CHAPTER 5
We were back down the Cow that evening, as I vetoed a trip to Bangor to avoid dumping ‘designated driver’ on someone’s shoulders. It obviously wasn’t a club night, so I had much more opportunity to speak to the locals. We were joined at our table around nine o’clock by a couple that looked to be around the same age as myself, who were introduced as Vic and Nancy Edwards, although I found out later that the spelling was not what I assumed. Keith said Foreign-Not-really Things to them, before turning to the rest of us with a smile.

“Mike, one of our older friends, his mate Kul, and his son Dal. They are the ones who brought the rest of our stuff up from That Place We Don’t Name”

Nansi (I was learning) snorted out a laugh.

“Mike, does Keith always talk in Capital Letters?”

She put on a portentous tone for the last two words, Dal giggling away as I shrugged.

“There is no other way to talk about it, Nansi. It really is that bad. Definitely the right move by these two”

She nodded.

“Penny explained all that when she first moved over this way. This place can have, does have, a bit of a reputation, but that town just sounds, well, [something Welsh]”

“Sorry? Bit non-Welsh, me”

Vic put down his pint.

“Twll o le, Mike. Dump. Literally means a hole of a place, and with what we’ve heard about that place you boys worked at, well, good move by these two. You’ve moved as well?”

“Yup. Sheffield now. That’s where I met these two”

“Why Sheffield?”

I looked at Kul, wondering if I would upset him or not by talking down his town, but I caught the twinkle before I spoke.

“Ah, it has one of the same advantages as a certain other place, and that is that it is easy to get away from”

I left that barb for a second, before adding the rest of my reasons.

“The main thing for me, though, was the rock. I’m a climber as well, like these two, but I’m not exactly built for delicate footwork”

Keith muttered “He’s a thug”, and I nodded.

“Yup. That’s a gritstone term for someone who does things more by brute force than subtlety, shut up you three. Lots of hand jams, that sort of thing. Not balance stuff. Going to let Dal and Kul have a go at some easy bits tomorrow, up the Valley. Little Tryfan”

Vic nodded.

“School goes up there for their outdoor stuff”

Kul looked at his boy, raising an eyebrow, and Dal took the hint.

“Aye, we go out to Stanage a lot, or at least my school does. I don’t do PE anymore, but it’s nice to do a run along the top. Lots of grouse on the Moor, makes it interesting”

I mock-scowled at him.

“I thought you two said you hadn’t done any climbing before?”

The lad’s grin was as evil as his father’s worst.

“Yeah, but Dad hasn’t, and this way I get to embarrass the old man”

Nansi’s laugh was absolutely genuine.

“Pen, were you all separated at birth, or what?2

My friend shook her head, expression a lot more serious.

“Not really, Nansi. I think it’s sort of like release from prison, getting Keith away from that office, that town. You react, you open up. People see that”

Kul held up a hand, ready to add his own snippet.

“Aye, and that was the thing when Mike first joined us, me and my colleagues. Like, I dunno… like one of those self-lofting mats they sell now. Undo the valve, and they slowly unroll, open out. Just got to do the valve up again, otherwise they go flat as soon as you sit on them. Sorry; bit metaphor too far sort of thing”

Keith was shaking his head.

“No, Kul. That’s spot on. Going to strain it some more, but that was where I worked. Pen saw it better than I did, but taking what you said, it would either have been a valve failure, go all flat like the bastards I was working with, or just go bang. Burst. This place, we are sort of inflated just right, valve shut tight so we can stay that way”

The man called Illtyd had clearly been earwigging, as he set his pint on the table and pulled over another chair.

“Keep popping into the chippy, Mr Hiatt, and you will end up very over-inflated indeed! When are you three boys off, then?”

Kul smiled at him, clearly amused by Illtyd’s casual assumption of a welcome at our table.

“Ah, a day out tomorrow, then it’s set off for Sheffield late afternoon. Two of us are working on Monday, while this one is at college. A-levels on the way”

“Ah? You got a plan, boy? Career choice?”

“I am looking at the Navy, Mister. One of the tech branches, not just a seaman, that is”

Illtyd raised an eyebrow.

“Go on? And no ‘Mister’ for me, ah? Just Illtyd will do”

“Don’t know if I can say that properly… Anyway, if I get the right grades, there’s an Officer route that gets me a degree, and what I would like, well, helicopter pilot”

Illtyd laughed.

“Not being nasty there, boy. I just like your style: no low level of ambition in you. You’ll have to come back here with your uniform on if you make it. Now, who wants a drink?”

I was sober enough to drive the next day, but we were a little late getting to the crag, the Hiatts following us in their car so that the three Sheffield-bound could get straight onto the road after our fun and games. We spent a couple of hours messing about on the slab itself before moving round the bottom to push Dad and Lad up Curving Corner. Kul really struggled, while Dal cruised the whole thing, sneakily having let his father have the first go. There is one short problem there that allows for a proper hand jam, so rare in the Valley, and I used that to demonstrate exactly what we meant by ‘thugging’, before it was time for us to finish the last bits of our picnic, hug, and go our separate ways.

I sat in the van for a few minutes after the Hiatts had driven off, setting the weekend into context, before Kul coughed.

“Mike? Can I say something about your mates?”

“As long as it’s either nice or funny, mate”

“Don’t know if it’s either, but here goes. Keith’s almost broken, isn’t he? Not broken all the way through, but close to it”

I found myself nodding.

“Yeah. Now you see why I did what I could for them. The furniture and that was a help, but I just wish it could have been more”

“It was more, Mike. Two of you, together, and that Penny’s one formidable woman, like a lifebuoy, you two. I had a chat with that Illtyd bloke, at the bar. He says the same, and there’s more. Penny came over first, he said, and Dal, just between us three, okay? Yes, before you say anything, I know you can keep your gob shut, but this is deep stuff. Anyway, what their mate says, he was going to chat her up when she first came, and I get the impression he’s like that all the time, and then he realises she’s trying to use Welsh, so she’s not just a tourist, and he takes a sort of randiness step back. He was very clear about that bit. What did he mean about a ‘reputation’ for that town?”

I got the van rolling before I replied, choosing my words as carefully as I could.

“Bethesda is a very, very Welsh town. Not known for its welcoming attitude to outsiders, but that bit where Keith and Penny live, Gerlan, is called a hippy colony. The ‘bad reputation’ isn’t just about hostility, but about inbreeding. That’s what he was on about”

“Incest?”

“Yup. Not true, but it’s very much a local joke. Like any isolated place, really”

Kul laughed out loud.

“Or anywhere in Norfolk?”

I couldn’t help my grin.

“I’ll give you that one!”

“Indeed. Anyway, what the man was saying was that he’s watched your friends, and they’re doing their best to fit in, which is earning real brownie points with the locals, and he just wanted to let me know that their backs are covered. He said there are always one or two dickheads that come in to the town for an evening, and they sometimes needed a slap”

He paused again.

“Fallen on their feet, your mates have. Nice to see. Now, want to let me know when you want to switch drivers?”

It wasn’t a short drive back to Sheffield, but it wasn’t as long as others I had done, and with Dal’s help we made good time, leaving the van at the hire centre after I had dropped Dad and Lad off so that he could pick me up with his own car.

Work the next day was a little wearying, as I was still recovering from the weekend’s exertions, but my mood was lifted by the teasing from my new colleagues. There were all the usual jokes about sheep, Betty adding traditional variety in a series of remarks about rain, plus a remarkably detailed account of the ‘office goss’ arising from our absence from the Friday evening’s post-office pub trip, and I continued to appreciate how right my move had been.

My trips to Bethesda became quite a regular event after that, the bike learning its way from Sheffield via a loop around Manchester for the ‘Expressway’ as it was to become known, along the north coast to Conwy. I could have stayed with that road a lot further, of course, but I would have delt somehow incomplete without the approach from Betws and all the familiar landmarks, from Ugly House to Idwal Cottage.

I found that while my spirits were lifted by the place, it wasn’t quite as far as it had been when arriving from Luton, because my week already held things like Burbage Brook rather than Bury Park. It was in the Spotted Cow with the Edwards that Penny dropped the next bit of news, about a year after I had first moved. The folk club was without a guest artist that evening, so it was purely floor spots. I had noticed the absence of a certain ginger pisshead, after craning my head around trying to spot him while wondering if he was still breathing, when I realised that Penny was calling my name.

“Um, sorry? Miles away”

“Yes, obviously. Just be nice to have you a bit closer for a second or three. Keith and I have an announcement. Stop grinning, Nansi”

That woman chuckled, looking smug, and Penny sighed.

“Some friends… Mike, when I told you what I was doing, remember? These two already know the story, so no secret”

“Yeah: leaving him, wasn’t it? That the job he had was making him someone else?”

“There was more, love. I said I wanted a kid with him, but never in That Place”

Nansi was smiling happily now, as the penny dropped, and as I thought that phrase, I realised how apt it was, because it could only mean one thing: my Penny was, indeed, preparing to drop. I swallowed a couple of times before asking the obvious question.

“When, love? When are you due?”

She reached across to take Keith’s hand.

“Six months from now, Mike. Mrs Smug Chops there is about a month ahead, which is why she’s grinning like the proverbial cat. You’ve got uncle duties ahead of you, so get preparing!”

I gave them all my best smile, making sure we pre-emptively wetted the heads pf both babies-to-be in as adequate a manner as possible, but it was still a wound to my soul. I was ecstatic for the two of them of course, but there was still that hole in my life.

My next weekend was spent in Luton with the woman I had loved.