sea would cover the few carefully constructed abandoned sandcastles as if they had never been made.

‘Then what is it?’

He turned to me and took a deep breath. Then the dam burst.

‘I feel very guilty about the way I treated you all those years. I didn’t understand what you must have been going through. I was your big brother, and I should have protected you, but I didn’t. Dad taught me to stand on my own two feet. He pushed me and pushed me, just like Mum did with Anne in a different way by suffocating her with too much love and affection. Our parents never loved you and tried to poison us against you. I never hated you, I just thought that you were different somehow and I couldn’t really connect with you. Dad didn’t help. From when you were young, he told me that I mustn’t get involved with you and I must just concentrate on being the best at everything. I suppose I bought into that a bit and I feel so guilty about the way I treated you.’

He looked away and as he did that, I saw the tears in his eyes.

I reached over and held his hand, feeling a similar wetness in my eyes that soon ran down my cheeks. I wondered in passing how good my makeup was in these circumstances.

He looked down and then at my face. He reached over and gently wiped a tear from my cheeks. This wasn’t the brother I knew.

‘We’re a right pair, aren’t we? I’m so sorry Emma. You have been through hell, and I haven’t been any help. If it’s any consolation, I wish that I could just turn the clock back and stand up to Dad.’

‘And what do you think about your brother actually being your sister?’

‘When I walked into the restaurant, I just didn’t recognise you at first and then all of a sudden, I did recognise you, sort of. Under the makeup was you, but not the you I once recognised as a brother. This was the real you and it was a big shock. Yes, Anne had told me about you but that didn’t prepare me for the shock of seeing the new you. I’m babbling. Do you know what I mean?’

I laughed.

‘I think so. Do you like the new me?’

‘Fishing for compliments?’

‘Yes.’

‘I think that you have always been my sister am I right?’

I nodded.

‘And you hid it from me and everyone else?’

Once again I nodded, evidently losing the power of speech. I had a lump in my throat that was almost painful.

‘Well Emma, I think that you are as pretty as Anne. I wish that I had realised who and what you were when you were much smaller. I wasn’t a very protective big brother, was I? I also wish that Dad and Mum could have treated you kinder than they did. I know that they had serious issues, but they shouldn’t have taken it out on you and neither should have I. I am so sorry Emma about my part in all this nastiness. Can you forgive me?’

‘I forgave you as soon as you kissed and hugged me in the restaurant. It’s lovely to have you as a brother and not someone who was so bad to me in the past. I will never speak about it again and I want you to promise me that you won’t either.’

He nodded and then we hugged again before leaving the shelter and returning to the others in the restaurant. I held his hand which was maybe a bit weird but felt rather nice.

We went back into the warmth of the restaurant and walked back to our table. The others stopped talking and looked at us expectantly.

‘Aww,’ said Megan, ‘they’re holding hands.’

‘Shut up Megan,’ I said smiling.

To be continued...

Please leave comments and let me know if you want this to continue. Oh, and if you can, please do the kudo-thingie... thanks! ~Sue