Previously...

I noticed a spec of chocolate on my silky top and removed it carefully. The last thing I wanted was a brown stain that might be hell to remove on the delicate material.

With the key in hand and books cradled in my chest, I opened the door and gasped.

There, in front of me was Anne, my sister!

‘Sorry, I must have the wrong…erm, Christopher, is that you?’

And now the story continues…

I slammed the door in her face and sank to the ground.

It couldn’t be her!

But it was!

Anne!

There was a loud knock on the door.

I did nothing. I was breathing heavily as if I had just done a five-mile run. My heart was hammering in my chest and I felt like I was about to faint.

There was another and another knock.

‘Chris, answer the door.’

I was near to panic. How did she find me? What the hell was going on? maybe she’ll go away?

Just three things out of many that I thought of in a very few moments.

Another knock, much louder this time.

‘Chris, I’m not going away, answer the damn’ door!’

She sounded a bit annoyed.

I grabbed my phone and texted.

Mum, Anne has turned up. She’s outside.

My mother and father and maybe my brother might be nearby. I was worried, to say the least.

Strike that I wasn’t worried, I was terrified!

And still, she knocked and shouted for me to open the door. She was making enough noise to raise the dead.

I wouldn’t answer it. I couldn’t answer it. It was my worst nightmare; that they would come and get me or try to make me go back with them.

It was irrational. They couldn’t stand the sight of me. Why would they have any interest in what I was doing or where I had disappeared to?

The knocking and shouting had suddenly stopped.

I could hear voices, although I couldn’t make out what they were talking about but I think that it was just my new Mum and Anne. I couldn’t hear anyone else. Maybe the rest of my hated family weren’t around?

After a few moments, the voices gradually faded away.

After a few moments, I felt brave enough to look out through my letterbox.

No-one there.

They could be hidden around the corner though.

I went and sat down in the kitchen after making doubly sure that all the doors were locked. I then got up and grabbed a glass and had a drink of water, my teeth chattering slightly against the glass.

Why was I so panicky?

I was sixteen now and I had the law on my side. I couldn’t be forced to go back with them, could I?

But they didn’t want me anyway. They had made it abundantly clear over the years that they did not love me or want to have anything to do with me. I didn’t want them either.

I was going around in circles. Nothing made sense.

I wondered what was going on. Anne had gone away. Mum might be doing something but I didn’t know what.

My phone bleeped. It was Hannah.

Wots goin on? I’ve been told to disappear up to my room like a 10-year-old and this strange girl is with Mum. She looks a bit like you.

I texted back.

It’s my sister

Blimey, heavy stuff. Want me to duff her up a bit?

Not yet, maybe later.

Want me to sneak out and come to you?

Not now but I might need a cuddle later.

Ok honey. You know where I am. In our bedroom like some little kid.

I had to smile despite my problems.

Love u. xxx

U 2 with bells on. xxx

I put my phone down feeling marginally better, despite my problems.

It was quiet for about five minutes with me winding myself up with “what if” scenarios that did me absolutely no good.

I was sitting at the table feeling miserable when my phone rang.

It was Mum.

‘Emma, are you okay?’

‘Not really. What’s going on?’

‘You can come back now.’

‘Is my sister still with you?’

‘Yes,’

‘What about my parents?’

‘They’re not here; they are in London.’

‘I don’t want to see her.’

‘It’s best that you do.’

‘She hates me.’

‘She doesn’t. Look come home, will you? I promise that everything will be all right.’

I thought for a moment.

‘All right I’ll come back, but if she says anything nasty or starts shouting at me, I’m out of there.’

‘It’s going to be all right. Please come home Dear.’

‘Okay, but I mean it; any problems and I’m leaving.’

Reluctantly I got up and left the cottage. I realised that I would have to face her as she didn’t seem to be going anywhere.

I took the short walk from my cottage to what I considered my new home. Going in, I shut the front door quietly and went into the kitchen.

Mum was there by herself.

She took one look at me and came over, hugging me fiercely.

‘Right Emma. You need to speak to her. It’s for her to tell you what you need to know. I promise you that you will want to hear what she says.’

‘But I’m a girl.’

‘That’s obvious; have you looked in the mirror lately?’

‘She thinks I’m a boy.’

‘Does she? Look, I promised her that I would let her explain herself to you. She’s in the sitting room. Go now, please.’

She kissed me on the cheek and smiled.

I looked at her and knew that I was not going to get any more information from her.

I sighed, turned away and found myself heading for the sitting room, my heart almost literally in my mouth.

Standing outside, I took a deep breath and then opened the door.

She was looking out of the window, arms folded. She looked a little taller than I remembered and her hair was longer. She was eighteen now. Legally an adult. She was wearing jeans and a blue silky top. The combo suited her.

On hearing me she turned around and looked at me.

‘Hello Emma, you look nice.’

She was smiling. She was pretty when she smiled.

‘Erm, thanks.’ I replied awkwardly.

‘Shall we sit down?’

I nodded.

I sat on the settee, making sure I swept my skirt under me as I did so.

She sat opposite in an armchair.

‘Why are you here?’ I asked, my voice sounding slightly harsh.

She smiled ruefully.

‘Mmm, well I didn’t expect much of a welcome. Not surprising after all you went through.’

She looked out of the window for a moment and then back at me.

‘Claire told me about what’s been going on in your life. I understand that you call Claire and John, Mum and Dad now and that they’ve sort of adopted you.’

‘Yes, they are a hundred times better than my old parents and Hannah is my new sister and girlfriend too.’

She nodded.

She was calm as if nothing would surprise her about me.

‘I’ve not come to hurt you in any way. Can I explain a few things to you?’

‘I’m not going home.’

‘I don’t expect you to. I wouldn’t be in your position either. In fact, I don’t live there anymore. Are you ready to listen without jumping down my throat?’

I nodded reluctantly.

‘Firstly…’

The door crashed open and Hannah stormed in. She was red in the face and looked about ready to explode.

‘Don’t you dare hurt my Emma,’ she shouted, looking menacingly at Anne.

Anne didn’t seem too worried about the outburst.

‘I don’t intend to. You must be Hannah?’

‘Yes. I mean it. She’s my girlfriend and sister and I won’t have you upsetting her.’

‘ I won’t; girl guides honour.’

‘Hmm, are you all right with this Em?’

‘Yes, although I don’t remember you being in the girl guides, Anne.’

‘I was for about two weeks. Mum insisted that I go. I hated it; too many people ordering me about, a bit like at home. Look Hannah, if you want to stay, I don’t mind, if Chr… sorry Emma doesn’t mind.’

Without asking me Hannah plonked down heavily beside me and grasped my hand.

I looked at Anne enquiringly.

‘Right, I want you to understand Emma that I never hated you.’

‘What!’

‘It’s true I never did. In fact, I was jealous of you.’

‘Jealous?’

‘Yes. You know mum. She was always all over me like a rash. Making me do what she wanted me to do. She dressed me up and treated me like a little doll. She was suffocating and I had no freedom to do what I wanted to do, ever. She was always pushing me to be the brightest, best girl in school. I pretended to like her being like that. I wanted an easy life and any time I tried to push against her, she went ballistic. She frightened the life out of me. You know how intense she can be. I know now that she had a screw loose. Some sort of hormonal imbalance or some such. She had a bad time giving birth to you and evidently suffered from bipolar postpartum depression. I only found out about this recently and I think that that accounted for why she is what she is.’

‘So she’s sick?’ I asked.

‘I suppose so.’

‘And she took it all out on me?’

‘And me too in a different way and I suppose even Tommy. Anyway, as I say, I was jealous of you. I didn’t realise how much you must have suffered. I just thought that you were effectively out of the firing line where she was concerned. I got all the cloying attention and you were ignored. She just didn’t care about you and Dad, being a weak individual, has always been under her thumb and followed her lead.’

‘He’s a big man and strong enough to deal with her, surely.’ I protested.

‘You would have thought so, wouldn’t you? But he loved her, maybe doted on her and toed the line as far as she was concerned. Regarding Tommy, Dad decided to try to make him strong and aggressive, I think because he couldn’t be that way himself with Mum. He wanted his son to be a stronger individual than he could ever be.’

‘I don’t believe this.’

‘Yes it is hard to believe, isn’t it? Well, it's true. Before you sneaked away, I was already planning to go. I did not need to stay with them with Mum’s continual cloying attention dragging me down. I was going to university, Oxford actually. I had the money, Nan left me some in her will, more than enough to pay for a decent education. She was a one, wasn’t she? She realised that I was caught in a situation not of my making. I know that you were Nan’s favourite, but I honestly didn’t mind. You had a raw deal from dear Mummy and Daddy and deserved all you were given by her.’

‘Nan helped you as well as me?’

‘Yes, and she helped Tommy too financially. He’s much nicer than the obnoxious slob he was while living at home; once out of our parents' toxic influence, he found a girlfriend at university. She has her head screwed on and has turned him around. I think that you might like him better now.’

‘Nan never told me this.’

‘No, she never told us about you either.’

‘So how do you know about me?’

‘I’d like to know that too,’ said Hannah who always liked to be part of the conversation. She had been bursting to say something, anything, for a while now.

‘Antonia.’

‘What our cousin, the solicitor?’

‘Yes. Nan had given instructions to keep a close eye on us all and if and when the time was right, try to get you, Tommy and me back together somehow. She never gave us specifics about how to do that, as Nan had no idea if her plans would work out. Antonia wasn’t to give too much away but just enough to nudge us in the right direction.’

‘Did Antonia tell you about me being a girl?’

‘No, just that you had changed for the better and you might have moved down to the West Country.’

‘How did you know I was here?’

‘I guessed it as a possibility. I did the Miss Marple thing and sort of investigated. You were always very close to Nan and I wondered if you might move down here. Nan once mentioned, I think by mistake, that she had a cottage in Porthlowen that she occasionally went down to. I thought about that and wondered what happened to it after she died. There was no mention in the will about it. I made some enquiries and found out that she hadn’t sold it; easy enough to find things like that out on the Internet. I came down yesterday on a whim and stayed at the local pub, The Nags Head.

‘Early this morning I came across an old postman and asked about Nan’s cottage. I said that I wanted to see it whilst I was in the area. He probably shouldn’t have told me, but he was so chatty, I couldn’t get away from him. He told me more than I would ever want to know about certain members of the community. He then said that an Emma Penhaligon was living in the cottage now.’

'Oops.’ I said.

‘Yes, oops,’ she laughed, ‘You should have chosen Smith or something rather than Nan’s surname. Anyway, I wondered if it was another relative that she had given the cottage to. Then I knocked on the door and there, in front of me, was a pretty girl that I sort of somehow recognised.’

‘Me,’

‘Yes, you.’

‘And do you like the new me?’ I asked rather shyly.

‘Of course, you’re my sister. The one who used to borrow my clothes when I was little.’

‘You knew?’ I gasped.

‘Yes. I saw you once when I came home early from school. You had one of my old dresses on in your bedroom. You looked rather pretty even though the dress was about three sizes too big for you. Also, I saw that some of my clothes were in slightly different places sometimes.’

‘You never said anything.’

‘No.’

‘Why not?’

‘I heard you tell Mum and Dad when you were very little that you was a girl and you wanted to be like me. I liked that. I wasn’t keen on boys and I thought that anyone with a bit of sense would want to be a girl rather than a horrid smelly boy. I would much rather have had a sister rather than another brother like Tommy.’

‘You should have said. I would have loved to have been your sister.’

‘And get treated like me with Mum? I didn’t realise how she felt about you. You really wouldn’t have wanted her cloying attention anyway. I do know now that she still wouldn’t love you whether you were a boy or a girl.’

Hannah was still holding my hand. She wasn’t saying anything. Very unusual for her.

‘Because she’s ill?’

‘Partly; but there’s another reason.’

‘What.’

She looked at me.

‘I’m not sure I should tell you. I don’t want to hurt you.’

‘I don’t understand.’

‘Tell her,’ said Hannah, ‘you can’t leave it like that.’

‘Before I left home, Mum and Dad were constantly quarrelling. It had gotten worse since you left. Tommy had already disappeared off the scene. They had no one to spite against, I suppose, and they turned on each other. I was glad that I wasn’t targeted. Mum still thinks I’m her little Barbie Girl.’

She shivered and then continued.

‘Dad said that he was fed up with her moods and that she had driven Tommy away and she was driving me away too. I didn’t know what he meant but then he carried on to say that their marriage was all lies…Look, I’m not sure that I should tell you this.’

‘Too late. I need to know.’

I was gripping Hannah’s hand tightly and she moaned slightly.

I turned to her.

‘Sorry Hannah. Do you want to go outside?’

‘Not on your life. I want to hear this.’

I loosened my grip on her now slightly sweaty hand.

‘Okay,’ said Anne sighing, ‘here goes. It looks like Mum had an affair with someone, I don’t know who, so don’t ask me. Dad found out about it because he had suspicions and had her followed by a private investigator. Dad said that he was going to leave her but Mum persuaded him to stay; saying it was a one-off and meant nothing. Evidently, things changed after that. Dad only stayed with Mum because of Tommy and to a lesser extent me. He was surprised when she got pregnant again and he tried to get Mum to have an abortion but you know Mum, she’s deeply religious and doesn’t believe in abortion.’

‘If she is so deeply religious and believes in the sanctity of marriage, why did she have an affair?’

‘I don’t know. I didn’t know anything about it until recently,’ replied my sister.

‘When I was younger,’ I said, ‘ I overheard them speaking about me and that Mum should never have had me as she was on the pill. They never wanted me and I got the blame for all the problems they had afterwards.’

‘It wasn’t your fault Emma so don’t even think it. Anyway after they got over the shock of having you, Dad went soft again and Mum got the upper hand. Even though he’s big and strong, he’s mentally weak and Mum was once again, the boss. This changed when first Tommy then you and finally I left home. He started to hate Mum and her constant sniping.’

We were quiet for a few moments and then I picked up the conversation.

‘So Dad has stopped being a doormat with Mum now?’

‘Yes; I think something snapped. For too long he’s been under her thumb because of misplaced love. He’s getting a divorce. I think that he realises that he has wasted his life with her. All of us children leaving home at short notice must have turned him somehow. I don’t know, but I’m only guessing.’

‘Divorce?’

‘Yes, and Mum didn’t take it well. Dad is living in a hotel and Mum is under the doctor. She was in a mental hospital for about a week, but was released a few days ago. I know this because I’ve kept in touch with Mrs Jenkins next door. So now you know. Lovely family, aren’t we?’

I let go of Hannah’s hand with a smile and got up.

Anne stood up too, looking uncertain.

‘Oh Anne!’

I went over to her and gave her a big hug.

Hannah came over and joined us.

Soon we were all in tears – happy tears.

Life, for me, was never going to be the same again. I had my sister back and hopefully my brother too.

At last, my previous life was making more sense. My mother and father had issues, disturbing issues and I was not to blame. It wasn’t my fault that I had been born. I was obviously lucky that Mum didn’t have an abortion. That was one thing I was thankful for. From the day I was born, I wasn’t given any love from my parents and I could never forgive them for that, even though they had serious issues themselves.

No more guilt trips that I was to blame for the way they treated me.

I was only thankful that Anne and I had found each other at long last. I hoped that sometime I would meet up with Tommy and his girlfriend so that we could repair the damage caused by our toxic upbringing.

That afternoon, I went for a walk along the beach with Anne. Hannah was giving me and Anne a bit of space to get to know each other properly. We had a lot of catching up to do.

‘So Anne,’ I asked, ‘when did you leave home?’

‘A short while after you. They couldn’t stop me but Mum tried her hardest to get me to stay. It was creepy the way she was behaving, almost hysterical. Like you, I left it until late at night when I knew she was asleep. She uses sleeping pills and Dad had been drinking, a lot, so I had no problem leaving undetected. Perhaps I should have told them my plans, but I just couldn’t take the grief that would cause. I’m due to go up to Oxford in a week’s time, so I can stay around here for a bit if you want me to.’

I put my arm in hers.

‘That would be great. I don’t start my studies proper until next term.’

‘So my little sister is going to be a doctor?’

‘I hope so. What are you studying at Oxford?’

‘The law, I want to be a barrister.’

‘Wow, how long will that take?’

‘Three years in college and then a one-year bar course followed by one-year pupillage, all paid for by Nan. I wish that we had been closer.’

‘It looks like you’ll be in education almost as long as me!’

We both laughed.

‘So,’ I asked, ‘is anyone in your life?’

‘You mean romantically?’

‘Yes.’

‘Not at the moment. Mum discouraged anything like that and I was too weak to do anything about it; something I’ll always regret. I haven’t had much opportunity until now but I’m hoping some incredibly handsome hunk might turn up in college.’

‘Boys do nothing for me. Do you mind that I prefer girls, or one in particular?’

‘Of course not. Hannah’s nice but a bit extreme sometimes!’

‘That’s my Hannah.’

‘Do you like it down here, it’s a bit far away from any action?’

‘I like it. It definitely grows on you.’

‘So, tell me about how things have been since you left home.’

So I told her. I won’t repeat it all as, if you have been paying attention, you already know.

By the time I finished my story, we had made our way to the coffee shop and were sitting outside sipping our drinks.

Anne had a flat white coffee and I had a hot chocolate, despite the weather being so warm.

Anne looked a bit shocked.

‘You were lucky you weren’t raped by that boy.’

‘I know. If he had gone much further he would have had a bit of a shock as I had unwanted extras in my panties.’

‘Are you going to have corrective surgery on your bits?’

‘As soon as I’m old enough. I could go abroad now to have it all done, but you hear stories and anyway, I am still growing and I’m patient enough to wait. When the time comes, I’ll go private to avoid waiting lists. I’m already under a private hospital and doctor and it will all be arranged through there.’

‘So, those boys who attacked you. They’re pleading not guilty?’

‘Yes, they want their day in court. Well Ms Barrister, what do you think of their chances?’

‘Slim to none. I would have thought. Their solicitor should read them the facts of life. They will probably be dealt more harshly than if they plead guilty.’

‘I think that they want to humiliate and embarrass me in court.’

‘A lot of rapists like to do that. It’s a power thing.’

‘Then there is the fact that I have been threatened.’

‘Yes; that’s not good. At least your brand spanking new Daddy is a policeman and will protect you!’

We both laughed at that.

She sipped her drink, looked at me appraisingly and shook her head slightly.

‘What?’

‘How anyone could ever think that you were a boy, I’ll never know. Look at you in that pretty sundress and hair down to your shoulders. You look stunning with that flawless makeup. You cow, you are better at this girlie look than me and you blush like a girl. You were never in a million years, a boy!’

We both giggled at her outburst. I did like this new version of my sister and I wished that I had known more of her like that than the rather remote one that I was used to.

‘Tommy was always confused about you,’ said Anne after a while, ‘you never acted what he considered a boy to be like. Growing up under Dad made him think that all boys should be big and strong; never cry and try to beat the hell out of everyone else at everything.’

‘Some girls are competitive.’ I protested.

‘Yes, but boys are different. Tommy liked to show off how good he was at things like football and cricket. He had to be the best and that was because Dad prodded him on. The fact that he wasn’t the best, made Dad all the pushier. As I’ve already said, despite what he appeared to be to us, Dad wasn’t dominant in our house; Mum was and I think that he took it all out on our Tommy.’

I looked out at the people going past. This was the holiday season now and you could tell the visitors from the locals. Visitors in bright sometimes inappropriate clothes and locals, more subdued and normal. Hawaiian shirts and shorts don’t look good on middle-aged men with paunches and don’t get me started on what some of the women wore!

Was I getting a bit catty?

I looked at my watch.

‘I suppose we should get back. Mum will have food on the table soon and she doesn’t like it to go to waste or get cold.’

We gradually made our way back to Seashell cottage

‘I like your new Mum. I don’t blame you for sort of unofficially divorcing our parents. They haven’t done much for you or any of us for that matter.’

‘No, they haven’t. Am I wrong to hate them? I know now that Mother, as I like to call her, is ill. Should I feel guilty about it?’

‘After she and Dad abused you? No, I don’t think so. As I’ve said before, none of this is your fault. You’ve started a new life. You should let the past stay there and move on. I’m doing it, so is Tommy and I think you should too.’

Our heart-to-heart chat made me feel better. For years I had wondered if it was my fault that they didn’t love me. Now I was older, I could finally see the bigger picture and start looking forward rather than back at my troubled past.

To be continued...

Please leave comments and let me know if you want this to continue. Oh, and if you can, please do the kudo-thingie... thanks! ~Sue