Previously...

‘How did Armstrong get my old address?’ I asked, feeling sick to my stomach.
‘He must have managed to get the information somewhere. Perhaps from the college?’
I was feeling a bit faint, and my heart was pounding.
‘Emma, are you still there?’
‘So, he probably knows that I’m now Emma, that I’m in Cornwall and that I have been able to finance going through college and probably other things that I don’t want him and my mother to know?’
There was a pause.
‘I think that you can assume that Emma.’
‘Oh God!’

And now the story continues…

‘Are you still there Emma?’

‘Yes, what am I to do Antonia?’

‘You want my advice?’

‘Please.’

‘Will you let me handle it?’

‘What will you do?’

‘I will contact the college on your behalf and tell them about what has happened. As far as I am concerned, there appears to be a breach of confidence, but I will proceed with caution as we do not know exactly how Armstrong got his information. If you are asked about this by anyone at the college, tell whoever it is that it is in the hands of your solicitor who has told you to not comment. If they have any problem with that, to them to contact me.’

‘So you think that I should return to college?’

‘It’s up to you Emma, but if it was me, I would say to hell with it all and try to carry on as normal.’

‘And what about my father?’

‘I will make arrangements for a restriction order to be placed on him to ensure that he cannot get anywhere near you on the grounds of the mental cruelty that he has placed you under.’

‘What about my mother?’

She seemed to hesitate.

‘Antonia?’

‘Your mother has been sectioned again and is in a mental hospital. She attempted suicide a short while ago.’

‘Oh God.’

‘This isn’t about you Emma, she has been unstable for years. I understand that even before you were born, she had major issues stemming from a very unhappy childhood. Do not blame yourself.’

‘I don’t, I have known about my mother’s instability for some time and my father’s come to that. Can you wonder why I wanted to get away from them? It doesn’t surprise me that she tried to take her own life, or maybe it was a cry for help, and she meant to be found. I don’t know how her mind works but I know that she can be devious and manipulative. I should feel sorry for her, I know, but I’m just glad that I’m away from her and him. If I never see either of them again in my life, I’d be happy.’

I know how it must have sounded, but I had lived a hell of a life with them and I just wanted nothing to do with either of them.

Was I bitter? Probably.

Perhaps I wasn’t such a nice girl, after all. No doubt, others would judge me or not.

‘Okay, Emma, I know your feelings on this now. I will get in touch with the college after my meeting and let you know how I get on.’

‘Thanks, Antonia, for all you are doing.’

‘That’s why I’m here stop worrying and let others do it for you.’

I laughed, if only it was that easy!

I looked out of the window and smiled. Hannah was coming up the path with Mum. She must have cadged a lift with her.

I went downstairs and gave them both a hug and a kiss.

‘What’s that for?’ asked Mum as she put down some shopping bags.

‘It’s been a bad day and it’s nice to see some friendly faces.’

‘Do you want me to thump someone?’ asked Hannah with a scowl on her face and trying to look fierce.

I laughed, she was all talk and no muscles. She couldn’t fight her way out of a wet paper bag.

‘Maybe later,’ I laughed.

‘Let me sort these bags out and then we can have a nice cup of tea,’ said the ever-practical Mum.

Tea, the answer to all our problems!

Soon, we were sitting around the kitchen table where I told my small audience all my woes.

‘So,’ said Mum, ‘Antonia is going to sort things out?’

‘Yes, that’s what she said. I don’t know what I’d do without her.’

‘She’s a good person. I’m sorry to hear about your mother,’

‘Can we talk about something else now,’ I said, ‘Hannah, why was you called in to see your tutor?’

‘Is that the time, I need to go and change. I said to Megan that we’d meet all the girls down by the quay after tea, I need a shower.’

With that, she shot out of her chair and hurried upstairs.

‘I’ll get it out of her later.’ I said smiling.

After tea, we were down at the harbour where we met our friends Megan and the terrible twins Sophie and Stephanie.

It was still quite warm, but there was a slight chill in the air coming off the still sparking blue sea.

We were sitting outside the coffee shop, sipping our drinks and watching the world go by. There weren’t so many people about, as the end of the holiday season was approaching. I wondered what the place would be like in the winter. Well, I wouldn’t have long to wait.

‘So Emma, are you going to tell us about it or are we going to have to drag it out of you.’

‘What do you mean?’ I asked feigning innocence.

‘Armstrong, you had a row with him and all of a sudden his gone.’

‘How do you know that?’

‘Rumour going around. You know what college is like,’ said Sophie.

‘I haven’t said anything to anyone.’ I replied.

‘Emm, tell them,’ said Hannah, ‘ they are worse than the Gestapo. They’ll start pulling out your fingernails and then your teeth if you don’t tell them what’s happened.’

I sighed.

‘I can’t believe how things are at the college. I was hoping that my problems were going to be kept secret, but the place seems leakier than a sieve. Alright, this is what’s happening.’

I told them all the gory details about Armstrong and his sudden absence.

‘What a pig,’ said Sophie, with Steph, nodding in agreement.

‘Megan, have you had any problems in the college?’

Megan was in the same position as me, she was trans.

‘No, not really, I got the cold shoulder from a few people I thought were my friends, but other than that, I wasn’t very newsworthy. After all, there are, I believe, quite a few students and, if rumours are true a few of the tutors and professors, who have what could be called alternative lifestyles.’

‘You mean LGBQT and other stuff?’ said Steph.

‘I think you mean LGBTQ plus young Steph,’ said Sophie with a superior air.

‘I get confused with all that alphabetic spaghetti and anyway Sophie, I’m at least five minutes older than you.’

‘Prove it…’

‘Mum said…’

‘Girls, enough. It isn’t about you it’s about Emma and Megan.’ said Hannah in a somewhat superior voice.

‘Thanks Hannah,’ said Megan, ‘anyway, as I was saying I haven’t had too many problems. Although I think that I was lucky as I didn’t have any studies with Armstrong. One of my friends, Petra told me that he once upset her, but she wouldn’t go into it. She told her course tutor and Armstrong evidently had to grovel and apologise; something about it all being a misunderstanding.’

‘I think he’s a right pig,’ said Hannah.

‘Don’t insult pigs,’ said Steph.

We all giggled.

The next day, I went to college, using the bus, for once. I had never travelled there on the bus and Hannah and I met the other girls at the bus stop. The bus was late, it usually was, and that was why it was best to get there in time to catch the earlier one, just in case one or other was cancelled. Confusing? Well, you should live in rural Cornwall and you would know what I’m on about.

I was wearing jeans, a T-shirt and a lemon-coloured hoodie. I had to start looking like the other girls in the college and although I much preferred dresses, it was getting colder now and the clothes that I had on, were more appropriate for the time of year. I had been careful with my makeup and had applied slightly more than usual. I was being silly, I know, I looked and felt like a girl, but I decided that I didn’t want any chance of people thinking that I was a boy.

Hannah said that I was being paranoid and she was probably right, but I felt a bit safer for some reason. On our journey, we picked up Megan and the twins amongst others and it was nice to have all my friends near me.

We arrived at the college in good time and after various hugs and goodbyes, promising to meet up at lunch, we all went our separate ways. Hannah lingered.

‘’Right Emma, any problems let me know.’

‘I will, promise.’

‘Come here,’ she ordered as she dragged me around the corner out of the sight of any prying eyes.

She gave me a toe-curling French kiss that made me have evil but delightful thoughts about what we might get up to later and then, all too soon, she went her way and I went mine.

I was a bit early in the lecture hall but saw a few faces I knew and gave them nods and smiles. I went to sit in my normal place and waited for the seats to fill, which they soon did.

Shortly after, Miss Hamilton swept I and made her way to the lectern.

‘Right people, let’s get to it…’

She didn’t mention the fact that she had taken over from Armstrong and I was pleased with that.

She was a very good lecturer, and she had our attention for the whole of the period.

When the lecture finished, she called me over as the last of the students left and I was about to follow them.

‘Hello Emma, I’m sorry to hear that you had problems before. Let me assure you that you will not have similar problems with my teaching you. I have read some of the work you have submitted so far and am extremely happy with it. Unlike some I won’t mention, I have no hang-ups or favourites. If you have any worries or concerns, please let me know.’

‘I will and thanks.’

‘No problem. Now I must rush, I have a meeting in ten minutes.’

With that, she was off, leaving me smiling. Perhaps things would be better here in future.

I’m pleased to say that things did get better for me at college and in the following few weeks, nothing much happened, and things were relatively normal; normal for me anyway.

The weather was not as nice as Autumn crept in. It rained a lot, one of the downsides of living in the southwest. I went to the tennis club occasionally; weather permitting and met a few people there who gave me a decent game. One of the girls, Andrea, I got quite friendly with. She was a slightly better player than me and I liked that, as I very much wanted to improve my game.

I was asked more than once by a few people, whether I would be willing to play in league matches the following year, but I turned down the requests as I did not know whether my gender status would be an obstacle to my playing for the women’s team; I had a sneaky feeling that it would. I just gave the excuse that due to intensive studying, I just did not have the time to play regularly and I wouldn’t want to let anyone down.

There had been a lot of talk in the media about girls in my position not being able to play in many sports, due to possible advantages like being born a male and having bigger muscles and lung capacity than genetic females. I was as skinny as a rake and lacked anything like what you would call a muscular body. In my opinion, a whelk had more muscles than me!

Hell, I had seen some girls at my college with more muscles than quite a few men, but who was I to judge?

In my opinion, the world was going mad. I had even heard that the International Chess Federation will no longer allow trans women to compete in top-level female tournaments. What was that all about?

I still went out running, weather permitting as I wanted to stay fit and healthy, sometimes dragging a protesting Hannah with me.

One day, Dad came home from work and asked me to go into the conservatory to have a chat.

‘Can I have a quick shower or is it urgent.’

‘You do pong a bit!’

‘Dad, cruel and unnecessary!’

‘Not from here it isn’t.’ he replied holding his nose.

I had just got back from walking the nutcase - no not Hannah, Charlie the dog.

Charlie was, to say the least, worn out, as I had taken the opportunity to go for a little run across the beach and he followed me or tried to. He had, of course, been distracted several times and had gone in the inviting water and was therefore, after our run, a bit damp, to say the least. I had towelled him off and he did this trick of shaking himself free of water with me, stupidly standing next to him.

Hence, I was damp and slightly sweaty or is that glowing?

I didn’t respond to Dad other than intelligently poking my tongue out and then going upstairs for a quick strip and shower.

I have no idea why he laughed.

After dressing and coming back down, I grabbed a coke from the fridge and found Dad in the conservatory, on the phone.

You may be wondering where everyone else was. Well Mum had gone next door evidently to have a chinwag with Ivy, who was doing her cleaning thing, and Hannah, believe it or not, was at Girl Guides. Yes, she was one of those strange creatures. I never fancied doing all that stuff as I didn’t like woggles, ging gang goolies or being organised, but she was a leader of some sort, I think a Ranger. I wasn’t sure. She wanted me to join, but I was a bit iffy about it, because of the being organised thing and my situation, gender-wise. I know that I am a girl, but others might not agree with me.

Mind you, I do like a girl in a uniform, well one girl in particular!

I sat down and sipped my drink

Anyway, back to Dad. He put his phone down and looked at me.

‘You look a bit more human now.’

‘Thanks.’

‘No problem. Now I wanted a quick word.’

‘What about?’

‘The assault on you.’

My heart sank slightly.

‘Yes?’

‘The boys have changed their minds and have agreed to plead guilty.’

‘That’s good isn’t it?’

‘Yes, it means that you won’t have to appear in court,’

‘Why have they changed their minds?’

‘They were told in no uncertain terms by their brief…’

‘Brief?’

‘Solicitor. As I say, they were told that if they pleaded not guilty, they would almost certainly have a longer sentence. To be honest, they didn’t have a leg to stand on. They saw sense, eventually.’

‘What does that mean? Will they still be put away?’

‘The court has already sentenced them. As you know, they have been in custody ever since they were caught. They were sentenced to six months in custody and one year in the community, supervised by the Youth Offending Team The guidelines are that they have already served the minimum three months detention and therefore they would be released under that supervision and will have an electronic curfew or tag. If they come anywhere near you, the authorities will know about it. If they break any of the conditions, they will be arrested and a very severe punishment meted out. Are you happy with that?’

‘So, they are out now?’

‘They are to be released on Monday.’

‘It doesn’t seem like a very harsh punishment; look what they did to me.’

‘I know Emma. It’s not fair, but that is how the courts sometimes deal with people especially if they are not adults. Our prisons and youth custody facilities are close to breaking point and this is the way the authorities deal with it. If it was me, I would push for a much harsher sentence but that’s the way things are now as our hands are somewhat tied to what the CPS say.’

I thought for a moment.

‘Are they sorry for what they did?’

‘They say that they are, but words are cheap, and they did get their friends to threaten you with that letter.’

I thought about what happened, I was still having the occasional nightmare. I had several worries at the moment and this one was at the top. I had been dreading what would happen when the boys went to court and what I might have to do. I was sure that I would need to stand up in court and explain a few things that I didn’t want to be made public. Oh, I knew that I was supposedly protected because I was only sixteen, but word would get out about who I was and my gender situation somehow, I was sure of that.

With the sentence, the boys would be out of my hair for at least a year and that was something. Knowing them, they would get into trouble somewhere else whilst on probation or whatever it’s called now and with luck, put away for much longer.

‘What do you think, Emma?’

I shrugged.

‘It seems that the decision has been made without any input from me, which I think is very unfair, but all in all, I just want to move on with my life and not worry or keep looking over my shoulder. So, I’ll just move on and try to put it behind me. You never know, they might be changed characters, but I’m not holding my breath on that.’

‘I think that you are right about this. Life’s too short. Anyway, I thought that I would let you know as soon as I could.’

I went over to him and hugged him.

‘Thanks for being here for me Dad.’

‘As I’ve said many times, that’s what I’m here for.’

‘Aww.’

A few more weeks passed and I was getting into my studies, more and more. The course I was on was an introduction to further, more advanced courses that I would have to study in the following years. I found the work enjoyable and quite time-consuming. I looked forward to going to medical school when the time came and as long as my results were good, it looked like I would be accepted.

I was advised to apply for a clinical placement at West Cornwall Hospital in Penzance, handy for me as it was fairly close to the college. It would mean that I would spend several hours a week in a hospital environment, helping out, wherever possible, and observing all things clinical.

I was pretty keen, as it would give me a taste of what life would be like in the medical profession and it was very much encouraged by my tutors. I managed okay with the interview with HR at West Cornwall and was offered an initial temporary position that would be made more or less permanent if things went all right.

It appeared that there was quite a strong connection between my college and the hospital and that helped oil the process, as were the quite nice referral letters from my tutors.

I would start the following week, and I was looking forward to it. I would be given uniforms and then some orientation, safety training and other things necessary to let me loose on the wards or wherever they chose to place me.

I was really looking forward to it. Hannah, wanted to do the same, as she hoped to be a nurse, but her studies meant that she couldn’t do anything until maybe the following term.

We still met up with our friends on a regular basis, either in college or in one of the cafés or restaurants down at the beachfront or harbour.

Occasionally, I met up with Megan alone and we discussed our rather unique situation. It was lovely being with the others, but Megan and I had a bond that others couldn’t really fathom. I was a bit envious of Megan, she was further ahead than I regarding her gender journey for lack of a better word. I often asked her advice about things, and she was a mine of information. She was on blockers and was a bit envious of me as I had small but developing breasts. She kept asking for HRT and she kept being told that she had to wait until eighteen. She was very pretty and if I didn’t know, I would never suspect that she was ever a boy in any way shape or form.

It was Sunday morning, and I woke up in the arms of my Hannah. She was snoring slightly, but I was desperate and in need of a wee, so I got up, luckily without her waking and went to the bathroom and did the business. I was wide awake now, so, shivering slightly as I was only in my nightie, I padded back to our bedroom, picked up some clothes that I had left out the previous night and went back to the bathroom for a shower.

Twenty minutes later, I was downstairs making myself some coffee using the machine thingy that gurgled when you pressed the button and squirted out a measured dose into the mug. I was normally a hot chocolate girl, but I was developing a taste for coffee. It might make me slightly hyper, but I sometimes needed a kick start in the morning after a heavy night, if you know what I mean.

Mum and Dad had gone off early to the Sunday Market and wouldn’t be back until lunchtime. After which we would all go down to the harbour for a carvery from the pub. I sat at the kitchen table, sipping my hot drink and wondered what I would do after breakfast. I should have done some studying or had a look at the information pack that had been emailed by the hospital regarding my placement, but I wasn’t in the mood for once.

I picked up my phone. There was not much on it except an email from the hospital admin asking if I had received the information pack.

I quickly replied that I had and put the phone down.

Knowing Hannah, who wasn’t great at getting up early at the weekend, she would fester in bed for at least another hour. I wouldn’t wait for her and made myself some toast and yet another addictive mug of coffee. At this rate, I would be climbing off the walls by lunchtime.

I finished the coffee and toast and decided to go next door, I hadn’t been there for a few days, and I wanted to make sure that everything was okay.

I left a message for Lazybones, in the unlikely event that she was actually downstairs in the next hour or two, and then went next door.

Opening the front door, there were a few useless flyers and advertising letters on the doormat. No nasty surprises there though. The last thing I wanted was a poison pen letter!

It was a bit stuffy in the cottage and I opened a couple of windows and the French doors as it was, for once, quite bright and sunny. A nice change from the rather drizzly and wet weather that we had been having of late.

I sat outside on the patio for a bit and watched my resident ducks doing their thing on the pond at the end of the garden. There were three of them there and I wondered if it was some sort of ménage à trois situation.

I had some duck food somewhere and I would maybe give them a treat later, but for the moment, I was glad to just sit there in the peace and quiet. The peace was shattered when my phone went off. I looked at the number but it was one I didn’t recognise.

I swiped the screen and said ‘Hello?’

‘Hi, Chr…I mean Emma?’

It was my brother, I would recognise him anywhere.

I sighed.

‘Hello Tommy,’

To be continued...

Please leave comments and let me know if you want this to continue. Oh, and if you can, please do the kudo-thingie... thanks! ~Sue