Driven from Normal .

Simon McKenzie started his week normal enough, but after a series of events he found himself standing in a bar wearing a cocktail dress. Chapter 20.

It took a few moments for enough moisture to build back up in my mouth so I could swallow and begin forming words.

“Fifteen K? They won't pay that sort of coin will they?”

“Not a shit show, but I'll start there and let them knock me down ‘til they think they’re getting a good deal!”

Chalky shuffled more papers around his desk in a piss poor attempt to tidy the mess up.

“I’d say somewhere between Eight to Ten… But you never show your best hand too soon, and anyway, it’s still pretty good for a few days graft!”

“Yeah, so there you go! Have a think, let me know next week what you think and we’ll go from there.” He finished then leaned forward on his desk, inter-linking his fingers.

“It’s a big decision….” I replied, still a little dumb struck

“Nah, not really. Just yes or no”

“What would you do?” I asked him.

Leaning back in his seat again, he replied “Well…”

“I think you should do it, then I'll get my Twelve percent” He let out another loud grunt laugh and slapped his desk again with the palm of his hand.

“Nah, buggered if I know. Depends how much you like shaggin’ ‘round an dressin’ like that I ‘spose.”

Chalky leaned back in his chair pushing hard enough that it groaned under the strain. He sat in silence, just looking at me in a half trance….

“Did you get eyes for Christmas? I said, snapping him back to the conversation.

“Hah, yeah, nah, I was just thinking… I’ve known you for what? Five years… If I didn’t know better, I’d have put money on the fact you’d been born a front bum!”

“Lovely! Mum actually said something similar…”

“Mmmm, it's true. I would have picked you lookin’ more like one of those weirdos on a Saturday night in Manchester Street, trying to get Twenty bucks for a blowy… But shit Simon, that couldn’t be further from the truth, you actually look very attractive.

I kept as straight of a face as I could, but replied with smirk,

”Homo!”

“Yeah, I know!” he grinned, blew a kiss then stood up,

“Righto, Fuck off! I’ve got shit to do!”

I walked back to my car a bit on autopilot, only taking a quick break from my thoughts to glare in the window of that Coffee shop, the dippy mole never even looked up, she’s definitely now on my list though.

When I flopped myself into the front seat of my car, I just sat there, thinking, wondering, pondering, daydreaming, still not really having any answers to anything, just more questions.
I glanced over at the folder of information Chalky had printed off for the coming weekend's job, flicking through the pages without actually looking at anything.
My current job was pretty good, the money was reasonable, it was fairly stress-free, and normally I didn’t need to pretend to be a girl. Until last week it was more or less my dream job and I had absolutely no interest in any type of career change at all, well, other than a full time drive with a race team, No! it still was my dream job, I wasn’t going to give that away, but maybe I could add to my income stream with a little side hustle.

“Shit I’m hungry!” No breakfast and it was well past lunch time.

I started the car, still a bit dreamy and distracted to be honest, and drove off, it wasn't until I was trying to balance the clutch at a set of traffic lights that I realised I had been driving in the heels, and now I was aware of it, it was very noticeable; Literally like driving with blocks on the pedals. I also had no idea where I was even going, I wanted food but past that, Zilch!
I drove past the usual suspects, “Maccas” and “The Dirty Bird”, Meh, nah not today. I did have a wee hankering for Indian and the food court in a big mall that had a superb Butter Chicken, wasn’t far from where I was. Yep, That’ll do me!

Clearly my autopilot system was still engaged, the disposable Spork had run out of food to load in my mouth, I was just sitting there gaping at the near perfectly cleaned off plate, trying quite hard to recall if the meal had actually tasted any good or not.

"Get your shit together and snap out of it!" I angrily muttered to myself.

I grabbed the paper towel from the tray to wipe my mouth and noticed a handwritten message, a phone number and the name "Dharmesh". I looked up and turned towards the food counters. My eyes quickly focused on a guy behind the register at the “Shamiana” enthusiastically waving at me and making the "call me" thing with his hand against his ear. Time I'd best be going and I suspected I was being watched all the way up the escalator until I'd moved out of his sight but I didn't dare turn around to check.

Sitting on display dead center, right at top of the stairs, was a brand new MG, fully decked out for maximum wow-ness.
I'm not normally a big fan of MG's but it looked sharp, and seeing as I'd be working for the company on the weekend, I wandered over for a peek.

Trying to look through the windows with the dark tinting was proving difficult, I had my face almost pressed against the glass when a voice behind me made me jump,

"You'd look good driving this!"

A very tall salesman in a slick suit and a slicker haircut was standing uncomfortably close to me.

"It's pretty sharp isn't it" I replied taking a step backwards trying to regain some personal space.

"Indeed, this is the all new MG HS EV. Top of the range…."

He was winding up to deliver the full sales spiel when I interrupted.

"This is only the Excite isn't it? The Essence is the top model, or the Long range?

"Oh well yes, technically yes, you're quite correct!" The smug git continued,

"You certainly seem to know your MG's"

"Nah not really, I'm driving the new MG4 Essence this weekend so, I came over for a look" I said, perhaps also a bit too smug.

"The MG4? No, I wouldn’t think so. The MG4 hasn’t even been released here yet. You probably mean the ZS!"

"Nope it's the MG4!"

he scoffed and in a very condescending tone asked,

"OK, Right and where's this happening then?"

I turned back to look at the car and replied like it was no big deal just to shut him down.

"In Taupo at the launch event on Friday and Saturday."

"Ohh right of course, I'm actually going up for that as well. But I don't think we actually get to drive one though, just a look and a ride. As far as I know, they have professional drivers for that."

That exact moment was when I realised I'd already put my foot in it and was trying pretty hard to get the other foot right in beside it. Shit!

"Ohh right, ahh well, yes you might be right. I’m not really sure to be honest"

Digging my way out of a hole was a tough job, he laughed, made some dick comment about how it was “Highly unlikely that me of all people” would be able to drive a brand new car like that. I had no options and sucked it up, agreeing about how true that was. Pretending to be super embarrassed as I excused myself and got away, wasn't too much of a stretch.

Hopefully the Boof-head wouldn't recognize or remember me in my normal clothes on the weekend. I really need to learn to keep my mouth shut, but what a tosser.

The barefoot drive home was fairly straight forward and drama free but when I spotted Ben's van parked in his usual spot outside home, I wondered if that run might be about to change.

A big long deep breath as I opened the front door and walked in holding my shoes, gave me enough strength to deal with whatever bullshit was about to hit the fan.

Ben was leaning against the kitchen bench, he looked at me with a mixed look of confusion, disappointment, and maybe a bit of disgust?
He dropped his head away and let out a huge sigh, pausing for a few seconds before taking a beer from the box beside him on the floor. He walked towards me holding the tip of the bottle by the cap, extending it out as he shook his head and spoke.

"I dunno what the fucks going on with you man, but I'm sorry for being a fuckwit last night"

I reached for the bottle, twisting it open as he still held the cap.

"I can explain…"

Ben leaned against the bench with his beer as I began to explain how I'd ended up in the situation I was in, and to be fair it was pretty bizarre, however you looked at it.

We'd managed to chop most of the box by the time we'd finished talking about Simone's evolution. Ben said he understood how it had all happened but still couldn't understand why I'd agreed to it or had carried on with it. What he didn't say was why he'd gotten so nasty last night, or give any indication of what had set it off and I chose not to ask, letting sleeping dogs lie.

"Fish and chips for tea?" Ben asked, indicating we'd talked enough about Simone.

"Yeah, that sounds mint. I'll have a piss you ring and order it" I said walking down the hallway.

"Just the usual for me Shag!" I shut the toilet door and yelled out, "...and tell them not to fuck us over on the amount of chips like last time"

"Forty, fucken, minutes they reckon!" Ben announced as I walked back into the kitchen.

"Fuck, really? They're getting worse!" I added.

"I reckon!. I might just walk round to the pub and grab another box first, then grab the greasy's on the way back. I'm a bit too pissed to drive anyway"

I grabbed two twenty dollar notes from my purse and flicked them across the bench towards him. He flicked one of them straight back. As I opened my mouth to speak he interrupted,

"Nah, don't even start that shit, it's sorted!"

"Well seeing as there's Forty fucken minutes to fill in, I might hit the shower and get rid of this shit!" I announced vigorously wobbling my breasts.

"About fucken time! You do that while I go for a walk and get some food and booze to share with my regular, normal flat mate."

"Sounds like the go!" I grunted as I stood up, stretched my back and headed for my room feeling just a wee bit boozed.

I flopped onto my bed to gather my thoughts, I lay there for a bit listening to myself breathe, "Come on then" I told myself. I sat up and pulled my top up over my head, then unclipped the bra before flicking it against my wall. Next was the jeans, I pushed them down and used one foot to hold them as I pulled the other leg out, leaving me standing in only the black knickers.

I slipped my bathrobe on and crossed the hallway to the bathroom, locking the door after I entered. Before I turned the shower mixer on, I stood in front of the mirror staring at the reflection, carefully studying my face. It definitely was me, the same me that had always been there. Why was everyone now seeing Simone and not Simon anymore?

I kept looking, trying to see exactly where old me had gone.
"Is it hair, yeah it's probably the hair!" I convinced myself.

Slowly and carefully I removed the wig and sat it on the counter top, then had another stare into the mirror while rubbing my uncovered head.

"Ahhh, ya dickhead, it's obviously the makeup…. Duh!"

I found the removal cream stuff and scrubbed my face clean in the basin then dried it off with a towel. Back for a look in the mirror, the bathrobe had become untied and was hanging open.

"It's clearly the tits…"

I turned the shower on, slid the knickers off and stepped under the water stream letting the water flood over my head. I assumed the water might need a minute or two before it began dissolving the adhesive, so I took full advantage of the time to shampoo my hair really going to town and having a huge foaming lather running down the sides of my face. As the soapy stream made its way down to my chest I started to act out the ol’ generic porno shower scene and massage my breasts. Embarrassing as it is to admit, it actually turned me on. So much so, I ended up quickly rubbing one off.
Then the post-nut clarity kicked in and I started peeling the adhesive off, starting on the thigh pad. Once my nail got under it allowing the water to do its thing, the rest came away very easily. The first one was completely off and now resting in the palm of my hand, it was much heavier than I had expected. I gave it a quick rinse and massage under the water before placing it delicately on the floor of the shower then repeated the process on the other side and bum pads.

It was time for the breast forms to join the pile on the floor,

“Right then, here we go!”

I think I was actually trying to convince myself it was the right thing to be doing. While having them on had been a pain in the arse, I’d also enjoyed the experience. I looked down and while I was hesitating, the top edge on the right boob lifted away from my skin. I raised my hand up just in time to catch it as it fell off completely. I cupped my free hand over the left one and with the slightest of twists, it dropped off into my palm as well. The weight of them also surprised me, no wonder I’ve been so tired all week, lugging them around.

The spray tan had faded significantly since it had been applied but there was still a distinct lighter patch from where the prosthetics had been. It kind of looked like I’d been sunbathing with a bikini on, but I figured the rest would fade back to normal again in a few days. My freshly exposed skin was slightly sensitive as well. I gave the areas a good go-over with scrunchie washer thing and actually flinched when I rubbed it over my nipple.

“Ahhh, you wee fuckers…” I said, now gently trying to examine my tender nips.

They appeared to be ever so slightly swollen, I’m not talking “Dwarf thumb” swollen or anything, but certainly larger than normal. I shut the water off and stepped out of the shower, thinking that if it wasn’t for a human nipple showing, anybody could have been forgiven in thinking that there was a pile of raw Chicken meat laying in the bottom of the shower. The mirror reflection looked like old me again, although I was very sure hints of Simone were still showing through, Nah, couldn’t be! I did think I could do with a haircut as I tried to tame my dogs breakfast of a hairstyle down.

“Hurry up and finish ya’ wank! The Chips are going cold!” Ben yelled as I was almost finishing moisturising myself.

“Ten Four Rubber Duck, be there shortly” I yelled back, darting across the hallway back to my room.

In a bit of a panicked fluster I tossed my robe on the floor, swept through the pile of washing on my bed and grabbed a pair of clean undies, that now sat very different on my hips without the extra padding, and the lump out the front of the black lace needed to be tucked away better I thought. I grabbed the track pants from last night off the floor, as well as a singlet and a hoodie from my drawers for the top half. I decided on a pair of socks as well, the black painted toenails didn’t say “I’m a boy”. I made a quick mental not about how I’d have to get some remover tomorrow and clean it off.

“About fucken time! I was starting to think you’d drowned” Ben said, handing me a beer as I sat on the bar stool beside the kitchen bench.

“It was a fucken big job I tell ya!” I replied, taking a huge swig from the bottle.

“Well, you're still fucken ugly… but shit happens!”

As I worked my way through the feed of hot chips, battered Pineapple ring, and quite a few beers, Ben and I talked a fair bit of shit, making jokes at each other's expense, basically back to normal then Mel texted me. I replied back with a “De-Simone’d” selfie, she answered with,

(Ahh shame! Still hot & I 100% still would!) followed with a huge line of suggestive X-rated emojis.

I was grinning to myself as I continued our private text conversation,

“Is that the chick you knobbed in Q-Town?” Ben asked.

“Yeah, Mel”

“Any good?”

I scrolled through the photos on my phone and found one of her and turned the screen to show him.

“Shit! not too shabby at all” he said, nodding in approval.

“She’s pretty cool!” I confirmed.

“Any hot mates?”

I flipped through the photos and found one with Kamyla to show him.

“Fuck! She's alright as well!”

“Yeah she's cool ,really nice personality too”

“I'm looking at both of her personalities now. That's a very generous serving of Fun bags!”

I shook my head and grabbed the phone back from Ben who had already zoomed the screen right in, but he was right! How they hell hadn’t I noticed those impressive hooters.

Ben washed the last of the beer from his bottle down and as he reached for another grinned,

“Plenty of stuff for the spank bank there tonight!”

He set another opened beer down in front of me,

“Hurry up Shagga, now you’re double parked!”

Just after 1:00am I decided I was well and truly done, Mel had long given up trying to get any sense out of me and my text messages had gotten worse and worse as Ben and I knocked off the second box of beer. He was talking a lot of shit, more than half of it was incoherent dribble and what was left was mostly just spit.
Ben gave me a fist bump, well tried, neither of us could line it up, as I made my way off to bed, with all the style and grace of a Giraffe on a pushbike.

Removing the track pants and removing my socks off was almost too much to cope with in the state I was in. Getting the hoodie off while trying to keep the singlet in place, proved too hard and then trying to untangle them was impossible. I chucked them both on the floor, rubbed my sore nips and looked for another option to help ward off any night raids from the boogieman. The blue sports bra top Kamyla had sold me was poking out of the washing pile, “That’ll do!” After a short struggle I had it on and was wriggling down under the bed covers, keeping one eye on the light fixture in a lame effort to stop the room from spinning.

“....aaaaaaahhhhhhhhh faaaaaaark, I’m gunna spew….”